Believing in DIVINE MERCY

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mymamamary

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Dear Forum

This is the first time I’ve ever posted in regards with a request for help in this matter.

As most of you know, I’m carrying a VER HEAVY Cross of scrupulosity. I am devoted to the SACRED HEART. I love my Faith, I love my LORD and have a desire/ a possible call to sacrifice my life for Both of THEM. However, I have this cross I am carrying. It pushes me to the verge of despair quite a lot. It submerges me into dryness as well at times. The fact that I’m still considering a vocation to the Priesthood is a miracle. I “believe” Our LORD is merciful on paper. As my life states though, I don’t see HIM as such. I love HIM dearly and do not wish to offend HIM by saying this. The fact that HE spared me this morning and woke me up is an act of HIS MERCY. However, I WANT to believe in the DIVINE MERCY practically and rid myself of scrupulosity.

I go to confession and fear the chasms of hell are open beneath my feet

I get out of confession and somtimes feel that the only moments I’m in the state of Grace is the moments after absolution. Thats about it sometimes I feel.

I see sin everywhere!!

I’m bombarded by impure thoughts during the day at school, that I DO NOT WANT

and the list goes on…

As Brothers and Sisters in Holy Mother Church, I ask you for your compassion. I do not want vitrolic or condemning thoughts. Scrupulosity is a pain I would not wish on anyone. Literally. It makes your life a Living Hell.

I ask your advice and prayers as well, for my scrupulosity and my vocation.

⭕(
 
Just remember:
Grave matter
Consent
Knowledge of grave matter

ALL THREE MUST BE PRESENT!

If one is missing, then it is only venial.

Also, about the unwanted thoughts. Try saying a Hail Mary or two.

By the way, have you thought of going to a Catholic therapist? That may help.

Praying for you. 👍
 
Have you read True Devotion? Those who are devoted to Mary and have done the consecration are usually rid of scruples. Pray the Rosary, flee to the arms of your mother of mercy Mary. And also look to Jesus as a loving merciful saviour rather than focus on him as a just judge. Have you read St Faustinas Diary? It helped me to see God as more merciful believe me 🙂
Also repeat to yourself “Jesus, I trust in you” and “Jesus, Mary, I love you, save souls”
“Jesus, Mary, I love you, teach me to trust in your mercy and love for me”.

You are in my prayers :gopray:
 
mymamamary said:
Dear Forum

This is the first time I’ve ever posted in regards with a request for help in this matter.

As most of you know, I’m carrying a VER HEAVY Cross of scrupulosity. I am devoted to the SACRED HEART. I love my Faith, I love my LORD and have a desire/ a possible call to sacrifice my life for Both of THEM. However, I have this cross I am carrying. It pushes me to the verge of despair quite a lot. It submerges me into dryness as well at times. The fact that I’m still considering a vocation to the Priesthood is a miracle. I “believe” Our LORD is merciful on paper. As my life states though, I don’t see HIM as such. I love HIM dearly and do not wish to offend HIM by saying this. The fact that HE spared me this morning and woke me up is an act of HIS MERCY. However, I WANT to believe in the DIVINE MERCY practically and rid myself of scrupulosity.

I go to confession and fear the chasms of hell are open beneath my feet

I get out of confession and somtimes feel that the only moments I’m in the state of Grace is the moments after absolution. Thats about it sometimes I feel.

I see sin everywhere!!

I’m bombarded by impure thoughts during the day at school, that I DO NOT WANT

and the list goes on…

As Brothers and Sisters in Holy Mother Church, I ask you for your compassion. I do not want vitrolic or condemning thoughts. Scrupulosity is a pain I would not wish on anyone. Literally. It makes your life a Living Hell.

I ask your advice and prayers as well, for my scrupulosity and my vocation.

⭕(
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I am so very sorry u carry this burden. It is indeed a very heavy, heavy load. I wish I could offer you words of wisdom but I have none.

So I will pray for you.
 
I just consecrated myself and my family according to St. Louis De Monfort, in front of our Parish Priest on the Feast of the Most Holy Rosary this past weekend…
 
Thank you for offering your prayers

I need every ounce and letter of prayer I can get…
 
Have you read True Devotion? I advise you to study that book and read it often. It will help you to live the consecration. Same with St Faustinas Diary. Also pray , pray , pray the Rosary 🙂

Also I think you need a Spiritual Director , preferably a Priest who is trained in Spiritual Direction 🙂
 
As always, please know that you have my compassion and prayers. What helps me… not that my own experience is the same as yours… is when I have thoughts that I believe come from Satan, because I truly don’t want them… is to immediately recite: Jesus, Mary I love you, save souls and save the consecrated.

I hope that’s helpful. :hug3:
 
I overcame scrupulosity by being extremely scrupulous.

I started being very scrupulous about forgiveness. A priest gave me a guide for forgiveness that I simply took and ran with: “It is not to condemn or condone, but understand.”

I started by forgiving abortion doctors by prayer and understanding. Next, I forgave murderers, and people who do other very heinous crimes. If I felt any condemnation toward someone, I knew I wasn’t done yet. I forgave criminals in history: Hitler, Stalin, and every person I still held a grudge against in my life. I came to see them as just like me.

Then, I turned toward me. I forgave, through prayer and understanding, every act I had ever done. Sure, I previously “knew” God forgave me, but adherence to the orthodoxy wasn’t enough, I had to understand and forgive myself. I forgave every motive or drive within me: pride, wanting material goods, capacity for anger and condemnation, thoughts of doubt and sin, everything.

When I was done, there was this amazing side-effect, something I did not know was coming: I knew God’s love and forgiveness. I also knew he forgave everyone else too, unconditionally. Never doubted it since. It was God’s gift all along, through the whole process. Scrupulosity disappeared, as did superstitions I didn’t even realize I had. It was amazing, really.

I have to keep up on the forgiveness part, though, there are always new people and actions to resent, new opportunities to forgive.
 
mymamamary said:
As Brothers and Sisters in Holy Mother Church, I ask you for your compassion. I do not want vitrolic or condemning thoughts. Scrupulosity is a pain I would not wish on anyone. Literally. It makes your life a Living Hell.

I ask your advice and prayers as well, for my scrupulosity and my vocation.

⭕(
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It is possible that you will not be able to think or reason your way out because sometimes scrupulosity is a form of OCD and needs medication. It might not need that forever, but especially in a young person whose brain is still developing. Please try to get someone to take you to a doctor for a consultation.

Here’s the problem, you not only feel bad about the sins you believe you commit, but you also feel guilty because you don’t trust Jesus as much as you think you should! But what if it’s beyond your control because of a physical situation, not a lack of faith, but something that can be treated?

It might not be, but it also is common. So, along with whatever else people say, please get checked out. And try very hard not to beat yourself up in the meantime.
 
As One Sheep said, and it mentions in the Bible, God forgives those who forgive others. Maybe try what One Sheep did, but you have to always work on it otherwise the scruples will come back. I think you seriously need to pray the Rosary as much as you can, many say it’s the 2nd most powerful prayer to the Mass :highprayer:

I wouldn’t rely on medication, I know from experience medicine is not always the solution unfortunately, and to be honest it can cause more problems than it fixes, speaking from experience.
 
Christine85 said:
As One Sheep said, and it mentions in the Bible, God forgives those who forgive others. Maybe try what One Sheep did, but you have to always work on it otherwise the scruples will come back. I think you seriously need to pray the Rosary as much as you can, many say it’s the 2nd most powerful prayer to the Mass :highprayer:

I wouldn’t rely on medication, I know from experience medicine is not always the solution unfortunately, and to be honest it can cause more problems than it fixes, speaking from experience.
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Thanks for mentioning the rosary Christine.

I would like to clarify something I said. When I read “God forgives those who forgive others”, my mind goes to the implied “God doesn’t forgive those who don’t forgive others”. This is the nature of my own scrupulosity. I spent all my younger years hearing that implication, and then never measuring up to what God wanted from me, always wondering if I really was acceptable by God.

If I find any condition whatsoever, any rule by which God will withhold His love and forgiveness, then I do not realize our Father’s complete forgiveness. My mind finds some reason for God not to forgive me.

God’s forgiveness is absolute and unwavering. God holds us, unconditionally, in the palm of His hand. Even if we bite. Even if we say we don’t know Him. Even if we don’t forgive others. Even if we push the hand away. Even when we do worse, when we hang Him on a cross.

I heard a priest once say, “God always forgives, the issue is that if we do not forgive all others, we will not realize God’s forgiveness because we will project that God only forgives those that we do.”

If God actually only forgives those who forgive others, then this is a conditional forgiveness. This is not the way of the Father that I found, that Jesus showed me in my own relationship.
 
Scrupulosity is vanity and a lack of trust.

It makes me wonder how you perceive God?

If there is anything wrong here it is your perception of God. You cannot trust who you do not know. I suggest opening your eyes and ears and notice who God is and stop looking at who you are…at least for a little while.

Say, Lord, I entrust all of my sinfulness to your Divine Mercy this day. My sinfulness belongs now to you and I will not take it back. I will not even look upon it. Only will I look on You, all your attributes, workings, and movements, especially through the people around me. Their pain is Your pain, their joy is Your joy, their need is Your need, their accomplishments are Your accomplishments. Let me this day forget myself and see You all around me. AMEN.

(I think I am going to say this prayer myself!)
 
I will pray for you too. It is truly agony when you know, in your mind, that you should feel joy and peace in the certitude of God’s redeeming love; and instead you are constantly terrified of going to Hell.

Do you have a confessor or spiritual director assisting you with scrupulosity? Everyone could benefit from spiritual direction, but it is really essential for those suffering this particular affliction.
 
Lady_Love said:
Scrupulosity is vanity and a lack of trust.

It makes me wonder how you perceive God?

If there is anything wrong here it is your perception of God. You cannot trust who you do not know. I suggest opening your eyes and ears and notice who God is and stop looking at who you are…at least for a little while.

Say, Lord, I entrust all of my sinfulness to your Divine Mercy this day. My sinfulness belongs now to you and I will not take it back. I will not even look upon it. Only will I look on You, all your attributes, workings, and movements, especially through the people around me. Their pain is Your pain, their joy is Your joy, their need is Your need, their accomplishments are Your accomplishments. Let me this day forget myself and see You all around me. AMEN.

(I think I am going to say this prayer myself!)
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I do like the prayer. There is no doubt that a focus on service to others and seeing God all around us is very helpful.

It is a problem for me (not against you, Lady Love) when the underlying motive becomes “I am vain and don’t trust”. The implied moves to: “I am not worthy of God/heaven because I am vain and don’t trust.” Scrupulosity is such a painful loop.

For me, the most fruitful prayer and effort went into forgiving everyone and myself, forgiving God for creating me with all the capacities for pride, lust, greed, sloth, etc.

My guess is that Mymamamary finds it quite easy to self-criticize, to consider himself vain, ignorant (not that any of us is all that wise!) or somehow different than others, unable to trust, worthy of shame and unacceptable in some way.

We are with you, Mymamamary, we care about you and support you.
 
OneSheep said:
when the underlying motive becomes “I am vain and don’t trust”. The implied moves to: “I am not worthy of God/heaven because I am vain and don’t trust.” Scrupulosity is such a painful loop.
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Yes… it easily becomes a vicious cycle.

You are right to look to the Divine Mercy devotion. Here is a passage from the Diary of St. Faustina which is just wonderful for anyone who is either depressed, discouraged or scrupulous:

“My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. … Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.” (Divine Mercy in My Soul #1488)

God’s love for us is really so wonderful and amazing. I think it is really the greatest miracle of all, far greater than the multiplication of the loaves and fishes or anything of that sort: that the Supreme Being, the Lord of all, the creator of the universe, would have such a passionate, all-consuming, yet tender, sensitive, and ever-patient love for each of His lowly creatures. Sometimes it almost brings me to tears just thinking about it.
 
The GREAT thing about those who are scrupulous is that they have a wonderful “attention to detail.” This “detail” can be put to use in such a loving way when the details are put into paying attention to God in your neighbor. They are harmful when focused too much on the “self.”

If anyone spent any significant time looking at themselves they would ALL end up being discouraged and despairing eventually. There is nothing good in us at all, except that which belongs to God and originated with God but that which originated with God IS good and something to be praised.

I have read from some saints that they didn’t spend more than 5 minutes on any particular sin. They recognized it, accepted responsibility, apologized, trusted in forgiveness, and forgot about it.

I used to suffer from scrupulosity but now I no longer do.
 
Yeah One Sheep I think you may be right about God forgives unconditionally ❤️

Reading St Faustinas Diary is definitely helpful 🙂 there’s such great words from Jesus in there about love and mercy. Such consoling words.
 
Keep your eyes on Jesus and your hand in Hers.

“How happy I am to see myself imperfect and be in need of God’s mercy.”
St. Therese of Lisieux
Doctor of the Church

Remind yourself everyday that God is merciful. Avoid scrupulosity at all costs. (note: I didn’t say be completely healed of scrupulosity). Whatever it takes, devotion to the Divine Mercy, The Most Holy Rosary, scrupulosity newsletters, spiritual direction…
Your doubts are temptations. Let your Mother lead you to the virtues. Reject Jansenism. Scruples are really neurotic guilt. Do not act on your feelings. Cooperate with God’s grace in the midst of problems. Don’t judge your spiritual life through emotions.

“Therapy ends when we are dealing with our problems and they are no longer dealing with us.”
  • Sigmund Freud
Growth in holiness does not depend on change in feelings. God will not remove your battle over emotions, but give you the fortitude to remain in the battle.
We often never get beyond the major battles of our lives. You’ll take them to the grave. But we can be given the strength to deal with them.

“Charity must not consist in feelings but of works.”
  • St. Therese
Regarding all temptations, St. Therese said, keep in mind the method to make copper objects shine. You smear them with mud. After which, they shine like gold. Temptations are like mud for the soul. They serve to make the virtues, which are opposed to these temptations, shine forth.
 
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