BEST Marriage advice given?

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The best advice I ever got was during a really difficult period in our marriage.

My friend said, “you know, when you get married, people tell you that you will have bad days. But, for a lot of people, there are bad years.”

The basic message was persevere! It was exactly what I needed to hear. We got through those bad years (about 2), and we have a great marriage.
 
Nechasin said:
I just saw this on CNN.com and thought it very apropos to the discussion.
‘Don’t fight in front of the kids’ and other advice you can ignore

I don’t agree with the best friend bit, but I do agree with the rest.
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I don’t agree with fighting in front of the kids. My parents always went into their bedroom or went for a drive, we knew that they were arguing, although I was VERY thankful that they didn’t do it in front of us. I just think there are some things that need to be worked out with the adults when the kids are not standing there listening.
 
I wouldn’t accept anything from CNN in regards to marriage. Well, straight marriage anyway. We are talking about a bastion of secular progressive culture that boasts a 2/3rds divorce rate.

It’s like taking diet tips from the two fat ladies.
 
JustAnotherThou said:
I don’t agree with fighting in front of the kids. My parents always went into their bedroom or went for a drive, we knew that they were arguing, although I was VERY thankful that they didn’t do it in front of us. I just think there are some things that need to be worked out with the adults when the kids are not standing there listening.
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You correct in that some things do need to be worked out without the kids.

But respectful disagreements shouldn’t always be hidden from the kids. As a PP pointed out, know how to fight before you marry, I think we have a duty to show that not everything in marriage is perfect and that their are ways to solve problems that doesn’t degenerate into a screaming insult match.

I have had friends tell me that they are feel like failures because they have disagreements/fights in their marriage. They never saw their parents fight and thought their parents had a perfect marriage. That is not a realistic view of marriage.

If you read the article, it basically says that if things do get heated, then they should be tabled until the kids are not around.

One thing I will add is, do not undermine your spouses authority in front of the kids. If you disagree with an action that your spouse does concerning the kids, that is one fight that shouldn’t happen in front of the kids
 
Best advice about marriage was from a seminar on Catholic marriage…

50% of all marriages end in divorce
10% of faithful Catholic marriages end in divorce(meaning go to mass almost every Sunday)
1% of faithful Catholic marriages who pray together nightly end in divorce

I’ll take the 99% success rate for my marriage…

So before I would consent to marry DH I made sure he understood that this was important to me.
 
JustAnotherThou said:
I don’t agree with fighting in front of the kids. My parents always went into their bedroom or went for a drive, we knew that they were arguing, although I was VERY thankful that they didn’t do it in front of us. I just think there are some things that need to be worked out with the adults when the kids are not standing there listening.
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I agree and I think the distinction needs to be made between fighting and having a disagreement. There are times voices get raised and tension is HIGH, we do not have those in front of the kids (thankfully those are few and far between). The back and forth banter with discussion, negotiation and civility, we have in front of the kids so they see that you can disagree and come to understanding/resolution.

My DH is fond of the advice he got to wake up everyday and ask ‘what am I going to do to make my DW’s life better today?’.

I tend to be a pessimistic person and so I’ve found that when I’m upset with DH, I will either mentally or on paper list all the wonderful things about him and it helps to keep me in the right state of mind and not snow ball every not so nice thing he’s done in the last 5 years! 🙂

One thing we learned from marriage encounter was to determine how important an issue is with each of you on a scale of 1-10. If we are discussing whether or not to do something and he feels a 10 and I feel a seven, I’ll back off and let him have his way and in return he will do the same for me. Now it doesn’t ALWAYS work, but it does most of the time.
 
BlestOne said:
Best advice about marriage was from a seminar on Catholic marriage…

50% of all marriages end in divorce
10% of faithful Catholic marriages end in divorce(meaning go to mass almost every Sunday)
1% of faithful Catholic marriages who pray together nightly end in divorce

I’ll take the 99% success rate for my marriage…

So before I would consent to marry DH I made sure he understood that this was important to me.
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Those are some pretty cool stats!!👍
 
NEVER EVER EVER yell at your wife or daughters, Men. Your wife will hate your guts for a week if you scream at her, and your girls will be devastated. I wish I’d known this before I married! 🤷 RACJ
 
“When a man acts like a child, it forces his wife to act like his mother - and a man cannot make love to his mother.”
 
msugeotech said:
“When a man acts like a child, it forces his wife to act like his mother - and a man cannot make love to his mother.”
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I like this one too. Too bad my DH doesn’t live this one. I feel like the only adult in my house most days and I think my 5 yo DD acts more mature than her dad:(. Part of me is wanting to post something about hoping things may be turning a corner, but “hoping” hasn’t really paid off lately and only ends up with me getting hurt/angry again.
Teakafrog said:
You don’t have to do this alone. Get help if you need it. Go to Retrouvaille.
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I’ve suggested this to my DH and he won’t hear it. Since he and his doctor have decided to begin the weaning off process for his antidepressants, perhaps he will rethink this if I bring it up again in a few weeks when he is himself minus AD’s.

I’m selfishly happy this thread was started because I am getting some great advice from all of you. Sadly, it should/could be me offering that advice since my marriage is 27 years old. I am confident, though, there is a future when I can start a thread like this and offer some great advice to people who are going through similar situations as mine.
 
I’ve heard “Be the spouse that you would want to come home to.”
 
Lots of good advice.

How about this -

Before you marry, see how God is present in the life of this person you think you love. Are you impressed with the God you see in that person?

As you are dating, watch God grow in you and in your lover. Does He become more real? Are you and your lover coming closer to God? It is amazing how much God can be in one little kiss.

As your marriage progresses, the God that is already there, in your union, consumes you. God uses you to reach out and love. In being God’s instruments He will bless you greatly.

As you die, and you will, God will be there to call you through the mind and body of the person you have loved and be very real. You will be going home. It will be joyful and sad and beyond the understanding of man, or words.
 
be loyal to each other
do not share grievances, sexual problems, arguments, disagreements, financial problems and the like with third parties especially relations, unless it is a professional you go to for professional advice.
NEVER downgrade or criticize your spouse, or make sarcastic remarks at his expense, to other people, or to his face. Words hurt worse than weapons.

if you can’t control your spending give the checkbook to your spouse, and the credit cards

if you sleep together or cohabit before marriage you can count on problems if not within the first 10 years, certainly after the kids are gone and sex does not happen so often, and you find you have never developed any other way to be intimate. the number one cause of broken marriages is trying to steal the rewards of marriage before you are entitled to them.

trust in God
NOT in your earning power, intelligence, your husband’s employer, your friends, your parents, your talents, skills, energy, health or any other gifts you have now.
trust in God, not in doctors, teachers, employers, the government or the system.
 
Really great advice! I even read a few of these to DH :).

One of the best things that I was told, by my own mother, was to make sure that your DH will be on your side no matter what. I talked to him about this when we were engaged because my MIL and I were butting heads quite often, and he promised he would (without me asking him to) stand by my side no matter what. And we’ve had to make some tough decisions in the short time we’ve been married, and it’s been the best to hear him say that he’s going to stick with me forever, no matter what, and do what’s best for this marriage and this family and know he means it.

Also to say “I love you” at least once every single day. Even when we’ve had a bad day, we make sure to say at least say it before we go to sleep and that helps a lot :).
 
DH is not a member on here, although his advice is:

Stay clear of people who talk negative about marriage, children, their spouse, faith, etc.
 
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