Bettina Arndt on sex starved husbands

[kptrs]

For example, if the husband asks to the wife to work on fixing their sex life and the wife says that she has no problems, it is all the husband’s problem. Also, when the husband brings up something that was said before, and the wife denies saying it. Or when the wife trashes people who threaten the wife’s delicate ego. For example, my friend went to see a counselor about their problem, the wife trashed the counselor, said he was filling his head with garbage, etc.

Other forms of abuse: throwing things, breaking things, punching him.

Yeah…sex isn’t what he needs to be worried about right now.

 

[kptrs]

Who said it was his primary concern? It was one concern, a concern which is the topic of this thread.

Okay, well this is not the time for it to be of ANY concern. The thought of fixing a broken steering wheel doesn’t enter one’s mind when the car is full of kerosene and could explode at any moment. If a couple are not physically safe with each other, nothing else matters.

 

[stinkcat_14]

Okay, well this is not the time for it to be of ANY concern. The thought of fixing a broken steering wheel doesn’t enter one’s mind when the car is full of kerosene and could explode at any moment. If a couple are not physically safe with each other, nothing else matters.

Actually at this time in my friends relationship it is low on the list of issues they are facing. The wife has learned that abuse can get you in legal trouble.

 

[Xantippe]

Okay, well this is not the time for it to be of ANY concern. The thought of fixing a broken steering wheel doesn’t enter one’s mind when the car is full of kerosene and could explode at any moment. If a couple are not physically safe with each other, nothing else matters.

Yeah.

 

[pianistclare]

What are you confused about. Are you saying a priest cannot outline the parameters to decide whether or not divorce is morally licit?

I’m not confused.
Honestly

I work in a parish. If I had a dollar for every man who came in complaining about his wife and wanted permission to get divorced…like it’s just that easy! “I’ll just tell the priest she’s awful and he’ll give me a pass!”

I posted that ??? because I continue to be amazed at how you think you have this figured out already. Are you planning on remarrying? What will you say when he asks if the two of you are in counseling? Because he’s going to insist on that. Today there are ten states that have mandated premarital counseling in an attempt to bring down their divorce rates: Arizona, Illinois, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Oregon and Washington.

I don’t envision that you will be free anytime soon. The Church always rules on the side of reconciliation, and you will have to prove that all avenues have been exhausted. And we haven’t even heard any of her side of it.

The priest will want to speak to her. I hope you fare better with him that you are putting forth about her.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

I’ve never seen a better example of the “Listen here, from a REAL man! Women can do no wrong and my hot wife agrees” attitude in my life.

Honestly, every post by you in this thread has been classic. You’re like a Dalrock stereotype so perfect that I’m half convinced this is him sockpuppeting to make a point. Like come on, this cant actually be serious right?

You have some of the most odious opinions of anyone I’ve seen on these prestigious internet fora, but I do kind of like the way you write.

 

[stinkcat_14]

I’m not confused.
Honestly

I work in a parish. If I had a dollar for every man who came in complaining about his wife and wanted permission to get divorced…like it’s just that easy! “I’ll just tell the priest she’s awful and he’ll give me a pass!”

I posted that ??? because I continue to be amazed at how you think you have this figured out already. Are you planning on remarrying? What will you say when he asks if the two of you are in counseling? Because he’s going to insist on that. Today there are ten states that have mandated premarital counseling in an attempt to bring down their divorce rates: Arizona, Illinois, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Oregon and Washington.

I don’t envision that you will be free anytime soon. The Church always rules on the side of reconciliation, and you will have to prove that all avenues have been exhausted. And we haven’t even heard any of her side of it.

The priest will want to speak to her. I hope you fare better with him that you are putting forth about her.

Question for you. How is a priest going to insist on counseling if the wife refuses to go? In the case I have mentioned the wife does not go to Church, so if she refuses counseling she would probably refuse to go talk to the priest. So are you really saying that a priest is going so say someone must live in a situation where there is physical danger, where one spouse refuses any outside help and is verbally and emotionally abusive. Can you imagine a priest telling someone they are morally obligated to live in that situation? If you can, please link me to the argument that says that because that would be fascinating to read.

 

[pianistclare]

Question for you. How is a priest going to insist on counseling if the wife refuses to go? In the case I have mentioned the wife does not go to Church, so if she refuses counseling she would probably refuse to go talk to the priest. So are you really saying that a priest is going so say someone must live in a situation where there is physical danger, where one spouse refuses any outside help and is verbally and emotionally abusive. Can you imagine a priest telling someone they are morally obligated to live in that situation? If you can, please link me to the argument that says that because that would be fascinating to read.

You go from zero to the worst case scenario in seconds.
He will want to talk to her. It remains to be seen or known if she will not speak to him.
She may react quite differently to someone else.

AGAIN, you seem to have your future all planned out.
I’m just saying: be careful what you wish for.
Sometimes God has something else in mind for us.
The church is not pro dumping wives no matter how awkward/argumentative/unreasonable they may seem to be.
He’ll be talking reconciliation. He will want to exhaust that possibility and it will take a considerable amount of time. This isn’t going to be settled in a week.

Good luck .

 

[stinkcat_14]

You go from zero to the worst case scenario in seconds.
He will want to talk to her. It remains to be seen or known if she will not speak to him.
She may react quite differently to someone else.

AGAIN, you seem to have your future all planned out.
I’m just saying: be careful what you wish for.
Sometimes God has something else in mind for us.
The church is not pro dumping wives no matter how awkward/argumentative/unreasonable they may seem to be.
He’ll be talking reconciliation. He will want to exhaust that possibility and it will take a considerable amount of time. This isn’t going to be settled in a week.

Good luck .

If the priest could manage a reconciliation at this point, I would be impressed. The wife has refused to talk to any third party, so if a priest could get her to talk and go to counseling that would be a miracle.

 

[pianistclare]

If the priest could manage a reconciliation at this point, I would be impressed. The wife has refused to talk to any third party, so if a priest could get her to talk and go to counseling that would be a miracle.

Miracles happen.

 

[stinkcat_14]

Miracles happen.

The important thing is to accept God’s will whichever way it turns out.

 

[kptrs]

Actually at this time in my friends relationship it is low on the list of issues they are facing. The wife has learned that abuse can get you in legal trouble.

Uh-huh…

I agree with others that you should start your own thread. More and more details keep coming out about this and it gets more and more complicated. Good luck to you and your friend.

 

[stinkcat_14]

Uh-huh…

I agree with others that you should start your own thread. More and more details keep coming out about this and it gets more and more complicated. Good luck to you and your friend.

I did not bring up the example for advice, just as an illustration. There are posters who seem to think that any man or woman who complains about their spouse is a whiner. They also seem to think that abuse ought to just be tolerated.

 

[pianistclare]

I did not bring up the example for advice, just as an illustration. There are posters who seem to think that any man or woman who complains about their spouse is a whiner.
**Because generally, they are. A person seeking reconcilation and solutions doesn’t go complaining to a bunch of strangers online. Best way to get yout divorce papers though, if the spouse finds out. Talk about betrayal of privacy. **

They also seem to think that abuse ought to just be tolerated.
**Only for the one sex though. Men seem to get a pass when they behave badly, and women tend to attract tar and feathers. And don’t come back saying that’s not so. These threads run exactly like this. Men can’t handle rejection, women go through it all the time and are called to forgive. And most of them do, do their own detriment even.

Good luck. You’ll need it.
Oh, and be sure to tell your “friend” you told his story on the internet.
**

 

[kptrs]

I did not bring up the example for advice, just as an illustration.

**And yet you keep arguing. **

There are posters who seem to think that any man or woman who complains about their spouse is a whiner.

**There’s a right way and a wrong way to bring a legitimate complaint against someone and whining is in the “wrong way” category. **

They also seem to think that abuse ought to just be tolerated.

**No one here has said abuse should be tolerated. The abuse factor in your friend’s story makes the situation all the more weird. He needs to get himself safe - not be worried about sex. **

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Actually at this time in my friends relationship it is low on the list of issues they are facing. The wife has learned that abuse can get you in legal trouble.

Well, that solves things for a while doesn’t it. Jail, restraining orders, legal proceedings and fees. Not to mention now any kids will be made aware of a spouse that is abusive.

And that’s good! Because counseling can be mandated and time apart can be benificial to introspection.

But that really should put an end to the no sex problem, because your friend should not be desiring that until this is taken care of and the issue resolved.

 

[stinkcat_14]

…

Can you give me an example of a thread telling a woman to tolerate abuse? There is another thread here about a woman complaining (you might call it whining) about physical abuse. I didn’t see anyone telling her to suck it up, buttercup.

 

[pianistclare]

Can you give me an example of a thread telling a woman to tolerate abuse? There is another thread here about a woman complaining (you might call it whining) about physical abuse. I didn’t see anyone telling her to suck it up, buttercup.

No, you show ME where I said anyone should tolerate abuse.
If you knew my story, you’d know that out of anyone here, I would be the LAST person to say that.

I’m going to unsubscribe. You just have to win.
And I don’t really see you taking heed of anyone’s advice, so it’s pointless to engage in conversation.

Good luck. How did that appointment with the priest go yesterday?

Nevermind.
I’m out.

 

[kptrs]

Can you give me an example of a thread telling a woman to tolerate abuse? There is another thread here about a woman complaining (you might call it whining) about physical abuse. I didn’t see anyone telling her to suck it up, buttercup.

You are way out of line.

 

[kptrs]

No, you show ME where I said anyone should tolerate abuse.
If you knew my story, you’d know that out of anyone here, I would be the LAST person to say that.

I’m going to unsubscribe. You just have to win.
And I don’t really see you taking heed of anyone’s advice, so it’s pointless to engage in conversation.

Good luck. How did that appointment with the priest go yesterday?

Nevermind.
I’m out.

YES