BF vs DH?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kateri92
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Kateri92 said:
I know it is easy to draw conclusions from my previous posts but I ask that my privacy on this subject be respected and that my question stand alone without reference to my previous posts. I don’t feel like defending myself from people who do not know me or my bf. In other situations your opinions would be absolutely correct. But I rather not divulge all the details of my relationship on the internet. Please respect my privacy and allow my post to stand alone. Thank you.
Click to expand...
Then I guess we know now not to take anything you post as serious. Just an FYI - if you don’t want all your business on the internet, then you shouldn’t be posting on open forums and online relationships, well that’s a whole different story.
 
Kateri92 said:
I know it is easy to draw conclusions from my previous posts but I ask that my privacy on this subject be respected and that my question stand alone without reference to my previous posts. I don’t feel like defending myself from people who do not know me or my bf. In other situations your opinions would be absolutely correct. But I rather not divulge all the details of my relationship on the internet. Please respect my privacy and allow my post to stand alone. Thank you.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry, This post is just hysterical.
Do you really think the internet is a place where you can find privacy?
I presume no one forced you to post all the details of this relationship???
Don’t get upset because people can read.
Be glad they are looking into ALL the data you have provided to best answer your question.
You just don’t like the answers. 🤷
 
Xantippe said:
Right.

Believe it or not, young Catholic women don’t spontaneously combust if they turn 24 years old without being married yet.

Just because you are 22 or 23 and are dating someone right now doesn’t mean they are the right person for you. This is not a game of musical chairs–you don’t have to grab the closest chair/guy when the music stops.
Click to expand...
yup.
You scared the guy off. Luckily for you…he’s probably not marriage material anyway. And honestly, you’re not ready either. And yes, I got that opinion from reading your posts.
That’s how this thing works.
 
There was a post a while back about an online relationship and it wasn’t clear if the OP had ever met the b.f. in person.
 
Thank you everyone for making me feel stupid. I’m sure Jesus is giving you extra graces right now for showing me just how stupid I am. I will break up with my boyfriend as soon as possible. :banghead:
Sorry for bothering you (even though you didn’t have to reply in the first place.) I thought that just maybe since it is the year of Mercy there might be a few people merciful enough to take me seriously. I’m going to pray now. I’ll include you all in my prayers.
 
Kateri92 said:
Thank you everyone for making me feel stupid. I’m sure Jesus is giving you extra graces right now for showing me just how stupid I am. I will break up with my boyfriend as soon as possible. :banghead:
Sorry for bothering you (even though you didn’t have to reply in the first place.) I thought that just maybe since it is the year of Mercy there might be a few people merciful enough to take me seriously. I’m going to pray now. I’ll include you all in my prayers.
Click to expand...
NOPE.
You don’t get to make others feel guilty for posting answers to the questions YOU posted, with the information that YOU provided.

We are taking you seriously. We’re afraid you’re going to make a terrible mistake.
I can’t think of anything more caring.

We could have said, “go ahead, pressure this guy into marrying you” and then sit back and wait for it to implode.
Now that would be unmerciful.

Be assured of our prayers.
 
Kateri92 said:
Thanks for your reply. You are right. But, I guess, I’m just trying to figure out where I should draw the line. I don’t want to say that my bf can’t kiss me. It wouldn’t be a romantic relationship then.
Click to expand...
Marriage is much MORE than a “romantic relationship”. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to your spouse and your children, in good and bad times. It requires mutual self sacrifice. It is an image of Christ and his Church.

Romance is the least of the attributes of Christian marriage.

Mutual attraction can certainly exist without kissing. A dating relationship can exist without sexual contact prior to marriage. I know people who saved their first kiss for their wedding kiss. And not just first kiss between the two of them, first kiss period. That couple has been married 25 years and has 5 children. They are not Catholic, but they are amazing witnesses of Christian marriage and family. Their focus was on discernment, not on making out, while dating.
Kateri92 said:
But, neither of us want to go against God. But we just don’t know where to draw the line.
Click to expand...
Then talk to your priest.
Kateri92 said:
I am just confused and feel stuck in between what I feel in my gut/ reason and what I am reading online.
Click to expand...
Turn away from the mindset of “how far can I go before I sin” and focus on clearheaded discernment.
 
Kateri92 said:
Thank you everyone for making me feel stupid. I’m sure Jesus is giving you extra graces right now for showing me just how stupid I am. I will break up with my boyfriend as soon as possible. :banghead:
Sorry for bothering you (even though you didn’t have to reply in the first place.) I thought that just maybe since it is the year of Mercy there might be a few people merciful enough to take me seriously. I’m going to pray now. I’ll include you all in my prayers.
Click to expand...
Please show some maturity here. This little tantrum indicates you may not be close to being ready for marriage. I can guarantee there will be times in any marriage you will not get the answer you want and temper tantrums will only cause more strife.

Do what you think best but it is your decision.
 
I don’t think you go to hell for kissing. IMO Please book a meeting with your priest regardless of the proposal. I believe you would benefit immensely. God Bless You!
 
Horton said:
Please show some maturity here. This little tantrum indicates you may not be close to being ready for marriage. I can guarantee there will be times in any marriage you will not get the answer you want and temper tantrums will only cause more strife.

Do what you think best but it is your decision.
Click to expand...
Yep. This is what I was talking about in Post #6.
 
I write this for the benefit of OP (who might even read it, who knows) and lurkers who might be influenced by it:

If OP wanted to display some real maturity, instead of pitching a fit like she like she did, she might do well to ask some of the older, wiser, happily-married, professionally-accomplished and well-grounded folks who post here frequently (Pianist, Xan and 1KE come to mind), some pointed questions about relationships, wherein she shared details of who this “boyfriend” is. These might include:

–how they met; his culture; background; and his own maturity;
–why she is so convinced at her young age that he is “the one;”
–what are the details of how he’s “planned his proposal” (which I think is terminally weird);
–why she thinks she’s got sufficiently sound judgment to make these determinations (particularly after being convinced that religious life was for her, for years);
–what BF does for a living (if anything at present) and what he sees as his future (and is it achievable);
–how she and he would support themselves as a married couple given their purported impending nuptials;
–what are her own family details, i.e., has he met her folks? Are her folks even around? What about his family? Are they 50 miles away or 5000?

That’s what would I would do. Better yet, I’d have these conversations in person with older married folks I trusted, if my folks weren’t around (if they were, they would initiate the conversations with me, first).

I have no idea what she will do, but I hope this exercise wasn’t a waste of my time.
 
PolarGuy said:
I write this for the benefit of OP (who might even read it, who knows) and lurkers who might be influenced by it:

If OP wanted to display some real maturity, instead of pitching a fit like she like she did, she might do well to ask some of the older, wiser, happily-married, professionally-accomplished and well-grounded folks who post here frequently (Pianist, Xan and 1KE come to mind), some pointed questions about relationships, wherein she shared details of who this “boyfriend” is. These might include:

–how they met; his culture; background; and his own maturity;
–why she is so convinced at her young age that he is “the one;”
–what are the details of how he’s “planned his proposal” (which I think is terminally weird);
–why she thinks she’s got sufficiently sound judgment to make these determinations (particularly after being convinced that religious life was for her, for years);
–what BF does for a living (if anything at present) and what he sees as his future (and is it achievable);
–how she and he would support themselves as a married couple given their purported impending nuptials;
–what are her own family details, i.e., has he met her folks? Are her folks even around? What about his family? Are they 50 miles away or 5000?

That’s what would I would do. Better yet, I’d have these conversations in person with older married folks I trusted, if my folks weren’t around (if they were, they would initiate the conversations with me, first).

I have no idea what she will do, but I hope this exercise wasn’t a waste of my time.
Click to expand...
👍
 
PolarGuy said:
I write this for the benefit of OP (who might even read it, who knows) and lurkers who might be influenced by it:

If OP wanted to display some real maturity, instead of pitching a fit like she like she did, she might do well to ask some of the older, wiser, happily-married, professionally-accomplished and well-grounded folks who post here frequently (Pianist, Xan and 1KE come to mind), some pointed questions about relationships, wherein she shared details of who this “boyfriend” is. These might include:

–how they met; his culture; background; and his own maturity;
–why she is so convinced at her young age that he is “the one;”
–what are the details of how he’s “planned his proposal” (which I think is terminally weird);
–why she thinks she’s got sufficiently sound judgment to make these determinations (particularly after being convinced that religious life was for her, for years);
–what BF does for a living (if anything at present) and what he sees as his future (and is it achievable);
–how she and he would support themselves as a married couple given their purported impending nuptials;
–what are her own family details, i.e., has he met her folks? Are her folks even around? What about his family? Are they 50 miles away or 5000?

That’s what would I would do. Better yet, I’d have these conversations in person with older married folks I trusted, if my folks weren’t around (if they were, they would initiate the conversations with me, first).

I have no idea what she will do, but I hope this exercise wasn’t a waste of my time.
Click to expand...
What Polar Guy said.
 
PolarGuy said:
I write this for the benefit of OP (who might even read it, who knows) and lurkers who might be influenced by it:

If OP wanted to display some real maturity, instead of pitching a fit like she like she did, she might do well to ask some of the older, wiser, happily-married, professionally-accomplished and well-grounded folks who post here frequently (Pianist, Xan and 1KE come to mind), some pointed questions about relationships, wherein she shared details of who this “boyfriend” is. These might include:

–how they met; his culture; background; and his own maturity;
–why she is so convinced at her young age that he is “the one;”
–what are the details of how he’s “planned his proposal” (which I think is terminally weird);
–why she thinks she’s got sufficiently sound judgment to make these determinations (particularly after being convinced that religious life was for her, for years);
–what BF does for a living (if anything at present) and what he sees as his future (and is it achievable);
–how she and he would support themselves as a married couple given their purported impending nuptials;
–what are her own family details, i.e., has he met her folks? Are her folks even around? What about his family? Are they 50 miles away or 5000?

That’s what would I would do. Better yet, I’d have these conversations in person with older married folks I trusted, if my folks weren’t around (if they were, they would initiate the conversations with me, first).

I have no idea what she will do, but I hope this exercise wasn’t a waste of my time.
Click to expand...
Yes.

Also you don’t have to answer these here, but here are some other questions for reflection:

–What do her family and friends think about him?
–Are his parents married? To each other? Do they have a reasonably happy relationship?
–Are her parents married? To each other? Do they have a reasonably happy relationship?
–What are his most dysfunctional relatives like?
–Have you met his friends? Do you like them? Do they creep you out?
–What does he do for fun?
–Does he make good choices?
–How’s his credit? Debt? Immigration status?
–Is there a lot of DRAMA in your relationship?

None of these things is necessarily a deal-breaker (we survived quite a number of them), but they’re all important to think about.
 
Thanks guys. Another thought: No one is trying to make OP “feel stupid.” To the contrary, I think many, if not most, posters here would go out of their way to actually try & help someone who came here and asked serious relationship advice. Some have more to offer than others, it’s true – but some have a lot to offer, and some have been through the wringer emotionally; emerged stronger for it; and have a lot of good advice to give. The fact that OP chose to become offended when she didn’t like the answers she received speaks volumes: As I see it, it’s her loss. Sad. These folks, me included, wanted to help.
 
I ask who ever is in change of these threads to please have mercy on me and remove this thread. It was a mistake to post it. I have learned my lesson.
 
Speaking only to the original post (since I haven’t read the other threads), you are confusing what sine Catholics say with what the Catholic Church says. The Church does not condemn all kissing before marriage - just recommends that you keep kissing restrained to avoid the temptation of going further than you should. This line may be different for different couples. A trusted priest can help you sort out the best way to find where that line is for you.

As for the other responses, please read them and consider that there may be wisdom there.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top