Bible Jokes

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Eucharisted

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Let’s share some humorous moments we’ve had reading the Sacred Scriptures 🙂

The first time I read the beatitude “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God,” I thought Jesus was talking about missiles.
 
I always had the strangest images go through my mind when reading about Jesus breathing on the disciples in John 20:22.

I couldn’t help but think of a mighty gust of wind coming out of his mouth, and the disciples clinging to the nearest railing to not be blown away. Or there’s always the mental image of Jesus breathing down their necks! :rotfl:
 
Numbers 22-24 where Balaam and his donkey come to the wilderness to put curses on the tribes of Israel. The curses turn out to be blessings, and Balaam’s donkey prevents him from getting beheaded by an angry angel!
 
Or how about the biggest understatement in the Bible. When the Gentiles found out that they did NOT have to be circumcised to become Christians, it says: When the people read it, they were delighted with the exhortation.

I think that’s Bible-Speak for “there was dancing in the Street and the very first occasion for Mardi Gras”!!! :egyptian::egyptian:
 
Our Father who ('s name is) Art in Heaven
Hollowed be thy name . . .
 
NotWorthy said:
Or how about the biggest understatement in the Bible. When the Gentiles found out that they did NOT have to be circumcised to become Christians, it says: When the people read it, they were delighted with the exhortation.

I think that’s Bible-Speak for “there was dancing in the Street and the very first occasion for Mardi Gras”!!! :egyptian::egyptian:
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They were happy since they did not have to suffer the fates of the Shechemites…😃
 
Proof that God is a baseball fan - The first words of the Bible, in my translation, say “In the Big Inning…”
 
spyderman said:
Proof that God is a baseball fan - The first words of the Bible, in my translation, say “In the Big Inning…”
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Don’t forget Abraham’s sacrifice, and when Rebecca went to the well with the pitcher.
 
That reminds me…God had both hands free at the time of Jesus’ death (“Into thy hands I commend my spirit”), but since then He only has His left hand to use since Jesus is sitting on His right hand. Now it would make sense if God is left-handed, since lefties are the only ones on their right minds. 😃
 
Sometimes we get the giggles during evening prayer when we get to the part in Psalm 110:7

He will drink from the stream by the way; therefore he will lift up his head.

If you get down to drink from a stream, OF COURSE you lift up your head!!! 🤷
 
The Sadducees did not believe in angels or the resurrection of the body. That’s why they were very sad, you see?..😃
 
The Bible exhorts men to make the morning coffee…Where?..Hebrews, of course!!
 
O.K this is it. Who is the shortest man in the Bible?? Nehemiah…😉 teachccd
 
O.K. I COULDN’T RESIST:

The Bible says that we must own a Honda. Where?? Well I don’t remember exactly where but it does say that we must all live in one accord…😃 😃
 
teachccd said:
O.K this is it. Who is the shortest man in the Bible?? Nehemiah…😉 teachccd
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I had always thaought it was Bildad [Job 2:11]
11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite.
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[pronounce that shoe height]
 
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