Big Life Changes

[NurseAmelia]

My husband and I are traditional Catholics who try our best to follow the Lord, His Mother, and the Holy See. I had a very pleasing and moderately successful job and drove a luxury car. I sold the car to pay off all of our debt and have left the job which did lead me to sin and negative associations, and am taking my daughter out of full time daycare which she has only been in for a few months.

I will now raise her at home and homeschool her. She often goes to daily mass with me already before daycare and holds praying hands and even tries to genuflect (I never knew a toddler genuflecting could be so adorable!), and her daycare has been so beneficial to her that we have arranged that she attends one day a week so that I may attend doctor’s visits or more tedious errands.

Pray for me to have strength to be a good wife who can serve my family for they will now depend on me in a different way, but for me it will be infinitely more work. I also shall have to sacrifice frivolous things such as fine jewelry, bags, shoes, and dresses of which I am accustomed.

I would welcome advice and also for prayers that we would be able to welcome a new child soon. Thank you for being a place I can share this choice where it might not instantly be judged as madness for in the eyes of all others…I seem to have lost my mind.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I am curious as to what prompted such Big Changes in your life. Something was the catalyst. Care to elaborate?

 

[Xantippe]

One area I would suggest you work on is to find friends for yourself and/or some sort of class or hobby. If you are going to be home long-term, you’ll need to find ways to increase the amount of adult stimulation and companionship in your life, particularly if you don’t have strong family support in your area. Unfortunately, homeschooling has the potential to be isolating, so I would start early on building up your support network.

One obstacle that a lot of newer mothers suffer from is that it’s hard to find congenial mothers of children your child’s age. Sometimes, in fact, mom-mom interactions can have a real “high school” Mean Girls vibe. It’s real work finding people to hang out with that you have something in common with (besides the age of your kids), but well worth while once you’ve got it.

On the question of clothes, bear in mind that your husband wants you to be pretty! Also, not feeling pretty can be bad for one’s morale and functioning. There’s a reason that the military is so particular about uniforms…So, another issue is how to get the most bang for your buck with clothes.

Also, bear in mind that life will be 4X as difficult and complicated once you have a second child. Not for ever, of course, but I have to warn you that you may experience a rather dramatic decline in quality of life once you have a second child.

 

[Joe_5859]

May God bless you in this new phase of your life.

My wife has stayed at home since the beginning, so we never had to go through that type of transition. But she is very glad to be doing it. It’s a lot of hard work, but worth it.

It is tough to adjust our expectations with regards to material things. The more time that goes by, the more I realize how little of all that stuff is truly a necessity. But trimming that stuff out can be a slow process.

If we keep trying to put God first, the rest will fall into place.

 

[tawny]

My husband and I are traditional Catholics who try our best to follow the Lord, His Mother, and the Holy See. I had a very pleasing and moderately successful job and drove a luxury car. I sold the car to pay off all of our debt and have left the job which did lead me to sin and negative associations, and am taking my daughter out of full time daycare which she has only been in for a few months.

I will now raise her at home and homeschool her. She often goes to daily mass with me already before daycare and holds praying hands and even tries to genuflect (I never knew a toddler genuflecting could be so adorable!), and her daycare has been so beneficial to her that we have arranged that she attends one day a week so that I may attend doctor’s visits or more tedious errands.

Pray for me to have strength to be a good wife who can serve my family for they will now depend on me in a different way, but for me it will be infinitely more work. I also shall have to sacrifice frivolous things such as fine jewelry, bags, shoes, and dresses of which I am accustomed.

I would welcome advice and also for prayers that we would be able to welcome a new child soon. Thank you for being a place I can share this choice where it might not instantly be judged as madness for in the eyes of all others…I seem to have lost my mind.

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength & fortitude in your time of need.

 

[PhiloMed]

Amelia

It’s wonderful that you’re so excited about this new phase of your life. Xanti provided some really sound advice about socializing. Some of your previous posts seem to verge on scrupulosity, though, and I hope you don’t get too wound up in what makes a “good” wife and mother and worrying about being sinful if you don’t live up to some expectation you have set fourth for yourself.

 

[NurseAmelia]

I am curious as to what prompted such Big Changes in your life. Something was the catalyst. Care to elaborate?

We always wanted me to stay home and to home school and I have indeed stayed home for 2 years. I took a job because I started to become obsessed with material the things of this world and what car we drove quite honestly. I let myself lose sight of what I had always held dear which was weekends with my family and evenings together praying. I only went back to work for about 3 months before a dear friend and a priest brought to my attention the corruption I had let into my life. I was even thinking of contracepting because I mean kids aren’t cheap and I wanted THINGS! Don’t worry I’ve been set straight, now.

We are part of a home school group of over 50 Roman Catholic families. We have park dates for younger kids and mom’s outtings and retreats to ensure sanity. Many of us attend mass together (the home school families largely attend the same parish) before field trips or a community class such as a language class taught by perhaps one talented mom or dad. They have family dances that are a BLAST where there is no dirty grinding and dry humping thank the Lord ! Just so much fun with people genuinely happy to be together. Most of the kids from this group do exceptionally well academically with the most recent graduates scoring at or around 30 on the ACT. Most of the children eventually go to The Franciscan University in Steubenville or the local community college and then transfer to Steubenville.

I’m just in need of prayers because I fear the irreparable damage I may inflict as a homeschooling mom I’m half jesting

My child has so enjoyed her learning daycare center we have arranged about an average of one day a week she will go back again in a month or so once the older children matriculate out into kindergarten.

 

[NurseAmelia]

Amelia

It’s wonderful that you’re so excited about this new phase of your life. Xanti provided some really sound advice about socializing. Some of your previous posts seem to verge on scrupulosity, though, and I hope you don’t get too wound up in what makes a “good” wife and mother and worrying about being sinful if you don’t live up to some expectation you have set fourth for yourself.

In what way have you found my guilty of scrupulosity?

 

[NurseAmelia]

One area I would suggest you work on is to find friends for yourself and/or some sort of class or hobby. If you are going to be home long-term, you’ll need to find ways to increase the amount of adult stimulation and companionship in your life, particularly if you don’t have strong family support in your area. Unfortunately, homeschooling has the potential to be isolating, so I would start early on building up your support network.

One obstacle that a lot of newer mothers suffer from is that it’s hard to find congenial mothers of children your child’s age. Sometimes, in fact, mom-mom interactions can have a real “high school” Mean Girls vibe. It’s real work finding people to hang out with that you have something in common with (besides the age of your kids), but well worth while once you’ve got it.

On the question of clothes, bear in mind that your husband wants you to be pretty! Also, not feeling pretty can be bad for one’s morale and functioning. There’s a reason that the military is so particular about uniforms…So, another issue is how to get the most bang for your buck with clothes.

Also, bear in mind that life will be 4X as difficult and complicated once you have a second child. Not for ever, of course, but I have to warn you that you may experience a rather dramatic decline in quality of life once you have a second child.

Honestly, I never expected so much negativity about being at home with children or giving up material excess. I am beautiful to my husband without Tori Burch Shoes shoes or Valentino dresses just as I was beautiful to him in dresses from regular department stores though I am beautiful simply because God made me in his image. I will be happy with my saint medals as they will remind me of better things that more diamonds cannot Tis only compressed carbon. As for the car, the type of people who would be friends with me because of what I can obtain - who needs them? Being home really was such a joy to me, and as the job nor the things brought me that sort of happiness I am back, and happy to be so.
As for a second child bringing a decline in my quality of life? I have never heard such anti-family speech. I am from a family of 7 and my mother only grew happier with each child. If you mean I will get less sleep, then you are right. If you mean I will be breastfeeding again, I will be so glad to. If you mean I will again have to wash more clothes and the cloth diapers daily, you are right. No gift from God will EVER cause a decline in my quality of life.

 

[PhiloMed]

In what way have you found my guilty of scrupulosity?

You had a thread where you were positively beside yourself over missing mass and just how sinful it was.

Maybe I just can’t relate to this kind of over-thinking.

 

[PrincessRenae]

Can I ask what your job was? Was it nursing hence your username? Are you enjoying this change as opposed to being in the workforce? Just asking since many women feel so differently about this. Perhaps the changes are causing some temporary anxieties and worries.

 

[NurseAmelia]

You had a thread where you were positively beside yourself over missing mass and just how sinful it was.

Maybe I just can’t relate to this kind of over-thinking.

I over think all things from what to make for dinner to my decor

 

[Cat]

I over think all things from what to make for dinner to my decor

You also over-react when people try to help you.

I am an older woman, and so I feel comfortable giving you some sage and honest advice.

Xantippe gave you very friendly and wise advice, and you jumped all over her and accused her of negativity toward being at home with children or giving up material excess.

I’ll be brutally honest with you–what I am hearing from your posts in this thread is pride. You were proud of your material possessions, and now you are proud of your willingness to give them up and live in “department store dresses.”

I’m going to venture a guess that most of us women on CAF have never owned any dresses other than “department store dresses.” So we aren’t impressed by your humble state. To us, that’s the normal state.

I am involved (as a friend only!) with a Latin Mass parish where many of the women have chosen to live “counter-cultural” and stay home with their children (and many of them have many children), and dress in simple but pretty clothing.

There are also women in this same parish who choose to work in high-paying jobs while raising children. These women are not looked down on by their home-schooling friends. In fact, the money that these working women contribute to the parish helps keep it going. Without their contributions, it’s doubtful that the parish would be there.

I hope that the women you are associating with in your “new life” will help you to overcome your tendency to be prideful. I think they will–the women that I know are lovely women with a lot of holy traits.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m going to venture a guess that most of us women on CAF have never owned any dresses other than “department store dresses.” So we aren’t impressed by your humble state. To us, that’s the normal state.

Yeah–“department store dress” is pretty nice. A lot of our CAF SAHM posters probably buy their clothes from consignment stores, thrift stores, yard sales or Walmart. Getting to shop at an actual department store and try on clothes all by oneself would be wealth beyond the dreams of avarice.

Speaking of which, how many nurses wear Valentino, anyway?

Here are some prices:

saksfifthavenue.com/Valentino/Women-s-Apparel/Dresses/shop/_/N-1z12vkxZ52flor/Ne-6lvnb6?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306418059&site_refer=360i+G&kw_refer=valentino+dresses

Very pretty, I’m sure, but I don’t see a lot of nurses wearing that sort of stuff. Mostly it’s scrubs with cartoon characters.

 

[LongingSoul]

Pray for me to have strength to be a good wife who can serve my family for they will now depend on me in a different way, but for me it will be infinitely more work. I also shall have to sacrifice frivolous things such as fine jewelry, bags, shoes, and dresses of which I am accustomed.

Just remember that the austere life isn’t for everyone ok. I find it pretty easy to live simply because I’ve never in my life been interested in fancy clothes and fancy home decore etc. but my Mum, who is the most prayerful and holy woman I know enjoys looking smart and having a nice looking decore.

Sometimes people who try for a certain level of austerity that isn’t exactly natural to them, become judgemental and contemptful of normal good people. Don’t fall into that trap.

 

[NurseAmelia]

You also over-react when people try to help you.

I am an older woman, and so I feel comfortable giving you some sage and honest advice.

Xantippe gave you very friendly and wise advice, and you jumped all over her and accused her of negativity toward being at home with children or giving up material excess.

I’ll be brutally honest with you–what I am hearing from your posts in this thread is pride. You were proud of your material possessions, and now you are proud of your willingness to give them up and live in “department store dresses.”

I’m going to venture a guess that most of us women on CAF have never owned any dresses other than “department store dresses.” So we aren’t impressed by your humble state. To us, that’s the normal state.

I am involved (as a friend only!) with a Latin Mass parish where many of the women have chosen to live “counter-cultural” and stay home with their children (and many of them have many children), and dress in simple but pretty clothing.

There are also women in this same parish who choose to work in high-paying jobs while raising children. These women are not looked down on by their home-schooling friends. In fact, the money that these working women contribute to the parish helps keep it going. Without their contributions, it’s doubtful that the parish would be there.

I hope that the women you are associating with in your “new life” will help you to overcome your tendency to be prideful. I think they will–the women that I know are lovely women with a lot of holy traits.

You are very right. I am full of pride. It’s my greatest struggle, and I beg The Lord to surround me with company that makes me humble. Pardon me and my abundance of energy and zeal. I mean not to make enemies but brothers (sisters in Christ). My life has …made me overly defensive.

 

[NFPWife]

Congrats on your new life! It sounds like you’re involved with a great group of people.

I think Cat gave great perspective. If you’ve been praying for assistance with humility, you’re in the right place.

To expound a little on Xantippe’s comments, perhaps the caution regarding “looking pretty” was not to let the pendulum swing too far the other way. Anytime we’re making a change, particularly such a dramatic one, there’s a risk that we’ll move to the extremes and overcompensate. Several years ago my boss told me he wasn’t paying the lease on my office and I would be tele-commuting at the beginning of the next month. I distinctly remember thinking that I still needed to make an effort to look nice for my husband, that I couldn’t be hanging out in a sweatshirt and tights all day. About two months in, I walked past the full length mirror and I had become EXACTLY what I swore I wouldn’t. Tights, sweatshirt, hair secured on top of my head with a pen. I was appalled at how easily (and fast!) that happened. Then, my husband walked past and said, “You look sexy.” I stopped worrying about that

 

[NurseAmelia]

Congrats on your new life! It sounds like you’re involved with a great group of people.

I think Cat gave great perspective. If you’ve been praying for assistance with humility, you’re in the right place.

To expound a little on Xantippe’s comments, perhaps the caution regarding “looking pretty” was not to let the pendulum swing too far the other way. Anytime we’re making a change, particularly such a dramatic one, there’s a risk that we’ll move to the extremes and overcompensate. Several years ago my boss told me he wasn’t paying the lease on my office and I would be tele-commuting at the beginning of the next month. I distinctly remember thinking that I still needed to make an effort to look nice for my husband, that I couldn’t be hanging out in a sweatshirt and tights all day. About two months in, I walked past the full length mirror and I had become EXACTLY what I swore I wouldn’t. Tights, sweatshirt, hair secured on top of my head with a pen. I was appalled at how easily (and fast!) that happened. Then, my husband walked past and said, “You look sexy.” I stopped worrying about that

Thank you for your advice and interpretations pray for my humility please and the strength to persevere! We have our first homeschool play day tomorrow and are very excited! Mass the park!

 

[NurseAmelia]

Can I ask what your job was? Was it nursing hence your username? Are you enjoying this change as opposed to being in the workforce? Just asking since many women feel so differently about this. Perhaps the changes are causing some temporary anxieties and worries.

No, my education was in nursing but not my job oddly! I guess my feelings about the workforce melted down to would I be glad I had XYZ things when I was old or glad I had extra time with my child(ren). I know many cannot have this option but when I was blessed with the choice and having tried a job I loved, I knew my what my vocation was asking of me.

 

[PrincessRenae]

No, my education was in nursing but not my job oddly! I guess my feelings about the workforce melted down to would I be glad I had XYZ things when I was old or glad I had extra time with my child(ren). I know many cannot have this option but when I was blessed with the choice and having tried a job I loved, I knew my what my vocation was asking of me.

Ah, gotcha. Yeah I guess if you had the option and it didn’t affect finances, it seems like the better choice. And you’ll be saving money on daycare.