Big problem relating to homosexuality

[jmcrae]

If He doesn’t, presumably He has something that you need to learn through this struggle.

Or something to teach the rest of us.

Personally, as a married woman, I am greatly edified by chaste homosexuals of both sexes, how they are able to turn their whole lives into a ministry for Christ, and use that energy so creatively.

 

[Valke2]

What wonderful humility you have to post here, Ayeaiii!

I have personally struggled with same-sex attraction too, from about the age of eleven.

Prodigal

May I ask, are you married and do you now find yourself sexually attracted to women?

 

[Ayeaiii]

Wow, I am overwhelmed by such an enormous wealth of replies, and different perespectives!

Reperative therapy- an interesting thing to consider.
But, I think, perhpas, I will, as you say, Prodigal son, not go for reperative therapy, partly because I live in the UK, and I don’t think it is possible tp get such treatment- the UK is not so religious, I think, as the USA, so the general concesus is that such therapy is wrong. Also, even if I can get it, I should imagine I can’t afford it! Plus, as has been pointed out (although debated) it may not work, so I guess it is best to deal with this without taking that step.

Well, as you say, I am young yet! I guess right now, it is suitable to wait and see- who knows, this may pass on its own! In which time I can work on all spiritual parts of my life- devlope my relationship with the Lord, and worship him, ask him for strnegth, and if I realise this isn’t going to go, hopefully I shall have the strength to deal with it.

I am very greatful for those of you who speak of the possiblity of leading a good life, and not comminting sin, whilst still having these feelings, so long as I do not act on the,- true yes, that it is actions, not feelings that matter most! Because I should not be satisfied to rely souly on the possibility of change, in case it doesn’t happen.

Many many thanks to you all, I will say I can I am touched by your response!

x

 

[Prodigal_Son]

May I ask, are you married and do you now find yourself sexually attracted to women?

Yes, I am married. To the most wonderful woman in the world, I might add.

The second question is complicated. I *always *felt sexually attracted to women, just not as intensely. I feel it more strongly than I used to, and it is a quite fruitful attraction (ushering two lives into the world, thus far). Nevertheless, when I encounter the sin of lust in myself, it pretty much always relates to my same-sex attractions.

I too have respect for chaste “homosexuals,” although I’m quite sure that it’s not quite healthy for them to accept that label. (If you experienced the desire to steal, you would not call yourself a thief.)

Marriage is a matter of intimacy, more than sex. Certainly, it is God’s will that our desire be for our spouse, but it is God’s grace that can make that happen. In my experience, nothing in my life has been nearly as “sexually awakening” as my courtship with my wife. We were chaste, but that chastity focused our energies in such a way as to make me feel pure desire – not that messy and mottled desire that we feel toward the pictures on magazines or the men/women at the beach.

It’s about this: wanting x, but wanting God more. I will accept my desire for men, but I will want God more.

(I might reject my desire for men in the first place, but that would plant the seeds of self-hatred. Better to be gentle with the self. There is no need to reject a desire, when you can reject an action).

And God has given me more than I wanted in the first place. A wife. A daughter. A new baby.

A life that is perfected in my sacrifice of self, as opposed to a life that is predicated on my indulgence in sin.

 

[AndyF]

Ayeaiii:

You deserve congratulations, because by your enquiry you set an example to those who are also tempted. Your discernment has brought you here.!

You have the wisdom to see the ruse that evil is trying to present to you, and you don’t buy it. I can assure you there is no such thing as “being” gay as the evil is suggesting, as it is just the run of the mill temptation, not a condition. What you “are” for sure is a servant of God. Your orientation is what God designed you to be, and that is to either become an upstanding Christian father one day, passing your wisdom on to your children, or if you wish, to remain in service through a celebate life in the ministry or other devotion.

You can uncloak this evil very easily. Pray to God for wisdom. Read the book of Sirach in regards to keeping company and being mindful of friends, and Romans and Peter, and the wisdom of St. Paul found in Corinthians. Say a Rosary to the very enemy of the evil, Mary the Holy Mother, who makes you several promises (www.theholyrosary.org), and ask her to remain at your side in this war. Ever watchful for an opportunity for a battle with evil, St. Michael will come into the fight swinging. That you can count on. Go to Church on Sunday, because by your very attendance you receive Sacraments that will arm you.

Meanwhile, you should set your lifes agenda. Keep company with virtuous young ladies and boys who are not influenced by this evil, but do not trust to share this problem with them. Enter activities that will focus your energies and thoughts to good things. Get involved in activities that will keep you busy. Maybe you’d like to provide your services to some group.

The evil is even known, and he’s been around for a long time. He’ll present things that seem trivial. He’ll suggest you just try it just this once. But he doesn’t tell you that God will lesson his grace to you if you give in thus making you weaker, or that the evil is strenghtened. He’s a deceiving creature presenting subtle minor temptations to start, but they grow until you think you were always this way. Then when you turn around, where you came from will seem dimmer and dimmer and far off. Best not to go down the wrong path in the first place.

Never give up hope and always know that you are not alone in your battle. I’m sure that you will succeed as you are careful. With a few celestial friends to help you, I know you’ll be OK.

AndyF

 

[mikeledes]

Hey Ayeaii! If you need any counsel but may be to afraid to post it as a thread, just send me a private message through this website. I’ll be more than happy to offer assistance. You may have a difficult journey ahead of you and you need all the support you can get. Just don’t fall for the lies promoted by secular culture. It might tell you, “if you feel it, do it.” Imagine how much worse the world would be if everyone followed this advice. You know how many times I’ve felt like strangling someone, God forgive me. Of course, I haven’t done that and hope never to do it. God give me strength!!!

God Bless,
Mike

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Or something to teach the rest of us.

Personally, as a married woman, I am greatly edified by chaste homosexuals of both sexes, how they are able to turn their whole lives into a ministry for Christ, and use that energy so creatively.

Interesting you should say this. As a single person I have often thought that chaste homosexuals have more to say to me than chastity educators that are married, engaged or ultimately will be married.

 

[shirleytowers]

If you are 16, you may still be in the stage where same-sex attraction is pretty normal and might not be a permanent thing. Even so, if you are homosexual, there is nothing wrong that at all. Homosexuals are called to chastity, rather than marriage. It will be a cross at times but a blessing at others. Being called to chastity is what we will all be called to in heaven. You are just getting yours a bit early. Pray a bunch.

God bless you!

 

[Mommyof02green]

FEELINGS are JUST FEELINGS…FEELINGS ARE NOT RIGHT OR WRONG!

It’s what you do about them that matters!

 

[m134e5]

Thank you, very very much. You are all very very helpful, I will look at all these links.

May also I ask,

I know passages, and have read them, about homosexual sex, but does anyone know of what the Bible says of homosexual feelings, as opposed to sexual practices, as this might be of guidence also?

I am so very very touched by the kindess of you all.

The Bible says that when you lust after someone, you commit adultery. Now, there is a difference between looking at someone, and feeling attracted to them, and looking at them lustfully. One is simply a physiological/psychological response and cannot be a sin because it isn’t a willful decision. The second is a conscious choice to look at another person not as the child of God that they are, but as an object for you to use for your own pleasure.

(I would talk to a priest about this if I were you)

 

[Wammy101]

I reckon, no offense to all of you, but you are treating this like a huge problem. If you don’t want to be gay, don’t be gay. As many have said, it’s probably just a phase, but if it isn’t, don’t treat it like like a burden man!
Cya,
Open-Minded Wammy

 

[stadre]

God bless you! I suggest reading “Good News about Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. Not only does he do an excellent job of explaining God’s plan for human sexuality, he also talks about going through a similiar situation as you are.

 

[ReflectiveDove]

Dearest brother,

I know how you feel… I, too, am traveling the burdened path…

It’s not easy… but it’s very possible with the help of God…

He created us, so He knows how to help us (especially since Christ died for us and endured temptation and the Holy Spirit guides us and helps us to find the Truth).

One of my favorite Scriptures that give me hope when I’m weak or fail is this… 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (NAB)

9 Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor *[boy prostitutes nor sodomites]
10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 **That is what some of you used to be; but now you have had yourselves washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. **

[Meaning homosexuals and homosexual prostitutes.]
Emphasis of my own added for edification.

Trust in the Lord, read your Bible, and do everything you can to avoid situations that lead to thoughts (including friendships friendships with strong Christians help, TV, etc.) Don’t be afraid to release yourself of those relationships that hinder you…

Peace be with you,
Brian

 

[CRW]

Thank you, very very much. You are all very very helpful, I will look at all these links.

May also I ask,

I know passages, and have read them, about homosexual sex, but does anyone know of what the Bible says of homosexual feelings, as opposed to sexual practices, as this might be of guidence also?

I am so very very touched by the kindess of you all.

May I offer the view on this matter for the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2358: The number of men and woman who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible, this inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trail. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
2359: Homosexual persons are called to Chasity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

That is a lot for a 16 year old man to comprehend. Bottom line, trust God, pray, and see a priests if possible. God Bless you and may all who post offer their prayers for you,

 

[jhickey]

If you are 16, you may still be in the stage where same-sex attraction is pretty normal and might not be a permanent thing. Even so, if you are homosexual, there is nothing wrong that at all. Homosexuals are called to chastity, rather than marriage. It will be a cross at times but a blessing at others. Being called to chastity is what we will all be called to in heaven. You are just getting yours a bit early. Pray a bunch.

God bless you!

Understand that you do not have a “big problem.” Shirley brings up a great point - being a homosexual (which I am) has it’s blessings. I would not change it for the world. Pray and know that God loves you. You are young and these feelings may change but if they don’t, know that you’re not alone and that homosexuality does not forfeit your salvation.

 

[setter]

Understand that you do not have a “big problem.” Shirley brings up a great point - being a homosexual (which I am) has it’s blessings. I would not change it for the world. Pray and know that God loves you. You are young and these feelings may change but if they don’t, know that you’re not alone and that homosexuality does not forfeit your salvation.

In service of developing greater compassion, can you please elaborate how one who identifies themself as a “Catholic” can also reconcile "being a homosexual’? Are you referring to the chaste living out of a predominant homosexual attraction? Or does this self label connotate something other than? This is a significant distiction made by the Church.

 

[jhickey]

In service of developing greater compassion, can you please elaborate how one who identifies themself as a “Catholic” can also reconcile "being a homosexual’? Are you referring to the chaste living out of a predominant homosexual attraction? Or does this self label connotate something other than? This is a significant distiction made by the Church.

My post should be viewed 2 fold.

Point 1: Being homosexual in nature (and not action) is not a “big problem.”

Point 2: Being a homosexual in nature (and not action) does not disqauify your salvation. ’

Neither points contradict the church teachings. The point here is that there is nothing to reconcile. A heterosexual who is not married is bound to the same teachings of the church and it is there where I draw a line in the sand. Does that clarify?

 

[setter]

My post should be viewed 2 fold.

Point 1: Being homosexual in nature (and not action) is not a “big problem.”

Point 2: Being a homosexual in nature (and not action) does not disqauify your salvation. ’

Neither points contradict the church teachings. The point here is that there is nothing to reconcile. A heterosexual who is not married is bound to the same teachings of the church and it is there where I draw a line in the sand. Does that clarify?

It helps, and I can agree so long as “being homosexual in nature” does not extend beyond a way to describe a psychosexual identity that is intrinsically disordered and not a design feature of, but a deviation from, natural law design.

Catholics must be careful in the use of the label/wording “being a homosexual”, as this fails to adequately distinguish a disordered homosexual attraction from one’s core identity and dignity as a creature made in the image and likeness of God, and hopefully as a new person in Jesus Christ. A nuanced, but, nonetheless, important and essential distinction that is often neglected.

The human person, made in the image and likeness of God, can hardly be adequately described by a reductionist reference to his or her sexual orientation. Every one living on the face of the earth has personal problems and difficulties, but challenges to growth, strengths, talents and gifts as well. Today, the Church provides a badly needed context for the care of the human person when she refuses to consider the person as a “heterosexual” or a “homosexual” and insists that every person has a fundamental Identity: the creature of God, and by grace, his child and heir to eternal life.

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_19861001_homosexual-persons_en.html

 

[jhickey]

It helps, and I can agree so long as “being homosexual in nature” does not extend beyond a way to describe a psychosexual identity that is intrinsically disordered and not a design feature of, but a deviation from, natural law design.

Catholics must be careful in the use of the label/wording “being a homosexual”, as this fails to adequately distinguish a disordered homosexual attraction from one’s core identity and dignity as a creature made in the image and likeness of God, and hopefully as a new person in Jesus Christ. A nuanced, but, nonetheless, important and essential distinction that is often neglected.

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_19861001_homosexual-persons_en.html

Thanks for the feedback again. There are some points that I do not agree with in your last post. namely “a disordered homosexual attraction from one’s core identity and dignity.” I will not further this thread…(perhaps another though), as it is deviating from my original intent for this young kid.

I am happy with my homosexuality and do not view it as a deviation or distorition.

 

[setter]

Thanks for the feedback again. There are some points that I do not agree with in your last post. namely “a disordered homosexual attraction from one’s core identity and dignity.” I will not further this thread…(perhaps another though), as it is deviating from my original intent for this young kid.

I am happy with my homosexuality and do not view it as a deviation or distorition.

I fail to see how one can be “happy” with an inclination that “itself must be seen as an objective disorder”. What I presented is the Church’s understanding of “the homosexual condition or tendency”:

1. Explicit treatment of the problem was given in this Congregation’s “Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics” of December 29, 1975. That document stressed the duty of trying to understand the homosexual condition and noted that culpability for homosexual acts should only be judged with prudence. At the same time the Congregation took note of the distinction commonly drawn between the homosexual condition or tendency and individual homosexual actions. These were described as deprived of their essential and indispensable finality, as being “intrinsically disordered”, and able in no case to be approved of (cf. n. 8, $4).

In the discussion which followed the publication of the Declaration, however, an overly benign interpretation was given to the homosexual condition itself, some going so far as to call it neutral, or even good. Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil; and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder.

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_19861001_homosexual-persons_en.html