Big Problem

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htk553

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I am currently enrolled in RCIA. I had plans to be baptized and confirmed this year.

I was presented with a form by my sponsor about my baptism(lack of in my case) and a form about my divorce. I have problems with this form. I do not want my ex-wife contacted for any reason. She is a drug addict, she committed adultery during our marriage, she lies to our kids, she neglected our kids, and she hurt them mentally and physically. She wasn’t a parent and she wasn’t a wife.

She is living in Mexico now and with her being in another country, I don’t have to worry about her trying to contact the children. They are out of sight out of mind so to speak. All she ever did was hurt them and I won’t let that happen again.

I believe the Catholic faith is the true faith. I know I can still go to Mass, but what is the point if I can’t fully participate?

If it takes contacting her or her family for me to become Catholic, then no thanks.
 
You would only need to contact your ex if you are in need of an anullment inquiry … as in either you are re-married already or contemplating re-marriage …

Divorce in and of itself does not disqualify you from the sacraments …

Also, you are not the one who would contact your ex … the diocese initiates the contact and sends the appropriate paper work to her which would then be returned [if she participates] by her directly to the diocesesan tribunal … all you need to do is to provide the contact information … at least that is how it was in my case, in my diocese…

If you are in fact re-married or are contemplating re-marriage then you need to have a decision about the validity of your first marriage … was it a sacramnetal marriage or not … this is very important …

I understand your fears and have great empathy for you. The annullment proccess can be troubling and very nerve wracking … it can also be a great sourcce of peace and grace … trust in Christ and the Church he left to care for our needs, especially our spiritual needs … the Church is our guide to eternal life … Pray, pray, pray and head the biblical entreaty … "Be not afraid … "
 
Thank you for the reply. I am just afraid that if she hears my name involved she will want to contact the children again. Maybe I am being paranoid.

Yes it is troubling. Yes I am praying.
 
There is an annulment process for such situations.

Even were an annulment not granted, you could choose to remain celibate and focus on raising your children as Catholics.

I’m a little more concerned with your “what’s the point?” comment. The Mass is not about us, but about Christ. Many people attend Mass despite not receiving the Eucharist. Indeed, this was normative for most of the Church’s history, as the emphasis was on the clergy receiving Communion (most commonly the laity received at Easter).

Journalist Robert Novak attended Mass for 25 years before converting to Catholicism. He understood the importance of Mass even if it took him quite some time to come around to the importance of being Catholic.
 
You do not state whether or not she was baptized. If she was not baptized during the marriage and you were not baptized, then you may qualify to have the marriage dissolved by Pauline Privelege. This is a very easy process and is not the same as an annulment. My dissolution went very fast and I am not sure whether or not she would need to be contacted. It is possible that if you are requesting Pauline Privelege that you could be asked to have a statement from a knowledgeable source that would prove she was not baptized. This would typically come from a family member but a person who knew her background might qualify (I’m just not sure about that part; my former husband was cooperative).

You can always join the Church… annulment, dissolution or not. If you have not remarried, and are not in a relationship, I see no reason why you could not receive all the Sacraments. However, if you can’t receive the Eucharist (supposing you have remarried), then there is plenty of reason to still join the Church. You will have the benefit of being in the community. You will still receive grace from going to Mass. You may make spiritual communion, etc, etc.

I can tell you that when I was going through RCIA that my second husband (to whom I am still married) was extremely uncooperative about getting his first marriage annulled. I thought I had gone through all of RCIA and then was only going to be able to be baptized and then no Eucharist. I was devestated. However, I knew that the Church was the true Church and it would have been against my conscience to go elsewhere. I truly believe that God opened up a door because of my obedience. And through some tiny loophole in canon law, we were able to get my husband’s first marriage annulled. It was really a miracle. Praise God!
 
Prayer_Warrior said:
You do not state whether or not she was baptized. If she was not baptized during the marriage and you were not baptized, then you may qualify to have the marriage dissolved by Pauline Privelege. This is a very easy process and is not the same as an annulment. My dissolution went very fast and I am not sure whether or not she would need to be contacted. It is possible that if you are requesting Pauline Privelege that you could be asked to have a statement from a knowledgeable source that would prove she was not baptized. This would typically come from a family member but a person who knew her background might qualify (I’m just not sure about that part; my former husband was cooperative).

You can always join the Church… annulment, dissolution or not. If you have not remarried, and are not in a relationship, I see no reason why you could not receive all the Sacraments. However, if you can’t receive the Eucharist (supposing you have remarried), then there is plenty of reason to still join the Church. You will have the benefit of being in the community. You will still receive grace from going to Mass. You may make spiritual communion, etc, etc.

I can tell you that when I was going through RCIA that my second husband (to whom I am still married) was extremely uncooperative about getting his first marriage annulled. I thought I had gone through all of RCIA and then was only going to be able to be baptized and then no Eucharist. I was devestated. However, I knew that the Church was the true Church and it would have been against my conscience to go elsewhere. I truly believe that God opened up a door because of my obedience. And through some tiny loophole in canon law, we were able to get my husband’s first marriage annulled. It was really a miracle. Praise God!
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Wow!! Thank you for your reply. I have never been baptized and I am not sure if my ex-wife ever was. It just wasn’t a subject that ever came up because neither of us were interested in a Christian life at the time. We were both young and really married for the wrong reasons (pregnancy).

I will try to locate a family member of hers who can tell me whether or not she has been baptized.

btw- yes I am remarried.
Thank you 🙂
 
htk553 said:
Wow!! Thank you for your reply. I have never been baptized and I am not sure if my ex-wife ever was. It just wasn’t a subject that ever came up because neither of us were interested in a Christian life at the time. We were both young and really married for the wrong reasons (pregnancy).

I will try to locate a family member of hers who can tell me whether or not she has been baptized.

btw- yes I am remarried.
Thank you 🙂
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Lack of baptism does not necessarily mean you an receive a Pauline Priviladge [at least if one party was baptized and one was not] … marrying for reasons of pregnancy can be evidence of lack of free choice [mariages that are coerced - the shot gun wedding]. …

It is aways best to speak with a priest and submit to the process the church outlines then to attempt to ‘make your own rules’ …

By making application the process of discovery will work its way through the muddle of life …

God bless you during this time …
 
htk553 said:
I am currently enrolled in RCIA. I had plans to be baptized and confirmed this year.

I was presented with a form by my sponsor about my baptism(lack of in my case) and a form about my divorce. I have problems with this form. I do not want my ex-wife contacted for any reason. She is a drug addict, she committed adultery during our marriage, she lies to our kids, she neglected our kids, and she hurt them mentally and physically. She wasn’t a parent and she wasn’t a wife.

She is living in Mexico now and with her being in another country, I don’t have to worry about her trying to contact the children. They are out of sight out of mind so to speak. All she ever did was hurt them and I won’t let that happen again.

I believe the Catholic faith is the true faith. I know I can still go to Mass, but what is the point if I can’t fully participate?

If it takes contacting her or her family for me to become Catholic, then no thanks.
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I will pray for you.
 
htk553 said:
Thank you for the reply. I am just afraid that if she hears my name involved she will want to contact the children again. Maybe I am being paranoid.

Yes it is troubling. Yes I am praying.
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Praying for you.

Trust that God will take care of you and your children. If you find it hard to trust, pray for more faith and more trust in God.
 
Thank you all for your replies and prayers. I am going to pray to our Lord for help and guidance. This, indeed, is a trying time.
 
YADA said:
Lack of baptism does not necessarily mean you an receive a Pauline Priviladge [at least if one party was baptized and one was not] … marrying for reasons of pregnancy can be evidence of lack of free choice [mariages that are coerced - the shot gun wedding]. …

It is aways best to speak with a priest and submit to the process the church outlines then to attempt to ‘make your own rules’ …

By making application the process of discovery will work its way through the muddle of life …

God bless you during this time …
Click to expand...
Yes, the way it was explained to me was that Pauline Privelege was for non-Christians (both parties). That is why it would be prudent to know if the ex was baptized because if she was not, it might open some doors. Even then, I’m not sure it can be processed without at least some cooperation from the ex— but at least it is something to be explored. It doesn’t appear that anyone from RCIA had mentioned this possibility yet.

I agree, it is absolutely best to talk with a priest or a specialist in canon law.
 
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