Bipolar and Reconciliation

[Peccata]

I am bipolar and I think this disease affects my spirituality. I do not use this as an excuse because no matter the mood swings my conscience eventually catches up with me. I was thoroughly catechized as a kid by the Sacred Heart nuns and have a very clear understanding of the Church’s teachings. No problem there!

But I have to be in the “perfect” mood to go to Confession. If I am on the depression side, I am too apathetic to deal with anything. I miss Mass during these times when it is really the MOST important time to go. Prayer seems useless to me. When I am manic I think that the Church is a controlling institution not to be believed in. When I am in a more “normal” mood the shame hits me so hard that I avoid reconciliation all the more.

I think it must be pride: “Who me?! There is no way I could have done that!” I know that this sacrament is the way to deal with sin and obtain forgiveness but for me I find it a terrifying and humiliating experience. (Of course, “back in the day” in boarding school, it WAS those things!) I know it is really hard for me to believe in God’s mercy. The last time I went to confession, the priest told me to work on that.

How does a person like me come up with the motivation to utilize this sacrament when all these crazy feelings are in the way? And just so you know, I do take my meds as prescribed and see a psychiatrist regularly. I like him and trust him, but he just isn’t in to discussing anything religious.

Thanks for any help!

 

[FCEGM]

. . . The last time I went to confession, the priest told me to work on that.

How does a person like me come up with the motivation to utilize this sacrament when all these crazy feelings are in the way? And just so you know, I do take my meds as prescribed and see a psychiatrist regularly. I like him and trust him, but he just isn’t in to discussing anything religious.

Thanks for any help!

Did you like and trust the priest to whom you made your last confession? If so, then approach him as you would your doctor - as you know, many who are bipolar have difficulty getting themselves to the doctor when they should, so you are ahead of the game. Try to consider confession as necessary as seeing your doctor. And ask the intercession of St. Dymphna to get your there when you should.

 

[reen12]

quote: Peccata
How does a person like me come up with the motivation to utilize this sacrament when all these crazy feelings are in the way?

To think of oneself as the injured man at the side of the
road that Christ spoke about helps me, Peccata.

To expereince any kind of illness is to turn to
Christ to be lifted up by Him.

I think that Christ told the parable of the Good Samaritan -
not only so that we could learn from the man who
was a good neigbor to the one who was injured,
but also to send word - the good news - that Jesus
knows that human beings are sometimes injured, or
suffer illness, and therefore need help.
.

I make no distinction in terms of the “kind” of illness that exists. All that limits the ability to function at times, or all the time,
is an illness that Christ has compassion for.

In fact, when I think of “running the race” I know that I
can’t keep up. And then one day I understood. I don’t
have to try to keep up with the race. Jesus picks me up
and carries me across the “finish line.” Just as the Shepherd
picks up the ill sheep - or as Bob Crachit picked up Tiny Tim
and carried him on his shoulder.

In some real sense, I find that it is easier to be the
one to tends to the injuries of others, than to identify
with the one who has suffered injury, or who is ill in some way.
To rest in Christ is to find His great love and mercy, as
well as His compassion. For I think that “compassion”
might mean “com passion” = “to suffer with.”

I think it was Isaiah who referred to the Savior to come as
“…a Man of Sorrows, familiar with suffering.”

Those who suffer with any illness or loss can turn to
Christ Who understands.

“Pray for me as I will for thee,
that we may merrily meet in heaven.”
-Saint Thomas More

reen12

 

[ncjohn]

Perhaps it might be easier to think of it in slightly different terms Peccata.

The sacraments aren’t a bank account where you collect and store up graces. They are in a way a means of celebrating our love of, and gratitude to, God. They are truly relational, which is one of the reasons why I really like that they changed the name of this particular sacrament from “confession” or “penance” to “reconcilliation”.

I try to think of it like the way we live in a human love relationship, especially in the early stages. When we are truly in love there is nothing we would not do for the beloved. And if we think for even a second that we might have done something to offend the beloved, we do our best to immediately make it up to them and make sure we don’t ever do that again. In a good relationship, whether with spouse, child, parent, or friend, that effort is ongoing, however much familiarity might let us take the beloved for granted at times.

We know that God will immediately and completely forgive us when we recognize that we have wounded the very Creator of our lives. I am not bipolar, but I have several friends who are, and my experience with them is that even in the extremes of their illness they do recognize when they have done something to wound. They may have a hard time focusing, and may be prone to great questioning or lack of motivation to act, but I haven’t seen it affect their recognition of the wound. And of course during the more stable times they will indeed often feel tremendous guilt over things from one side or the other of the cycle.

As Reen noted, God knows our hearts and our limitations and has already suffered with us in them. We do the best we can to offer our measly contrition in whatever way we are capable of at the time, knowing that God will make up what we don’t have to offer.

I’ve seen the suffering that goes with bipolar, and it is far worse than any “penance” most of us will ever endure, voluntarily or involuntarily. My prayers are with you that you will be able to feel the loving embrace of God, that you might feel the urge to return that embrace. I know I only get to feel it for moments at a time, and even then tend to doubt and forget it just moments later. But I know that if we do our best to listen, He will call to us and He will forgive us before we even ask.

Peace be with you Peccata.

 

[Peccata]

“God knows our hearts and our limitations and has already suffered with us in them. We do the best we can to offer our measly contrition in whatever way we are capable of at the time, knowing that God will make up what we don’t have to offer.”

This is the part that I need to focus on. I am always thinking that my contrition doesn’t measure up, so what’s the point etc… This line of thinking is paralyzing!

 

[DJgang]

I think you should go to your Priest often for Annointing of the Sick. If you haven’t given this thought, I suggest that you do so.

 

[reen12]

quote: Pecatta

This is the part that I need to focus on. I am always thinking that my contrition doesn’t measure up, so what’s the point etc… This line of thinking is paralyzing!

Sometimes, it is very hard to trust God.
If the contrition that one is able to offer
is likened to the widow’s mite, then
God is so pleased with that. At this
moment, it is all that I have to give.

God asks us to extend to Him what
we are capable of doing.
He is the only Being Who never
measures us against others.
To God, I am His unique creation.

No matter what emotions I am experiencing,
or even if I feel emotionallly “flat,”
if I tell God that I am sorry, He is quick to listen
I think.

reen12

 

[Bernarda]

I am bipolar and I think this disease affects my spirituality. I do not use this as an excuse because no matter the mood swings my conscience eventually catches up with me. I was thoroughly catechized as a kid by the Sacred Heart nuns and have a very clear understanding of the Church’s teachings. No problem there!

But I have to be in the “perfect” mood to go to Confession. If I am on the depression side, I am too apathetic to deal with anything. I miss Mass during these times when it is really the MOST important time to go. Prayer seems useless to me. When I am manic I think that the Church is a controlling institution not to be believed in. When I am in a more “normal” mood the shame hits me so hard that I avoid reconciliation all the more.

I think it must be pride: “Who me?! There is no way I could have done that!” I know that this sacrament is the way to deal with sin and obtain forgiveness but for me I find it a terrifying and humiliating experience. (Of course, “back in the day” in boarding school, it WAS those things!) I know it is really hard for me to believe in God’s mercy. The last time I went to confession, the priest told me to work on that.

How does a person like me come up with the motivation to utilize this sacrament when all these crazy feelings are in the way? And just so you know, I do take my meds as prescribed and see a psychiatrist regularly. I like him and trust him, but he just isn’t in to discussing anything religious.

Thanks for any help!

Hello Peccata,

My name is Bernarda and I just joined and felt more than compelled to respond to you even though this was posted in September 2007. If you read my thread from yesterday, January 3, 2008 you will see that I myself have been suffering through depression would like to be given the opportunity to speak.

Through my depression I have felt many times as you have described but the Lord let me know in my heart that He is a most merciful God. The humiliation you feel in reference to confession is more than normal but it is also a gift for the more we humble ourselves before the Lord the more graces shall we receive. You have to understand that the priests are consecrated souls that are instruments used by God that we may come before him through them in the act of reconciliation. Therefore, try to use the wonderful imagination that God has given us and see Jesus before you. Come to him as a son/daughter would before a father. The more humble, sincere and childlike the more easier and satisfying it shall be. Remember that the enemy desires with all his might to pull you away from God and it is more than satisfying to him that you become ashamed to go to your Heavenly Father. I know it is difficult, believe me, I have been there, but I can not give the enemy the satisfaction of getting his way. I’d rather feel humbled before God than let the enemy draw his claws.

You are special, unique and there is no one like you. You are worthy to be loved, to be heard and to live the life that God has given you to live. Be at peace my friend, receive the peace of the Lord and I will pray at this very moment you can be healed and live a wonderful spiritual and intimate life with Christ. Amen.

God Bless you now and every day of your life. Amen.

Bernarda

 

[Peccata]

I think you should go to your Priest often for Annointing of the Sick. If you haven’t given this thought, I suggest that you do so.

I never even considered this. I did not know that this is something that one can do often.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

Hi there
Lots of good advice here. I have someone very close to me with bipolar. He’s gone through hell in recent years. It’s a very big cross you have. No doubt you help hordes of people with your suffering. You must never be ashamed of your behaviour when your manic or depressed. God most likely does not hold you responsible for things in these times. You still have to struggle but remember your most likely not guilty of much when your sick. Other people may judge you and that can be very hard. Try to keep on being brave and persevere. God will not allow you to suffer more than you can handle. By offering that suffering you become another Christ on the cross. You help many souls. God has a special place for people who suffer from bipolar. God sometimes puts people aside for heaven. God only gives a cross to those he loves. And the biggest crosses to his favourites. Jesus understands your pain and guilt. Remember what he said from the cross? My God, My God. Why have you forsaken me. He said this so that a million souls would open up to him in the midst of their pain. Your pain can become a powerhouse of prayer. Use it wisely. This life is very short, and heaven is forever. The amount you suffer now will be multiplied a million times but reversed into blissful joy and peace later. And you will never suffer again. Keep the faith and return with no shame if you stray through sickness. Hold up your head too. You are a true reflection of Christ.

 

[Peccata]

Thank you so much FCEGM, ncjohn, DJgang, reen12, and Bernarda for taking the time to respond to me! I feel like I have a team out there pulling for me and reminding me of the truths I have lost touch with especially Christ’s mercy. I get off track so easily!

I am getting tired of worrying if I have enough faith, enough contrition, enough humility, enough courage etc…

So, would it be OK to just go to confession anyway and ask Our Lord to do the rest?

 

[FCEGM]

Thank you so much FCEGM, ncjohn, DJgang, reen12, and Bernarda for taking the time to respond to me! I feel like I have a team out there pulling for me and reminding me of the truths I have lost touch with especially Christ’s mercy. I get off track so easily!

I am getting tired of worrying if I have enough faith, enough contrition, enough humility, enough courage etc…

So, would it be OK to just go to confession anyway and ask Our Lord to do the rest?

Absolutely! And may you find His peace there where He is waiting for you with all compassion.

 

[ncjohn]

So, would it be OK to just go to confession anyway and ask Our Lord to do the rest?

In the end, this is all any of us can do. God is more than willing to work with even the smallest step.

“If you had faith the size of a mustard seed you could cause the mountain to move.”

Peace to you,

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I never even considered this. I did not know that this is something that one can do often.

I am severely bipolar. One time when I was so down I was nearly suicidal I asked for and received anointing of the sick from a priest who knew me and my illness. The following week I told him the reason I had asked is that I had been nearly suicidal and he said he couldn’t think of a better reason to get the sacrament.

Alan

 

[DJgang]

I am severely bipolar. One time when I was so down I was nearly suicidal I asked for and received anointing of the sick from a priest who knew me and my illness. The following week I told him the reason I had asked is that I had been nearly suicidal and he said he couldn’t think of a better reason to get the sacrament.

Alan

Thanks be to God!

Peccata, you are sick, dear. Do not be shy about receiving annointing. Your sickness is affecting you in a lot of ways. I have to agree with Alan’s priest, I can’t think of a better reason to be annointed than if you are suffering from mental illness. If I understand correctly, this Sacrament use to be done only for the dying. No longer. Things changed after Vat II (at least that’s what I have learned in RCIA)

In my Episcopal Church, we had healing/annointing services every Sunday morning. I do not think that I would have made it through my second pregnancy without this Grace from God.

 

[BF74FA9A]

Pecatta,

I too am Bipolar. Things can be very difficult at times. I feel many assume something is wrong with me, e.g. Parishoners, Priests and fail to recognize my faults for what they are.

I think they fear me for my illness but I do not disclose it. Once you disclose that type of medical information you are Labeled for Life in every way. Many will turn their backs to you and fear you when the real case is NOT to fear Man. I can’t recollect where it says it in the New Testament, perhaps Matthew.

Medications can get in the way of a lot. Reconciliation can bring tears to ones eyes, as it always does for me, but I look at it as a blessing. Hopefully the reconciliation you are speaking of is the Sacrament of Reconciliation or (Confession).

The Book of Romans speaks about Confession also, yet another good resource. I know and believe in my heart that Jesus loves me even though I have an uncureable illness. I never doubt. Keep the faith, talk to him Mt. 6:5-6. Pray for all of the Saints and Angels to intercede with your prayers; especially the Saint for mental illness.

Saint Dymphna

Lord, our God, you graciously chose St. Dymphna as patroness of those afflicted with mental and nervous disorders. She is thus an inspiration and a symbol of charity to the thousands who ask her intercession.

Please grant, Lord, through the prayers of this pure youthful martyr, relief and consolation to all suffering such trials, and especially those for whom we pray. (Here mention those for whom you wish to pray).

We beg you, Lord, to hear the prayers of St. Dymphna on our behalf. Grant all those for whom we pray patience in their sufferings and resignation to your divine will. Please fill them with hope, and grant them the relief and cure they so much desire.

We ask this through Christ our Lord who suffered agony in the garden. Amen

I think Jesus blesses us and understands no matter what. His love for us pours onto us with his divine mercy.

God Bless you for speaking up for those of us whom are Catholic with Mental affliction.