bipolar disorder

[OutinChgoburbs]

I only know one thing about living with a person who is bipolar, and that is that everyone in the family needs counselling and sometimes even therapy to learn how to deal with him, and how to avoid letting his actions affect one’s own perceptions and reactions. But in that knowledge, I have a PhD.

Very, very true!!!

What would you do if your spouse threatened to move out repeatedly. It makes me feel worthless. We lost our home and he lost his job although we have enough money for a good lifestyle at this point.

I don’t have a bipolar spouse, but an adult daughter who “Dow Jones” (up and down in mood, just like the stock market). Her answer to her problems is alcohol. I also have an adult son with schizophrenia with delusional tendencies. I needed to get experts on board not just for them- something very hard to do in Illinois, and I was successful- but for me, my husband (their adoptive dad), and my daughter’s little girls. Sometimes, bipolar needs to be dealt with in drastic fashion. But, consult an expert first; in fact, several experts. You have no idea what can be done until you get some advice.

It is also a good idea to find a physical support group if you can, and an online one if you can’t. Just having people in similar shoes as yours with whom to vent helps. They also have other ideas.

 

[wjp984]

I’m scared to death of bi-polar. My mom has it and my grandma had it and my great grandma had it. I debatedly could have it since I have an incredibly high intelligence and can easily pull all nighters and 14 hour study days which is why I do so well in law school but also am a rather pescimistic unhappy person. There seems to be a correlation between being highly intelligent and having bi-polar and that really scares me.

One thing I do know is there is absolutely no way I’m ever taking any kind of medication since I’m not chancing screwing with my intelligence and who knows what effect drugs will have on that. It’s the same reason I never did any kind of drugs. I even try not to get drunk too often since that can’t be good for my intelligence either.

The way I see it, while it’s not my primary goal or desire since there are so many other ways to use my God give talents, if necessary, I will use my intelligence to get a very high paying job one day so that everything else just comes with it since money tends to solve most things.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I’m scared to death of bi-polar. My mom has it and my grandma had it and my great grandma had it. I debatedly could have it since I have an incredibly high intelligence and can easily pull all nighters and 14 hour study days which is why I do so well in law school but also am a rather pescimistic unhappy person. Unless you’re diagnosed, this is no biggie. It could just be you can study hard. Lawyers frequently pull such hours. There seems to be a correlation between being highly intelligent and having bi-polar and that really scares me. I am certifiably intelligent, with an IQ past the enius mark, and I don’t have it. my husband is certifiably intelligent, and he doesn’t have it.

One thing I do know is there is absolutely no way I’m ever taking any kind of medication since I’m not chancing screwing with my intelligence and who knows what effect drugs will have on that. It’s the same reason Not your smartest move, in my opinion. First, it is not “doing” drugs when a doctor prescribes them. Secondly, many of these drugs have been tested, and are quite effective. Thirdly, as a perosn who knows he or she has a diagnosed condition, and doesn’t take treatment for it, is liable to get worse. Finally, a trial is done with the drug, to make sure the dosage is correct. If it doesn’t work or causes too many problems, the dosage is corrected or the drug changed. I never did any kind of drugs. I even try not to get drunk too often since that can’t be good for my intelligence either.

The way I see it, while it’s not my primary goal or desire since there are so many other ways to use my God give talents, if necessary, I will use my intelligence to get a very high paying job one day so that everything else just comes with it since money tends to solve most things. Well, I know a very capable 30 year old woman with a BS in Liberal Studies, and an AAS in Paralegal Studies. She is working at a major department store, part time, rather than in her chosen profession. She wasn’t going to drink either, and refused to take meds for her diagnosed depression.

Further, it does not contribute to seaseadisney’s request for assistance.

 

[ajcoley1]

has anyone been living with a spouse diagnosed with bipolar disorder and wanted to walk out, or, even worse, living with threats your husband is leaving you and making you feel it is your problem?

Seaseadisney,
I had to leave my husband because of the constant threats and emotional abuse which ended up turning physical. Bipolar and other personality disorders that meds can’t fix.Find a good Catholic therapist for yourself-don’t expect him to come along. There’s nothing wrong with family therapy if your husband won’t go with you or the children. And when he says you are plotting against him, remind him that it’s his choice not to go. When he screams at you remember to forgive and you may have to see a therapist when you can’t remind yourself that it is NOT your problem.

 

[wjp984]

With all the cases I have studied about defects in drugs and the disputes on whether one has a private right of action against the FDA, I don’t care how many tests they say they do. But you are right, I did get off topic. The only thing I know I have for sure is an anxiety disorder which of course makes me extremely fearful of my family history so in that way it was kind of related to the topic and I think I’m a little less fearful of the issue now so thanks.

 

[Antegin]

The only thing I know I have for sure is an anxiety disorder which of course makes me extremely fearful of my family history so in that way it was kind of related to the topic and I think I’m a little less fearful of the issue now so thanks.

While it is true that BPD is hereditary, there are no guarantees that seaseadisneys children or wjp will have the disorder. Knowing that it is in the genetic makeup, you might want to keep it in mind incase there is

• an inability to sleep (pulling an “all-nighter” doesn’t count as this experience is universal to all college students and parents of newborns)
• racing thoughts
• very high energy
• starting but failing to complete multiple projects
• irritability
• delusions of invinsibility or power

Anxiety about BPD wastes energy that non-bipolars don’t have!

 

[Swan]

My wife suffers from bipolar.

It’s hard to live with someone who has bipolar, but it’s much harder to actually have it.

My simple advice:

1. Get good diagnostic, medical and psychological counseling before making any decisions regarding therapy or treatment. Think of bipolar as any other disease.
2. Having a bipolar spouse makes marriage more difficult than it otherwise would be. So do many other things. Don’t let bipolar diminish your love for or commitment to your spouse.
3. If you’re married to someone with bipolar, don’t be a victim. Take care of yourself. If you think you are in danger take precautions.
4. Bipolar is an illness, not a character flaw. Don’t stigmatize it.
5. Love your spouse.
6. Pray

Best,

First, thank you for that intelligent, compassionate advice. I’m a 49 year old woman with bipolar. I’m the first to admit that I am very difficult to live with. But I want to point out that I have never come across a case of physical abuse (or serious mental abuse) where the perpetrator was bipolar – and I’ve been in a few of abusive relationships, one physical and two mental. Those folks were disturbed all right, but in a different way. We bipolar folks are all about us. When we’re depressed, our concern is with our own suffering. When we’re up, we think we’re great and can have little interest at all in anyone else. While this can lead to us ignoring others, or dismissing them, we generally have little interest in taking the time to argue with them as we see it was a waste of time.

Now we are very capable of hurting ourselves. I’ve only been hospitalized once – I checked myself in and was there for two weeks and I believe that is the only reason I am alive to type this out today. My dad was bipolar and he self-medicated with alcohol. He killed himself in 1996. My half brother was also bipolar, he died at age 51 from decades of self medication with alcohol (Scotch – a quart a day of the good stuff). The stigma of mental illness prevented both of them from seeking help. They claimed they weren’t “crazy” and now they’re dead.

Bipolar is very difficult to treat. There is a support group online for both bipolar folks and their loved ones which you might find helpful: www.dbsalliance.org They offer excellent resources as well as help in finding a live-and-in-person support group in your area. I tend to be more down than up and I’d much prefer it to be the other way around. Patty Duke is bipolar and has written some good books, though there a quite a few good ones out there. Search on Amazon and read the reviews to find ones that you think sound best for you.

And don’t give up. Having it is much worse than you know. We can’t walk away from ourselves.

 

[gmarie21]

I would recommend reading the book Bipolar Child. While I and my dd’s father aren’t bipolar, we both come from families with serious bipolar (he has three siblings with it, plus an aunt and who knows who else in past generations since most of his family is still in denial about the disorder - they still believe in the stigma attached to the disorder-, where my two biological half siblings are bipolar, my biological mother, my biological grandfather and his mother also, etc.). Knowing this I borrowed thi book from the library b/c I want to be proactive in case my dd shows symptoms at any age (and the symptoms in children differ from those in adults). But yes, it does affect the whole immediate and extended family (my bio-half brother has been in and out of the prison system since he was about 12 because of his actions during his manic phases).

 

[LindaS]

I have bipolar. I take meds for it every day, but don’t go to therapy, although some people benefit from doing both. Therapy’s just not my thing.

I would encourage you to speak with a therapist who deals with bipolar. If your spouse has a therapist, it might be wise to speak to him or her. The therapist can give you information on the disease, help you be able to tell what’s “normal” for bipolar and what isn’t, and help in dealing with the situation, along with other info that might be helpful. You want to support your spouse, but not be an enabler. Sometimes it’s hard not to cross that line.

I would also encourage you to be as consistent as you can. It helps someone with bipolar so much to know that there is some stability in the home.

Scout :tiphat:

Please be aware that if your spouse has a therapist, he/she can’t speak to you without written consent from your spouse. This is the HIPPA regulations.

Peace,
Linda

 

[imaram]

seaseadisney, and all others in this thread:
HI!
I am new to CAO and my husband has bi-polar disorder, but I’ve come to realize that this is probably his SECONDARY diagnosis–he is really a Borderline personality. All of you have experienced the terrible mood swings, hairtrigger rages, “negaholic” self-talk, inability to effectively communicate, black-and-white thinking, and blaming everyone else but themselves for every little thing that goes “wrong”. I try to cope by telling myself God loves me–loves him, too!–and that he is suffering. Yes, these people INFLICT plenty of suffering on others, and are particularly hard on the ones they love, it seems! But why play a game of “whose cup of pain runneth over more”? It is clear there is enough pain to go around. . .Right now I am facing a court case directly related to my husband’s illness and the chaos and distress that goes along with it! I ask humbly for those reading this to remember both of us in your prayers. Rest assured, I will be praying for you and your loved ones, too. Thanks to God’s love, we’ve been led here to be reassured we’re not alone. Peace be with us all!

 

[jules11]

seaseadisney, and all others in this thread:
HI!
I am new to CAO and my husband has bi-polar disorder, but I’ve come to realize that this is probably his SECONDARY diagnosis–he is really a Borderline personality. All of you have experienced the terrible mood swings, hairtrigger rages, “negaholic” self-talk, inability to effectively communicate, black-and-white thinking, and blaming everyone else but themselves for every little thing that goes “wrong”. I try to cope by telling myself God loves me–loves him, too!–and that he is suffering. Yes, these people INFLICT plenty of suffering on others, and are particularly hard on the ones they love, it seems! But why play a game of “whose cup of pain runneth over more”? It is clear there is enough pain to go around. . .Right now I am facing a court case directly related to my husband’s illness and the chaos and distress that goes along with it! I ask humbly for those reading this to remember both of us in your prayers. Rest assured, I will be praying for you and your loved ones, too. Thanks to God’s love, we’ve been led here to be reassured we’re not alone. Peace be with us all!

Hello, I know this is off the topic a bit, but I too married a man with Borderline Personality Disorder. He has not been diagnosed, but he fits 7 of the 9 criteria for it. I know where you are coming from. I will be going through a divorce soon, I think, as he has taken that course.
I think Bi polar is a little similar, but as far as I know there is no real medication that can have an affect on the behaviour of someone with BPD (that is Borderline personality disorder, not bi polar) It is a very difficult situation to be in. I too am relying on God to get me through this. It is so hard as one minute he was the worlds best husband, the next he was a monster. It is a nightmare. I will pray for you and the OP and everyone else suffering with theirs or someone elses mental illness.
God bless

 

[Maria1212]

My sister is married to someone with bipolar disorder. He is mentally and physically abusive and often threatens her. His children are afraid of him.

He goes through phases where he is willing to try and will take his medication. But he refuses to go to family counseling and drinks a lot, which he should not be doing on his medication.

Please make sure you and your children see a therapist. You cannot control your husband`s behavior and actions, or force him to take his medication, but you can learn how to best respond to his actions.

If you are being mentally or physically abused, you should definitely move out. That does not mean necessarily getting a divorce, but you need to protect yourself and your children.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212