bipolar disorder

[seaseadisney]

has anyone been living with a spouse diagnosed with bipolar disorder and wanted to walk out, or, even worse, living with threats your husband is leaving you and making you feel it is your problem?

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

It sounds like you want to speak to your pastor or priest and see a therapist.

 

[MKV]

I am assuming that your spouse has the type of Bipolar disorder where he fluctuates between depression and mania. Like a pendulum, Bipolars swing from one extreme to the other, both of which can be dangerous. Please seek medical help (you need a good psychiatrist)to help control his mood. Your spouse may hurt himself or others if he does not receive the proper treatment. If you think that he is at risk for hurting himself or others, you need to commit him. I will pray for you and your family.

 

[Mike_Olson]

MKV:

I am assuming that your spouse has the type of Bipolar disorder where he fluctuates between depression and mania. Like a pendulum, Bipolars swing from one extreme to the other, both of which can be dangerous. Please seek medical help (you need a good psychiatrist)to help control his mood. Your spouse may hurt himself or others if he does not receive the proper treatment. If you think that he is at risk for hurting himself or others, you need to commit him. I will pray for you and your family.

Good advice. I am Bi-Polar. I never hurt my wife physically but I have done harm to myself through self medication and suicidal thoughts. I am now in therapy once a week, take medications and have renewed my relationship with our Lord. “I’m feeling much better now”. It took me along time to admit I had a problem such as that but when I found out it was a relief. Your in my prayers.

 

[aimekuelmc]

seaseadisney:

has anyone been living with a spouse diagnosed with bipolar disorder and wanted to walk out, or, even worse, living with threats your husband is leaving you and making you feel it is your problem?

I just recently found out my husband was diagnosed bipolar some time ago. I had thought it was simple depression.

There have been times where I’ve wanted to leave, maybe live with my mom for a bit. It’s just not easy living with someone who is bipolar. Especially when they don’t take their meds.

But it wouldn’t have done him any good. He needs us to support him, not run away. I’ve had to change my own attitude, and how I react to him. I’ve had to realize that it is a medical problem, not personality.
And he’s never threatened to leave us nor have I felt it was my problem.

I believe this is hereditary, and any children should be watched for similar signs.

Are you in this situation?

MC

 

[Scout]

I have bipolar. I take meds for it every day, but don’t go to therapy, although some people benefit from doing both. Therapy’s just not my thing.

I would encourage you to speak with a therapist who deals with bipolar. If your spouse has a therapist, it might be wise to speak to him or her. The therapist can give you information on the disease, help you be able to tell what’s “normal” for bipolar and what isn’t, and help in dealing with the situation, along with other info that might be helpful. You want to support your spouse, but not be an enabler. Sometimes it’s hard not to cross that line.

I would also encourage you to be as consistent as you can. It helps someone with bipolar so much to know that there is some stability in the home.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[CharlesT]

My wife suffers from bipolar.

It’s hard to live with someone who has bipolar, but it’s much harder to actually have it.

My simple advice:

1. Get good diagnostic, medical and psychological counseling before making any decisions regarding therapy or treatment. Think of bipolar as any other disease.
2. Having a bipolar spouse makes marriage more difficult than it otherwise would be. So do many other things. Don’t let bipolar diminish your love for or commitment to your spouse.
3. If you’re married to someone with bipolar, don’t be a victim. Take care of yourself. If you think you are in danger take precautions.
4. Bipolar is an illness, not a character flaw. Don’t stigmatize it.
5. Love your spouse.
6. Pray

Best,

 

[wonkimoto]

My X wife was like that. Everything was my fault, even things that never happened. At that point she would get hysterical and I would get ‘what for’. Her need for medicine wasn’t considered until I left. Every professional we saw knew she was sick, and told us, but she was convinced it was all my fault and she would not take medicine for it.
Until I left for good. Then she wanted medicine. Things would have been different I suppose if I would have realized how important that medicine is.
I don’t suggest leaving. To this day, even though she has passed away, I regret doing that. However, before she died, she was begining to have a normal life and reconciled with her daughter and others. I do suggest you make sure your spouse finds a good medicine, one you both can live with, and make sure he takes it. Here in MI many counties have mental health departments that offer resourses.
My son who is 19 has been hearing voices for about 2 years now. Schizophrenia. So if you have children, be aware. Let them know dad is sick…and there’s help and there’s hope.
Remember to hope in Christ. Trust in Christ. I’ll pray for you…

 

[JCPhoenix]

I don’t really fit into the “profile” you gave as it is my mother who is bipolar.

She started rapid-cycling when I was in Jr. High and was in and out of mental facilities, on and off different medications to control her symptoms. I ran away from home a few times to escape her behavior and her hallucinations when she was having psychotic episodes.

I later worked in the mental health field and I only wish I knew at the time of her illness what I learned at work. But I digress…

Shortly after I gratudated from high school and turned 18 I completed my first official act as an adult…I signed as a guardian for my mother on a 72 hour hold because she had attempted suicide.

I was involved in a lot of activites that summer…work, preparation for college and career…and community theatre. I had late rehearsals every night, and Mom would call early in the morning, waking me up and accusing me of being Satan, the devil, and telling me that I was the one who was crazy and I was the one who was supposed to be locked up. In the meantime my brother and I had to take 2 weeks to clean up the yard and the house…there was debris 3 feet high throughout the house and all kinds of stuff (including her sewing machine) strewn about the yard of our apartment building.

I never felt more like white trash in my life. I never felt like less of an adult.

When I graduated from college 3 1/2 years later ( I graduated early) and moved on to my career in the real world, at a time when I really needed a mother, I was a mother to my Mom. I was the one giving her advice, telling her to get a backbone and stand up to people who were not respectful of her dignity…etc.

I’m still having a hard time allowing her to be my mother again because I can’t trust in her authority anymore. I haven’t been able to trust in her authority since I was 13, and I’m 30 now.

This is not a personal disease, it is a family disease that spreads from there. It pervades the existance of everyone who comes into contact with someone suffering from it.

Just remember that the person suffering is experiencing worse pain than you will ever feel; that person knows intellectually the harm they are causing; they recognize the disordered thinking and actions and will never stop beating themselves up for things they did as a result of the chemicals in their brains. They will never feel forgiven for their actions even when you tell them that they are forgiven.

And they will always know that the trust you once had in them has been destroyed forever; not by themselves action upon their own capacity, but by a disease over which they had no control.

There is no way to rationally accept that, other than by the grace of God. I will pray for you and your family.

God Bless and Keep You and Your Loved Ones

 

[CharlesT]

JCPhoenix,

You may be right that that this disorder may have an affect on the family at large.

I don’t know. A good doctor would help, though.

People in families where this disorder is present should see a doctor if they are having symptoms.

As you well know, JCPhoenix, this is not trivial stuff.

I wish you all the best.

 

[JCPhoenix]

CharlesT:

JCPhoenix,

You may be right that that this disorder may have an affect on the family at large.

I don’t know. A good doctor would help, though.

People in families where this disorder is present should see a doctor if they are having symptoms.

As you well know, JCPhoenix, this is not trivial stuff.

I wish you all the best.

I thank God that I have so far been spared from this disorder personally…but for the effects caused by my Mother’s illness.

Bipolar in it’s effects on family is akin to cancer or alcoholism…or MS or any other disease. It clearly DOES affect the family. I don’t mean to be presumptous, but it is not something that “may” affect the family…rather, it DOES have very direct effects.

Try dodging dishes when just a moment before you wrere sleeping, only to awake to crashing glass, cuts on your cheeks from the shrapnel, and a gouge in the rented plaster wall above your bed. See if that has any lasting effect on you.

This does not just apply to Mother/daugher or Husband/wife…this is a disease that affects the family in a very real and lasting way. It does require treatment. My mother was finally committed (at my signature after her suicide attempt), then after some emergency meds, agreed she needed help and voluntarily entered a ward for 3 months…after which she went into a half way house.

My brother and I were homeless for awhile…when we came “home” for Christmas (from college) we actually went to the homes of relatives and friends. Thank God for them! I had to use the address of my best friend’s family as a permanent address for 3 years. I didn’t have my own.

Medication and treatment are imperative, and they DO get the disease under control, but you will be fighting battles while you wait for the right combination. It is a physical disease involving brain chemistry, and without a psychiatrist (to order psychotropic and other appropriate medications), there will be no change.

Someone suffering from untreated Bipolar is a danger to themselves and to others.

 

[seasea]

thanks for writing’ your situation sounds frightening. If I thought my children were in physical danger I would leave. I have never seen much physical violence in the house, only anger and emotional abuse to me. The kids were pretty much protected when they were younger, but as teens they see all now.

I am so sorry about your mother. As a mother, I can not imagine so she must have been very ill. I am glad you had other family

 

[JCPhoenix]

seasea:

thanks for writing’ your situation sounds frightening. If I thought my children were in physical danger I would leave. I have never seen much physical violence in the house, only anger and emotional abuse to me. The kids were pretty much protected when they were younger, but as teens they see all now.

I am so sorry about your mother. As a mother, I can not imagine so she must have been very ill. I am glad you had other family

I hope I haven’t given you the wrong impression…my mother really is a saint. She is a very devout Catholic, if too easily led into the “going thing”, but now that she is on good medications and has a great doctor, she lives a mostly-normal life.

There wasn’t a lot of violence in my home per se, but when she was rapid cycling and extremely manic she would do a lot of bizarre things. You wouldn’t believe the hallucinations she had. Other than the worst incidents of her physically reacting when my brother and I were older ( I was in high school), she mustly just yelled, threw things onto the floor and stomped from the room.

There were times though when she just got into her car and drove away…we never knew where she went until later, and them learned that she’d gone to this or that person’s house. One woman told me later that my Mom had thrown a pot of coffee onto her floor. At that point she ordered Mom out of her house, and she left as asked. Everyone who knew here knew this wasn’t really her, but just the same it was pretty scary. Unfortunately the system did not allow any forced intervention until she had done something so drastic.

We were very blessed to have wonderful family and friends who were there when we needed them. Families in my church took me in to their homes when I came “home” from college…I hope their actions are remembered in Heaven.

Not all instances of bipolar are so drastic, and all this did not happen in such an extreme until my Mom had been diagnosed for many many years…about 10 years from the initial diagnosis to the suicide attempt.

If she had still been married (my parents divorced when I was 8) then likely it would not have gone so far because an adult has far more pull in general than some struggling teenager.

God Bless you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers, hoping that you will never have to face anything like what I have described. I hope that my family’s experience was the rarest sort.

 

[CharlesT]

JCPhoenix:

Bipolar in it’s effects on family is akin to cancer or alcoholism…or MS or any other disease. It clearly DOES affect the family. I don’t mean to be presumptous, but it is not something that “may” affect the family…rather, it DOES have very direct effects.

Someone suffering from untreated Bipolar is a danger to themselves and to others.

JCPhoenix, you are, of course, right - and not at all presumptuous. Bipolar definitely affects everyone in the family.

My comment about “may affect” was intended only to say that the fact that a person has bipolar may or may not indicate an increased risk for the person’s relatives to have bipolar. Sorry for not being clear on that.

And, yes, someone with untreated bipolar is a danger, especially to themselves. Proper diagnosis and treatment are critical.

Best.

 

[seaseadisney]

What would you do if your spouse threatened to move out repeatedly. It makes me feel worthless. We lost our home and he lost his job although we have enough money for a good lifestyle at this point.

The children are not seeing the sacrament of marriage lived out if he is living mostly alone in the basement.

 

[CharlesT]

seaseadisney:

What would you do if your spouse threatened to move out repeatedly. It makes me feel worthless. We lost our home and he lost his job although we have enough money for a good lifestyle at this point.

The children are not seeing the sacrament of marriage lived out if he is living mostly alone in the basement.

Seaseadisney,

There are no easy answers.

Your first post said that your husband has been diagnosed with bipolar. Is he getting treatment for it?? It is crucial that he do so.

My marriage has been through many tough times due to bipolar, and it has survived, indeed thrived. But I won’t tell you it’s always been easy. Just the opposite.

Many of the words and actions of a person with bipolar are attributable to the disorder, not necessarily the person. It has helped me to remember that.

I pray for you and your family.

 

[Lissla_Lissar]

Your husband needs treatment and medication. Bipolar disorder can be treated, although not cured, and your whole family will be much happier if he’s stabilized on appropriate meds.

My Mum’s bipolar, and she’s just getting over a relatively mild episode right now. It’s a horrible disease both for the person who has it, and for their family. Unfortunately, although my Mum is on meds, she hasn’t ever admitted that she has a mental illness. Makes it difficult to live with, especially when she’s delusional. It’s totally like talking to Chesterton’s madman:

If you argue with a madman, it is extremely probable that you will get the worst of it; for in many ways his mind moves all the quicker for not being delayed by the things that go with good judgment. He is not hampered by a sense of humour or by charity, or by the dumb certainties of experience. He is the more logical for losing certain sane affections. Indeed, the common phrase for insanity is in this respect a misleading one. The madman is not the man who has lost his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason.

God be with you, seasea.

 

[angiejauregui]

I can totally relate: I often feel as though I drowning in the pain of watching my husband go through his mood swings, episodes of OCD with regards to cleanliness, orderliness, noise, and fits of rage and shouting. My children are ages 2- 14. There are 2 girls: 2, 7; and 4 boys 4-14. I feel so stuck in the middle. I feel so powerless. I do want you know I haven’t given up on prayer. I have begun doing morning prayer and have begun attending daily mass. We go to church every Sunday, and my children are enrolled in Faith formation at church. Every evening we do a reading from a religious book, or the Bible (usually a children’s Bible) and then we do prayer. My husband goes with us to church, and he is Catholic. He even goes with me to church on Saturday morning, and does morning prayer with me on weekends. I worry about the psychological damage he may be causing our children. He is the stay at home parent, because he doesn’t have an education that could get him a job that pays enough to sustain us. I work as a music editor for Oregon Catholic Press. He is in agreement that I work. I have encouraged him to go to school, but he perceives that to mean I want an educated rich man. I just want him to feel like the true head of our family. I would love to stay at home and care for our children. He is very unreasonable with his expectations of what the kids do. He also told me that when the kids make a mess in the kitchen right after he has cleaned it, he feels that the kids are essentially flipping him off. I agree that it is “irritating”, but I don’t believe the children intend to show a flagrant disrespect and/or disregards for one’s efforts as a parent. I believe it is a moment for teaching them how to care for the kitchen. He does, too. But he believes after he tells them once, the problem is fixed. We all know that is not the case with kids!!! Are there any resources you could recommend for me? Help!!!

 

[Antegin]

I can totally relate: I often feel as though I drowning in the pain of watching my husband go through his mood swings, episodes of OCD with regards to cleanliness, orderliness, noise, and fits of rage and shouting. My children are ages 2- 14. There are 2 girls: 2, 7; and 4 boys 4-14. I feel so stuck in the middle. I feel so powerless. I do want you know I haven’t given up on prayer. I have begun doing morning prayer and have begun attending daily mass. We go to church every Sunday, and my children are enrolled in Faith formation at church. Every evening we do a reading from a religious book, or the Bible (usually a children’s Bible) and then we do prayer. My husband goes with us to church, and he is Catholic. He even goes with me to church on Saturday morning, and does morning prayer with me on weekends. I worry about the psychological damage he may be causing our children. He is the stay at home parent, because he doesn’t have an education that could get him a job that pays enough to sustain us. I work as a music editor for Oregon Catholic Press. He is in agreement that I work. I have encouraged him to go to school, but he perceives that to mean I want an educated rich man. I just want him to feel like the true head of our family. I would love to stay at home and care for our children. He is very unreasonable with his expectations of what the kids do. He also told me that when the kids make a mess in the kitchen right after he has cleaned it, he feels that the kids are essentially flipping him off. I agree that it is “irritating”, but I don’t believe the children intend to show a flagrant disrespect and/or disregards for one’s efforts as a parent. I believe it is a moment for teaching them how to care for the kitchen. He does, too. But he believes after he tells them once, the problem is fixed. We all know that is not the case with kids!!! Are there any resources you could recommend for me? Help!!!

There are many forms of mental illness out there, including personality disorders which can actually be more dangerous than mental illness like bipolar disorder. Your husband has to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. Bipolars and Schizophrenics can be treated with medication. Personality disorders can not and they would endanger the lives of anyone around them.

 

[puzzleannie]

I only know one thing about living with a person who is bipolar, and that is that everyone in the family needs counselling and sometimes even therapy to learn how to deal with him, and how to avoid letting his actions affect one’s own perceptions and reactions. But in that knowledge, I have a PhD.