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santaro75
Guest
Hypothetical question. If a husband is againts brith contgrol pills but his wife insists on using them, is he in mortal sin by having sex with her?
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giagustine
Guest
Hmmm - interesting question. I hope others jump in and help answer it. One thing you have to consider is that the Pill can be abortive. I guess I’d say that he’d have a responsibility to abstain from sexual relations with his wife while she was on the pill - at least for the period of time that she was fertile. All sexual relations have to be open to life so he may have to abstain from all sexual relations even when she wasn’t fertile too (as long as she was on the pill). I don’t know about the mortal sin part… anyone else care to give an answer???
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stinkcat_14
Guest
In short, the answer is no, the husband does not have to abstain from sexual relations with the wife as long as certain conditions are met:
These conditions can be found in this lengthy document:
vatican.edu/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html
These conditions can be found in this lengthy document:
vatican.edu/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html
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ComradeAndrei
Guest
I would say that since it isn’t absolutely necessary to have conjugal relations if there is some sort of irregularity, then one should abstain until the issue is worked out (birth control pills are not being used). I assume this is meant to be that the pills are used as birth control and not in a medicinal use that is non-contraceptive. Even in that case, I think abstinence would be the appropriate choice.
As to mortal sin, remember the three conditions that have to be met. But in order to consciously avoid mortal sin, I would think that one should abstain from sex in this case.
As to mortal sin, remember the three conditions that have to be met. But in order to consciously avoid mortal sin, I would think that one should abstain from sex in this case.
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AntonMurphy
Guest
This is a tricky question to answer without knowing all the factors. If a person gets married with the intention of having children, and their spouse informs them after the fact that they don’t want to have any children, this is grounds for an annulment.
So I’ll answer your question with another:
If a spouse is aware of a condition in their spouse that may indicate a valid marriage has not occured, is it prudent for them to remain sleeping together, or would it be sinful?
So I’ll answer your question with another:
If a spouse is aware of a condition in their spouse that may indicate a valid marriage has not occured, is it prudent for them to remain sleeping together, or would it be sinful?
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cargopilot
Guest
From the Ask Father Question Box, titled “Husband Forcing Me To Stop?”
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stinkcat_14
Guest
Is it permissible to bully someone in order to get them to stop sinning?
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Pug
Guest
Remember, even to accomplish a good end or goal, you must use good means. The word “bully” to me implies behaviors that would not be good, like shaking or terrifying a person. But you might just mean have a few pointed conversations with the person. That you can do.
You can physically stop a person from killing someone, though, but that likely is not what you meant.
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cargopilot
Guest
Does it appear the poster, named “Mary”, was being bullied, and do you believe that Father Z’s answer condoned, or in any way, prescribed bullying? Does throwing away your wife’s birth control pills constitute “bullying”?
How do you define “bullying”, and how was Father Z’s answer to “Mary” wrong?
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BlestOne
Guest
StinkCat,
I saw nothing untruthful about the answer the good Father gave her. Sometimes we have to be blunt in order for people to understand the gravity of their actions. Is this then bullying? Wow, I don’t think it is at all! Try looking at it from another perspective, he is trying to save her soul… She is sinning big time in so many ways, and he is being more of a friend than someone who just sympathizes and offers no solution. He was right, she was wrong… and he pointed it out to her…good for him! I like a priest like that!
Here is a blog about a talk with a priest:
Mary’s Blog
I saw nothing untruthful about the answer the good Father gave her. Sometimes we have to be blunt in order for people to understand the gravity of their actions. Is this then bullying? Wow, I don’t think it is at all! Try looking at it from another perspective, he is trying to save her soul… She is sinning big time in so many ways, and he is being more of a friend than someone who just sympathizes and offers no solution. He was right, she was wrong… and he pointed it out to her…good for him! I like a priest like that!
Here is a blog about a talk with a priest:
Mary’s Blog
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stinkcat_14
Guest
My concern is that the approach the priest suggests and condones is different than what the Vademecum suggests.
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StCsDavid
Guest
The sin is not his; however, one might question his motive for wanting to have sex with her. If one believes that sex in a marriage should be open to the gift of children; that the union of husband and wife is a kind of imaging of God’s union with us; then he would have to examine his motive for having sex with his wife who was not open to children or participating in this union. By default she has reduced sex to simply physical pleasure, which certainly has its place, but is far from the sum total of the experience.
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Spirithound
Guest
It is not permissible to bully someone, therefore, if I were the husband in this case, I would have one initial conversation with my wife, followed immediately by a cessation of sexual relations. I’m willing to sleep on the couch for this.
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stinkcat_14
Guest
What if the wife asked for sexual relations? Scripture does not give the husband the right to say no.
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StCsDavid
Guest
He must give all of himself to her (including his fertility,) and she must receive him and give all of herself to him including her fertility. If she knows they are of seperate minds on this issue, why would she want to coerce him into having sex with her? Does she not then become selfish? Is not sex an act of total self-giving?
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stinkcat_14
Guest
Certainly, there is much to suggest that the wife is being selfish. However, the husband has to keep in mind the broader goal, which is the conversion of the spouse. The relevant question would be whether withholding relations would further the process of conversion or impede it.
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Spirithound
Guest
Unfortunately, I don’t think Scripture covers this specific issue, so I shall attempt to marshal several verses to illustrate my point.
Genesis 1:28. Be fruitful and multiply… God wants us to use sex to multiply, thus having sex with birth control is not permissible.
Paul says in 1Cor7:5 that we may abstain for a time for fasting and prayer, but he says it is by mutual consent.
This would probably be a very awkward situation to apply the method Jesus prescribes in Matt 18:15.
I really think that this boils down to the sinfulness of birth control outweighing the marital rights.
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stinkcat_14
Guest
I think the relevant question here is: What does the Church say on this issue?
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Spirithound
Guest
I must admit that is a very relevant question.
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StCsDavid
Guest
I would say the husband should not withhold relations, which is what the Church would say, too. There is the possibility that the birth control will fail. He is open to life even if she is not. Plus there is the element of bonding between the spouses. At the same time, the husband should encourage the spouse towards a conversion of heart on the issue. She should refrain from receiving Eucharist while she is practicing birth control as she puts herself in a state of mortal sin. As the spouse, his biggest job is to get her to Heaven. It is her sin, and his cross to carry.
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