Birth control-how can I get rid of it?

[homewardbound]

Hi all. I’m 21 and have been on the pill since I was 18. I was raised Baptist and taught pre martial sex was wrong, but also had a history of abuse which clouded my judgements.

My question: What can I do to stop this sin and get off the pill for good? Seems everytime I try to get rid of it, I just go crawling back(mainly due to the beneifts it gives me for err feminine reasons, but still) I live with my boyfriend, he’s Catholic and is willing to not have sex. Its just so hard not too. I want to convert to Catholicism asap, but I can’t be confirmed with sin all over me. How can we live together and not be living in sin? How can we build our will power to behave until marriage?

Also, what else can I do to alleviate my “feminine” issues without the pill?

Any suggestions/ideas would be helpful.

I’m sorry if my post is too annoying/goes too far.

 

[Loren_1of6]

My basic advice is just do it.

Find a good pro-life doctor who can help you figure out the reasons for your female issues and treat the problem, not the symptoms. You can search for a doctor at One More Soul. While you are there, you can find someone to teach you and your boyfriend NFP.

Read up on Church teaching about human sexuality. Maybe something fairly easy like The Good News About Sex & Marriage by Christopher West. Maybe something more challenging, like Humanae Vitae, the Vatican II document on the topic.

I would also suggest that you or your boyfriend move out because the temptation to sin is so hard to resist at this point. When it gets easier to resist, you should not move back in together because it will “cause scandal.” That doesn’t mean that people will talk about you behind your back (though they might), it means that others will assume that the sin of fornication is taking place and that it is OK.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

God bless you for your honesty! That’s half the battle right there. Obviously you’ve been praying and the Lord is beginning to answer those prayers. I’ll pray for you also.

I am so glad that you see that living together chastely would be very difficult. I’ve known people in very similar situations.

The good news is that you don’t really need to worry about the pill for now. It isn’t a sin to take birth control for medical reasons. Now, if you feel that taking birth control presents a bigger temptation than you can handle (I mean, if it feels like a free pass to fornicate), then it would be a good idea to discuss this openly with your doctor. If finding a Catholic physician isn’t practical, you can tell your physician that you cannot take birth control pills for a cultural/religious issue and you would like him to recommend another treatment more acceptable to your beliefs.

By the way, there are many women on this forum who suffer from various “feminine issues”. I am sure some of them will step forward to guide you to a good resource!

The second piece of advice I have to offer is one that I think you may find unappealing. The best way for you to love Christ, be chaste, and respect the dignity of your boyfriend… is to remedy your living situation. I know that’s very hard thing to do, but I hope and pray you will consider it.

I know what you mean about past abuse. It’s really hard to overcome those events and to learn what a healthy, loving relationship should look like. I am very happy that you are coming into the Church! The grace of conversion you are currently experiencing and the sacraments you will receive afterward will be a great source of strength and wisdom for you. Keep pursuing this! I don’t know where I’d be today if it weren’t for my dear Jesus and his bride, the Church.

 

[homewardbound]

Thank you both very much, I will look into other remedies for my issues, and think about the living situation. I’m not sure if that much is possible due to finances. It would be over a year before I could move out; But we don’t live alone together(we live with two friends also), so maybe seperate rooms and trying out best and praying together often will be enough.

I just know I’d like to obey God with this issue, I know my life will be blessed for it.

Thanks again!

 

[kierabeth]

Two quick thoughts -

First, I once heard a speaker say that there is no “fidelity fairy” to sprinkle “fidelity dust” over the couple on the day of their wedding. The point is that you must cultivate a chaste and virtuous relationship long before the wedding if you want to have a happy marriage. And I echo an earlier post - good for you for your openness, honesty and desire to do things right. You’re on the right track!

And second, those wounded places in your heart that result from the abuse you alluded to need to be ministered to! I’ve had some beautiful experiences with emotional healing and am happy to say that although we all have a long way to go, I am a better, healthier woman, wife and mother as a result of them. Jesus doesn’t want us to live in bondage and sorrow! If you’re interested, seek out a good Christian (even better, Catholic) counselor that could help with this. My great experiences have been specifically with the Theophostic approach to emotional healing. God bless you!

 

[ElizabethAnne]

homewardbound,

I hear many, many people say that they moved in with their boyfriend or girlfriend because of financial reasons and that there is nothing they can now do to fix the situation.

The truth is that with God we can do anything. He would never make it impossible to do the right thing. It is possible to move out, find other roommates and live separately.

In fact, I believe it would help your relationship. It would give you both the distance that you should have when discerning marriage with a significant other. When you live together and have premarital sex, your judgement can be clouded. You are building intimacy with someone you do not have a permanent commitment to. If two people are not called to marriage but are living together, breaking up is much harder because they also have to move out and find new living arrangements.

I think it’s really wonderful that you are trying to do something about the situation, and I really hope you will prayerfully consider finding separate living arrangements as soon as possible rather than waiting a year.

God bless you.

 

[Sr_Sally]

What is the schedule for you and your boyfriend to get married? Can you split up the household until then? You take a girl rommie to one aprtment, he takes a boy rommie to another? That’s one important BIG step. Both for the security of being apart and resisting temptation, but also because living together, even with other rommies, is a scandal to others.

As for your feminine issues, there are many ways to alleviate pain, etc without being on the pill. I highly recommend “Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition” from the Couple to Couple league to start with. If you need more assistance, use the CCL or other resources listed in this thread to find a pro-life Dr who can help.

Remember that the pill doesn’t cure any feminine issues–it just masks the symptoms. If there is something wrong, you want to know what it as soon as possible, so that you can get it corrected.

 

[gallo]

Thank you both very much, I will look into other remedies for my issues, and think about the living situation. I’m not sure if that much is possible due to finances. It would be over a year before I could move out; But we don’t live alone together(we live with two friends also), so maybe seperate rooms and trying out best and praying together often will be enough.

I just know I’d like to obey God with this issue, I know my life will be blessed for it.

Thanks again!

I echo what the others are saying. Move out. Living separately is the next step. You say it would be a year for that to happen, is there a possibility of moving in with a friend of the same gender. If you sincerely cannot move out of the domicile entirely, live in separate rooms until you and let the others living in the house know what you are doing for accountability purposes. If you continue to find yourself giving in to the temptation to have sex outside of the wedlock, then it would be wise to break off the relationship. Your soul is too precious to be bound in such a way.
God is to be the fulfillment of your life not another person.

As far as feminine biological problems, some women have found that Optivite vitamins help in certain situations.
optimox.com/
kuhar.com/shop/

 

[homewardbound]

If you continue to find yourself giving in to the temptation to have sex outside of the wedlock, then it would be wise to break off the relationship. Your soul is too precious to be bound in such a way.
God is to be the fulfillment of your life not another person

Thank you so much for this comment. Its hard to read, but it is so true! My boyfriend is all for obeying God, we are both consumed by guilt from all this, so I have a good feeling it will be easier since we are both wanting to resist temptation. I will continue to pray for God’s guidance on what to do to further obey Him.

Also, very grateful for the links!

What is the schedule for you and your boyfriend to get married? Can you split up the household until then? You take a girl rommie to one aprtment, he takes a boy rommie to another? That’s one important BIG step. Both for the security of being apart and resisting temptation, but also because living together, even with other rommies, is a scandal to others.

As for your feminine issues, there are many ways to alleviate pain, etc without being on the pill. I highly recommend “Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition” from the Couple to Couple league to start with. If you need more assistance, use the CCL or other resources listed in this thread to find a pro-life Dr who can help.

Remember that the pill doesn’t cure any feminine issues–it just masks the symptoms. If there is something wrong, you want to know what it as soon as possible, so that you can get it corrected.

Thanks, we plan to get married in a year, two at the most. Once he gets his BA, since I’m a little behind him. I think I will move into the room with my girl friend. I know moving out would be best, but to do that I would have to leave my job and move home with my Baptist parents and my Catholic conversion would be at a stand still. I’d have no freedom to practice my faith without much arguement.

And good advice on the pill, you’re right it does just mask it. I just have extremely severe TOM and need something to make it bearable for me. Could it be something else? Maybe I should see a doctor. Thank you very much for your advice.

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi My question: What can I do to stop this sin and get off the pill for good? Seems everytime I try to get rid of it, I just go crawling back(mainly due to the beneifts it gives me for err feminine reasons, but still) I live with my boyfriend, he’s Catholic and is willing to not have sex. Its just so hard not too. Ifar.

the first step is for either your or BF to move out. If he is Catholic he is perfectly aware that what you are doing is wrong. You have no rights to any of the benefits of marriage–including living together, even w/o sex–until you are actually married.

You certainly will have a next to impossible time maintaining chastity as long as you live together.

If you have a history of abuse, it may also very well be that you need some time for healing, w/o the pressures of a relationship, particularly a relationship that builds on pre-marital sex. That will certainly not help you heal.

Get whatever professional and spiritual help you need for healing, and get a good check-up and medical care for “feminine health issues”. There are a lot better alternatives to PMS, cramps etc. than taking a hormone treatment proven to increase your chance of stroke, heart disease and cancer.

 

[February]

do the benefits outweigh the risks?

i, too, was on the pill a few years back. i enjoyed shorter periods and less severe cramps. however, i ended up with a cyst (thank goodness benign) in my breast. i know it was from the pills; my breasts always were sore while i was on the them, and i could tell something wasn’t right. it was enough to scare me off of it. hopefully those six months on the pill didn’t add to my risk of breast cancer; my mother recently passed away from it.

as a sidenote, after i discovered this cyst, i was looking at the pills which i kept on my nightstand (sadly on the shelf over my rosary). i asked God if the pills really were evil. i absentmindedly flipped on the radio and heard INXS singing, “the devil inside, the devil inside”. coincidence? i honestly don’t think so.

you’re lucky to have a boyfriend willing to abstain from sex. i know it’s difficult. while i was on the pill, the temptation seemed greater. i agree with puzzleannie and the other posters as far as your boyfriend moving out though.

best of luck to you and God bless.

 

[LittleDeb]

Homewardbound: welcome (almost) home!

You are getting fabulous advice in this thread. I am one of the women who has “been there, done that” where you are. Sexual assault, raised right but wrong sexual choices, female health troubles too numerous to count… yep! Do I know where you are coming from. :yup: Many of the most helpful things for all of my issues have been mentioned.

“Good News about sex and marriage”
“Fertility, cycles, and nutrition.”
Theophostic healing
Optivite
Chastity before marriage makes for chastity IN marriage.

The only thing left to mention is get off that horrible stuff ASAP. As has been suggested, seek out an NFP class and learn all of the things about our wonderful fertility that has been denied you by our pro-death/secular culture. A little “fear of pregnancy” might help. It taught me what an amazing gift babies are. Since learning NFP I now see new life as a TRUE gift with nothing to fear.

If there is not an NFP-only OB/GYN in your area (there isn’t one in my whole state.) Seek out a D.O. for your female troubles. (DO’s are MD’s with naturopathic tendancies.) Your NFP chart will be your single biggest ally in getting the troubles fixed.

The more you know about your body the more you will want to keep it as “a temple.” From experience I will tell you that contraceptive sex outside of marriage is incredibly dull compared to the real thing! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Baby-making sex is some of the best sex you will ever have!”

Trust me. Let go of the counterfeit. The real stuff is a a gem!