birth control issue

[JED8643]

I’ve been making the journey across the Tiber for the past year but still have a few issues. I have been a evangelical Christian for the past 5 years but am returning to my Catholic roots after much prayer and study.
My problem is the Church’s teaching on artificial birth control. Although I don’t fully understand the diff between artificial as compared to NFP, I am willing to be obedient to the Church on this issue. (we have 3 children already, just trying to space them out a bit)
We are both open to life, but my wife who has been in the evangelical church all her life sees nothing wrong with artificial birth control. She will not be converting and has been raised to be critical of the CC and thinks this is just a tradition of men that’s not biblical.
It’s very hard to discuss the issue with her based on her ingrained beliefs. Anyone else have this issue, or any advice on what to do?

 

[Belle10]

First, how wonderful that you’re on your way home. It’s also great that while you don’t understand everything yet, you’ve said you’re willing to follow church teaching.

I would suggest reading what the catechism says on marriage and sexuality – it will help you have a better understanding and then you’ll be able to better explain it to your wife. Here’s the section for marriage (there’s a lot there!):
scborromeo.org/ccc/index/m.htm
You can search that site alphabetically – it’s a very good tool.

Simply put, here’s the difference:
ABC (artificial birth control) disrupts what the marital act is supposed to be: completely open to one another (and to God). I heard it put this way once: contracepting is like saying, “I love you, you can have all of me, except my fertility.”
NFP allows the spacing of children for serious reasons, but it does not place a barrier between the spouses or God. The marital act is completely open to life (not that you’ll get pregnant every time). It allows the spouses to give themselves completely to each other and trusts God.

I’m sure many people will suggest reading The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West (haven’t read it myself yet).

There’s LOTS more, but here’s some of what the church says about marriage:

2360 Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament.

2361 "Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."143

Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, “Sister, get up, and let us pray and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety.” So she got up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias began by saying, “Blessed are you, O God of our fathers. . . . You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve as a helper and support. From the two of them the race of mankind has sprung. You said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; let us make a helper for him like himself.’ I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” And they both said, “Amen, Amen.” Then they went to sleep for the night.144
2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."145 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.146
2363 The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple’s spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.

The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity.

source: scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2360

I’m sure you’ll get tons of great advice from the people here at CAF. Best wishes, and I’ll offer a prayer for you and your family!

 

[CLMargaret]

I was raised Catholic, but, like your wife, for a long time didn’t understand what the big deal was about birth control. I remember hearing (while I had been taking birth control) that it was an abortificient. I didn’t want to believe it and tried to dismiss it. But the more I thought about it, the more this fact bothered me. It forced me to do my own research and learn more about what I was putting into my body. I couldn’t stand the fact that we could potentially conceive a child, and that my body would reject it due to having taken ABC. Maybe hearing about this could affect your wife like it did me.

 

[hasikelee]

I’ve been making the journey across the Tiber for the past year but still have a few issues. I have been a evangelical Christian for the past 5 years but am returning to my Catholic roots after much prayer and study.
My problem is the Church’s teaching on artificial birth control. Although I don’t fully understand the diff between artificial as compared to NFP, I am willing to be obedient to the Church on this issue. (we have 3 children already, just trying to space them out a bit)
We are both open to life, but my wife who has been in the evangelical church all her life sees nothing wrong with artificial birth control. She will not be converting and has been raised to be critical of the CC and thinks this is just a tradition of men that’s not biblical.
It’s very hard to discuss the issue with her based on her ingrained beliefs. Anyone else have this issue, or any advice on what to do?

Not everyone is open to a faith-based journey over a particular issue. Would she be open to a natural-based journey?

Talking with her about the risks and effects of hormonal replacement therapy could help her to decide on a natural method.

Birth control pills are quite a cocktail of synthetic hormones. They come with a lengthy list of symptoms and risks including stroke, bloodclot, cancer, infertility, etc. The FDA has ruled that several of the most popular brands cause severe birth defects.

The newest “tweaked” recipes, such as Yaz, have decreased “regular” symptoms (bloating, weight gain, irritability) because of a lower dose of anovulatory hormones, meaning ovulation occurs. In other words, in an attempt to reduce the common and uncomfortable symptoms associated with birth control pills, the makers have switched over to an abortifacent.

 

[hasikelee]

Also, if she is interested in a Biblical experience, why not take her out to a fancy dinner and talk with Christopher West? At the very least, you could spend time praying and reading Biblical passages, and his books.

www.christopherwest.com

 

[JED8643]

Thank you all so much, I’ll read Christopher West and continue to pray and ask the Lord for help with this issue.

 

[newbetx]

Thank you all so much, I’ll read Christopher West and continue to pray and ask the Lord for help with this issue.

CW’s explaination of TOB (Theology of the Body) is what converted me on this subject. It’s bible based. Not “just for Catholics”. I understand there are many, many women in the NFP classes that are not Catholic. It’s healthy for both her body and your marriage.

Read “Theology of the Body for Beginners” or “The Good News About Sex and Marriage.” These put all those “silly rules” in great biblical perspective.

 

[KCT]

I think it’s a hard teaching for life long Catholics to understand and accept. God bless your for your obedience as you continue to pray and learn.

 

[Brennypants]

I’ve been making the journey across the Tiber for the past year but still have a few issues. I have been a evangelical Christian for the past 5 years but am returning to my Catholic roots after much prayer and study.
My problem is the Church’s teaching on artificial birth control. Although I don’t fully understand the diff between artificial as compared to NFP, I am willing to be obedient to the Church on this issue. (we have 3 children already, just trying to space them out a bit)
We are both open to life, but my wife who has been in the evangelical church all her life sees nothing wrong with artificial birth control. She will not be converting and has been raised to be critical of the CC and thinks this is just a tradition of men that’s not biblical.
It’s very hard to discuss the issue with her based on her ingrained beliefs. Anyone else have this issue, or any advice on what to do?

My husband feels the same way your wife does.

 

[manualman]

I like the nice dinner idea and suggest taking it one step further.

Sex is in some ways analogous to food! Food has both a practical and pleasureable aspect. And there are many unhealthy attitudes towards food out there (sound familiar?).

Have a discussion about Bulemia (eating disorder where one binges and then pukes to avoid natural consequences of gluttony). Is it just a medical issue or is there a moral dimension. WHY is it wrong? If the medical issues could be resolved, would this be a morally acceptable way to loose weight? Why or why not? I say not, because even if you could avoid the physical damage of repeated puking, it is a manifestation of a moral/psychologicial problem. Gluttony is quite simply a moral issue that can’t be avoided by removing the physical consequences.

Contraception is exactly the same as Bulemia! Bulemia is a condition where the person seeks to engage in gluttony without the natural outcome (weight gain). Contraception is an attempt to indulge in the physical pleasure of marital sex utterly divorced from its natural outcome (babies!). Just as Bulemia damages the soul via the vice of gluttony, Contraception damages the soul via the vice of lust. YES, I am saying you can be guilty of lusting for your spouse. Lust is the viewing of another as a sexual object rather than a human person. Spouses can certainly commit that wrong. And when they take action to deliberately make their lovemaking sterile, they subtly change the act into one at least partly of lust. Note that this does NOT say that sex is ONLY for making babies! Clearly God made woman only able to conceive in a low percentage of days a month. Note that GOD did it, not humans. The only healthy way to lose weight is to abstain from gorging yourself. The only healthy way to maintain a chaste relationship with your wife if you have a just reason not to have more kids right now is to abstain from sex during her fertile times. It is the abstinance that allows the relationship to stay healthy even through hard times when more kids would not be prudent. Is it easy? No. Is losing weight? Not the healthy way.

 

[mercygate]

I’ve been making the journey across the Tiber for the past year but still have a few issues. I have been a evangelical Christian for the past 5 years but am returning to my Catholic roots after much prayer and study.
My problem is the Church’s teaching on artificial birth control. Although I don’t fully understand the diff between artificial as compared to NFP, I am willing to be obedient to the Church on this issue. (we have 3 children already, just trying to space them out a bit)
We are both open to life, but my wife who has been in the evangelical church all her life sees nothing wrong with artificial birth control. She will not be converting and has been raised to be critical of the CC and thinks this is just a tradition of men that’s not biblical.
It’s very hard to discuss the issue with her based on her ingrained beliefs. Anyone else have this issue, or any advice on what to do?

Your wife might be surprised to learn that until 1930 no Christian body, no Protestant church accepted artificial birth control at ALL. As for “unbiblical”, Paul, in 1 Cor 1:26 refers to women exchanging “natural relations for unnatural.” Although the context of the passage is mostly homosexuality, Paul writes in an era when the “natural” consequence of the marital act were highly prized by Jews and Chrhistians and thus any “unnatural” attempt to thwart it would have been considered perverse.

Paul’s argument on all of this is that the divine purpose is so plainly written on the face of creation that even the barbarians have no excuse for their perversity.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

You have gotten some really good advice. I would only add that if your wife, for whatever reason, chooses not to go along with NFP, but uses ABC on her own (you, of course, can not), then you may still participate in marital relations, and you will not sin. All you are required to do is inform her that you may not, and try to persuade her to do likewise.

Keep swimming up the Tiber!