Birth control pills and marriage

[Allegra]

I agree with other posters that you should get a second opinion about using the pill for PMDD. First of all, the pill has considerable health risks, particularly if your family has a history of breast cancer. Secondly, I think there are better and less risky medications and treatments that can help you more permanantly. You may have to find a different doctor to get them though. Sadly, some OBGYNs perscribe the pill indiscriminately to girls and women of all ages, regardles of risk factors, and for any number of ailments ranging from cramps to acne. I think you are wise to consider this now because I assume that when you do marry, you will want to have children and you can’t take those medications for months ahead of your pregnancy, during, or while breast feeding. Do you really want to be a depressed pregnant lady or new mama? Alternate treatments are definately worth looking into at this time.

 

[twoangels]

While using contraceptives is immoral and we should avoid ingesting drugs that may increase our chance of miscarriage (as would be one of our concerns with being on the pill). That is ultimately what the pill can do if ovulation and fertilization occur. Thinking of it as a direct abortion is not fair. Moreover, often the hormonal imbalances we’re seeking to treat with the pill have their own increased risk of miscarriage if left untreated.

As such, my recommendation is to check out www.fertilitycare.org and see if there is anyone in your area. Charting is not just about family planning. It is also a health record and can help doctors identify underlying problems. Finding a doctor who is willing to treat a problem rather than cover it up with the pill can be a challenge. The site should help you find doctors trained in napro. My own doctor isn’t, but at least emotionally was willing to try putting me on an anti-depressant just during my luteal phase. I use my fertility chart to determine when I’m to start taking my prescription. The nice thing about this form of treatment is that I don’t have to worry so much about side effects for any potential baby I might conceive. If I were on this same prescription all the time, getting off of it could have some withdrawl symptoms. This allows me just enough to help me through the luteal phase while ensuring I can get off it easily.

 

[Samuel63]

After 26 years of marriage with almost constant use of contraception, except when the two children were conceived, I can tell you from experience that this practice will remove joy from the relationship. Think about this when the time comes.

Also, if you are married in the Church while contracepting, the grace that is particular to marriage will not be granted. This will make marriage harder; especially, once the honeymoon is over and for the following several decades. A rather raw deal.

A life filled with joy, a marriage supported with supernatural grace, and eternal life with the best people you have met. Now that is a better deal.

At least consider it is worth checking into in more detail. Check out www.onemoresoul.com.

 

[underacloud]

After 26 years of marriage with almost constant use of contraception, except when the two children were conceived, I can tell you from experience that this practice will remove joy from the relationship. Think about this when the time comes.

Also, if you are married in the Church while contracepting, the grace that is particular to marriage will not be granted. This will make marriage harder; especially, once the honeymoon is over and for the following several decades. A rather raw deal.

This is an interesting perspective and one that Catholics who are contracepting could reflect on.

However, it is irrelevant to the OP, who is not contracepting, but taking medication that happens to have an unintended effect on her fertility. There is a clear distinction in Catholic moral theology between what the OP is doing (perfectly fine) and what you describe (intrinsically wrong).

 

[hemulen]

I would talk to my doctor. Find out what is really wrong. What makes you depressed and angry; and how to fix it. I can’t believe that your doctor plans on you being on birth control pills for the rest of your life.

If your current doctor doesn’t have any plans to ever take you off of the pill, I would find another doctor.

Generally there is not problem with taking birth control pills for medical reasons. Personally, I would make sure there isn’t another option, but that is me.

Well, it all started when I was a young teenager. As a child I was happy, kind and easy to deal with. But that all changed. I got angry and difficult on the outside and depressed and full of despaire on the inside. My parents tried everything, psychologists, doctors, the works, but nothing helped and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

One day I went to a gynecologist (first routine check up). I don’t know why we talked about my mood swings, but she figured out what was wrong and put me on the pill. After a lot of trial and error I found the brand I am using today.

As an adult I have tried going to several doctors and I stop taking them from time to time. It’s not as severe now as it was when I was younger, but it’s still very severe.

I was never planning to get married, so it was never a problem until I thought I might get married after all.

I didn’t see birth control pills listed as a treatment.

I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but maybe you should talk to your doctor about other treatments?

No, it’s not listed on Wikipedia. That does not mean that it’s not a treatment.

I would rather not use SSRI’s, but I see that l-tryptophan is listed also. Maybe I’ll give that a try. I have tried it before as a sleeping aid and it makes me feel uncomfortable and dizzy, but it’s worth a shot.

 

[hemulen]

Do you really want to be a depressed pregnant lady or new mama? Alternate treatments are definately worth looking into at this time.

That is one of my big concerns.

 

[efj803]

While I don’t have PMDD, I have some pretty bad PMS and have found that certain foods help (walnuts, bananas, brazil nuts, turkey, foods with calcium). If you haven’t already, perhaps you could meet with a natural foods person to see if there are certain foods that could help you and perhaps others that you should avoid. A lot of people eat foods that their bodies cannot tolerate.

Also, I found this website which might help:

livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.com/2010/09/pmdd-and-nutrition.html

Aloha,
LF

 

[hemulen]

After 26 years of marriage with almost constant use of contraception, except when the two children were conceived, I can tell you from experience that this practice will remove joy from the relationship. Think about this when the time comes.

Also, if you are married in the Church while contracepting, the grace that is particular to marriage will not be granted. This will make marriage harder; especially, once the honeymoon is over and for the following several decades. A rather raw deal.

A life filled with joy, a marriage supported with supernatural grace, and eternal life with the best people you have met. Now that is a better deal.

At least consider it is worth checking into in more detail. Check out www.onemoresoul.com.

Good point. The pill does in fact remove some sides of me that could be good in a marriage. It changes what types of men I am attracted to and it lowers sex drive.

I just don’t see any other solution since the symptoms are so severe that it can take away all productivity, kindness and hope. I am certain that my PMDD can ruin a marriage and make the life of my children very difficult.

 

[efj803]

Good point. The pill does in fact remove some sides of me that could be good in a marriage. It changes what types of men I am attracted to and it lowers sex drive.

I just don’t see any other solution since the symptoms are so severe that it can take away all productivity, kindness and hope. I am certain that my PMDD can ruin a marriage and make the life of my children very difficult.

Not trying to minimize your diagnosis, I just felt compelled to share that all things are possible with God. And never underestimate the power of an understanding spouse! I have been more than “unkind” to my hubby when PMS-ing but He knows that is not the “real” me and I am working on recognizing when I feel short-tempered and warning him so he knows that particular day might not be the best time to discuss a sensitive issue where we might disagree.

 

[hemulen]

Not trying to minimize your diagnosis, I just felt compelled to share that all things are possible with God. And never underestimate the power of an understanding spouse! I have been more than “unkind” to my hubby when PMS-ing but He knows that is not the “real” me and I am working on recognizing when I feel short-tempered and warning him so he knows that particular day might not be the best time to discuss a sensitive issue where we might disagree.

You might be right. I just don’t see how anybody can live with an angry, irrational, depressed and catatonic person for 1/4 of the time. My parents certainly had huge troubles with it. I certainly don’t blame them when I think about the way I behaved.

I have decided to experiment some more with alternatives when I get the chance. Right now it would be wiser to stay on it, I can’t risk losing a week or two of reading for my exams

 

[Hat4]

Kind of a specious argument. There are a lot of medications that have side effects, some of which can be very serious. Chemotherarpy causes all kinds of side effects…does that mean we should stop using it for cancer patients? If you want to make the argument that you don’t think a person should be on the pill for moral reasons, that’s fine. But saying that you shouldn’t take it because there are side effects suggests that many life-saving drugs shouldn’t be on the market, just because they have side effects.

Not to sound disrespectful but this is kind of a specious argument. I was on medication, a few of them in fact, that had undesirable side effects. I went to another doctor and found a medication that worked better and didn’t have any discernible side effects. Sometimes there are no alternatives but if nothing else is available you should still be aware of what side effects there are. Comparing PMDD with cancer is also a bit of a stretch.

 

[LittleRose]

Good point. The pill does in fact remove some sides of me that could be good in a marriage. It changes what types of men I am attracted to and it lowers sex drive.

I just don’t see any other solution…

Your situation is not hopeless!

You don’t need a psychiatrist. You don’t need the pill, either. You need a good NaPro trained doctor who will do a full hormone profile, timed precisely to your cycles, to find and correct the hormonal imbalances that are affecting you every month, instead of covering them up with what is essentially another one. I am finally seeing a NaPro doctor myself, after 15 years of being told that the infernal Pill was my only option. I am now feeling so much better. She helped me more in three months than all the other doctors I have seen put together over my reproductive lifetime. (Go to fertilitycare.org to find a doctor who can help you.)

You don’t have to live like this, you don’t have to feel helpless (or crazy) and you deserve better care than what you are getting. The Pill is poison to the female body, and most doctors are completely unaware that there are other alternatives. (It’s not their fault, it’s just that no one in the medical schools bothers to tell them otherwise.) In my experience, doctors who think the pill is the only solution to everything aren’t worth going to for anything beyond one’s yearly exam.

In the meantime, while you are looking for another doctor, there are also things you can do with diet that might help a little. Years ago someone on these forums recommended Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon to me. The information it contained was very helpful to me while I waited to find a doctor capable of giving me the help I needed.

I’m glad to see that you want to become a pro-life doctor. That’s one more reason to look into what I mentioned above. You will be helping yourself and (potentially) doing a great service to other women.

Also, you should know that it is actually permissible for a married woman to use the pill for medical reasons, and still have a normal relationship with her husband. (Look up the principle of double effect for how that works) even with that, I share your discomfort with it, which is why I don’t use it. Besides, the Pill is lousy medical care. Why settle for that when there is something better?

Good luck, my dear. I pray that you will be able to get the relief you need soon. What you are going through is a big deal. Don’t give up!

Useful websites::
fertilitycare.org/
popepaulvi.com/
unleashingthepower.info/

 

[LongingSoul]

And importantly not forgetting that this prohibition on artificial contraception has at its heart the very health and wellbeing of the love between a husband and wife which is what every person embarking on in marriage longs to experience in all its fullness.

When you talk to proponents of ABC, they are oblivious to that grander truth, preferring only to focus on the high of instant physical gratification in a moment. The transformation of a marriage into one of societies diamonds, can only happen over a life time of respecting each other and the gifts given through every communication with each other, even in sex. Withholding those gifts through contraception habitually, creates a barren communication on every level of being. All that’s left is an act of self gratification using another body to achieve that end. It’s the starvation of love.

 

[quiet52]

You are correct that when you marry, you’ll need to stop taking birth control pills, because they cause abortions (there is much on the Internet to explain this, such as this: prolife.com/BIRTHCNT.html)

I recommend that you talk with a pro-life gynecologist who does not prescribe contraceptives; he would be able to discuss the best options for you – alternate medications, food and exercise. You might ask him if the pills you are taking cause or exacerbate, rather than cure, your depression, anger and moodiness. Here is a good website re: NaPro technology: naprotechnology.com/

In just a few seconds, I found these links, which suggest that using birth control pills for non-contraceptive purposes can carry risks (for women suffering from PCOS, and of course I have no idea if you’ve been diagnosed with that condition, but you might get it ruled out):
drugwatch.com/2012/12/21/study-birth-control-pill-increases-blood-clot-risk-in-women-with-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/
insulinhub.hubpages.com/hub/Should-I-take-Birth-Control-Pills-to-Combat-PCOS
Please look for a NaPro doctor or well-trained pro-life doctor who has much greater knowledge and wisdom than what is available online.

One more suggestion for you to consider: It might be a good idea for you to learn about natural family planning methods now, before you marry, so that you become familiar with your body’s signs of fertility.

 

[hemulen]

Your situation is not hopeless!

Thank you for your good advice. Fertilitycare.org is probably a good site, but I don’t live in the US. The country I’m from doesn’t have many Catholics either.

You are correct that when you marry, you’ll need to stop taking birth control pills, because they cause abortions (there is much on the Internet to explain this, such as this: prolife.com/BIRTHCNT.html)

I recommend that you talk with a pro-life gynecologist who does not prescribe contraceptives; he would be able to discuss the best options for you – alternate medications, food and exercise. You might ask him if the pills you are taking cause or exacerbate, rather than cure, your depression, anger and moodiness. Here is a good website re: NaPro technology: naprotechnology.com/

In just a few seconds, I found these links, which suggest that using birth control pills for non-contraceptive purposes can carry risks (for women suffering from PCOS, and of course I have no idea if you’ve been diagnosed with that condition, but you might get it ruled out):
drugwatch.com/2012/12/21/study-birth-control-pill-increases-blood-clot-risk-in-women-with-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/
insulinhub.hubpages.com/hub/Should-I-take-Birth-Control-Pills-to-Combat-PCOS
Please look for a NaPro doctor or well-trained pro-life doctor who has much greater knowledge and wisdom than what is available online.

One more suggestion for you to consider: It might be a good idea for you to learn about natural family planning methods now, before you marry, so that you become familiar with your body’s signs of fertility.

First of all I know how the birth controll pills work. If you read my first post, I stated it there.

Second I think it’s really weird that you bring PCOS into this dicussion. PCOS is a totally different diagnosis with totally different symptoms. That’s like telling someone with a broken leg that it might be skin cancer.

I go to the gynecologist frequently for cell screenings and they have never found any symptoms of this disorder (I undergo ultrasound check every time). I haven’t either.

Third: compared to the side effects of many other treatment options, birth controll pills (the ones that I’m using) are not that bad. It might have a different effect on others, though. The Wikipedia options for treating PMDD is out of the question, I would rather “unleash the dragon” than use SSRI’s. Like I said, I might try l-tryptophan, but I’m a bit worried since it has been known to cause very bad side effects and even death. And I get dizzy and feel at unease when I use it.

I will try to find other options and experiment with them if I feel that it’s safe. During medical school I might find something that works and is without unwanted side effects.

 

[edwest2]

There are a LOT of Catholics who are on the pill. I used to be (and for contraceptive reasons) until I had tubal ligation after my last child. Not all Catholics find it sinful to be on them.

The Church teaches it is sinful. No healthy woman should use birth control pills. Too many have bought the lie that “I can’t control myself.”

To the OP, if not being on birth control pills causes changes in behavior as you describe then talk to a priest, explain it to him, and plan ahead. It’s the reason we buy life insurance and put money in the bank. Sure, we don’t know when God will call us, but wisdom involves planning.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Allegra]

That is one of my big concerns.

So it would be highly worth it to you to look into alternative treatments sooner rather than later. Explain your concern about what you are supposed to do when you want to have children someday. I’m afraid you might have to find a new doctor though. Even if there aren’t many Catholics in your area, I expect you would be able to find some resources to help you. NaPro treatments help alot of women who have suffered from disorders that have much more effective treatments than the pill.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I use birth control pills so that I can maintain a normal life and a sane mind. When I’m not using them I can get depressed, angry and my reasoning is impaired. Since I have no reason to use the pills as contraceptives (not sexually active), I figure that it’s ok to take them.

But what if I get married? What do I do?

I do agree with others that it would be advisable to seek out second opinions on the matter. I personally prefer D.O.s over M.D.s for chronic issues. M.D.s tend to treat symptoms, whereas D.O.s seek cures. However, the possibility exists that your current treatment is the only effective treatment.

If I continue to use them, it’s a sin because they can cause fertilized eggs to be rejected. If I stop taking them, I become unbearable to live with some of the time and more prone to committing stupid (or sinful) actions. If I don’t have sex with my husband, it’s a sin and a difficult situation to live in for the both of us.

There is nothing immoral about taking medicines/hormones for treating a conditions, even if the side effect is causing one not to get pregnant. I would not worry about non-implantation of fertilized eggs either. The rate of non-implantation due to taking hormones is actually slightly less than the non-implantation due to practicing NFP.

 

[Listener]

Your situation is not hopeless!

You don’t need a psychiatrist. You don’t need the pill, either. You need a good NaPro trained doctor who will do a full hormone profile, timed precisely to your cycles, to find and correct the hormonal imbalances that are affecting you every month, instead of covering them up with what is essentially another one. I am finally seeing a NaPro doctor myself, after 15 years of being told that the infernal Pill was my only option. I am now feeling so much better. She helped me more in three months than all the other doctors I have seen put together over my reproductive lifetime. (Go to fertilitycare.org to find a doctor who can help you.)

You don’t have to live like this, you don’t have to feel helpless (or crazy) and you deserve better care than what you are getting. The Pill is poison to the female body, and most doctors are completely unaware that there are other alternatives. (It’s not their fault, it’s just that no one in the medical schools bothers to tell them otherwise.) In my experience, doctors who think the pill is the only solution to everything aren’t worth going to for anything beyond one’s yearly exam.

In the meantime, while you are looking for another doctor, there are also things you can do with diet that might help a little. Years ago someone on these forums recommended Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon to me. The information it contained was very helpful to me while I waited to find a doctor capable of giving me the help I needed.

I’m glad to see that you want to become a pro-life doctor. That’s one more reason to look into what I mentioned above. You will be helping yourself and (potentially) doing a great service to other women.

Also, you should know that it is actually permissible for a married woman to use the pill for medical reasons, and still have a normal relationship with her husband. (Look up the principle of double effect for how that works) even with that, I share your discomfort with it, which is why I don’t use it. Besides, the Pill is lousy medical care. Why settle for that when there is something better?

Good luck, my dear. I pray that you will be able to get the relief you need soon. What you are going through is a big deal. Don’t give up!

Useful websites::
fertilitycare.org/
popepaulvi.com/
unleashingthepower.info/

Maybe you could share a few specific things that the NaPro doctor actually did for you that made you better. It is impossible to tell by just looking at those web sites. If they gave you some sort of natural hormones, how do you know that the hormones did not make you infertile just like the pill would make you infertile?