Birth control

[rleong]

A couple marriage is getting strained. The husband has been holding off congugal union for three years because his wife wanted him to use birth control method to avoid pregnancy. He loves his Catholic faith and church and wants to abide by the church teaching while his wife, a Catholic too, cannot accept the church teaching on birth control. She do not want any more children while her husband want more children. They have one children. The husband want her to try NFP method but she refuses even to do this. The husband feel pressured to go against the church teaching on birth control or losing his wife and children. What can he do to save the marriage?

 

[Danuska]

Tough question, especially that the wife does not seem too intereseted in saving the marriage.
So he needs to pray and seek counselling…

 

[Gemmaologist]

Since this has been going on for some time and the wife refuses to compromise, I also suggest that this couple seek counseling with a priest or Catholic professional.

 

[Gene_Church]

I will pray for this couple.

 

[1ke]

Seek counsel from a holy priest.

What you cannot do is sin.

 

[rayne89]

Please see the link below
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=135215

The church does not require you to remain abstinent, though you certainly can not encourage or condone your wife’s use of birthcontrol.

You need to know that the Church does allow you to engage in sexual relations with a spouse who is using birth control. The dissenting spouse must be the one who is using it and not you. Also you must continue to educate and encourage the spouse according to the Church’s teachings on this matter.

I encourage you to read and have your wife read “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It’s available through shopcatholic.com or by phone 888 291 8000.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

The above quote is from the link I posted.

 

[Ron_Conte]

The church does not require you to remain abstinent, though you certainly can not encourage or condone your wife’s use of birthcontrol.

I know of no decision of the Magisterium permitting one spouse to consent to marital relations knowing that the other spouse is using artificial birth control.

The moral teachings of the Church on formal cooperation would forbid, for example, a man to have relations with his wife knowing that she is using an abortifacient method of contraception. Marital relations in such cases can result in both conception and a very early abortion, and the husband’s cooperation is immediate and material.

“Immediate material cooperation occurs when the cooperator participates in circumstances that are essential to the commission of an act, such that the act could not occur without this participation. Immediate material cooperation in intrinsically evil actions is morally illicit.”
ascensionhealth.org/ethics/public/key_principles/cooperation.asp

 

[1ke]

I know of no decision of the Magisterium permitting one spouse to consent to marital relations knowing that the other spouse is using artificial birth control.

Here you go. This document was issued under the direction of JPII and addresses exactly this matter.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html

It is important to note that a person should be under the counsel of a holy priest regarding this matter and not attempt to apply the Vademecum on their own.

 

[Verbum_Caro]

Ranyne and 1ke,

But part of the problem in the original post is that is that the wife wants the *husband *to use a artificial birth control. That poses a problem, doesn’t it?

And, if the wife instead begins using artificial birth control, and that happens to be a pill which may have an abortifacient effect we should note the Vademecum’s line:

1. Furthermore, it is necessary to carefully evaluate the question of cooperation in evil when recourse is made to means which can have an abortifacient effect.

Does anyone know of an exploration or analysis of #14 of the Vademecum? Can you point us to it?

VC

 

[peary1]

A couple marriage is getting strained. The husband has been holding off congugal union for three years because his wife wanted him to use birth control method to avoid pregnancy. He loves his Catholic faith and church and wants to abide by the church teaching while his wife, a Catholic too, cannot accept the church teaching on birth control. She do not want any more children while her husband want more children. They have one children. The husband want her to try NFP method but she refuses even to do this. The husband feel pressured to go against the church teaching on birth control or losing his wife and children. What can he do to save the marriage?

It sounds as if the marriage has been in trouble for quite some time already. Have they both gone to counseling? Have they gone to discuss the matter with their priest or parish counselor? If she is not willing to do even that, she needs to figure out what is going on inside of her to reject more children because, obviously, this goes beyond ‘choice’.

 

[1ke]

Ranyne and 1ke,

But part of the problem in the original post is that is that the wife wants the *husband *to use a artificial birth control. That poses a problem, doesn’t it?

Did you miss the part where I stated that what he cannot do is sin? Neither Rayne nor I suggested that the husband contracept.

And, if the wife instead begins using artificial birth control, and that happens to be a pill which may have an abortifacient effect we should note the Vademecum’s line:

1. Furthermore, it is necessary to carefully evaluate the question of cooperation in evil when recourse is made to means which can have an abortifacient effect.

Did you miss the part where I stated that one should not undertake to use the Vademecum on one’s own but only under the counsel of a priest?
Verbum Caro;4128555:
Does anyone know of an exploration or analysis of #14 of the Vademecum? Can you point us to it?

VC

No. I do not know of any such analysis or exploration.

 

[Sir_Anthony]

I don’t think a person of good conviction should consent to that. The marriage I think has a deeper issue than that of sex, if the wife is not even open to the idea of NFP, then what else can she not be open to, if she is not open the Lord’s plan for her.

I am in a relationship and my girlfriend and I (we’re both Catholic, though I am more than she is, she used to be a good Catholic till her father died and now has slightly fallen away) have discussed this issue. Despite her best pleas, I have told that we must wait till marriage to make love. Which she agreed, but the issue of contraception created a challenge. She attempted to make the compromise that she would be on the pill for two years and then switch to NFP, which I vehemently opposed. I even told her, you take the pill, but I probably make love to her. And she was furious, but eventually she calmed down and realized that she was being selfished, that she wasn’t letting her heart be transformed. She is starting to understand it all, I am giving her the information on why this is best for us. We are at least two years away from marriage (mostly for economic reasons, really I want to marry her tomorrow), and our relationship is stronger and better because we are allowing our hearts to follow God’s plan for us instead of our plans.

 

[Verbum_Caro]

1ke,

I wasn’t suggesting that you said anything in error, nor was I trying to be confrontational.

I was just pointing out to Rayne that the wife wanted the husband to use contraception, because her post seems to be directed at the wife’s use of contraception.

And I was just indicating to you, that although you point Ron Conte to the Vademecum, the Vadmecum itself abstains from settling the question of cooperation with evil in the case of a possible abortifacient contraceptive, which was the substance of Ron’s post.

VC

 

[jfoges]

A couple marriage is getting strained. The husband has been holding off congugal union for three years because his wife wanted him to use birth control method to avoid pregnancy. He loves his Catholic faith and church and wants to abide by the church teaching while his wife, a Catholic too, cannot accept the church teaching on birth control. She do not want any more children while her husband want more children. They have one children. The husband want her to try NFP method but she refuses even to do this. The husband feel pressured to go against the church teaching on birth control or losing his wife and children. What can he do to save the marriage?

The husband and wife should make a decision together whether they should use birth control. The Church does not have a right to tell them what to do in their own bedroom. If they let the Church do this they are putting their marrriage in jepoardy.

 

[1ke]

And I was just indicating to you, that although you point Ron Conte to the Vademecum, the Vadmecum itself abstains from settling the question of cooperation with evil in the case of a possible abortifacient contraceptive, which was the substance of Ron’s post.

Gotcha.

I was addressing only RC’s question regarding whether the Magesterium had any statement on the subject not the application of the Vademecum to any particular circumstance since that should be a priest, not me, doing so.

 

[Newbie2]

The husband and wife should make a decision together whether they should use birth control. The Church does not have a right to tell them what to do in their own bedroom. If they let the Church do this they are putting their marrriage in jepoardy.

Hmmmm.

Not necessarily…the other way of looking at it is that one partner in this situation is putting their marriage in jeopardy by not following the Church teachings.

But I agree with you in that this is a very difficult pastoral situation; go hard line on Church teachings, and the marriage might disintigrate sooner than it can be repaired, ignore Church teachings and let them fall in to sin.

I agree with the previous posters who suggested counseling, and not just with a priest but also with a good Catholic marriage counselor.

 

[Squanto]

I know of no decision of the Magisterium permitting one spouse to consent to marital relations knowing that the other spouse is using artificial birth control.

From the Vadeucum (nice job 1KE)

1. Special difficulties are presented by cases of cooperation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish cooperation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist).] This cooperation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met:
2. when the action of the cooperating spouse is not already illicit in itself;
3. when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse;
4. when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion).

So, there are (limited) cases where a spouse can cooperate with another spouse who is demanding to use contraception. However, the cooperating spouse should not be the one directly using the contraceptive item, and should be seeking to persuade the contracepting spouse otherwise.

Also, paragraph this document confirms the Vatican’s stance that NFP is permitted according to “SERIOUS motives of responsible parenthood.”

 

[mark_a]

I don’t think a person of good conviction should consent to that. The marriage I think has a deeper issue than that of sex, if the wife is not even open to the idea of NFP, then what else can she not be open to, if she is not open the Lord’s plan for her.

I am in a relationship and my girlfriend and I (we’re both Catholic, though I am more than she is, she used to be a good Catholic till her father died and now has slightly fallen away) have discussed this issue. Despite her best pleas, I have told that we must wait till marriage to make love. Which she agreed, but the issue of contraception created a challenge. She attempted to make the compromise that she would be on the pill for two years and then switch to NFP, which I vehemently opposed. I even told her, you take the pill, but I probably make love to her. And she was furious, but eventually she calmed down and realized that she was being selfished, that she wasn’t letting her heart be transformed. She is starting to understand it all, I am giving her the information on why this is best for us. We are at least two years away from marriage (mostly for economic reasons, really I want to marry her tomorrow), and our relationship is stronger and better because we are allowing our hearts to follow God’s plan for us instead of our plans.

Hang in there pal, we’re pullin’ for ya!!!

 

[Burdock]

I have been very drawn to the catholic faith but i cannot agree that birth control is wrong. I know of people who have been told that it would be detrimental to their health to have anymore children. I cannot get my head around this . Birth control is not forbiden in the bible the reference to oman spilling his seed does not mean that we cant use birth control today. it is a gross misinterpritation.

 

[Newbie2]

I have been very drawn to the catholic faith but i cannot agree that birth control is wrong. I know of people who have been told that it would be detrimental to their health to have anymore children. I cannot get my head around this . Birth control is not forbiden in the bible the reference to oman spilling his seed does not mean that we cant use birth control today. it is a gross misinterpritation.

Well, the “pill” that is abortifacient causes death of the early embryo. What about “thou shalt not kill”? Gross misinterpretation?