T
timeandeternity
Guest
Hi,
I deal with a degree of SSA and scrupulosity, and am having some trouble right now. This afternoon I was playing a wedding gig, and there was another girl playing the gig with me whom I found to be attractive. My dad was also playing the gig with me, and when we play together I always sit first violin and he always sits second violin. I realized that if I were sitting first, I would be almost facing this other girl, and I might then be tempted–possibly strongly–and have to struggle with my SSA. However, I did not ask my dad if I could sit second instead (it wouldn’t have been that difficult–he knows I like playing second violin) so that I wouldn’t be facing her. I just hoped that the temptation wouldn’t be too strong and that I would be able to resist any desire to look at her.
Fortunately, the temptation ended up not being strong and I didn’t really have to struggle. BUT, that could have not been the case: it could have turned out to be a huge struggle–I struggle that I would have caused.
I feel like this was most likely mortal, because it I was putting myself into what I knew could potentially be a near occasion of sin. Yet I just went to confession this afternoon, and–probably wrongfully so–am reluctant to admit that I could have committed another mortal sin so soon. I just want to tell myself that I’m being scrupulous. And at the same time, I know I shouldn’t be so reluctant to admit this to be a mortal sin, because I am so incredibly weak and sinful.
At any rate, I just need some outside opinions. If this looks like a mortal sin, please tell me. If it looks like I’m being absurdly scrupulous, please tell me.
Thank you in advance for your help.
I deal with a degree of SSA and scrupulosity, and am having some trouble right now. This afternoon I was playing a wedding gig, and there was another girl playing the gig with me whom I found to be attractive. My dad was also playing the gig with me, and when we play together I always sit first violin and he always sits second violin. I realized that if I were sitting first, I would be almost facing this other girl, and I might then be tempted–possibly strongly–and have to struggle with my SSA. However, I did not ask my dad if I could sit second instead (it wouldn’t have been that difficult–he knows I like playing second violin) so that I wouldn’t be facing her. I just hoped that the temptation wouldn’t be too strong and that I would be able to resist any desire to look at her.
Fortunately, the temptation ended up not being strong and I didn’t really have to struggle. BUT, that could have not been the case: it could have turned out to be a huge struggle–I struggle that I would have caused.
I feel like this was most likely mortal, because it I was putting myself into what I knew could potentially be a near occasion of sin. Yet I just went to confession this afternoon, and–probably wrongfully so–am reluctant to admit that I could have committed another mortal sin so soon. I just want to tell myself that I’m being scrupulous. And at the same time, I know I shouldn’t be so reluctant to admit this to be a mortal sin, because I am so incredibly weak and sinful.
At any rate, I just need some outside opinions. If this looks like a mortal sin, please tell me. If it looks like I’m being absurdly scrupulous, please tell me.
Thank you in advance for your help.