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ConfusedLucy
Guest
As a society we are long overdue a serious debate about drunken sex vs sexual assault as it seems like people have widely different opinions and it’s hard to draw a line between the two.
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LethalMouse
Guest
It is not different opinions, it is a matter of when claiming one or the other yields convenience. Or tangles itself in mental disorder.
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PartoftheBody
Guest
How do you think the wife in this scenario should handle this?
Would it make a difference if the man in question drank heavily on a regular basis or if he was just a social drinker?
Would it make a difference if the man in question drank heavily on a regular basis or if he was just a social drinker?
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EasterJoy
Guest
If a friend of mine told me that this had happened to her, I’d advise that she let this information digest before she does anything. She should neither rashly throw her husband out nor rashly forgive. She ought to stop and take stock of what lead up to this and whether or not she and her husband have problems that they have failed to confront before this incident.
Yes, of course it makes a difference whether or not the person who drank too much had the enough experience with alcohol to know his or her limits. It makes a difference if the limit changed because of some medication or some other variable that he or she failed to take into account. Having said that, the wife doesn’t have to decide if her husband committed a mortal sin or not. That is between her husband and God. The wife needs to decide how she is going to respond to this serious breach of her trust and how it is going to affect the trust she chooses to put in her husband in the future.
I’d advise her to debrief on this with someone she can trust to be absolutely discrete, and to do it more than once before she decides what to do. I’d advise her to refrain from marital relations with her husband for at least a short period of time (as is her right, per canon law). This is a matter to discern carefully and to act on after the emotional trauma has had a bit of time to make itself known to her.
The husband may well be traumatized by what he has done, as well. Other than making it entirely clear to his wife that nothing she has done could ever justify this, that this is not in any way her fault, and apologizing for his offense against her trust, he should also try to refrain from any rash actions. He should also try to make amends in positive ways, and not burden his wife by wallowing in guilt or self-recrimination. That isn’t easy to do if he is the decent sort; he would probably also benefit from having someone trustworthy to confide in as he and his wife work through this.
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
I think with both genders its important to take the time to try and work out if it was drunken sex where a person acted out of character while drunk and made a bad decision they now regret or were sexually assaulted as they were unconscious and unable to consent to anything.
Not always sure how you would be able to do that in all cases but I would find it a lot harder to forgive my husband for the former whereas in the latter it would be more about supporting him as the victim of a crime. Either way it’s a difficult situation to work through.
Not always sure how you would be able to do that in all cases but I would find it a lot harder to forgive my husband for the former whereas in the latter it would be more about supporting him as the victim of a crime. Either way it’s a difficult situation to work through.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
There is always the after effects to consider as well. The wife should insist on the full slate of std tests and realize that a child could be on the way as well. The husband may have to divert some family funds for the next 18 years. Relations between the spouses should cease until a clean bill of health comes through and the marriage is strong enough to handle another child should one come along.
Ultimately it’s adultery.
This is one reason why drinking and drunkeness is such a bigger sin than many think. If he was out of it enough to have sex, then I’m pretty sure a properly employed condom was not high on the list either…
I’m a member of the Pioneer Association of the Sacred Heart, we basically abstain from alcohol as a sacrifice to pray for the addicted.
You can enroll for a temporary period or for life. But the implication of giving it up as a sacrifice is that there is some pleasure to be had from it.
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GEddie
Guest
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