I think our journey’s are all different. Personally speaking I find it difficult at times to understand much of what gets posted, and I prefer to just float off pondering his Word, sitting and being with God, feeling the Holy Spirit. I could do that all day, but there are times where I am compelled to read things, and that might be to learn something, understanding something the Word in Spirit is trying to get me to understand, believing more, or something that might keep me in the game. We cannot truly believe without touching his wounds. Part of our journey is suffering like he did. It is getting in touch with what he suffered, so that we become more like him. By touching his wounds, and our souls being wounded, assists us to mature in Christ and grow more one with Him and towards Him. For those who do allow the wounds to touch them, our soul grows, our heart matures more.
I think there needs to be a balance. There was a time I just read and read and it became too much, I was distracted and being pulled this way and that, and sometimes what I read distressed me and I wanted to give up, so I had to take time out to just be with Him and contemplate Him in my heart and soul for awhile.
I find I can’t read a lot for long periods now as I float off in contemplation. But there will be times the spirit urges me to read in order to understand and grow more.
The reason I believe there needs to be a balance, of both reading and being, is because sometimes I see people who are so knowledgeable of doctrine, and theology, but haven’t necessarily taken time out to really get in touch with Christ in their hearts, and allow the Holy Spirit to wound their soul so that their soul also matures with Christ, just as their mind as done in the knowledge of doctrine and theology.
I went off into the mystical side of the Word and of God, but I don’t posses the doctrinal and theology background others do. So I need to read. That reading assists me to understand some of the mystical side that is revealed to me, so I have to read and delve more and become a sort of apologist for myself in some small way.
I think those who are apologists can teach others. I cannot be an apologist. But I do believe the flip side is there are others who can teach the mystical and union of God aspect and how they’ve gotten to that stage of their spiritual development. We each get given an individual path home, and we each I believe have an opportunity to teach each other some ways of that path God has given to us, so that we all mature in Christ more, and keep on the path of union with God. Those who are very educated theology wise can stagnate just as much on this path to union with God as can those who are into simply being with Him, contemplating his Word and meditating can stagnate because they haven’t allowed the written theology side to assist their understanding more and some theologians haven’t allowed the Spirit to mature their souls and hearts more.
I love believing too, it is what has propelled me really well, but then the risk I found with that was at times I got a bit prideful and thought I understood the Word more then I did. Hence some reading and listening to what others posted and had to say helped me become more humble and educated me more. For me as to when is the time to meditate and contemplate and when is the time to just sit and be with God had to be left to the Spirit. I just had to really learn patience and how to place myself into his hands to guide me. For example there were times I thought I knew what the Father wanted, but then I would be urged to read something and listen to what others wanted, and I realised that sometimes what I thought God wanted was really what I wanted, and there is a difference. I had to be prepared to listen, and part of that listening was listening to Him through what others have written and what others had to say, and what others opinons were.
So not only did I have to really believe in Him and focus on Him, I also had to be prepared to listen and listen with Trust.
Also it doesn’t have to be about defending one’s Faith. It is about knowing one’s Faith. And as you know your Faith through education and being, you might find you can defend it more for yourself, also use this defence when you might find the Faith trying at times, or you might find you are being tempted in some aspect away from the Faith or acting against the Faith. It does happen. And you also can teach others by being yourself, someone who lives the Faith. And to live the Faith, you also need to become more Christ like, which is what reading the words of Christ, reading Catholic teachings, reading what apologists have written etc also assist one in doing as well as the meditating side of the Word also assists one to do.
For there have been many Catholics, many religious who have fallen away from the Faith. Knowing the Faith in written context and in the Spirit assists one to stay in the Faith. I have read testimonies of those who were more intune with Christ in a spirit context, but left because they didn’t understand the teachings indepth, and I’ve seen those who knew the teachings indepth but weren’t really intune with the Spirit of Christ.
Knowing the Faith is knowing the Faith, in the sides that bring the Faith together. The Spirit and the teachings. When one is lacking in one aspect, they risk not being able to defend the Faith in themselves, especially when there are forces out there that try and corrupt what we believe of the Faith in some way or know of the Faith in some way. The devil is trying to get as many people as he can to move away from Catholicism, and he will do that in many ways, not always apparent to the eyes. And if he sees that we are lacking in some part of our Faith, whether it be in teaching or Spirit, he will try and manipulate that further.
Hope this makes sense.
