Blindsided at Easter

[RosalieM]

I really make a strong effort in choir during Holy Week. It taxes my out-of-shape body to the maximum. The effort is hard for me; but the reward is great.
This time, I get an email from my cousin thanking me for an Easter prayer card I sent. But then she goes on to rail against Church heirarchy, how she disagrees with it, calling them “stodgy old men” who won’t “listen to us” and “we” let “them” have all the power. I responded and referred her to CAF for discussions and EWTN and a Franciscan questions website…she was disturbing my Easter joy and I didn’t want to argue with her.
She dismissed it all, dissing EWTN as “self righteous people”, saying she developed her faith for years and some clergy agreed with her views. I still responded and told her I could no longer continue the debate after referring her to those better qualified to air her concerns. So she sends her latest email sounding like Catholicism is relative and she knows best and talked down to me…stupid me.
She upset my Easter effort and although I prayed for her; I no longer feel like relating to her.
I want my joy back.

 

[jmcrae]

I really make a strong effort in choir during Holy Week. It taxes my out-of-shape body to the maximum. The effort is hard for me; but the reward is great.
This time, I get an email from my cousin thanking me for an Easter prayer card I sent. But then she goes on to rail against Church heirarchy, how she disagrees with it, calling them “stodgy old men” who won’t “listen to us” and “we” let “them” have all the power. I responded and referred her to CAF for discussions and EWTN and a Franciscan questions website…she was disturbing my Easter joy and I didn’t want to argue with her.
She dismissed it all, dissing EWTN as “self righteous people”, saying she developed her faith for years and some clergy agreed with her views. I still responded and told her I could no longer continue the debate after referring her to those better qualified to air her concerns. So she sends her latest email sounding like Catholicism is relative and she knows best and talked down to me…stupid me.
She upset my Easter effort and although I prayed for her; I no longer feel like relating to her.
I want my joy back.

Yep, I know exactly how you feel.

I avoid the anti-Catholic set in my family as much as possible during religious holidays - yes, I’m eccentric as all get-out; yes, I’m a religious nut - yes, Hughes Air West, big bananas are the best!



Sorry. That probably wasn’t very helpful. I really don’t know what to do, after the fact. In future, I would just avoid reading anything from her until after the Holy Season is over, and then reply to her nonsense with your own kind of nonsense, and leave it at that.

Most of my conversations with my mother consist of me saying “this is not, however, the teaching of the Church.” It gets me through.

 

[RosalieM]

Yep, I know exactly how you feel.

I avoid the anti-Catholic set in my family as much as possible during religious holidays - yes, I’m eccentric as all get-out; yes, I’m a religious nut - yes, Hughes Air West, big bananas are the best!



Sorry. That probably wasn’t very helpful. I really don’t know what to do, after the fact. In future, I would just avoid reading anything from her until after the Holy Season is over, and then reply to her nonsense with your own kind of nonsense, and leave it at that.

Most of my conversations with my mother consist of me saying “this is not, however, the teaching of the Church.” It gets me through.

Thank you. This is helpful and good advice. I was blindsided because I thought my cousin was a devout Catholic instead of anti. She even said the Church was a “dinosaur” and would be dooming itself. She even ignored when I told her I believed what Jesus said, that the “gates of hell will not prevail against it.” I guess my real sorrow was learning she isn’t who I thought she was and now I don’t want to visit her, which I was thinking of doing. She’s on the east coast and I’m in California. After her emails, I wanted to go outside and kiss the ground.

 

[jmcrae]

Thank you. This is helpful and good advice. I was blindsided because I thought my cousin was a devout Catholic instead of anti. She even said the Church was a “dinosaur” and would be dooming itself. She even ignored when I told her I believed what Jesus said, that the “gates of hell will not prevail against it.” I guess my real sorrow was learning she isn’t who I thought she was and now I don’t want to visit her, which I was thinking of doing. She’s on the east coast and I’m in California. After her emails, I wanted to go outside and kiss the ground.

Keep the faith!

 

[CatholicZ09]

I would probably have to sing a few Easter hymns to get back into the mood.

At least you had to the courage to reply to her. I would’ve just been like “Whatever. Don’t ruin my Easter!”

Don’t let her get to you. If you don’t feel like talking to her, don’t. She’ll get the picture and then she’ll realize why you’re not talking. If she doesn’t, just tell her that what she said about the Church really made you upset. It’ll probably eventually blow over and all shall be well. If she continues to be a pest about it, then I would say move on.

 

[The_Reginator]

Oh dear. Right now, at least, she cannot be reasoned with.
To say that “this is not, however, the teaching of the Church.” probably wouldn’t wash at this point. (Thanx jmcrae for that line!)

Do you have a favourite spiritual exercise? Maybe you could spend a year offering up a daily Rosary (for example) for your cousin – that she may come back to accepting the Church with all its teachings and all its glory.

God has sent you this situation for some reason or other.

May God bless you and your cousin and may your faith be deepened daily.

 

[JRKH]

I really make a strong effort in choir during Holy Week. It taxes my out-of-shape body to the maximum. The effort is hard for me; but the reward is great.

Thank you for all your efforts and sacrifices for the good of Christ’s Church.

This time, I get an email from my cousin thanking me for an Easter prayer card I sent. But then she goes on to rail against Church heirarchy, how she disagrees with it, calling them “stodgy old men” who won’t “listen to us” and “we” let “them” have all the power.

To such statements I simply ask such people to refer to Christ’s own words. Did Christ speak of a “democracy” or a “Kingdom”. Did Christ ask the “opinions” of others or did he “teach”, even when the teachings were hard. Of course we do “let them have all the power”, in that she is right. We do so in order that we may follow Christ in His Church, and into the Kigndom of God.

I responded and referred her to CAF for discussions and EWTN and a Franciscan questions website…she was disturbing my Easter joy and I didn’t want to argue with her.
She dismissed it all, dissing EWTN as “self righteous people”, saying she developed her faith for years and some clergy agreed with her views.

She dissed EWTN as “self righteous” - I’d ask her, "if they are ‘self righteous’, what are you? Are you smarter than the Magisterium?
She claims to have "developed her faith for years - the magisterium has developed theirs for millenia.
I’m sure that there are clergy who agree with her views. Just because there are clergy who agree with her (egocentric) does not make her, or they, right. Clergy can be just as wrong as she is. When she can say that the “Teachings of the Church” agree with her, then she’ll have something. Of course it is you and not she who can say this, or more correctly that you(and we) agree with the teachings of the Church.

I still responded and told her I could no longer continue the debate after referring her to those better qualified to air her concerns. So she sends her latest email sounding like Catholicism is relative and she knows best and talked down to me…stupid me.

Well you did the best you could at the time.

She upset my Easter effort and although I prayed for her; I no longer feel like relating to her.
I want my joy back.

Pray for peace in your heart and that the Lord take away any anger you feel.
Pray on the matter and see if you are drawn by the spirit to discuss thse things further. It may be that you will need to address your cousins heretical views one at a time.

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Thank you. This is helpful and good advice. I was blindsided because I thought my cousin was a devout Catholic instead of anti. She even said the Church was a “dinosaur” and would be dooming itself. She even ignored when I told her I believed what Jesus said, that the “gates of hell will not prevail against it.” I guess my real sorrow was learning she isn’t who I thought she was and now I don’t want to visit her, which I was thinking of doing. She’s on the east coast and I’m in California. After her emails, I wanted to go outside and kiss the ground.

It may well be that God wants you to visit her. It could be that, your thinking of going, and then learning of her problems with the faith are not coincidental.
There may be things going on in her life that you do not know about and have caused her to get off track. It may be that she just needs a counterbalance to all of the “bad advice” she have been getting spiritually.

Keep praying.

Peace
James

 

[RosalieM]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and helpful (name removed by moderator)ut. It truly makes a difference to me. Oh dear, it’s true that her views are (gulp) heretical. It’s as if she wants Catholicism to mirror other existing Christian denominations which lack the fullness of our faith.
I continue to think about this. The phrase “Apostolic succession” blazed bright in my mind. I think of Jesus telling Peter he is the rock upon which he will build his church. Then four words come to mind, “One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic”.
I’m sorry, but visiting her is out of the question. I’m no spiritual giant who can change the thoughts and heart of one so stubborn. I will continue to pray and trust that Our Lord will somehow convert her heart one day.
Thanks again, and I look forward to Divine Mercy Sunday this weekend!

 

[Vigilant]

I would keep in mind that our Church as a whole consists of two components: the spiritual aspect, and the human aspect. The spiritual aspect, the mystical body of Christ, is alive and well, and always will be. The human aspect, well… like any other group of people, some are better than others. I have my own frustrations with the human aspect, such as the apparent continued efforts by some to cover up for dirty Priests, Bishops and Nuns standing up and saying they support political issues “on behalf of the Catholic Church”… the list goes on. For the most part, although we should voice our opinions diplomatically if we feel the need, I think we should just take the human aspects in stride, and concentrate on what is really important: The Mass, and the Sacraments.

I like to think of Saint Peter. He had his share of shortcomings, but our Lord worked with him, and built His Church upon Him. Unfortunately, some folks already have their mind made up. I would pray for her.

 

[m_crane]

I can’t offer advise but I can commisserate.

I invited my brother and his children for dinner because I am Godparent to one of his daughters but always try to use every family get-together opportunity to teach the faith to the girls. My brother sat there in front of his 3 girls and said that he thought that people who need religion in their lives are, in his experience, mentally ill. I think his children will learn from his bad example not to believe this. He is one of the most depressed and angry people I know.

I invited my cousins and was pleased to learn that they intend to Baptize their baby this month. I don’t know if they attend Mass regularly or at all. They told me in past conversations that they don’t. At least they got to witness our family (in our Sunday best) coming home from Mass because they arrived at our house too early for the dinner. So they know we go.

My mother-in-law was also included and she gossiped about my SIL’s husband and that she thinks their marriage is in trouble. It isn’t true but I know she wishes it was. That was the end of any joy I felt that day and I became angry with MIL for her gossip because she has gossiped cruelly about me many times and it opened up old wounds.

I wanted so much to share the joy of the day with my loved ones and it ended up being a mixed bag. I going to hold on to the good, the beautiful Mass, my sons with me at Mass,
seeing my nieces and my new cousin and looking forward to her Baptisim.

God bless and a very happy Easter Season to You!

 

[Doll_Collector]

I am sorry you were put through that, and on such a joyful occassion too! Things like this is why it is hard for me to even share my faith with others. Some people have their minds made up before you even open your mouth.

You handled everything right, it’s better to not continue discussion, at least on religious topics. I will pray for you, and for her too.

 

[RosalieM]

I am sorry that others had a damper put upon their Easter. I spoke to a priest and he said to “pray your way out of it.” It’s working. I’ve never prayed this much, I mean outside of church. I prayed during an eye exam, walking down the street, and I pray more and more. My problems with saying a daily rosary are disappearing quickly.
And still, my cousin’s brutal words continue to go through my mind, although with less and less intensity. I’ve been to confession and two masses since Easter Sunday and today I saw a 3D movie to distract myself.
I kept thinking of sending an email saying that I believe all that the Church teaches, everything – lock stock and barrel, the whole nine yards, – and to please not attempt to discuss adverse views on my religion with me.
But instead I’m concluding that it’s best just to excuse myself if and when anything like this starts up again. If only I can achieve that kind of humility! and to pray, pray, pray like anything!
There was a thread here a while ago on humility and it included a listing of Blessed Mother Teresa’s comments to acheive humility…one of which was “Give in, in discussions even when you are right.” It could serve as protection for what is held sacred.

 

[Sanctifiable]

These are tough times to be a devote Catholic. I now avoid religious talk with family members and try to live my faith instead.

 

[RosalieM]

These are tough times to be a devote Catholic. I now avoid religious talk with family members and try to live my faith instead.

I think that’s it in a nutshell.