Blues: Am I really meant for marriage?

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Marybeloved

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I would really like to marry, but I’m approaching twenty eight in a few months and I’ve kinda just given up hope. I’ve no strong attraction to any person in particular, sometimes I think there’s something wrong. But the desire for marriage and family is very much alive in my soul- If only I could find a good Catholic man with whom I was compatible. Is there any hope for me still? Or am I looking just in the wrong direction? 🤷
 
It might be a good idea to, if you can afford the time and finances to do so, to make a retreat to get the tools to thoroughly discern the vocation God has in mind for you. Just being attracted to a particular call in life is no guarantee that you are intended to follow that call, or that you will even like it once you pursue it.

If you have any doubts about that statement, take a look at the more miserable marriages around you (there are plenty.) They didn’t start out to be miserable, at least most of them, and most of them started out with all sorts of hopes and dreams that got badly dashed by the dynamics of the couple themselves. There is nothing lonelier than a person who is stuck in a bad marriage.

By no means am I “down” on marriage. I’d just like to point out that the single life in the world is a valid vocation, and has always been considered so by the Church. Single people can and do contribute richly of their time, talent, and treasure to not only the Church, but to many good things in society in general. They don’t have to account to anyone for these contributions, and are at liberty to pursue any of them to a degree that a married person isn’t. If they are truly called to be single, God puts in their path enough friends, energy, and constructive enterprises that they rarely feel lonely.

In other words, you’re not stuck, and something isn"t “wrong.” For the time being, at least, bloom where you’re planted, and ask God in prayer if marriage is really your vocation. And don’t compare your solitude with all the family life around you that you think you see: You have no idea what their day to day lives might really be like.
 
odile53 said:
It might be a good idea to, if you can afford the time and finances to do so, to make a retreat to get the tools to thoroughly discern the vocation God has in mind for you. Just being attracted to a particular call in life is no guarantee that you are intended to follow that call, or that you will even like it once you pursue it.

If you have any doubts about that statement, take a look at the more miserable marriages around you (there are plenty.) They didn’t start out to be miserable, at least most of them, and most of them started out with all sorts of hopes and dreams that got badly dashed by the dynamics of the couple themselves. There is nothing lonelier than a person who is stuck in a bad marriage.

By no means am I “down” on marriage. I’d just like to point out that the single life in the world is a valid vocation, and has always been considered so by the Church. Single people can and do contribute richly of their time, talent, and treasure to not only the Church, but to many good things in society in general. They don’t have to account to anyone for these contributions, and are at liberty to pursue any of them to a degree that a married person isn’t. If they are truly called to be single, God puts in their path enough friends, energy, and constructive enterprises that they rarely feel lonely.

In other words, you’re not stuck, and something isn"t “wrong.” For the time being, at least, bloom where you’re planted, and ask God in prayer if marriage is really your vocation. And don’t compare your solitude with all the family life around you that you think you see: You have no idea what their day to day lives might really be like.
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My friend, you’re my personal angel today. You have no idea how “just right” everything you’ve said is to me at this precise time. I’m sure your guardian angel whispered it in your ear as you wrote it. :hug3:

You’re right. At least in other areas of my life, like my career, I can attest from personal experience that your wisdom is true. You don’t really know what in truth is good for you sometimes. I’ll pray and trust God.

Thanx, my brother! 🙂
 
You may be spiritually and mentally ready for marriage, but your future husband may not be. Trust in God :bowdown::heaven:, do less of this :banghead:, enjoy your single life :dancing:, and your :knight2: will appear before you know it :hug3:
 
Almost a year ago I met my boyfriend here at CAF. I was 26.5 not that much younger than you.

I had dated before but never “saw” my future the way I do with him. Its not like I was in despair but life was life.

Right now i see engagenent, marriage, married life together and even kids. More than ever I realize that marriage is discerning a vocation TO someone rather than to an action or a state of life.

It will come when youre not looking…or if you are looking and have truly become you it will come from a different place.
 
Marybeloved said:
I would really like to marry, but I’m approaching twenty eight in a few months and I’ve kinda just given up hope. I’ve no strong attraction to any person in particular, sometimes I think there’s something wrong. But the desire for marriage and family is very much alive in my soul- If only I could find a good Catholic man with whom I was compatible. Is there any hope for me still? Or am I looking just in the wrong direction? 🤷
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I know a lovely Catholic woman who wanted marriage, but was quite firm in her mind that she would not marry anyone but a good Catholic man. She was a teacher, and got on with her career. At 38 she found her man, married, and started a family. 🙂
 
Hello my friends, thanks so much for the wonderful advise and encouragements. God bless y’all a thousandfold :grouphug:.

Peace!
 
Marybeloved said:
Hello my friends, thanks so much for the wonderful advise and encouragements. God bless y’all a thousandfold :grouphug:.

Peace!
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I think twenty-eight is young and I hope you have faith that if this is God’s plan for you, it will come to pass and bring you much happiness when it does. 🙂
 
I got married two days before turning 35. He’s a wonderful man!

Best to you. :hug1:
 
odile53 said:
It might be a good idea to, if you can afford the time and finances to do so, to make a retreat to get the tools to thoroughly discern the vocation God has in mind for you. Just being attracted to a particular call in life is no guarantee that you are intended to follow that call, or that you will even like it once you pursue it.

If you have any doubts about that statement, take a look at the more miserable marriages around you (there are plenty.) They didn’t start out to be miserable, at least most of them, and most of them started out with all sorts of hopes and dreams that got badly dashed by the dynamics of the couple themselves. There is nothing lonelier than a person who is stuck in a bad marriage.

By no means am I “down” on marriage. I’d just like to point out that the single life in the world is a valid vocation, and has always been considered so by the Church. Single people can and do contribute richly of their time, talent, and treasure to not only the Church, but to many good things in society in general. They don’t have to account to anyone for these contributions, and are at liberty to pursue any of them to a degree that a married person isn’t. If they are truly called to be single, God puts in their path enough friends, energy, and constructive enterprises that they rarely feel lonely.

In other words, you’re not stuck, and something isn"t “wrong.” For the time being, at least, bloom where you’re planted, and ask God in prayer if marriage is really your vocation. And don’t compare your solitude with all the family life around you that you think you see: You have no idea what their day to day lives might really be like.
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👍 Rockin.’ In much the same boat as the OP, 29 n’ single, would love to have a beautiful n’ holy family someday, but your advice is practically identical to the other loving and wonderful folks who’ve been there to support me.

Marybeloved, I’ll be prayin’ for you and the wonderful things, whatever they are, that God has in store for ya.
 
Marybeloved said:
I would really like to marry, but I’m approaching twenty eight in a few months and I’ve kinda just given up hope. I’ve no strong attraction to any person in particular, sometimes I think there’s something wrong. But the desire for marriage and family is very much alive in my soul- If only I could find a good Catholic man with whom I was compatible. Is there any hope for me still? Or am I looking just in the wrong direction? 🤷
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Try Catholic Match. I don’t mean to advertise but I was on the verge of giving up hope too and gave it a shot. I’ve been dating a very wonderful young lady for the last several weeks now.
 
Marybeloved said:
I would really like to marry, but I’m approaching twenty eight in a few months and I’ve kinda just given up hope. I’ve no strong attraction to any person in particular, sometimes I think there’s something wrong. But the desire for marriage and family is very much alive in my soul- If only I could find a good Catholic man with whom I was compatible. Is there any hope for me still? Or am I looking just in the wrong direction? 🤷
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Well, sometimes those that feel called to the married life are really called to the Religious life. Religious orders sometimes won’t take you if you don’t like marriage or children, especially Seminaries. I remember a mother superior once lovingly said to Seminarians, “If you have no desire to be a father and a husband, we don’t want you here. Good-bye.” In other words, in order to be a good priest, a man must long to become a father and a spouse. If those urges are not within his heart, how can be become a spiritual father? How can he give himself fully for his bride, the Church? It’s the same for the Religious life.

I would recommend not giving up your hope of getting married and having children, but look up Religious orders and visit them as well. It says you live in Africa. If this is true, the Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate are very awesome. I met two Sisters once, and they were the nicest people I ever met, next to the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate that I met.

Be open to God’s call, and you’ll find what your supposed to do. Sometimes, men and women are called to be single all of their lives. It sounds strange, but it makes them happy once they accept it. My aunt is a very beautiful blond, and she has done some local modeling in the past, and yet she’s almost forty with no husband and no boyfriend. She’s working on her career to become an EMT, and she’s really happy. This very well could be your calling as well.

Never lose hope, and never do what you are not called to do because you’re afraid of what you’re actually called to do. You will be happiest with whatever you are called to, and following your vocation is the quickest way to Heaven, as it is literally the way that you will become holiest. I hope to meet you in Heaven one day, and in the meantime I’d love to hear about your discernment from time to time.
 
The advice to make a retreat is a good one, especially a retreat in which you are taught to discern how to make a choice. You want to make very, very sure that your choice of vocation is indeed what you are being called to by the Lord, and not from some inordinate attachment, external pressure, or sense of inadequacy.
 
People are getting married later in life then they did years ago. My daughter will be 32 when she marries in October. My son is almost 30 and not married and my younger daughter, also single, is 26.
 
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