I’m quoting from Christopher West’s “The Good News About Sex & Marriage,” which has an impramatur from the Archbishop of Denver, Fr. Charles J. Chaput, O.F.M. Cap.
pg 91
"The acts by which spouses lovingly prepare each other for genital intercourse (foreplay) are honorable and good. But stimulation of each other’s gentials to the point of climax APART from normal intercourse is nothing other than mutual masturbation. There’s not gift of self…
"An important clarification is needed. Since it’s the male orgasm that’s inherently linked with the possibility of new life, the husband must never intentionally ejaculate outside of his wife’s vagina (unintended ejaculation involves no moral fault). Since the female orgasm, however, isn’t necessarily linked to the possibility of conception, so long as it takes place within the overall context of an act of intercourse, it need not, morally speaking, be during the actual penetration.
“Ideally, the wife’s orgasm would happen simultaneously with her husband’s, but this is much easier said than done for many couples. In fact, if the wife’s orgasm isn’t achieved during the natural course of foreplay and consummation, it would be the loving thing for the husband to stimulate his wife to climax therafter (if she so desired).”
