Body image/healing/therapy

[DaughterofGod44]

Hello everyone,

I am writing because - well - I just realized today in prayer that my body image is very hindering.

Long story short, I was sexually abused by my father when I was 5 or 6 years old. That truly wounded me and my ability to experience emotionally intimacy with others.

I can sit here and talk about my wounds, my past, but that is not why I am posting. I just started therapy at a very highly recommended Catholic institution, which, praise be to God, feels like home – which is how I know the Lord wants me there. Spent fifteen years in secular therapy which just taught me I was evil…But anyway, this is the way my body image wound works: I am overweight, pretty much always have been…it started after the abuse. Therefore, I guess you can say I am not exactly “attractive” in the mainstream sense of the word – not beautiful according to this earth, correct, to this broken world? But, I still believe deep deep deep down inside, at the very center of my being, that I must be attractive, and thin, and beautiful, and find a man to love me solely based on that. I still desire objectification, I still desire to be seen as an object. BUT THIS WOUND IS SO DEEP FRIENDS - to the point that I relate to Jesus on this level. How can He “love” me when I am not thin enough? How can He “love” me? Heck, I project my own idea of love upon the Lord, and I just desire to be found attractive, in that way, to Him. It is deep, it has festered, it is bleeding. This is what I know of myself, right now. The Lord continues to reveal the barrier between us, and I just don’t know what to do.

I am not really posting this for any reason other than my therapy appointment is not for another few days and I felt like anonymously, safely, posting my issues, and maybe receiving affirmation and or advice and or your own stories in this area? Or if there is a thread on here that already pertains to this subject where I can talk to others?

My spiritual life: need to go to confession, its been two weeks. I pray a holy hour every day and say the rosary with my mom. Spiritual reading regularly, studying Ignatian spirituality. I believe I have pretty much done everything I possibly can to get well, on my own. I have no idea how to surrender, how to give myself to the Lord, which is why I am going to therapy.

Also, I just graduated from college and am sort of freaking out over vocations – how can I ever be a sister or get married with such a disfigured, deformed sexuality? Will it ever heal? Will this be my cross to bear for all of life on this earth? I realized in therapy my very CENTER of my being is emotional intimacy – my very CENTER, my very AXIS – a true gift from the Lord. Heck, He IS emotional intimacy! Anywho, it is so wounded, my very center. My very self-identity and personhood. What am I to do? Have hope, faith? I just don’t know. I have been fighting so long…there are moments of freedom that stick out in my mind, and I hold onto them, reminding myself that maybe some day I will be able to experience that true freedom.

Thank you for reading and I will appreciate any words you can offer!!! And or questions, or whichever.

 

[Trishie]

Jesus doesn’t have issues with the way you look. Those issues you project upon Him, but they are your personal fears.

When Isaiah gave the prophesy of Jesus in the bible,
this is how he began:

Isaiah 53
**
Who has believed what we have heard?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by others;
a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity;
and as one from whom others hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him of no account."**

Jesus is the best of all humans in His divine nature. It is His Spirit that matters, not His physical form. Jesus was overlooked and criticized, but within Him was and is all goodness and beauty.
Try to remember Isaiah’s prophetic description of Jesus when you feel bad about body and appearance.
Jesus loves you as the unique person you are, created out of God’s love.
What harm was done to you grieves Him…
He does have issues with hurt to children something which you suffered.

Remember the criteria Jesus judges our souls at the judgement.
It is specifically upon our acts of practical kindness to others.
Practical kindness can be given in the smallest ways, a smile, a kind word.
**
31 ‘When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. 34Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” 37Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?” 40And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” 41Then he will say to those at his left hand, “You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.” 44Then they also will answer, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?” 45Then he will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” 46And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.’**

 

[DaughterofGod44]

Jesus doesn’t have issues with the way you look. Those issues you project upon Him, but they are your personal fears.

When Isaiah gave the prophesy of Jesus in the bible,
this is how he began:

Isaiah 53
**
Who has believed what we have heard?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by others;
a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity;
and as one from whom others hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him of no account."**

Jesus is the best of all humans in His divine nature. It is His Spirit that matters, not His physical form. Jesus was overlooked and criticized, but within Him was and is all goodness and beauty.
Try to remember Isaiah’s prophetic description of Jesus when you feel bad about body and appearance.
Jesus loves you as the unique person you are, created out of God’s love.
What harm was done to you grieves Him…
He does have issues with hurt to children something which you suffered.

Remember the criteria Jesus judges our souls at the judgement.
It is specifically upon our acts of practical kindness to others.
Practical kindness can be given in the smallest ways, a smile, a kind word.
**
31 ‘When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. 34Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” 37Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?” 40And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” 41Then he will say to those at his left hand, “You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.” 44Then they also will answer, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?” 45Then he will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” 46And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.’**

Question: don’t they say as goes the body, goes the soul? Doesn’t Jesus look upon my body with disgust then, if that saying is true?

 

[Trishie]

An anonymous Divine Word missionary wrote a beautiful poem, “But” whch highlights the value of even the smallest kindness to others, as we obey Jesus command to love Him in others, to love others as ourselves:

"It was only a sunny smile,
And little it cost in the giving;
But it scattered the night
Like morning light,
And made the day worth living.
Through life’s dark warp a woof it wove
In shining colors of hope and love;
And the angels smiled as they watched above,
Yet little it cost in the giving.

It was only a kindly word, a word that was lightly spoken;
But not in vain,
For it stilled the pain
Of a heart that was nearly broken
It strengthened a faith beset with fears,
And groping blindly through mists of tears,
For light to brighten the coming years,
Although it was lightly spoken.

It was only a helping hand
And it seemed of little availing;
But its clasp was warm,
And it saved from harm
A brother whose strength was failing.
Its touch was tender as angels’ wings
But it rolled the stone from the hidden springs
And pointed the way to higher things,
Though it seemed of little availing.

As for your ‘shewed’ perspectives, injuring a child by abuse is a great deal, and often to much for a child to process in a balanced way, and it can be very difficult to overcome those pathways in the mind, and a person can easily revert to those shewed perspectives even when they’re trying hard not to. Discouragement and disappointment and anxiety can plunge the person back.

However God knows the difficulty that this person faces.
He knows and understands and has compassion.
The person must continue to pick herself or himself up again, and try again. It is the sincere efforts to overcome that He sees.

My love and prayers,

Trishie

 

[Trishie]

Question: don’t they say as goes the body, goes the soul? Doesn’t Jesus look upon my body with disgust then, if that saying is true?

Whoever says that, it’s not the bible, it’s not the Lord. It’s somebody’s saying.

Do you think the dear Lord looks with disgust on badly burned, scarred persons, down’s syndrome darlings, those born with any disability, my brother-in-law because he’s now quadriplegic? ( No, my brother-in-law’s spirit is as cheerful and generous as ever, God’s grace and goodness within his broken body!) my adopted down’s syndrome nephew…in fact two of my siblings adopted five handicapped children between them, two extremely disabled…but they are happy and good, and loved. If anyone wants special prayer, my sister’s adopted downs syndrome son is the first we call upon for his sweet daily prayer!

Does God look down in disgust at Jesus’ disfigured body, bleeding, skin torn off by the scourgers, His pierced hands and feet.

Do you think that Jesus would have appeared after His resurrection with scarred hands and feet and side if God sees a damaged body as disgusting!

No! If God was disgusted at damaged bodies, Jesus body would have been flawless, no scars, no holes that Thomas put his fingers in after the resurrection.

Don’t allow somebody’s saying to determine yourself, a saying by the way that I’ve never heard before in my many years of life.

God bless you dear one.

 

[Trishie]

A Saint for victims of child abuse:

catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=52
Note these lines in the description of her life:

“When her body was exhumed forty years later, it was found to be undecayed, what is known as incorruptible. As is often the case with incorruptible bodies of saints, God chooses not the outwardly beautiful to preserve but those that others despised as ugly and weak. It’s as if God is saying in this miracle that human ideas of beauty are not his. To him, no one was more beautiful than this humble lonely young woman.”

 

[atassina]

Jesus loves all of you body and soul. He would die just for you. He died for this man and loves all of him