Book for NFP Emotional Support?

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Hi all, I enjoy reading and was looking for a book that can help guide me while I try to help my husband come to terms with using NFP. He has read the science side and knows what the Church teaches, but we are struggling to communicate about it with each other.

For example, I express what I think is going on with my cycle and note that I was surprised I didnt get a positive OPK before I got my temp rise (appeared two days after temp rise) and he remarks (as he has before) that I don’t know what I am doing with the charting and I can’t predict my cycle well enough to depend on it. My response is, yes I did question that one part but I do know it well enough to depend on the charts since we are avoiding for x amount of time. He then thinks I dont value his thoughts and expressions and I in turn feel he doesnt think i am also allowed to have my own opinion. This leads to argument and then to me breaking down in tears and emotionally distraught since I just don’t know what to do to help him understand. I have asked him to accompany me on an appointment with an NFP just so he can have more confidence in what my charts say and he refused. I dont want to push too much but the longer this continues (it has now been 6 months or so) I’m having a hard time controlling my emotions when the topic comes up. We didn’t begin our relationship living by the Church’s teaching and now trying to covert is difficult.

any advice or book recommendations that would help?
 
Well, maybe less is more. Instead of “verbalizing” every thought you have about NFP, maybe it’s either a green sticky on the bedroom door or a red sticky on the bedroom door. And that’s all he needs to know.
 
Krislavis said:
Hi all, I enjoy reading and was looking for a book that can help guide me while I try to help my husband come to terms with using NFP. He has read the science side and knows what the Church teaches, but we are struggling to communicate about it with each other.

For example, I express what I think is going on with my cycle and note that I was surprised I didnt get a positive OPK before I got my temp rise (appeared two days after temp rise) and he remarks (as he has before) that I don’t know what I am doing with the charting and I can’t predict my cycle well enough to depend on it. My response is, yes I did question that one part but I do know it well enough to depend on the charts since we are avoiding for x amount of time. He then thinks I dont value his thoughts and expressions and I in turn feel he doesnt think i am also allowed to have my own opinion. This leads to argument and then to me breaking down in tears and emotionally distraught since I just don’t know what to do to help him understand. I have asked him to accompany me on an appointment with an NFP just so he can have more confidence in what my charts say and he refused. I dont want to push too much but the longer this continues (it has now been 6 months or so) I’m having a hard time controlling my emotions when the topic comes up. We didn’t begin our relationship living by the Church’s teaching and now trying to covert is difficult.

any advice or book recommendations that would help?
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I doubt any book has ever been written. Honestly I don’t know how it could given the use emotions and reasons for nfp would vary for every couple.
Perhaps you could clarify. Does he not trust nfp and want to use abc or does he not want to avoid?

My wife and I also used nfp after abc. Your husband may be frustrated. This is something you should address directly with him. What are his thoughts on the matter.

As for him not wanting to accompany you. That’s too bad, but honestly it’s hard to trust anyone with your charts chart interpretation is hit or miss depending on the nfp professional you have.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I doubt any book has ever been written. Honestly I don’t know how it could given the use emotions and reasons for nfp would vary for every couple.
Perhaps you could clarify. Does he not trust nfp and want to use abc or does he not want to avoid?

My wife and I also used nfp after abc. Your husband may be frustrated. This is something you should address directly with him. What are his thoughts on the matter.

As for him not wanting to accompany you. That’s too bad, but honestly it’s hard to trust anyone with your charts chart interpretation is hit or miss depending on the nfp professional you have.
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He doesn’t trust nfp. We used two forms before (condoms and the pill) and now he want to continue “two forms” so he continues the condoms. He says he may be open to stopping to use them if I have a better idea with my cycle but I have four months showing approx length and time of ovulation now and he still won’t trust it. Cycle is usually 35-38 days long and time of o is between day 22-25. Consistently. Add that with the time of avoidance and there shouldn’t be any concerns.

Do you mind if I ask how you finally turned to NFP? Was your wife the one to suggest it? Did you already have kids or no?

We don’t have kids yet (I would like to start trying and he wants to wait a bit longer). It’s just becoming a point of frustration… I’m not sure he realizes how many times a day I think about this.

The nfp professional I see also has her masters in nursing and is a revert to the faith.
 
Krislavis said:
He doesn’t trust nfp. We used two forms before (condoms and the pill) and now he want to continue “two forms” so he continues the condoms. He says he may be open to stopping to use them if I have a better idea with my cycle but I have four months showing approx length and time of ovulation now and he still won’t trust it. Cycle is usually 35-38 days long and time of o is between day 22-25. Consistently. Add that with the time of avoidance and there shouldn’t be any concerns.

Do you mind if I ask how you finally turned to NFP? Was your wife the one to suggest it? Did you already have kids or no?

We don’t have kids yet (I would like to start trying and he wants to wait a bit longer). It’s just becoming a point of frustration… I’m not sure he realizes how many times a day I think about this.

The nfp professional I see also has her masters in nursing and is a revert to the faith.
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We became convinced abc was wrong. I more so than my wife. I also wanted kids before she did. Nfp was a constant source of frustration, it was our single biggest marital issue.
When one partner wants children and the other wants to wait nfp is almost too difficult to practice. Because one person does not recognize a just reason to use it and the other becomes the sex police.
What a shame your husband ants to use two forms. I find that quite odd. I can’t imagine meshing condoms with nfp. Is he Catholic? Does he confess this before communion?
Do you feel used after relations?

I would stop short of refusal of relations, that rarely pans out well. But you might want to talk to him about how having relations with latex makes you feel. If it bothers you at all.

The two forms is concerning, almost a fear or outright refusal of children.

I think before nfp can work for you, that you need to be on the same page.

For the record, I am not a proponent of nfp. I don’t practice it anymore, I don’t teach it anymore. I recognize it is a form of mercy by the Church and that many couples need to and should practice it.

However, it’s not for everyone and it is hard. We abused it in our marriage and we don’t use nfp anymore.

The hope for you is that rarely do two people spiritually grow at the exact same time. So you husband may be a lot like my wife was and move to a catholic view and position. But if that does not happen soon nfp will continue to be a struggle. Especially if he agrees to have children and you conceive quickly. Nfp pp is tricky with cycles. Just like coming off birth control can make cycles different.

I’m sorry you are struggling and I hope you can help your husband achieve heaven.
 
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