Borderline Personality Disorder and Culpability for Sin?

[Holly3278]

Hi everyone. I suffer from two mental disorders, Major Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. Anyway, I went to Confession yesterday morning. I went even though I was having serious doubts about whether or not I could actually make the intent to not sin again. However, by the time I got there, I thought that I had made a firm commitment to myself and to God that I would not commit the sins that I committed again. I remained this way until after Confession on the way home. On the way home, I began to have doubts again. Well, as I was contemplating whether or not to remain committed to not sinning anymore, I decided that I wasn’t going to remain committed to it. And then all of a sudden I increased my speed to the point where I felt I was in a state of mortal sin. Also, when I got home, I got on an Atheist message board and posted reasons why I couldn’t believe in God. You see, the doubts I was having were doubts about whether or not God actually exists. Other than those two things, I did not do anything that would have been considered a mortal sin between Confession and now.

Well, anyway, back to the subject. A priest that used to be the associate pastor at my parish talked to me once about my mental disorders because I asked him to talk to me. This priest had some training in psychology. Well, he told me that he had some pretty serious doubts that I was even culpable for my sins to the point where I could actually commit a mortal sin and so that is what brings me here. He also invited me to pray to God and seek God’s light as to whether or not I am truly culpable enough to commit a mortal sin. I tried to do that but I never reached a conclusion.

So, how do I go about finding out whether or not I am culpable enough to commit a mortal sin? I really don’t know if I am or not. I mean, sometimes I will make the decision to commit a mortal sin practically on a whim. I guess I do it out of a wanting to lead a normal, non-Christian life sometimes. The reason is because I often feel seriously guilty about things that I have done and then I want to be free of the guilt I feel so I basically try to leave Christianity.

I also suffer from a huge amount of anxiety. There have been times in the past when I have had serious paranoid delusions. And there are also many times, even on a daily basis, that I feel like the Devil or demons are trying to tempt me in to sin and that they won’t give up no matter how much I pray to God to make them go away.

So, what advice can you give me? Am I culpable enough to commit a mortal sin or not? If you all can’t decide that, how do I go about finding out? If I am not culpable enough to commit a mortal sin, should I still go to Confession when I feel like I have committed a mortal sin? Please help! I am so confused!

 

[Philotheatoo]

Dear Holly,

I don’t know that absolution is granted based on culpability or, is it granted based on sincerity? I believe the answer is in your heart. If you know that turning away from God is a mortal sin and you do it anyway; there could be your culpability. If you desire reconciliation with Christ through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, your desire alone will take you there. A very wise priest once told me to be careful not to consider myself wiser than God. i.e., if you receive absolution, it is not your choice whether or not to accept it - you have been absolved and that is that. I will pray for your continued strength in staying on the path to The Lord.

 

[reindeer]

Dear Holly,

I don’t know that absolution is granted based on culpability or, is it granted based on sincerity? I believe the answer is in your heart. If you know that turning away from God is a mortal sin and you do it anyway; there could be your culpability. If you desire reconciliation with Christ through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, your desire alone will take you there. A very wise priest once told me to be careful not to consider myself wiser than God. i.e., if you receive absolution, it is not your choice whether or not to accept it - you have been absolved and that is that. I will pray for your continued strength in staying on the path to The Lord.

Holly,
I really agree with this explanation. I returned to the church just a year ago after
being absent 45 years. Just as an illustration I’ve attempted suicide 3 times and
I KNOW I will NEVER attempt that again. I’m 62 and didn’t know I was bipolar
until 8 years ago. It’s better late than never as the saying goes. For the first time
I understood why my life was so difficult. I take 3 psych meds daily to manage
it. I take the meds religiously every day. If you’ve started taking meds for these
issues realize it could take up to 6 weeks for them to work. Also, the meds may
need to be changed. This is NOT an easy or quick fix-it situation. Be patient
with yourself and the meds. Let your doctor know if you become depressed.
I will pray for you.
Lorraine

 

[Barbkw]

What helped me, was to separate the three Divine persons of God and then go searching for each one of them.

Instead of visiting aethiest websites, I’d go hunting for proof of God the Father’s eternity by reading astrophysicist Dr. Hugh Ross’ book titled “Reasons to Believe”.

He was an aethist. Was.

 

[colmcille1]

What helped me, was to separate the three Divine persons of God and then go searching for each one of them.

Instead of visiting aethiest websites, I’d go hunting for proof of God the Father’s eternity by reading astrophysicist Dr. Hugh Ross’ book titled “Reasons to Believe”.

He was an aethist. Was.

Hi Holly,
May I just endorse everything that the good posters have said and add that you are immeasurably Loved by Him!
God Bless,
Colmcille1.

P.S. Barbkw, do you know where I may purchase a copy of Dr. Ross’ book?

 

[NeedImprovement]

The Catechism encourages us to confess venial sins too- not only mortal sins.

I remember being caught in a dilemma for quite some time with an habitual sin. One or two Confessors had suggested to me, that because of its habitualness,some of the culpability may have been mitigated ; and because of that it may not have been a mortal sin.

Then there was this one occasion, one morning before going to Mass, I started to consider the state of my soul, wondering whether It would be permissible for me to receive Holy Communion that morning. I said to God: “You know I’m sorry about it. You know what they ( the confessors) told me about this ‘habitual’ thing too. I need to receive you in Holy Communion Jesus…please forgive it (the most recent commision of the habitual sin)…it’s kind of a big venial sin.”

Well, quite unexpectedly, several moments later, in a corner of my conscience, a voice spoke up : “Are you sure that it’s not a small Mortal sin ?”

Holly, I went straight to the confessional, but I was laughing all the way .I got the message. The next time a confessor had brought up this subject about the mitigation of guilt, I explained to him that I was in Confession because I felt that I had participated in a sin. I told him I was admitting my culpability - not trying to figure out the degree or percentage of my culpability - I said “I’m leaving that part in God’s hands.”

These are only my personal views but I don’t think it should be any more complicated than that; particularly for someone who is dealing with as much as you are presently. Confession is a sacrament of healing, receiveing it means we are admitting we’re wounded… and the Church prays for us when we receive the sacrament of Reconciliation:

**CCC 1422 **
“*Those who approach the sacrament of Penance obtain pardon from God’s mercy for the offense committed against him, and are, at the same time, reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by their sins and which by charity, by example, and by prayer labors for their conversion.” *

Who can say they’ve only gone to Confession once in their lives ? … Please don’t get stuck at questioning whether or not you had the intention to not commit the sin again. You said you did. It is , in part, actually a revulsion for the sin and remorse for committing it which initially draws us to the sacrament of Reconciliation . You’re getting caught between having the intention to not commit sin again and later being tempted to commit the sin again. These are two distinct things. And if you didn’t have the sincerity Philotheatoo mentions, you never would have made it to the Confessional in the first place.

I try to keep it very simple for myself and go when I feel I have to go.

I personally find praying some of the Rosary every day helps in this area and in most areas in general… we need to persevere , but eventually it will begin to have an effect.

I’ll keep you in my prayers Holly, it’s so easy to get confused on the issue of culpability.

If you would permit me to look at this question again with you:

… should I still go to Confession when I feel like I have committed a mortal sin? …

At this point, if we trim away some of the confusion, what you are really asking, based on what the associate pastor advised you, is whether you should stop going to Confession…isn’t it ?

I’m not sure that course of action would prove to be benefical for any Catholic at all.

God Bless + prayers.

 

[aleesmith]

Hi Holly!

I’m Amanda, was diagnosed with BPD over five years ago, and am a traditional Catholic.

In short, your story is my story.

I’ve done and said horrible and unthinkable things when I’ve been emotionally dysregulated and acted impulsively only to find myself at confession the next day. I’ve also obsessively made up reasons why I was “bad” or “evil” so that I had to go to confession even when I hadn’t committed any mortal sins.

I think that it’s very important to find a priest who is compassionate and is educated about BPD. If you are like me, the punishment inside your head is far worse than any kind of penance a priest will give you. Ideally, you’ll find someone who is gentle and patient to help you work through the spiritual end of all of this journey.

It’s taken me a long time to understand that God loves me and, in his infinite goodness and wisdom, has given me the cross of a chronic mental illness as a way to share in the sufferings He experienced in dying for me.

Are you culpable? Probably. I used to label all of my behaviors as “very good” or “very bad” but the truth is that there’s a lot of in between stuff and BPD sometimes prevents us from being able to process that information.

Holly, it gets easier but it will probably never be easy. Surround yourself with people who love and adore you unconditionally.

 

[aleesmith]

Another thought about the subject—

Are you culpable? Probably.

Does God understand when you are desperate to behave one way and your brain directs you behave in a way that is the exact opposite? Yes, yes, yes!

Again this is very difficult for people to understand who aren’t educated about BPD and don’t understand how our brains are fundamentally and radically different.

And while you may not have perfect control over some behaviors, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have any.

God loves you exactly the way you are today!