Bouncing Back and Forth

[Afterman]

Hello Catholic Answers,

I seem to have a habit of bouncing from atheism to Christianity, from atheism to Buddhism or from Buddhism to Christianity.

For instance, one month I will be praying the rosary daily, going to mass every Sunday and going to confession and the next I will be renouncing God and chanting mantras. Right now, however, the powerful words in the Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Sienna (St. Catherine happens to be my patron) is pulling back towards the Church.

I seem to do this constantly, and spiritually it is wearing me to a frazzle. I believe in my heart that I want to abide by the Church and that in some way I understand Christ’s sacrifice. I feel that if I converted to another religion I would be wasting an entire lifetime of dedication to Christ and the saints - that I would be nullifying my baptism, first communion, and the confirmation I worked so hard to get.

Has anyone else experienced this? Can anyone offer some advice on how to stick with one frame of mind? If I go back to church for confession and communion again, I want to go back knowing I’ll stay forever.

 

[Regina7]

I left the Church for quite awhile. While I didn’t look at other religions, I was an angry agnostic. When my daughter was born, I knew I had to make a decision. So I started studying. I started with all the things I disagreed with. I found that what I thought the Church taught (or why) was not true…and the Church made sense. I kept digging deeper and deeper. I did look at other religions. I studied Church history, the Reformation, the saints. And the Church just made sense. I am bound by logic and facts, not emotion, and it was ONLY the Catholic Church that made sense.

I’ve gone through periods of desolation since coming back, and when I think maybe I should look elsewhere, I go back to what I learned. Only the Catholic Church makes sense.

The Catholic Church is Truth. That is why I will never leave again.

I’m not sure this helped you…but I’ll pray for you.

 

[RedFox0456]

I also left the Church for a while, about eight years. I didn’t officially leave, but I definitely wasn’t practicing or even trying to live by faith. I also realized I had to study and wanted to start with all the areas where I heard the most objections against Catholicism. Turns out there were abundant answers and intellectually I was on board. Unfortunately, that really wasn’t enough to keep me going and I did have to find a way to open my hear to the Lord. I actually wound up having it out with God during a mass. Not yelling at Him, but explaining my inability to understand what it was all about. And then during the consecration a fire erupted in my heart (I was very confused and overwhelmed by what was going on, and looking up to see the priest holding the Body and Blood of Christ was just amazing). I don’t actually know why God answered my prayer when so many others have pleaded with Him for the same thing, but I suspect it was the honesty in my prayer to Him. I wasn’t looking for a sign. I was just being honest about my brokenness and failings and my need for Him.

 

[Afterman]

I am bound by logic and facts, not emotion, and it was ONLY the Catholic Church that made sense.

When I read the words of St. Catherine, I understand God’s motives and the qualities of Him and His relationship with the Church. While there are lots of things I understand, sometimes I wonder how it can all apply to my life at this point. I’m struggling with an intense doubt but at the same time I can’t let go of my affection for many aspects of Catholicism, for example its culture of prayer and devotion.

And then during the consecration a fire erupted in my heart (I was very confused and overwhelmed by what was going on, and looking up to see the priest holding the Body and Blood of Christ was just amazing).

I, too, once had feelings like this when the consecration was occurring. However, not anymore. We shouldn’t use our feelings to gauge the truth, but our spiritual intellect, though, right?

 

[RedFox0456]

I, too, once had feelings like this when the consecration was occurring. However, not anymore. We shouldn’t use our feelings to gauge the truth, but our spiritual intellect, though, right?

You are correct that we cannot use feelings alone to gauge the truth. And were it simply a feeling that I was before something amazing it would have been nothing to me. But in that moment I felt such incredible love and mercy to such a degree and at such a time that it could not possibly have originated from myself.

Regardless, my own personal experience is unique to me and therefore cannot be given to someone else. My point was more that one cannot hold to their faith as a purely intellectual concern because God is supra-rational. It doesn’t mean we cast away with reason but rather that reason alone is insufficient.

I definitely still struggle with doubt, sin, and trusting in the Lord so I don’t want to give you some false idea that I am now just sitting in the clouds here. I am indeed down in the trenches fighting my own interior battles. I know that the enemy is cunning and relentless. And I will pray for you. Please pray for me, too.

 

[fred_conty]

Why don’t you put down the things that are bothering you the most…the issues you are having trouble with. Then discuss it with someone who has answers.

I think it would go much better for you to pitch any books or material that is harming you right now.
It would show your good faith to Jesus more. He wants every part of us and he wants us to make a complete commitment to him. So it would show him how committed you are to him be ridding youself of whatever goes contrary to him. It is about showing your goodwill. Half-heartedness defeats this purpose.

And then everyday for at least 10-15 minutes, set aside a special time for you to be in his presense and then in a spirit of love, ask him to help you in your thoughts, and then talk to him in a loving way about your problems. At the end thank him.

Something else I would recommend is the use of the green scapular. This scapular was given to us by Our Lady herself, promising to increase our faith. If you get one, have it blessed, keep it on your person, maybe in a wallet, and say the prayer on the scapular each and every day, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death”. She will definitely keep her promise to you for obvious reasons. If you use this in this way, your problem is now solved. She has given her 100% guarantee if you use it with love and confidence. It dosen’t get better than that.

“I know the sun is shinning even when it isn’t shinning.” Christian hymn