I have struggled with this myself, far more than my (now) fiance. I’ve even felt like the degree to which I struggle and he doesn’t was an indicator that our levels of attraction were not mutual, but I have learned that some are just better able to control themselves. And, as a fellow woman, I can attest to how much more difficult it can be when hormones kick in at different times of the month.
But, sweet girl, you are not a sinner for a struggling, at least I would never say so, and I wouldn’t even say you need to confess for the mere fact of struggling. (Though if you feel especially guilty about it, by all means, confess! It’s a gift.) Sex is natural and wonderful and a gift from God, and though it is meant for marriage, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want it beforehand.
All I can tell you is to do what I’ve been doing: keep praying. Read Gregory Popcak’s wonderful book, “For Better Forever,” which is a Catholic guide to marriage. The chapter that deals with sex is particularly good in helping me keep pre-marriage sex and post-marriage sex in perspective. He writes with a great sense of humor and a lot of enthusiasm, and I promise it’s infectious.
Also, I will say that, though my fiance and I make a point to do lots of activities together and sometimes limit alone time, the more we fall in love, the harder it is to wait on some level. But we’re committed, and we reaffirm that we’re committed ALL THE TIME. I mean, a lot. Like once a week, at least. We are constantly restating to each other that we’re waiting, why we’re waiting, etc. It helps that we do have a finish line in sight (Less than nine months), but even when we were just dating, it helped to remind each other and ourselves of our commitment.
Finally, know that I’m praying for you. My fiance and I are older, and neither of us are virgins, but we’ve abstained during the course of our relationship and are saving our sex life for marriage. We can’t change what happened before we met each other, but we are doing our very best to set ourselves up for a truly wonderful marriage. It has given our relationship an incredible foundation already. We are truly friends and companions, and sex, when it happens, will just be another incredible, wonderful thing we share together, rather than the basis of our relationship. We’ve both been in previous situations with other people where sex was the only thing “sustaining” (I use that term loosely) the relationship. It’s empty and unfulfilling and it makes you feel used, no matter how much you think you love the person you’re having sex with, particularly when the relationship ends. There’s no way around that apart from becoming jaded to the emotional connection that’s supposed to come from sex, and that’s worse than feeling used, in my opinion. After one failed sexual relationship in my very early twenties, I promised myself I wouldn’t have sex again until marriage, and I’m happier with that decision than any other I’ve ever made (apart from the decision to join the Catholic Church). It’s worth it, it’s worth it, it’s worth it.
Much love to you.
Keep fighting that good fight.