Hello, I am new to this forum. i am a 28 year old girl and I have had times in my life where i am really spiritual, saying the rosary daily, mass, etc. UNfortunately i have had a boyfriend for four years who is pretty much agnostic. He doesnt believe or understand that your not supposed to have sexual activity until marriage. He also says it is part of us and our relationship and how he feels close to me. besides the fact that it feels good to him obviousally. but he is so manipulative and is threatening me saying im so unstable and horrible to do this to him. I keep deciding i want to have no sex and be holy and i go to confession and i m good for like a week. and then ig ive in. its happened like four times. he makes me feel so guilty and i also feel like ill never find a guy my age around here who is willing to not have sexual activity nless of course they were holy also. My point is, how do i deal with my bf threatening to leave me and go meet another girl since I try to be good and religious? It would kill me. i also feel like sometimes I mess up with sin. such as Ill end up getting to drunk or something. then i m like, “oh well just commited a mortal sin anyway, might as well give into him” does God look at all the times we try to be good? Its confusing. i just feel like i keep messing up why even try.
Please understands that your boyfriend is not a good man for you. Yourself, you say he is manipulative and threatening. Do you want to spend your life with a manipulative and threatening man? I think you don’t. Don’t be afraid that you won’t supposedly find a man who will as much as wait for sex until marriage. There are such men, well, I am one at 27 years, there are also others of all age categories, who do believe in and observe the abstinence from premarital sex. You may simply need to look at different places from where you usually do because in today’s secular society in a non-Catholic country, it may indeed be difficult to find an abstaining man in normal social circumstances (school, work etc.), but you can look at parish events with normal Catholic parishes (not ones that are “liberal” and think the Church is behind the times or “Rome” is too strict).
Moreover, there are men who are not manipulative or threatening. There is quite a number here in these forums, some of whom are great husbands and fathers and some are single men, some of whom have had poor luck dating (in some cases not in the least because they want to abstain from sex until marriage). This is a forum for discussion, rather than dating (although couples have met here), but there are Catholic dating sites, singles’ clubs, singles’ events and more–just ask around your parish (again, so long as it’s not a parish that thinks premarital sex is okay–unfortunately, there are such communities).
I don’t like giving such advice, but you need to break up with your boyfriend. He is dangerous to your soul (pushing you into premarital sex), your psychic constitution (he manipulates and threatens you into sex, which is abuse) and your general well-being. Concentrate on being in full communion with God and the Church and hold out for a man who will love you and respect you.
And your age is not a last call or anything like that. Yes, it’s time to look seriously for a husband if marriage is your calling, but it’s not time to despair. There is no such thing as time to despair anyway because despair separates us from God. God cares more for you than any man ever could and He won’t leave you alone in your struggles.
