Boyfriend did marijuana last night

  • Thread starter Thread starter Hope_Philomena
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

Hope_Philomena

Guest
I just found out about this, I feel so numb and frozen inside, my heart fell. He has done it once before but said he didn’t like it. But last night he was out until four AM and only texted me now. He’s seventeen, I’m sixteen. I’m horrified.

I’m sorry if I’m not typing cogently, I am just so frozen and crestfallen right now, does that make sense? Is it normal of me to feel like this? I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know what to do. I care about him, he has depression and goes through some mentally difficult times. But the fact that he did marijuana last night, never told me where he was or what he was doing… I feel horrified, I don’t know what to do.

I… Don’t know.
 
I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Where it is legal, there are people who use marijuana recreationally. Don’t fight with him about that.

A person with depression should never self-medicate: not with alcohol, not with pot, not with gambling, not with internet gaming. Even an adult who usually uses alcohol legally and responsibly, for instance, ought to avoid it when depressed. Even a psychiatrist who understands mood stabilizers should never self-medicate his or her depression! If the day were to come, for instance, when psychiatrists prescribe pot for depression, it would be a bad idea to set up self-medication with no oversight on how the patient is handling it.

Encourage your boyfriend to seek help in learning appropriate self-help methods for dealing with depression. “Self-help” are the kinds of things that psychologists tell you to do for yourself when you are depressed. Drinking and doing marijuana or any other drug isn’t on that list, and it doesn’t matter if those things are legal for the patient or not.

As for being out all hours and not telling you, that is a little bit different thing. You’re his girlfriend, maybe his best friend, but you’re not his mother. You should ask him, though, what it was about what he was going to do that he was trying to hide from you.

If he starts lying to you or hiding his use, leave. Do not tolerate that. You won’t be helping him by sticking around and consenting to a slip in integrity. If he trades his integrity for anything else, you ought to go out the door, too. That falls under the category of getting out of a house when a house fire gets too big for you to fight. Don’t second-guess about what you’re leaving behind. Get out.

You can also decide that you won’t tolerate marijuana or drug use, that this is a non-negotiable for you, just as you have the authority to decide you aren’t going to have an intimate relationship with a drinker, a cigarette smoker, someone who is careless with money, and so on. It isn’t about what he has a right to decide, but what you have a right to decide. It is up to you whether to give him one more chance or not, but once you have drawn that line, maintain that boundary. Period.
 
Hope_Philomena said:
I just found out about this, I feel so numb and frozen inside, my heart fell. He has done it once before but said he didn’t like it. But last night he was out until four AM and only texted me now. He’s seventeen, I’m sixteen. I’m horrified.

I’m sorry if I’m not typing cogently, I am just so frozen and crestfallen right now, does that make sense? Is it normal of me to feel like this? I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know what to do. I care about him, he has depression and goes through some mentally difficult times. But the fact that he did marijuana last night, never told me where he was or what he was doing… I feel horrified, I don’t know what to do.

I… Don’t know.
Click to expand...
You are 16 so if you have a boyfriend that is causing you this type of distress then end the relationship and move on. There are far more important things for you to worry about right now and you don’t need these distractions.

Regards,

Dad of two teenage daughters
 
WT1 said:
You are 16 so if you have a boyfriend that is causing you this type of distress then end the relationship and move on. There are far more important things for you to worry about right now and you don’t need these distractions.

Regards,

Dad of two teenage daughters
Click to expand...
I agree. OP, you don’t need this drama. I know easier said than done, but you are 16 you have your entire life ahead of you. It isn’t your job to tolerate bad behaviors to be a good girlfriend. You aren’t his mother, his spiritual director, his confessor.

Dating at your age should consist of fun activities (like min golf, or bowling,or seeing a movie or going to a mall) It shouldn’t consist of drama and anxiety.
 
WT1 said:
You are 16 so if you have a boyfriend that is causing you this type of distress then end the relationship and move on. There are far more important things for you to worry about right now and you don’t need these distractions.

Regards,

Dad of two teenage daughters
Click to expand...
I agree. It sounds too much for a teenage girl to handle. This relationship is not worth it. You are not married. Dating and courting should be for discerning.
 
Hope_Philomena said:
I just found out about this, I feel so numb and frozen inside, my heart fell. He has done it once before but said he didn’t like it. But last night he was out until four AM and only texted me now. He’s seventeen, I’m sixteen. I’m horrified.

I’m sorry if I’m not typing cogently, I am just so frozen and crestfallen right now, does that make sense? Is it normal of me to feel like this? I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know what to do. I care about him, he has depression and goes through some mentally difficult times. But the fact that he did marijuana last night, never told me where he was or what he was doing… I feel horrified, I don’t know what to do.

I… Don’t know.
Click to expand...
I mean, if you to decided that you would not involve marijuana in your relationship then he did just break that and did betray you. Still, forgive and move on. You’re young. If you don’t feel like it’s working than break it off. Also… It’s just marijuana… it’s not that bad… Just makes you feel euphoric for a few hours and that’s it. Trust me it’s not that bad. Alcohol is more dangerous. (I’m not encouraging its usage. If you want to try it that’s up to you.)
 
thephilosopher6 said:
I mean, if you to decided that you would not involve marijuana in your relationship then he did just break that and did betray you. Still, forgive and move on. You’re young. If you don’t feel like it’s working than break it off. Also… It’s just marijuana… it’s not that bad… Just makes you feel euphoric for a few hours and that’s it. Trust me it’s not that bad. Alcohol is more dangerous. (I’m not encouraging its usage. If you want to try it that’s up to you.)
Click to expand...
Let’s be clear here that marijuana is a gateway drug and absolutely not condoned by the Church unless for medical reasons under the supervision of a doctor.

Alcohol is acceptable for people of age who use it responsibly and moderately.

Let’s not confuse teenagers on the morality of these issues please.
 
Patavium said:
I agree. It sounds too much for a teenage girl to handle. This relationship is not worth it. You are not married. Dating and courting should be for discerning.
Click to expand...
👍

If he’s experimenting with this stuff at this age, other undesirable behaviour(s) are almost certain to follow.

It’s always more prudent to set a boundary now, at an early stage, than to put it off till later.

Praying for you, OP. 🙂
 
thephilosopher6 said:
I mean, if you to decided that you would not involve marijuana in your relationship then he did just break that and did betray you. Still, forgive and move on. You’re young. If you don’t feel like it’s working than break it off. Also… It’s just marijuana… it’s not that bad… Just makes you feel euphoric for a few hours and that’s it. Trust me it’s not that bad. Alcohol is more dangerous. (I’m not encouraging its usage. If you want to try it that’s up to you.)
Click to expand...
I agree completely!
 
OP, this guy is seriously troubled and not at all boyfriend material for you. I am sorry to be so blunt but that is the truth. You can pray for him, wish him the best, but the boyfriend-girlfriend thing needs to be over.
 
You can care about someone without being chained to that person. At 16 you have ample opportunity to move on. Do as everyone has said and set sail for a better voyage. Peace and prayers.
 
WT1 said:
Let’s be clear here that marijuana is a gateway drug and absolutely not condoned by the Church unless for medical reasons under the supervision of a doctor.

Alcohol is acceptable for people of age who use it responsibly and moderately.

Let’s not confuse teenagers on the morality of these issues please.
Click to expand...
That’s your opinion. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but it is simply you’re opinion. To my knowledge the Church hasn’t ruled definitely on moderate use of marijuana. Alcohol and tobacco are drugs and the Church does not condemn their moderate use. I personally have never used it and have no desire to do so, but I live in a culture where it is OMNIPRESENT (and I mean EVERYWHERE) and the vast majority of people who smoke it do not use harder drugs. It isn’t typically a gateway to anything. Pot can definitely cause harm, but to my knowledge it doesn’t lead to the scary violence you so often see with alcohol abuse.
 
It is normal to feel what you’re feeling. :hug1:

There were a few things about your post that concerned me. One, that he’s been using marijuana. The second thing is that he has depression. Marijuana is a depressant and is about the last thing would want to use for depression. He needs to see a psychologist about his depression.

That he was out till 4 am doing this was another concern. Where are his parents? Parents shouldn’t allow him out at that hour. There is no reason for him to be out that late.

If you are already suffering over his behavior, it’s time to look for someone else who shares your values.

Marijuana may be legal now in some places, but businesses do not encourage it. Many work places will do a drug screen, and they will not hire people using marijuana.

It also sounds like he has been mixing with the wrong crowd, letting others bring him down.

It’d be better to break it off now, painful as that would be than to wait till more time goes by and you are more involved with him.

You deserve better.
 
twf said:
That’s your opinion. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but it is simply you’re opinion. **To my knowledge the Church hasn’t ruled definitely on moderate use of marijuana. **Alcohol and tobacco are drugs and the Church does not condemn their moderate use. I personally have never used it and have no desire to do so, but I live in a culture where it is OMNIPRESENT (and I mean EVERYWHERE) and the vast majority of people who smoke it do not use harder drugs. It isn’t typically a gateway to anything. Pot can definitely cause harm, but to my knowledge it doesn’t lead to the scary violence you so often see with alcohol abuse.
Click to expand...
The Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

2291 The use of drugs inflicts very grave damage on human health and life. Their use, except on strictly therapeutic grounds, is a grave offense. Clandestine production of and trafficking in drugs are scandalous practices. They constitute direct co-operation in evil, since they encourage people to practices gravely contrary to the moral law.

There are organizations out there to help people quit like Marijuana Anonymous. marijuana-anonymous.org/

People using marijuana often lose interest in everything else. Here are some of the symptoms.

drugfreeworld.org/drugfacts/marijuana/short-and-long-term-effects.html
 
twf said:
That’s your opinion. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but it is simply you’re opinion. To my knowledge the Church hasn’t ruled definitely on moderate use of marijuana. Alcohol and tobacco are drugs and the Church does not condemn their moderate use. I personally have never used it and have no desire to do so, but I live in a culture where it is OMNIPRESENT (and I mean EVERYWHERE) and the vast majority of people who smoke it do not use harder drugs. It isn’t typically a gateway to anything. Pot can definitely cause harm, but to my knowledge it doesn’t lead to the scary violence you so often see with alcohol abuse.
Click to expand...
Pope Francis shares my opinion:

lifesitenews.com/news/pope-francis-slams-liberalization-of-drug-use-as-catholic-trudeau-campaigns

Not to mention that in most states it is illegal to smoke marijuana. By your comments one gets the impression you are a user so just be sure your “opinion” is not just justification for a behavior you want to continue.

Finally this a thread started by a SIXTEEN year old and it is irresponsible to condone drug use.
 
Thank you all for your numerous, in depth replies. I almost wept tears of joy when I came back to this thread and saw all the posts.

What was disconcerting about him being out for so long and not telling me was that it was so unlike him, there’s never been a time where he hasn’t even texted me goodnight. I was worried when I went to bed and when I went to school this morning, and throughout the school day I was increasingly worried. I feared for his life, actually; I was getting a bad feeling because it just wasn’t like him to do this.

I told him that perhaps he should refrain from hanging out with that group of people, but he said that they were the only option that shared his interests in games.

He actually had a very adverse reaction to the marijuana, which only heightens my fear. He said that it wasn’t laced, because four other boys took it and were just fine; he was the only person that reacted the way he did. He fell and hit his head, he couldn’t physically exhale… Because of this, he said he is staying away from marijuana for an “indefinite” amount of time. I don’t know how to go about telling him that I am against him using marijuana at all; he’s very liberal in his thinking, not religious at all. I don’t know how to explain things to him…
 
WT1 said:
You are 16 so if you have a boyfriend that is causing you this type of distress then end the relationship and move on. There are far more important things for you to worry about right now and you don’t need these distractions.

Regards,

Dad of two teenage daughters
Click to expand...
👍👍👍
 
If you accept your boyfriend crossing a line that you say that you are not willing to accept being crossed, than your acceptance is going to be the first of many lines that you are going to accept being crossed.

The result almost always will end in your mid thirties with you being unhappy because you have repeatedly settled for less in life.

When it comes to matters of moral compromise on issues that are that important to you, don’t settle for less. Settling for less becomes very easy, and it quickly turns into lives filled with regret.

(No matter what he says, depression is no excuse for drinking or drug use. Experimenting with an unfamiliar drug has nothing to do with depression. A depressive person is going to turn to something that they know will dull the pain. If they have not have that experience with a drug, the thought will never occur to them to use it to dull the pain.)

You are being fed a line that is pure BS.
 
You cannot help him with his depression, his drug use, his faith, or his late night partying habits.

He needs adult intervention. You could warn somebody who you think might help him, but that is about all you can do.

What is needed here is a parent and most likely a psychiatrist. School administration could get involved as well.

I am not saying to turn your back on him, but do not try to fix him. It is beyond your capability.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top