I have; unfortunately, both of my parents use marijuana and are thus not against it. They thought my boyfriend was irresponsible but don’t see it as a big deal.
I’m the only Christian in my family, one of the only Catholics within 100 miles. It is very difficult to find people to talk to about this, which is why I turned to this website.
I have had a long discussion with my boyfriend, and have told him that I do not wish to be in a relationship with someone who smokes, does drugs, etc. He says that he promises he won’t, and that he does not really care about drugs.
He lost his therapist a couple days ago, but he is currently looking for another. I greatly hope that therapy will help him sort this out. But the area we live in is extremely accepting of marijuana, to the point where you’re less likely to find someone who hasn’t done it.
Many of you mentioned how I am not his parent and am not responsible for his choices, and I cannot save him. I agree, and it is a flaw of mine that I always desperately attempt to save people from their inner demons. It never works out, but I always persistently try. I will attempt to correct my behavior. I know that this is not a prayer request topic, but if any of you have any time to pray for this boy who sometimes goes down the wrong path but has a good soul deep down, please would you do such?
Thank you, so much, for your replies.
This is a quote from a well-known writer on addiction and co-dependency:
*
“A friend, Scott Egleston, who is a professional in the mental health field, told me a therapy fable. He heard it from someone, who heard it from someone else. It goes:
Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress. In his hand, he carried a heavy wooden cane. Each morning, he asked her the same question: " Have you learned everything there is to know yet?" Each morning, her answer was the same. “No.” she said, " I haven’t." The guru would then strike her over the head with its cane.
This scenario repeated itself for months. One day the guru entered the cave, asked the same question, heard the same answer, and raised his cane to hit her in the same way, but the woman grabbed the cane from the guru, stopping his assault in midair.
Relieved to end the daily batterings but fearing reprisal, the woman looked up at the guru. To her surprise, the guru smiled. " Congragulations." he said, " you have graduated “. You know now everything you need to know.”
" How’s that"? the woman asked.
" You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know," he replied. " And you have learned how to stop the pain".” *
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself**
If you are telling the truth about yourself when you say “it is a flaw of mine that I always desperately attempt to save people from their inner demons. It never works out, but I always persistently try,” then you need to break up with your boyfriend. What he truly
does not need right now is a co-dependent rescuer. As you yourself said, no one does, because “it never works out.” For someone who needs to be responsible for himself, though, it would be the worst. You may as well try to help someone with an allergy to pet dander by buying them a puppy or a kitten. The cute little thing is hard to turn down, but running fast the other way is exactly the right thing to do.
Most libraries have Melody Beattie’s books. She has gone through both personal addiction and co-dependency with an addict. Even if you are not an addict or a co-dependent and not interested in a 12-step program, I think you’ll learn a few things from her.
Get over trying to fix other people’s problems. Until you break that habit, stay out of romantic relationships, because you will be ripe to get yourself into one bad one after another.
