Boyfriend non-catholic and too laid back

[kariglez]

Hello, well my problem is that my boyfriend works a night shift and he’s getting his hours cut in September and I tell him to start looking for a better job but he seems to not care. He never seems to really care for anything he just leaves things as they are and waits to see what happens but that really irritates me especially since we have a daughter to care for and he also doesn’t appreciate me going to church since he’s Christian. Every time I tell him to go to church with me its a no and its harder for me to go since he’s the one that drives. I’m really debating on whether to go to a vocational school and get a job because he doesn’t seem to look for a new job anytime soon and I want to make my own money and make decisions for myself but at the same time I dont because I want to stay home and care for my child. I would really appreciate any opinions since I’m in a real pickle.

 

[Viki63]

Dear sister,
Sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time.
It sounds like you are Catholic, since you say your boyfriend doesn’t want you to go to your church because he is Christian. Do you know that Catholics are Christians? They were the first Christians, before anyone else. The Catholic mass is done the way the first Christians, back in St, Paul’s time, celebrated it.
So if you are Catholic, you probably know that living with your boyfriend is a harmful thing to do, both to yourselves and to your child. That’s because people who have a child together should be committed to each other, and to their child. Marriage is a sign of commitment.
Do you plan to marry your boyfriend? If not, I suggest you make a break and go to vocational school, so that you can support yourself and your child. You can get a driver’s license and a car. There are probably programs that will help you achieve your goals.
You could talk to your parish priest about your situation, and he may have some suggestions, since he knows resources in your area.
I raised two kids as a single parent, while I went to school and worked, so I know it can be done.
Discuss the options with your boyfriend. You really can’t have it both ways: to stay home with your child you will need a fully committed relationship with a man you can trust, or to make your own decisions totally you will need to get schooling and a job.
God bless.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Your boyfriend sounds like a boy, not a man. When you tell him what he needs to do, you put yourself in the position of being his mother, basically – not a good dynamic.

So basically you’re in a bind: if you push him into being responsible, you will encourage him to be childlike, unmanly, and irresponsible. If you don’t push him into being responsible, he’ll probably just drift along aimlessly.

The real solution here is that God needs to take hold of your boyfriend’s life. He needs to encounter God, maybe in a retreat, maybe elsewhere. Until that happens, I wouldn’t recommend expecting great things out of him, and I wouldn’t go around blaming him for your own situation, which you yourself are responsible for.

 

[1ke]

Marriage doesn’t change things, lazy, laid back, non-committal are all things that will stay the same. He will only change if he wants to, and it doesn’t sound like he does. Time to move on.

Do what you need to do for your daughter. Talk to your parents about returning home to live with them while you get vocational training.

Be faithful to Christ, including stopping have sex and living with your boyfriend. Show your daughter the good example she deserves.

 

[katy]

All these responses ring true to me. This relationship doesn’t look promising at all.

 

[Julianna]

Hello, well my problem is that my boyfriend works a night shift and he’s getting his hours cut in September and I tell him to start looking for a better job but he seems to not care. He never seems to really care for anything he just leaves things as they are and waits to see what happens but that really irritates me especially since we have a daughter to care for and he also doesn’t appreciate me going to church since he’s Christian. Every time I tell him to go to church with me its a no and its harder for me to go since he’s the one that drives. I’m really debating on whether to go to a vocational school and get a job because he doesn’t seem to look for a new job anytime soon and I want to make my own money and make decisions for myself but at the same time I dont because I want to stay home and care for my child. I would really appreciate any opinions since I’m in a real pickle.

Mama always told my sister and I, “Learn a skill, learn how to do something, I don’t care if it’s tasting pies in a pie factory, or sweeping leaves under a hall tree. A woman’s independence begins with her own money.”

The happily ever after June Cleaver and Donna Reed do not exist anymore. Ladies of the millenial generation “wake up” and smell the coffee. No man is going to “take care of you”. A real man appreciates a successfully fulfilled woman. He is laid back. Oh and he says he’s a Christian, really? As a Catholic you should know, Catholics are Christians. Yes? So he doesn’t want to go to church with you. Take your daughter and go yourself. You don’t drive, well the DMV is licensing drivers every day. The driving handbook is online now. You have friends, family, neighbors, church members? They can assist you getting to church. Yes, indeed, go to school, vocational or whatever you need to do. Tell Prince Charming, that he is charge of the child while you are at school.

Call you parents and tell them you and your daughter are coming home. And go to school.

It’s not too late. Maybe in the meantime, Prince Charming will grow a brain.

 

[Catholic1954]

Hello, well my problem is that my boyfriend works a night shift and he’s getting his hours cut in September and I tell him to start looking for a better job but he seems to not care. He never seems to really care for anything he just leaves things as they are and waits to see what happens but that really irritates me especially since we have a daughter to care for and he also doesn’t appreciate me going to church since he’s Christian. Every time I tell him to go to church with me its a no and its harder for me to go since he’s the one that drives. I’m really debating on whether to go to a vocational school and get a job because he doesn’t seem to look for a new job anytime soon and I want to make my own money and make decisions for myself but at the same time I dont because I want to stay home and care for my child. I would really appreciate any opinions since I’m in a real pickle.

It sounds like you picked the wrong guy to be the father of your child. If raising and providing for her is going to fall on you then maybe vocational school and a good job with benefits and a future is the way to go. Get your driver’s license, start saving for your own car and keep going to Mass, with or without him.