Boyfriend Not Catholic

[midnitstar13]

Hello Im new to this but I had a question.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about our beliefs more closely. We have been talkiing about marriage as well but I’m worried. He is not Catholic, but says that he has an open mind to my beliefs and is willing to convert. He is Protestant, but he believes that the host and wine are just symbols and not the actual body and blood of Christ. I don’t know what I should do. Does anyone have any advice on this sort of issue. Thank you so much.

 

[Viki63]

Hello,
Do you have a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church? It really is essential - you can get it in paperback.
It will explain in clear language why we believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, for both you and your boyfriend. (Basically, because Jesus said it was His body and blood.)
If he’s willing to attend RCIA, maybe you could go together. Then you could sort out what both of you actually believe and understand about the church.
Do Not, please, marry him unless he becomes a Catholic. It’s hard enough when you’re both trying to serve God, it becomes so much harder when your priorities are miles apart. And if you have a sacramental marriage then you will have grace to help you meet whatever comes.
God bless.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

He’s Protestant- they could have a Sacramental Marriage even now if he was baptized.​

Look up interfaith marriages and how they work. What the Catholic has to do, how much the non-Catholic in many ways has to comply with Catholicism. It’s hard, not everyone can do it and it isn’t recommended-- but it isn’t forbidden. This thread will be interesting to watch, and opinions are going to be every which way… I’m in an interfaith relationship. I don’t see anything wrong with them on the surface, but they do take work and two very special people to deal with it. I don’t think different faith, alone, is a deal-breaker.

If he wants to look into becoming Catholic, support him. But make sure he isn’t only converting for you, but for the Faith.

 

[midnitstar13]

thanks for your replies. Our relationship is good right now. The only thing that bothers me is this issue of faith. I firmly believe in the Catholic faith, and thats how I’ve always been brought up. He never was brought up that way. Hes still searching in a way for something he can believe in. His parents have moved around from different churches and he just has never felt strongly for anything.He does believe in God though, that is a given. I do agree on the point that he should convert for the faith and not just for me. I also think that its hard to raise a family thats Catholic when one parent is not fully committed to it. Im probably thinking way ahead of myself, but we’ve been going out for a year and a half and I think its time to address this. Its very hard, but if he’s willing, so am I.

 

[Tinajo]

I also think that its hard to raise a family thats Catholic when one parent is not fully committed to it. Im probably thinking way ahead of myself, but we’ve been going out for a year and a half and I think its time to address this. Its very hard, but if he’s willing, so am I.

I wouldn’t say you’re thinking way ahead of yourself at all - a year and a half is a significant length of time (and to be honest, before I found my husband I used to find myself seriously thinking about whether marriage was a possibility earlier than that!) and if you’re discerning marriage, these are important questions to be asking.

As others have said, there are difficulties in a marriage not sharing the same faith - so I would suggest talking to him about those difficulties. How willing is he for your potential future family to be brought up Catholic? In what ways would he be willing/able to contribute to their spiritual upbringing? How will you both approach explaining that ‘Daddy isn’t a Catholic’ to your children?

If you’re able to talk about these issues, come to agreement on them, and are both willing to put in the effort to make it work, then you’ve got a marriage, and his conversion may or may not happen later on.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is marry expecting him to convert, but it doesn’t sound like you’re doing that anyway

Good luck with the hard conversations!

 

[thenewmrssears]

Hi! Welcome to CAF!

My husband is Lutheran, and I have always been a practicing Catholic! I completely understand your concern. It was about the year and a half mark that we started to discuss faith and its role in our relationship as well.

While Nathan completely appreciates my Faith, and he agrees with a lot of Catholic principles and beliefs, there are some fundamental Catholic principles in which he does not believe. These tend to revolve around the Eucharist [like your boyfriend], the Pope, and the way Catholics feel about Mary and as he calls it “our obsession with saints.”

We got married after we had been together over 3 years [wow!], and it was something we discussed regularly but not often…however, enough to understand where the other stood and how it would affect our relationship.

Nathan has always been willing to attend Catholic Mass with me on Sunday mornings. I would say he maybe misses one Mass a month? He attends Lutheran service with a good friend on Saturday in the early evenings, and I attend that in addition to Catholic Mass about once or twice a month *.

We were married in the Catholic Church, and we went through pre-caana. Prior to pre-caana he and I had already discussed raising children as Catholics and his need to understand why that was important. If he had said we couldn’t raise our children Catholic I would have been outta there. He understands that the Catholic Faith comes first, and while he disagrees with some of the fundamentals he has learned about them in an effort to better understand the Faith.

He has gone out of his way to educate himself in the Catholic Faith so that he can contribute to our children’s upbringing [should God bless us with any]. He has read a few books on Catholic families and education. He has really proven that he is dedicated and committed to raising Catholic children.

If you diocese does a Why Catholic? series [or something similar] I would recommend attending that with your boyfriend. Nathan found it interesting, and it helped demystify some of the misconceptions he had about the Catholic Church. He also read a few books with me The Good News about Sex and Marriage and Holy Sex! These helped him to understand Catholic marriage. He also did a Catholic Bible study with me [on our own]. You can buy a Couples Study Bible from Amazon.com that is based on the Catholic Faith. We used that one. There was a regular Bible as well, so be careful you pick out the right one.

Luckily, he isn’t a fan of artifical birth control so we didn’t have to have that argument. The biggest issue was his parents in the beginning [while we were dating and early in our engagement]. They took huge issue to the fact I was Catholic, because they thought I was going to convert their son or condemn him to hell. They got past that once I attended a few Lutheran services with them and acted in a respectful manner.

It is funny, because my Catholic parents didn’t ever say a word about him being Lutheran. They were just glad he was a Christian. I went to a Lutheran college, so I suspect that they thought I would end up marrying a Protestant.

I think the important thing is to respect his faith. If he wants to convert then that is great! I’ve never made a push for Nathan to convert, and if he someday decides to join the Catholic Church then that is wonderful! If not, I still love him.

I hope that helps. Sorry this is so long. I just went through all of this, so it is fresh on my mind. Feel free to PM me if you want more information on how we dealt with the religion issue. *

 

[manualman]

I faced that back in college. My (at the time GF) was a former catholic evangelical. I made the tought decision that it was going to be a disaster if we kept getting closer and broke it off.

No regrets whatsoever. 9+ years now of marriage to a great catholic woman with no “issues” to screw with how we instruct and raise our kids, how our intimate life works, relatives, etc.

Every situation is different, but for me that was absolutely the right call.