Not to burst your bubble, but he says he has the intention of finding his true love and marrying her. He didnt necessarily say you were his true love and that he wants to marry you personally. Two totally different statements.I have been seeing this guy for a couple months now and when we met he said he has the intention of finding his true love and marrying her and starting a family. That is his dream and mine is a little different. I do like him a lot he’s a great guy and everything perfect marriage material but I am 20 years old it makes me feel like if I want to keep this great guy I am supposed to marry him and start a family when I am finished school. I will be 23 at that point and I know I won’t be ready for all that.
I am terrified to be starting a family and getting right when my life is about to begin. If I wasn’t in school right now I know for a fact he would have asked by now. I am not saying I never want to get married and have a family I just know that I don’t want to do it too soon. My dream is to get my career going and put all my hard work to good use. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation?
You do have a point.Not to burst your bubble, but he says he has the intention of finding his true love and marrying her. He didnt necessarily say you were his true love and that he wants to marry you personally. Two totally different statements.
True, but if the OP does not think she would be ready for marriage any time soon, then it seems that if she continues this relationship she is really wasting the time of this young man.Not to burst your bubble, but he says he has the intention of finding his true love and marrying her. He didnt necessarily say you were his true love and that he wants to marry you personally. Two totally different statements.
It sounds like the young man was just making an overall statement of what he would like to have some day. It doesnt sound like he was pressuring her to marry and we dont even reasonably know if even he thinks he’s ready. Given the circumstances (2 months into a relationship/friendship), it sounds like he was simply making a generalized statement and OP is making several assumptions. Just my two cents.True, but if the OP does not think she would be ready for marriage any time soon, then it seems that if she continues this relationship she is really wasting the time of this young man.
Now some Catholics would state that the OP shouldn’t even date unless she herself is ready to discern marriage.
I wouldn’t go that far, but if the young man was posting here, and stated he was looking to find a wife, had been dating the OP for a few months, and sensed she was reluctant to marry for the next two to three years, then I’d ask him, why he was wasting his time. Why pressure a young lady to marry who isn’t ready?
The way to find out is to just jump in there and ask him. Just say, “John, you said that you are looking to find the woman you want to marry. I’ve become concerned about that, because I have planned to hold off on marriage for at least ___ years. If we were to fall in love, that would be a very long time for me to ask you to wait, since you seem to feel ready to marry soon. Should we maybe talk about whether there is even a middle ground between the shortest time I’d consider waiting and the longest time that you’d consider waiting for marriage? I care too much about you to put you through the wringer. So…what do you think? Shouldn’t we talk about this before we’re in any deeper?”It sounds like the young man was just making an overall statement of what he would like to have some day. It doesnt sound like he was pressuring her to marry and we dont even reasonably know if even he thinks he’s ready. Given the circumstances (2 months into a relationship/friendship), it sounds like he was simply making a generalized statement and OP is making several assumptions. Just my two cents.
How do you know for a fact? Unless this guy came right and said ‘If you weren’t in school, I would propose right now’, you do NOT know for a factIf I wasn’t in school right now I know for a fact he would have asked by now.
Exactly. OP should just come right out and ask him what he meant by that statement and then it will all be made clear.The way to find out is to just jump in there and ask him. Just say, “John, you said that you are looking to find the woman you want to marry. I’ve become concerned about that, because I have planned to hold off on marriage for at least ___ years. If we were to fall in love, that would be a very long time for me to ask you to wait, since you seem to feel ready to marry soon. Should we maybe talk about whether there is even a middle ground between the shortest time I’d consider waiting and the longest time that you’d consider waiting for marriage? I care too much about you to put you through the wringer. So…what do you think? Shouldn’t we talk about this before we’re in any deeper?”
Well, no, because he may not even know the answer. He may say, “don’t worry about leading me on; I can take care of myself.” The point is to open lines of communication and for the OP to let him know that a) she has firm plans she intends to stick to and b) she does care about how her resolve to stick to her plan might affect him. That does not mean they’re going to arrive at answers to questions that neither one of them could even answer for herself or himself. It may help a bit in establishing a willingness to talk directly instead of hinting, guessing, and making assumptions as a foundation of the relationship.Exactly. OP should just come right out and ask him what he meant by that statement and then it will all be made clear.