Boyfriend with HPV

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cows94

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Hi CAF,

I’m a virgin. I’ve only kissed my boyfriend. Unfortunately my boyfriend has a past and has slept with 3 girls, and none of them were virgins. He has had genital warts on and off for 5 years, no more than 2 at a time. He has had them burnt off with liquid nitrogen but they come back.

I see myself marrying my boyfriend but i’m worried about getting HPV and genital warts. I’ve read to avoid sex while the warts are present and use a condom even if they aren’t there to prevent HPV. Unfortunately as Catholics, we don’t believe in using condoms. If I were to marry him, would I have to risk HPV and just avoid sex if warts were present? Any advice appreciated 😊
 
Have you talked with a doctor or gyn? I personally think that’s what you ought to do, and I don’t mean the internet! I could be wrong but I think there’s a vaccine that’s available for women between certain ages, you may want to ask about that. Other than whatever advice the doc/gyn gives you, it may very well be that you’ll have to risk it during those times when they’re not present. After all, there’s really nothing else that he, your boyfriend, can do about it (that I know of).
 
GreyRabbit said:
Have you talked with a doctor or gyn? I personally think that’s what you ought to do, and I don’t mean the internet! I could be wrong but I think there’s a vaccine that’s available for women between certain ages, you may want to ask about that.
Click to expand...
Agreed, definitely talk to a doctor. A person with HPV (and their spouse) has life-long considerations to make, but there’s a lot of relatively-good news your doctor will be able to share with you. If my wife had HPV, it would be a bit of a hurdle to clear, but wouldn’t be a deal-breaker.
 
The vaccine *may *help the OP not to develop HPV but keep in mind there are many many strains. The vaccines only prevent the 2-4 most prevalent that cause genital warts and cervical cancer. If her boyfriend has other strains she will not be protected.

This is the price of premarital sex and his future wife (whether that’s you or someone else, OP) now has to deal with his past behavior. It’s a tough decision OP. Good luck.
 
Sadly, I just wonder if you need to accept that sooner or later you would be infected even if you were able to use protection. Protection has a chance of failing even if you could use it.
In five, ten, twenty, thirty, forty years of marriage, I would think infection sooner or later would be a certainty?
So can you handle that?
And can you handle the fear of …when will it happen and how you’ll cope?
How would that fear affect your relationship on a long-term basis?

These are questions you may need to ask yourself?
Part of accepting your boyfriend in marriage would have to be accepting reality, because marriage is a long time, and the initial emotions leading you to marry can fade, over the years and with tensions.
Facing the fact that you are unlikely to be able to escape infection sooner or later, do you hope in medical science coming up with a cure-all?

It’s sad you should be facing such questions when you hadn’t initiated the problem.
If you decide to marry your friend, you may need to thoroughly research the possibilities and probabilities, including with your medical professional, I would think.

Prayers, best wishes.
 
Almost all people (90 - 99%) contract some form of HPV at some point in their lives. It is the virus which causes warts.
For most people it is not a problem. Also for most people their immune system is able to eventually eliminate the virus.

On the down side there are a small number of strains of HPV which can cause health complication, like Cervical Cancer. There is a vaccine available against those specific strains of this virus. Your Medical care team such as a Gynie should be able to give you proper advice in this area.

If your boyfriend has had warts for a long time, or they have re-occurred over several years without re-infection by new strains of the virus, he may need the effectiveness of his immune system investigated. The body should be able to fight off and suppress this virus or illuminate it completely once re-infection with new strains can be prevented. - If His immune system is weak there may be an anti-viral drug available to assist him to fight off the current infection.

Again these are all issues to discuss with your medical professionals. I am not one.

I would also point out: Warts, while ugly and uncomfortable are not a serious problem for the vast majority of people.
It is only in cases where either repeated reinfections occur, or the body is unable to fight off the infection that they pose a cancer risk, with cervical and throat cancers being possible outcomes due to the un-suppressed, prolonged infection by a very small proportion high number of possible strains.

I would recommend that you seek this vaccine, and take proper advice about the risks to you and your boyfriend.

This should not be a “Deal Breaker” for your relationship.
 
I am still not giving medical advices and that has nothing to do with the fact that I can’t bill anyone.

You should think this thru one more time. As you said, he has a past. How sure are you that HPV is the only thing he has? And it is a very nasty, and very hard-to-treat thing. What is on the surface is nothing compared to what you don’t see. I would suggest that you Google HPV and then talk to your doctor. I am really sorry for being the one with bad news, but I am use to it, the risk is high. Much higher then what I would take. I understand that you love him, and that you want to marry him. That is OK, and if he has the same feeling, it should be fine. In the end it is up to you, and your BF, but promise me you get all information on HPV you can get, talk to your doctor, and then think once more, OK? I hope everything will be all right, but use also your head, not only your heart.
 
anruari said:
This should not be a “Deal Breaker” for your relationship.
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I disagree. This would most definitely be a deal breaker for me.

Some mistakes have consequences that are far reaching and cannot be undone.
 
It is my understanding that guys don’t usually have recurrences of HPV unless they are continuing to be exposed. I think you should seriously consider the ramifications of this situation.
 
anruari said:
Almost all people (90 - 99%) contract some form of HPV at some point in their lives. It is the virus which causes warts.
For most people it is not a problem. Also for most people their immune system is able to eventually eliminate the virus.

On the down side there are a small number of strains of HPV which can cause health complication, like Cervical Cancer. There is a vaccine available against those specific strains of this virus. Your Medical care team such as a Gynie should be able to give you proper advice in this area.

If your boyfriend has had warts for a long time, or they have re-occurred over several years without re-infection by new strains of the virus, he may need the effectiveness of his immune system investigated. The body should be able to fight off and suppress this virus or illuminate it completely once re-infection with new strains can be prevented. - If His immune system is weak there may be an anti-viral drug available to assist him to fight off the current infection.

Again these are all issues to discuss with your medical professionals. I am not one.

I would also point out: Warts, while ugly and uncomfortable are not a serious problem for the vast majority of people.
It is only in cases where either repeated reinfections occur, or the body is unable to fight off the infection that they pose a cancer risk, with cervical and throat cancers being possible outcomes due to the un-suppressed, prolonged infection by a very small proportion high number of possible strains.

I would recommend that you seek this vaccine, and take proper advice about the risks to you and your boyfriend.

This should not be a “Deal Breaker” for your relationship.
Click to expand...
Many people contract it because of sexual promiscuity therefore it’s not “no big deal.” Also, it would probably be a deal breaker for many who are virgins. I don’t think it’s fair to tell OP that it shouldn’t be.
 
Dear cows94,

You may also want to look into the effects of HPV on newborns, since your future children could become infected. It sounds like a very virulent strain infects your boyfriend, since it reoccurs.

God bless you! I know that this must be very hard!
 
Hi and Welcome to CA!
Something that you are not mentioning is whether or not he’s a practicing Catholic. When dating and old enough to make the decision to marry, there is a discernment process. Many aspects of the person should be looked as soberly and with a clear mind. I want to congratulate you on remaining chaste, especially in this culture! Those who have sex before it’s time get the hormones involved and then have a very hard time looking at the situation with a clear head. Personally, if he wasn’t a practicing Catholic, a man who wishes to follow Christ with his life, and bring that into a marriage and family life, that would be the deal breaker for me. Any other issues would fall behind that most important detail. I hope you are considering this, for your future and your children’s future!
 
OP, only you can decide which crosses you are willing to bear when you choose your spouse. However, strictly speaking, it can be done. My wife and I have a similar situation, and we have been married 10 years and have 6 children. We abstain more from NFP than anything caused by our other problem.

Talk to a doctor. It’s not impossible, but you need to be honest and up front with him if you decide it’s not worth it.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It is my understanding that guys don’t usually have recurrences of HPV unless they are continuing to be exposed. I think you should seriously consider the ramifications of this situation.
Click to expand...
This should definitely be a concern. I was just reading about sexual diseases last night (You know, standard bedtime reading), and genital warts are really rare to have come back. There is a chance they are coming back on their own, but I’m sorry to say they come back usually because the person is having sex with someone else who has genital warts, not because they simply refuse to die. This is something you should seriously discuss with your boyfriend. I would also get him tested for other sexual diseases, and as others have said, think very hard about continuing this relationship. If the girl I loved had a sexual disease like this, it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker, but it would put a lot into perspective and you should think about this before you do anything you end up regretting.
 
PennyinCanada said:
Something that you are not mentioning is whether or not he’s a practicing Catholic.
Click to expand...
This is the first thing I thought of when reading that post.
Personally, if he wasn’t a practicing Catholic, a man who wishes to follow Christ with his life, and bring that into a marriage and family life, that would be the deal breaker for me. Any other issues would fall behind that most important detail. I hope you are considering this, for your future and your children’s future!
Click to expand...
This is similar to the advice I’d give. Part of that is due to me being biased because I married a non-practicing, non-Catholic who ended up dumping me. I would think long and hard about this situation. While we all make mistakes, we’re dealing with a person that has slept around and caught something. Marrying such a person means that you’ll very likely get it also. Now what happens if this person leaves?

I personally would not get involved with a person with any type of STD if I were single. However, if I were to even consider it, that person would have to be a hardcore practicing Catholic that repented their past sins, and had a few years of observable good behavior to prove it.

I recommend to the OP to take a very serious look at the situation before taking the plunge. The OP appears to have an excellent set of morals, and she has every right to demand the same of a potential spouse.
 
I received the gardasil 3 series vaccination 4 or 5 years ago. The doctor simply said never have unprotected sex and don’t have sex at all when warts are present. 🤷 I love my boyfriend and couldn’t imagine breaking up with him because he has HPV. If we were to marry I will just have to avoid when warts are present and get tested yearly for HPV and have pap smears. Thanks for your help.🤷
GreyRabbit said:
Have you talked with a doctor or gyn? I personally think that’s what you ought to do, and I don’t mean the internet! I could be wrong but I think there’s a vaccine that’s available for women between certain ages, you may want to ask about that. Other than whatever advice the doc/gyn gives you, it may very well be that you’ll have to risk it during those times when they’re not present. After all, there’s really nothing else that he, your boyfriend, can do about it (that I know of).
Click to expand...
 
Thanks Peter. I was wondering does anyone in the forum have experience with genital warts? Please feel free to PM me.
Peter12rb said:
Agreed, definitely talk to a doctor. A person with HPV (and their spouse) has life-long considerations to make, but there’s a lot of relatively-good news your doctor will be able to share with you. If my wife had HPV, it would be a bit of a hurdle to clear, but wouldn’t be a deal-breaker.
Click to expand...
 
True. I’m very hurt he has a past and has slept with other girls. But I care for him very much and he is a practicing Catholic now. 🤷
GraceUnderFire said:
The vaccine *may *help the OP not to develop HPV but keep in mind there are many many strains. The vaccines only prevent the 2-4 most prevalent that cause genital warts and cervical cancer. If her boyfriend has other strains she will not be protected.

This is the price of premarital sex and his future wife (whether that’s you or someone else, OP) now has to deal with his past behavior. It’s a tough decision OP. Good luck.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you for giving me a lot to think about. Very helpful Francie 👍
Francie3 said:
Sadly, I just wonder if you need to accept that sooner or later you would be infected even if you were able to use protection. Protection has a chance of failing even if you could use it.
In five, ten, twenty, thirty, forty years of marriage, I would think infection sooner or later would be a certainty?
So can you handle that?
And can you handle the fear of …when will it happen and how you’ll cope?
How would that fear affect your relationship on a long-term basis?

These are questions you may need to ask yourself?
Part of accepting your boyfriend in marriage would have to be accepting reality, because marriage is a long time, and the initial emotions leading you to marry can fade, over the years and with tensions.
Facing the fact that you are unlikely to be able to escape infection sooner or later, do you hope in medical science coming up with a cure-all?

It’s sad you should be facing such questions when you hadn’t initiated the problem.
If you decide to marry your friend, you may need to thoroughly research the possibilities and probabilities, including with your medical professional, I would think.

Prayers, best wishes.
Click to expand...
 
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