Boys and girls and boys who like girls ^_^

[Nevarlander]

So I’m trying to figure something out. This may well come off as inflammatory, but I need to complain.

Men I know (the ones that are worth marrying) say they look for smart women, and they marry them, but by the sample I’ve seen of these marriages these women are also hot. Why don’t they just admit they want hot chicks?

In my experience they also say that they don’t like women with makeup, they like them to look natural, but then why do they pay so much more attention to you when you’re wearing makeup?

These are good Catholic boys (grown-up men, some of them) I’m talking about, so don’t go saying, “Oh, real Catholic men are different.” It doesn’t seem true.

 

[1ke]

Men I know (the ones that are worth marrying) say they look for smart women, and they marry them, but by the sample I’ve seen of these marriages these women are also hot. Why don’t they just admit they want hot chicks?

Why is this an either/or proposition?

A woman should be the most beautiful person in the eyes of their husband, and vice versa. Personally, I think my DH is hot. Does that negate all of the qualities that were my top priorities: faithful Catholic man; trustworthy; stable; loving; and smart? No.

All of the guys I know who are faithful, loving Catholic men and husbands were attracted to their wives personalities, holiness, and character. The package that character comes in varies from knock-out gorgeous to chubby and mousy and everything in between.

I’m sure it seems to you that these men are being hypocritical, but I think youneed to look around at church, you will see couples that are not “hot”-- they are just average people. Short, tall, balding, chubby, skinny, glasses, funny noses, and more.

In my experience they also say that they don’t like women with makeup, they like them to look natural, but then why do they pay so much more attention to you when you’re wearing makeup?

Did you stop to think that perhaps you act differently when you are wearing makeup. I know that when I would put on makeup, do my hair, put on an outfit I thought was “cute” and go to a function or on a date I had that little extra boost of confidence in myself. It’s the confidence, not the makeup. I don’t really look different with makeup, and DH doesn’t care if I wear it or not. But, I know there is a difference in me when I feel like I look like a million bucks. And, that confidence is attractive to men.

These are good Catholic boys (grown-up men, some of them) I’m talking about, so don’t go saying, “Oh, real Catholic men are different.” It doesn’t seem true.

When you meet the real Catholic man who is right for you, you will be “hot” in his eyes and he will be “hot” in yours-- regardless of whether either of you would ever make it on the “next top model” show!

Truly, let go, relax, and don’t worry about it. Develop the qualities in yourself that will make someone a great partner on the path to holiness. The rest will take care of itself.

I really think you are seeing what is not there.

 

[catechumen08]

Men I know (the ones that are worth marrying) say they look for smart women, and they marry them, but by the sample I’ve seen of these marriages these women are also hot. Why don’t they just admit they want hot chicks?

Well, personally, I prefer smart and beautiful, inside and out. If you’re just looking to date someone, then I can see why you’d want to date a “hot chick”, regardless of intelligence. The thing is, if you’re looking to marry someone, you’re going to look beyond physical beauty.

In my experience they also say that they don’t like women with makeup, they like them to look natural, but then why do they pay so much more attention to you when you’re wearing makeup?

Personally, I don’t like too much makeup on a girl. Light makeup is fine, though. Putting on too much makeup is like hiding yourself, and I won’t be able to see who she truly is.

These are good Catholic boys (grown-up men, some of them) I’m talking about, so don’t go saying, “Oh, real Catholic men are different.” It doesn’t seem true.

I can’t really comment on that; only thing I know is what I want.

Anyway, just my $0.02.

 

[Nevarlander]

I see all the average couples, yes, but I am a very shallow person, require men to be objectively pretty (defined as “someone who more that 50% of women would find attractive”) along with all the other things, and refuse to settle for one who isn’t. This is its own set of problems, but I’m admitting it. The problem is that these men I’m talking about, whether objectively pretty or not, also tend to choose to marry women who are objectively hot as well as brainy. Which I see as shallowness they’re not willing to admit, because I honestly think that this correlation means that it is an important factor. All I’m asking for is that people admit they want someone physically attractive rather than being ashamed of it.

And I don’t do makeup. That was an observation of a friend who wears it for “dress-up” occasions and doesn’t act any differently when doing it. But the men who treat her differently cause far more feminine fluttering than they merit, so I think that’s probably more “that type of man” (who are fairly shallow and do not have a proper respect for women) than anything.

 

[catechumen08]

I see all the average couples, yes, but I am a very shallow person, require men to be objectively pretty (defined as “someone who more that 50% of women would find attractive”) along with all the other things, and refuse to settle for one who isn’t. This is its own set of problems, but I’m admitting it. The problem is that these men I’m talking about, whether objectively pretty or not, also tend to choose to marry women who are objectively hot as well as brainy. Which I see as shallowness they’re not willing to admit, because I honestly think that this correlation means that it is an important factor. All I’m asking for is that people admit they want someone physically attractive rather than being ashamed of it.

Well, I agree that some degree of initial physical attraction needs to exist in order for things to get started, but physical attraction fades, and at the end of the day, what you’re left with is what’s inside and who that people really is.

Personally, I don’t think guys are afraid of admitting that they’re looking for someone whom they deem to be attractive; at least I know I’m not.

And I don’t do makeup. That was an observation of a friend who wears it for “dress-up” occasions and doesn’t act any differently when doing it. But the men who treat her differently cause far more feminine fluttering than they merit, so I think that’s probably more “that type of man” (who are fairly shallow and do not have a proper respect for women) than anything.

Well, I guess the question I want to ask is - why is she “dressing up” to begin with? The act of “dressing up” necessarily entails eliciting such responses from men, in my opinion. So if you’re not looking for that kind of response, then don’t do something that is likely to cause it. In this case, I think both the guy and the girl are equally responsible.

 

[Nevarlander]

Well, I guess the question I want to ask is - why is she “dressing up” to begin with? The act of “dressing up” necessarily entails eliciting such responses from men, in my opinion. So if you’re not looking for that kind of response, then don’t do something that is likely to cause it. In this case, I think both the guy and the girl are equally responsible.

Formal occasions. The kind of thing where it’s what you’re supposed to do for the occasion (like hats at Ascot).

 

[1ke]

Which I see as shallowness they’re not willing to admit,

I think you are projecting your own issues onto other people.

 

[Nevarlander]

I think you are projecting your own issues onto other people.

Oh, I admit my shallowness. I just honestly think that most people are worse than they are willing to admit to themselves, except for living saints, who are better than they admit to.

 

[Nevarlander]

This thread was ill-advised. I just like to complain. On the inside I know I need to become better before I start attracting what I’m interested in rather than creepy guys and nerds (what I normally get), but at the same time, I don’t want to bother, because I probably won’t get the results I want anyway. COMPLAIN.

 

[catechumen08]

This thread was ill-advised. I just like to complain. On the inside I know I need to become better before I start attracting what I’m interested in rather than creepy guys and nerds (what I normally get), but at the same time, I don’t want to bother, because I probably won’t get the results I want anyway. COMPLAIN.

Haha, what have you got against nerds? I was a big nerd, probably still am! Nerds are good for many things, you know, like showing you how to level up really fast in D&D, taking you to Star Trek conventions, and enumerating the many advantages of living in the parents’ basement. Haha, just kidding!

Right now, I’m happy that I am indeed attracting the kind of girls that I like, as in traditional, devout Catholic girls. I also attract other types of girls. It’s actually kind of interesting, I either attract the “bad girls” or the “good girls”, not much in between, though. Oh well, what are you gonna do.

And oh, just a suggestion - guys don’t find attractive girls who like to complain too much. Hey hey hey, haha, that rotten tomato was so uncalled for!

 

[wynd]

And oh, just a suggestion - guys don’t find attractive girls who like to complain too much. Hey hey hey, haha, that rotten tomato was so uncalled for!

 

[Delphinus85]

I hate to say this, because I know it almost ever helps, but I know almost EXACTLY how you feel. Matter of fact, I used to say the same exact thing, but change out “good catholic boys” with “good christian boys” (I was protestant) The matter was made worse when a “good christian boy” basically dumpd me because I was “too ugly.” Seriously! I met a guy who was drop dead handsome though (and a catholic) and that day, I don’t even think I was wearing makeup! But I was confident that day. There is no makeup, or pant size to compare to confidence. I married that handsome boy, and to this day he can always tell when I am feeling “sexy” or not, because I reflect it. Now here is the real proof of it all:

There was a “good christian boy” who only looked at the drop dead gorgeous girls. I hated that boy! But as I got more confident (thanks to the help and patience of my then boyfriend/fiancee/husband later, That boy who I though wouldn’t look at my twice was chatting with one of our mutual friends who told me that he admitted that had I been single, he would have made a pass at me.

So please trust me when I say that looks seems to matter only %10 to the boys! It’s all about confidence. COnfidence makes you look good to them not only physically but it really shows how cool and collected and SMART you are! And the thing with the makeup is tht for some women it makes you seem more beautiful…to yourself! ANd that in turn makes you strut a bit more ad hold your head up. That’s all! My husband barely notices I’m wearing makeup, he just notices when I am feeling good about myself.

 

[Nevarlander]

Haha, what have you got against nerds? I was a big nerd, probably still am! Nerds are good for many things, you know, like showing you how to level up really fast in D&D, taking you to Star Trek conventions, and enumerating the many advantages of living in the parents’ basement. Haha, just kidding!

Nothing against nerdiness in itself, but in my experience nerds don’t know how to treat girls properly because all their friends are fellow nerdy boys. That’s why I’m racist against dating nerds. If I could meet one who knew how to interact with women besides their sisters or the women in internet porn, we might be good to go.
And I already know how to level fast in 2E AD&D:

1. Find a DM who knows the monster manual backwards and forwards and is powerleveller-friendly, so will give you monsters with the highest ratio of XP/HP.
2. Play Forgotten Realms setting and roll a kensai.
3. Profit. Kensai are walking Cuisinarts.

And about your interest in “traditional Catholic girls”: If you like them meek and willing to go along with whatever you say, that’s part of why I have such a problem with good Catholic boys and I think you might want to reconsider your definition. In my circle, that’s part of the definition of “traditional Catholic girl”, and quite a few of the younger men seem to insist on this being a characteristic of any woman they’d marry. It’s rather unpleasant if their opinions are denigrating of women and you have no self-esteem (which is over-rated, but might be useful in certain situations.).

As to the poster on confidence: this sounds dumb to outside ears, but I refuse to try and become confident in myself. Pretending you don’t suck if you do would just make me look retarded to the kind of eyes I’m trying to attract. I want someone who can see through BS, and fake-confidence is that.

This thread is filled with issues and fail on my side. I’m never dating someone on CAF, though, so don’t really care.

 

[catechumen08]

Nothing against nerdiness in itself, but in my experience nerds don’t know how to treat girls properly because all their friends are fellow nerdy boys. That’s why I’m racist against dating nerds. If I could meet one who knew how to interact with women besides their sisters or the women in internet porn, we might be good to go.

Well, that’s your stereotypical definition of what a nerd is. For me personally, yes, I studied hard in school, because I wanted a career. But just because someone works hard doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a nerd. There’re plenty of guys who aren’t nerds but don’t know how to treat a lady, either. So, in categorically saying that nerds don’t know how to treat women is a bit unfair, in my opinion.

And I already know how to level fast in 2E AD&D:

1. Find a DM who knows the monster manual backwards and forwards and is powerleveller-friendly, so will give you monsters with the highest ratio of XP/HP.
2. Play Forgotten Realms setting and roll a kensai.
3. Profit. Kensai are walking Cuisinarts.

Oh boy, you might just be a teeny weeny more nerdy than I am! Because I have no idea what you just said, haha!

And about your interest in “traditional Catholic girls”: If you like them meek and willing to go along with whatever you say, that’s part of why I have such a problem with good Catholic boys and I think you might want to reconsider your definition. In my circle, that’s part of the definition of “traditional Catholic girl”, and quite a few of the younger men seem to insist on this being a characteristic of any woman they’d marry. It’s rather unpleasant if their opinions are denigrating of women and you have no self-esteem (which is over-rated, but might be useful in certain situations.).

I just wanted to clarify that that is not my definition of what a traditional, devout Catholic girl is. In fact, I much prefer independent women. I think it’s very attractive when a girl does not always go along with whatever a guy says. Keeps things interesting, in the very least.

This thread is filled with issues and fail on my side. I’m never dating someone on CAF, though, so don’t really care.

Don’t beat yourself up too much, kiddo! Just let things go naturally and don’t force things, and you should be fine.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Nothing against nerdiness in itself, but in my experience nerds don’t know how to treat girls properly because all their friends are fellow nerdy boys. That’s why I’m racist against dating nerds. If I could meet one who knew how to interact with women besides their sisters or the women in internet porn, we might be good to go.

Hey! You’ve obviously never met my bf! He’s a nerd, and knows how to treat a lady properly! I’ve had to educate him on the finer points a little bit, like the difference between something romantic and pampering, for example, but he’s totally willing to learn.

I’ll ask for his opinion on this thread tonight, I think he’s more qualified to answer your questions than I am.

 

[KCT]

Maybe some of these smart women become “hot” because a good man loves and cherishes them. —KCT

 

[Nevarlander]

Well, that’s your stereotypical definition of what a nerd is. For me personally, yes, I studied hard in school, because I wanted a career. But just because someone works hard doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a nerd. There’re plenty of guys who aren’t nerds but don’t know how to treat a lady, either. So, in categorically saying that nerds don’t know how to treat women is a bit unfair, in my opinion.

I’m perhaps mixing “nerd” and “geek” too much. The terms have gained all sorts of fine gradations, like how “emo” these days means someone who listens to that **** like My Chemical Romance rather than Dashboard/Promise Ring/Postal Service fans, and I don’t like it. Geeks I am fine with, because they like nerd culture but can hold down real jobs and talk to girls. Pure nerds, like the guy who walked up to me in a bookstore and attempted to use a bizarre anime version of “What’s your sign?” on me, or my old boyfriend who was obsessed with Warhammer 40K figurines and so socially stunted he couldn’t even treat his sister properly, are no fun. Do we understand each other now without either of us being offended?

I always hope that when someone says they know something about D&D, they’re serious. I have no one to play with around here, and do enjoy it (though it’s not my life). It was to the point where my girlfriend in Virginia and I were going to play by email, because both like it and my girlfriend is a shut-in.

And thank you for not being a jerk like so many of the guys at my college and thinking a “traditional” girl is necessarily passive. <3 <3 <3 <3 I’m not traditional, anyway, but for the sake of the ones that are.

 

[puzzleannie]

So I’m trying to figure something out. This may well come off as inflammatory, but I need to complain.

Men I know (the ones that are worth marrying) say they look for smart women, and they marry them, but by the sample I’ve seen of these marriages these women are also hot. Why don’t they just admit they want hot chicks?

.

since you are are speaking necessarily of a relatively small sample of men, those of your aquaintance, moreover, the even smaller subset of those who discuss the ways in which they assess a women, nothing you have observed can be taken as a general statement true of all men, nor of all Catholic men, nor of all men who marry women with other qualities than “hotness” (which I take to mean what used to be called foxy or sexy).

Naturally, because that is the way we are made by our Creator, men and women are going to be attracted to each other on a physical level and first impressions, and later as they get to know one another, friendship, appreciation, affection and deep love and intimacy will grow hopefully as they recognize their deeper qualities.

I don’t know why it would be a source of complaint that men choose wives who are physically attractive and who possess other valued qualities such as intelligence, empathy and so forth. That sounds like a good thing, so why are we ranting?

Why do you want men to say “we want hot chix” whatever that means. If you mean they want women who will allow sexual intimacy before or without marriage, that is another thing entirely, and it is a slander to say it is true of all men, or of all Catholic men.

 

[catechumen08]

I’m perhaps mixing “nerd” and “geek” too much. The terms have gained all sorts of fine gradations, like how “emo” these days means someone who listens to that **** like My Chemical Romance rather than Dashboard/Promise Ring/Postal Service fans, and I don’t like it. Geeks I am fine with, because they like nerd culture but can hold down real jobs and talk to girls. Pure nerds, like the guy who walked up to me in a bookstore and attempted to use a bizarre anime version of “What’s your sign?” on me, or my old boyfriend who was obsessed with Warhammer 40K figurines and so socially stunted he couldn’t even treat his sister properly, are no fun. Do we understand each other now without either of us being offended?

Haha, I was never offended, Nevarlander; I was just joking! It takes a lot than that to push my buttons. Anyway, I can see what you’re saying. But seriously, how come I’ve never heard of My Chemical Romance or Warhammer 40K? Oh well, I guess I’m not being a very good nerd/geek. It’s getting harder and harder nowadays to maintain my nerd/geek status quo. I guess me being a big country fan doesn’t really help with that, either.

I always hope that when someone says they know something about D&D, they’re serious. I have no one to play with around here, and do enjoy it (though it’s not my life). It was to the point where my girlfriend in Virginia and I were going to play by email, because both like it and my girlfriend is a shut-in.

Sorry, I’ve actually never played D&D, to tell you the truth. In my defense, I did play Magic: The Gathering, so hopefully that makes up for that a bit! I gotta ask, though, how exactly do you play D&D over email? Is it like MUD?

And thank you for not being a jerk like so many of the guys at my college and thinking a “traditional” girl is necessarily passive. <3 <3 <3 <3 I’m not traditional, anyway, but for the sake of the ones that are.

Haha, glad to hear that!

 

[kage_ar]

Delphinus85 -

Truth there! Confidence, it attractive. To be arrogant and cocky is WAY different than confidence. Work on confidence, print out Proverbs 31 and focus on becoming THAT kind of woman. That is the kid of woman that classy men marry.