Break Off the Engagement?

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KenEOTE said:
I for one applaud the man who told his girlfriend/future wife what he was dealing with. She has an honorable man there and should be proud to call him her husband.
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I believe she caught him staring at another woman who was dressed immodestly.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
I believe she caught him staring at another woman who was dressed immodestly.
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Well that is not how you started this thread. My question is also how are you involved. It is almost as if you are rooting for this relationship to end. Do you have an interest here that might not be so pure?

Secondly he still confessed to her, he was honest. I see that as an honorable man.

David in the Bible was caught as well, he not only looked, he touched, and killed for his affair. Yet he is considered a man after God’s own heart.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
I believe she caught him staring at another woman who was dressed immodestly.
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Earlier you said
but he recently confessed to her that he had an impure thought about another woman.
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Which is it?

He still hasn’t done anything to hurt her or hurt their relationship. By taking this to an outside party she has done both.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
I believe she caught him staring at another woman who was dressed immodestly.
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Men are naturally visual people. It doesn’t make him any less culpable for staring at this woman, but he made a mistake and was confessing it. I think most of us know a good number of men and the majority of good men work very hard not to stare at other women or think impure thoughts ---- but once in a while there will be slip-ups. If there weren’t and they were perfect, then they would be a god.
 
Wow, if a person wouldn’t marry someone for having one impure thought…how on earth would the marriage survive a life time?

We all sin. It sounds like this woman has a completely unattainable ideal for her husband or any man.
 
I agree - more info is needed.

I mean - was he at the movies with her and a hot actress flashed on the screen and he commented, or did he meet her best friend and fade off into a daydream about sexual relations with her?
 
Actually I think there is more to this story than Neil is letting on. The story has slightly changed now. I have a feeling that Neil’s interest in this young lady may be of romantic and is hoping that the relationship ends so he can slide in, and be the hero/prince she needs. Until of course he fails her expectations.
 
KenEOTE said:
Actually I think there is more to this story than Neil is letting on. The story has slightly changed now. I have a feeling that Neil’s interest in this young lady may be of romantic and is hoping that the relationship ends so he can slide in, and be the hero/prince she needs. Until of course he fails her expectations.
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That’s kind of mean. I didn’t change the story. No that is not my intention. Sounds like “rash judgement” to me.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
A friend of mine is engaged to a man who she thought was a great guy, but he recently confessed to her that he had an impure thought about another woman. Jesus said that this constitutes adultery, and I think maybe she should break off the engagement. What do you think? Can a man who commits adultery even before the marriage ever be trusted?
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That is how you started this thread… then you said:

Originally Posted by Neil_Anthony View Post
I believe she caught him staring at another woman who was dressed immodestly.

You changed the story.

"I think maybe she should break off the engagement. "

That sounds like “rash judgment” to me.
 
I am not saying its confusing I am saying you changed the story of what happened from your original post. Still when confronted he admitted it and came clean.

If he had lied there would be a problem. As I stated before. King David looked, the took, then killed. Then was confronted and came clean.

He is still honorable for confessing to her.

Are you saying you never look at a woman improperly?
 
Neil_Anthony said:
He looked at another woman and had a impure thoughts! How can that not be lust? :confused:
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Lust: intense sexual desire

Impure thought: her lips are begging to be kissed, or I wonder if she’s any good in . . . but I’m otherwise committed (note there is no intense sexual desire, merely a passing thought).

Staring at another woman: I’ve stared at immodestly dressed women, and trust me there was no lust, it was more along the lines of OMG, what was she thinking to wear that?
 
I have changed my mind she should break it off… in fact she should become a nun. Then she wont have to deal with sinful men.
 
KenEOTE said:
I have changed my mind she should break it off… in fact she should become a nun. Then she wont have to deal with sinful men.
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Untrue, she will still have to deal with priests and bishops. She should become an Anchorite.
 
It sounds as though he needs to train his eyes to “bounce off” inappropriate images. But we cannot know his thought life. It may be he has these thoughts often and dwells on them; but it may also be that he fights these thoughts when they come and almost always wins. This could have been an unusual moment of weakness for him. There is not enough information given to determine whether or not he has a problem with lust. In order to do that we need to know what he does when confronted with the image of a woman – both in real life and in his mind.

Your friend needs to have this discussion with him. He may be a good man with an immaturity in this subject, but every man needs to practice getting this under control before getting married. After marriage is not the time to begin. This doesn’t mean they need to break off the engagement. She would have to look far and wide for a man who never struggles with impure thoughts!
 
surf(name removed by moderator)ure said:
It sounds as though he needs to train his eyes to “bounce off” inappropriate images. But we cannot know his thought life. It may be he has these thoughts often and dwells on them; but it may also be that he fights these thoughts when they come and almost always wins. This could have been an unusual moment of weakness for him. There is not enough information given to determine whether or not he has a problem with lust. In order to do that we need to know what he does when confronted with the image of a woman…
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I’ll speak to them and see if I can perform a test with a series of images. We can sit him down and watch him to see how he reacts to the images and whether he can still perform math questions and memorization in their presence.
 
HAHA! that is hilarious. Make sure you have him drink a beer every time he messes up. Turn it into a drinking game.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
I’ll speak to them and see if I can perform a test with a series of images. We can sit him down and watch him to see how he reacts to the images and whether he can still perform math questions and memorization in their presence.
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LOL – no! Not what I meant! I’m trying to say that there’s no way any of us could know that information, unless of course he came here and spilled all (which I’m certainly not suggesting). One instance of holding a gaze too long is not grounds for a break-up. She needs to determine if there is a pattern, and ask him if he entertains these thoughts in his head or if he fights them.
 
Equating “impure thoughts” with adultery is a bad sign. She might be jealous. He would have to exercise those impure thoughts, accept them as his own, not just be tempted. On the other hand, this is not something to be readily and easily ignored and it’s probably a good idea to give thought to it. No rush.
 
Neil_Anthony said:
A friend of mine is engaged to a man who she thought was a great guy, but he recently confessed to her that he had an impure thought about another woman. Jesus said that this constitutes adultery, and I think maybe she should break off the engagement. What do you think? Can a man who commits adultery even before the marriage ever be trusted?
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Is this girl for real??? **Everybody **has “impure thoughts” from time to time. Unless he is having doubts about the engagement, and maybe wants to be with somebody else, this girl needs to get with the program. She is setting completely unrealistic standards. As for the guy “confessing” that he had impure thoughts about a woman to his GF. Well that is stupid as well. Who exactly did this help? If he was worried about it he should have gone to a priest. A spouse has not the need, nor the desire to hear about every thought that goes through a persons head. If my wife had “impure thougts” about a man, but didn’t do anything about it, then I don’t need or want to know about it.
 
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