Breaking away from family traditions after marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter lizaanne
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Liza,

We married and left the state…away from all family & friends.
So, our situation is different, but even so, while dating DH came to my family’s home because his was out of state. They didn’t like that he didn’t fly home, but he decided that’s what he wanted to do.

Now after almost 20 years away, with the occasional holiday visits, we’ve moved back & now in the dramatics of his family 3hrs from us pulling and my family 5 minutes pulling. My family is very disappointed that we want to take that three hour drive this year, but I had to remind them we spend all our time here…last Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New years Day dinner was with them.

If this is what you’ve decided to do, the best thing is to NOT back peddle or talk like your not sure or uncomfortable. When I read your first post, I thought your dad would be alone (no wife), but he’ll be fine. Plus, this is something you have only done for 5 years…it’s not like you’re pulling away after 20 or 30 years.

It’s not fun or easy and there will be many more holidays or family events you’ll have to make a decision to compromise or stand firm.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!
 
Small point you are missing - his is the ONLY family member at that meal. And he would never leave his wife and her family to attend something I was hosting. It just wouldn’t happen, she would put her foot down loud and hard over that one.

~Liza
Liza,

I am confused as to the relationships here - so, I am guessing are the others who have responded in a somewhat negative way. We are trying to figure out how this all works out okay?

Your mom and dad are divorced, your dad has remarried and has been married now for 27 years to your step-mom. So far so good? Okay, so your step-mom’s brother and his wife host a large Thanksgiving dinner/get together for the family. At this gathering are: Step-mom and dad (and you up until this year), Step-mom’s brother, his wife and children, Step-mom’s other siblings and families, step-mom’s brother’s wife’s siblings and families (wew, that was a lot to get out). Is this right?

Okay, now that I hope I have it straight I want to point out that “traditonal dinner” does not make it a “traditional celebration”. In the above scenario you have an extended family getting together to celebrate thanksgiving for the past years ups and downs with good food and mostly good company (trust me, with that many people there is bound to be some friction). This makes it a “traditional celebration”.

Stay with me here, since you and your husband want to start new traditions - yours will be hosting a “traditional dinner” with friends. This is not wrong in and of itself, when we moved 1500 miles away from both families we did this, we took each of the “traditional family holidays” and took turns hosting them with all of our friends, some who had moved with us. What is wrong is your not wanting to spend some part of this traditionally family day with your dad :D. So, as a solution, compromise and agree to show up for a short period of time for dessert with everyone - yes, that will mean two desserts but at least your dad can get a chance to show you and his new son-in-law off to the extended family!
 
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