Breaking Masturbation

[Christianus_Dei]

I have been under attack by this since lent, and while I am no longer addicted to pornography, I’m still doing this regularly. I’m sick of it, I just want innocence again. How is masturbation defeated? It’s connected to other psychological issues, it always is, but those can’t be beaten without counseling. Right now, I just want to stop sinning. How?..

 

[OraLabora]

Surrender to God, prayer, and time. And wise use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I say “wise” and by that I mean, listen to what your confessor says. If he says that it isn’t mortal because of habit, addiction, psychological issues and to not be scrupulous about it, take his advice. If he gives you other advice, follow it.

It’s not something you can overcome instantly.

It’s most certainly not something you can overcome by willpower. You need God’s grace. Only total trust in and surrender to God can work, in the long run. People who try to overcome it with muscular prayer are really only trying to use willpower instead of grace. It may work for a time. But it will ultimately fail. Remember when you fail repeatedly God loves you. If you feel genuine regret, He loves you. If you try and fail, He still loves you. He wants you to trust Him on this. He wants you back because you love Him too.

IMHO with this sort of habitual sin, if you suddenly find yourself able to stop overnight from a frequent habit, and even stay off it for a long time, it’s probably not working and hasn’t taken root and a relapse is more than likely.

If it’s a gradual reduction in frequency, and you find yourself more and more starting the act but then stopping before finishing and thinking “I just really don’t feel like it today”, or not starting at all after thinking the same thing, then it’s more likely than God’s grace is working on you and you’re making real progress.

 

[tektonik]

Whatever free time you have, try to dedicate that free time to something charitable like helping out at your Church. I’m sure your priest can give you something to do. If you’re doing more Jesus oriented things with your life you’ll have less time for sin. Go for it

 

[Michael_Mayo]

When do the attacks happen most? Upon waking? Middle of the day? How old are you?

 

[Vigilant]

Excellent advice, especially in Post #2. Go to Confession as often as possible. Confess thoroughly and sincerely. Receive Communion as often as you can, and pray for God’s help. Keep hammering away at it, and it certainly will subside. Don’t let the bastard win.

 

[Kenny_Kamel]

How about this, every time you feel compelled to masturbate you instead get on your knees and pray? What did Our Lord do during his Agony in the Garden? He began praying intensely, which is what you should do. This is a cross you must bear and follow the example of OUR crossbearer, he won’t let you down so long as you bring yourself to him in honesty and with a contrite heart.

Send me a private message for more help if you wish.

 

[Robert_Sock]

This should help:

CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.

 

[louisak]

It’s not something you can overcome instantly.

It’s most certainly not something you can overcome by willpower. You need God’s grace. Only total trust in and surrender to God can work, in the long run. People who try to overcome it with muscular prayer are really only trying to use willpower instead of grace. It may work for a time. But it will ultimately fail. Remember when you fail repeatedly God loves you. If you feel genuine regret, He loves you. If you try and fail, He still loves you. He wants you to trust Him on this. He wants you back because you love Him too.

IMHO with this sort of habitual sin, if you suddenly find yourself able to stop overnight from a frequent habit, and even stay off it for a long time, it’s probably not working and hasn’t taken root and a relapse is more than likely.

If it’s a gradual reduction in frequency, and you find yourself more and more starting the act but then stopping before finishing and thinking “I just really don’t feel like it today”, or not starting at all after thinking the same thing, then it’s more likely than God’s grace is working on you and you’re making real progress.

I agree with this 100%. This is all totally in accord with my experience.

You need to fight the temptations, but your main focus should not be on that. You can resist the temptations for a while by gritting your teeth and using raw willpower, but it won’t last. And when you fall back into the habit again, you may easily feel very discouraged and even angry. That leads to setbacks in your spiritual growth.

The important thing is to grow in the life of faith. Pray daily, pray the rosary every day if possible. Fast on a regular basis - fasting makes our prayers more effective and it helps to build self-mastery. Go to confession on a regular basis. Finally, I recommend reading a book that helps you become more aware of God’s loving presence in your life. You need to immerse yourself in that Presence in order to grow spiritually. I recommend one of the following books although there are many good ones - “The Light of Love” by Patricia Devlin; the diary of Saint Faustina (Divine Mercy in My Soul); “He and I” by Gabrielle Bossis.

Also be sure to exercise regularly. Exercise causes the body to release hormones which create a feeling of well-being; this can help protect you from moods such as loneliness and depression that make it easier to fall into sexual sin. Also, regular exercise helps you to fall asleep quickly at night, thus reducing the occasions of temptation.

 

[OraLabora]

I agree with this 100%. This is all totally in accord with my experience.

You need to fight the temptations, but your main focus should not be on that. You can resist the temptations for a while by gritting your teeth and using raw willpower, but it won’t last. And when you fall back into the habit again, you may easily feel very discouraged and even angry. That leads to setbacks in your spiritual growth.

The important thing is to grow in the life of faith. Pray daily, pray the rosary every day if possible. Fast on a regular basis - fasting makes our prayers more effective and it helps to build self-mastery. Go to confession on a regular basis. Finally, I recommend reading a book that helps you become more aware of God’s loving presence in your life. You need to immerse yourself in that Presence in order to grow spiritually. I recommend one of the following books although there are many good ones - “The Light of Love” by Patricia Devlin; the diary of Saint Faustina (Divine Mercy in My Soul); “He and I” by Gabrielle Bossis.

Also be sure to exercise regularly. Exercise causes the body to release hormones which create a feeling of well-being; this can help protect you from moods such as loneliness and depression that make it easier to fall into sexual sin. Also, regular exercise helps you to fall asleep quickly at night, thus reducing the occasions of temptation.

I forgot about exercise. You are right and that’s excellent advice. It’s one addiction that is OK to have provided you don’t neglect family and duty! Fortunately my wife and I share an addiction to the same forms of exercise, biking and hiking, and we’re empty nesters now, so we spend tons of time together on weekends which in itself is helpful in diverting attention towards healthy pursuits.

 

[Angelsflight]

Cold showers…they still work!

That and keeping yourself totally busy. Whenever you get the urge to sin, go online and play a game or something. Go mow the lawn. Anything to get your mind off it. The urge will pass.

 

[Tsudeaux_Gnymm]

it has been a struggle for me for decades. the last 10 years, with the help of regular confession, frequency of this sin has decreased dramatically.

the only advice i have is: don’t give up.

 

[Lady_Love]

I think in your situation it is extremely important to focus on what is beautiful and wonderful about yourself. “You are beautifully and wonderfully made.” Pat yourself on the back at least a hundred times a day. Little things like, “Way to get out of bed without lagging!” or “You make a great cup of coffee.” say, “Way to go Me, You made time for prayer this morning.” This is so important to healing addiction.

Most addictions stem from the need to be loved. You are loved but if you don’t love yourself too, you will never experience God’s healing love (you won’t allow it in). God fills us with validation and praise constantly, just like any good father would, so you need to bring yourself into agreement with God and love yourself as He loves you. God may be disappointed if you fall but He is also proud of the the way you pick yourself up and of the million things you do right in a day. He is proud of all the little disciplines that you enlist without even being aware of them because you have done them for so long.

The thing with repetitive sins is that they can lead to discouragement and self-hatred and THAT IS NOT WHAT GOD WANTS! He would rather you focus on how precious you are to Him. I promise you that if you love yourself with the same compassion and tenderness that God has for you you will no longer suffer from this plague. Fill yourself up with ‘good’ things, you will no longer feel the emptiness that motivates masturbation.

I actually remember a time when I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I’m pretty” and actually meant it. I felt all warm and calm inside. It felt so good to actually say something nice to myself. I always feared that I wasn’t being humble so I would be self-deprecating instead. Well, that kind of false humility wounded me and increased insecurity and was just a down right lie. Now, I never even think about whether I’m pretty or not.

 

[OraLabora]

I think in your situation it is extremely important to focus on what is beautiful and wonderful about yourself. “You are beautifully and wonderfully made.” Pat yourself on the back at least a hundred times a day. Little things like, “Way to get out of bed without lagging!” or “You make a great cup of coffee.” say, “Way to go Me, You made time for prayer this morning.” This is so important to healing addiction.

Most addictions stem from the need to be loved. You are loved but if you don’t love yourself too, you will never experience God’s healing love (you won’t allow it in). God fills us with validation and praise constantly, just like any good father would, so you need to bring yourself into agreement with God and love yourself as He loves you. God may be disappointed if you fall but He is also proud of the the way you pick yourself up and of the million things you do right in a day. He is proud of all the little disciplines that you enlist without even being aware of them because you have done them for so long.

The thing with repetitive sins is that they can lead to discouragement and self-hatred and THAT IS NOT WHAT GOD WANTS! He would rather you focus on how precious you are to Him. I promise you that if you love yourself with the same compassion and tenderness that God has for you you will no longer suffer from this plague. Fill yourself up with ‘good’ things, you will no longer feel the emptiness that motivates masturbation.

I actually remember a time when I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I’m pretty” and actually meant it. I felt all warm and calm inside. It felt so good to actually say something nice to myself. I always feared that I wasn’t being humble so I would be self-deprecating instead. Well, that kind of false humility wounded me and increased insecurity and was just a down right lie. Now, I never even think about whether I’m pretty or not.

Another wise post.

 

[ValPal]

I forgot about exercise. You are right and that’s excellent advice. It’s one addiction that is OK to have provided you don’t neglect family and duty! Fortunately my wife and I share an addiction to the same forms of exercise, biking and hiking, and we’re empty nesters now, so we spend tons of time together on weekends which in itself is helpful in diverting attention towards healthy pursuits.

Exercise definitely helps. Take it from some that like to burn himself out every night. If you work out to the point where you are tired, especially at night, the only thing you’ll be interested in is sleeping. Plus it helps keep one healthy.

The main issue is to find something to do with your time. The worst thing a person can possibly do is sit around and think about how hard it is to stop this, or any other, habit.

 

[louisak]

The worst thing a person can possibly do is sit around and think about how hard it is to stop this, or any other, habit.

So true!!!

 

[louisak]

The thing with repetitive sins is that they can lead to discouragement and self-hatred and THAT IS NOT WHAT GOD WANTS!

This is 100% right on!!

Our Lord said to Saint Faustina: “My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. … Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.” (Divine Mercy in My Soul #1488)

I think anyone who suffers from discouragement or scruples should memorize this text and meditate on it frequently.

 

[OraLabora]

Exercise definitely helps. Take it from some that like to burn himself out every night. If you work out to the point where you are tired, especially at night, the only thing you’ll be interested in is sleeping. Plus it helps keep one healthy.

The main issue is to find something to do with your time. The worst thing a person can possibly do is sit around and think about how hard it is to stop this, or any other, habit.

My wife is a family doctor and will say that exercise is almost the best medicine there is. It’s not only good for psychological well-being, but helps fight diabetes, heart disease, joint issues, you name it. I have type II diabetes but I control it only with diet and exercise. Far better than any medication!

One thing though is sleep… while exercise can make you tired, after a hard bike ride sometimes you’re still so wired that sleep is difficult on the night just after your ride… but the second night after, you conk right out before your head hits the pillow.

 

[exoflare]

Two words: DAILY ROSARY

If you have questions feel free to PM me, but if you do this devoutly and stick with it there’s no way it can not work. Believe me it’s the most effective thing you can do.

 

[Blarnyston]

OraLabora,
Thank you for posting this question. I also have battled this temptation for decades. The posts in response have been encouraging and insightful. I would like to echo the sentiment to “not give up”. I know that in the midst of temptation or following failure you perhaps might not turn to prayer immediately because you perceive it as hypocritical, but that is a mistake. Turn to prayer. Likewise, go to confession asap. I often waited, trying to “re-align” my conscience first…which was a mistake. I also find exercise helpful, but what has helped even further is to watch EWTN while I’m working out. I also stopped listening to talk radio and began to listen to Immaculate Heart radio while commuting. For me, the time spent thinking and listening to spiritual guidance makes it harder to turn toward sin later. It provides a bit more spiritual armor, I think. Lastly, it is comforting to reflect that even those who walked with Christ and saw His miraculous works fell short on occasion…I think what’s important is that we try to turn back to God like Peter…with hope and trust. God Bless and I’ll pray for you.

 

[mathematoons]

It took me a year after I converted to finally quit. They say it’s harder to quit than smoking! The way I did it was discovering contemplative prayer. After having had a real, intimate union with God, fantasies of physical intimacy with a human suddenly lost their appeal, and within a week, I quit. God has given me the grace to overcome any temptations I’ve had since, and I’ve had a few!