Bride walks down aisle with grooms husband?

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concerned87

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All right… here we go. The facts?

My brother is getting married in 2 weeks. He was raised Roman Catholic, and is very familiar with the religion. He chooses not to practice as a catholic, but rather as a nondenominational Christian.

His bride-to-be is an only child. Her mother is a devoted catholic woman with strong unwavering beliefs. The bride however is much like my brother. A Christian familiar with Catholicism, but chooses to practice as a non-denominational Christian. The bride’s father is not involved in her life. She has no close male family members or friends, but wants to keep catholic views and protocol in her wedding ceremony for the sake of tradition.

When the bride was 6 years old, her father left unexpectedly to peruse a PhD. After moving away for some time, the bride’s mother chose to pack my soon to be sister in-law up and move her across the country to be a family again. This attempt failed miserably. Soon she found out that her father had several other children scattered across the country and another wife in another state. Her mother did everything she could to keep her and her father’s relationship alive, but it failed time and time again. Her father made it nearly impossible her mother to keep up with his secret moves from state to state. She followed him restlessly for years. He refused to return phone calls for months at a time, has excuses to rationalize his absences nearly every time he has ever made plans to see her. He however sent the brides mother money every month to assist in supporting the bride as a child until she was 18. After age 18, he began sending the bride money for 6 months after she gave birth to their first child. A kind gesture, but she really wanted to see her father.
It just seems to me from the way she talks about him, that he was financially supportive but didn’t intend to see her again. She has said these words to me.
He said he would be at her first communion, high school graduation, the birth of both of her children and has made excuses to have missed them all. Since the bride was 6 years old, she has only seen her father approx 5 times and had a returned phone call approx the same number of times.

My brother and his bride had a rough start. They are high school sweethearts who started their family at the very young age of 18. They lived with my parents for quite some time. a year perhaps. My mom and dad love and adore his fiance. My dad has been a father figure for her since she was 16 years old. He is not her biological father, but he loves her as much as he loves my brother, any of my other siblings and me. He would do anything for any of us.
The bride told her father that she was getting married, gave him times, dates, and locations. He made no indication that he had any interest in attending.

The bride asked my dad if he would walk her down the aisle. I think he was shocked and completely flattered and giddy at the thought that she considered him. He was honored.

The bride’s mother has really been on the brides coat tails about this idea. She in convinced that this is a sin and the bride is breaking one of the commandments: to honor and obey mother and father. She has been obsessive and relentless about the bride asking a non-family member to walk her down the aisle because her biological father is still alive, but not present. She insists that the bride walk by herself if not with her biological father. She has even made it seem that she does not want to attend the wedding because she considers this disobeying and dishonoring her, her mother. She tells the bride she misinterprets what the bride has read, which refers to the bride walking with her father in the wedding processional as an exchange of property as a tradition. The idea is not that MY father is giving her away to MY brother, but rather to include my father in the wedding and walk with an older, male role model who she loves and respects. Her intention was not to dishonor or be disrespectful to her absent biological father.

So… that’s the back story. The basic question is: Through the eyes of a Roman Catholic, is it a sin or breaking a commandment to have the grooms father walk the bride down the aisle?

I realize this is not traditional, but is it WRONG in the eyes of roman catholic church?

Please help us find an answer… I have never even heard of anything like this at all. I can’t find anything about her mothers concerns. I just want to make sure the bride’s mother finds comfort. In the case that she is correct, the bride and groom would consider changes to her walk down the aisle. The bride truly wants her mother to find peace in her choice, but also wants to have her wedding staged as the weddings she experienced as a child.
 
concerned87 said:
All right… here we go. The facts?

My brother is getting married in 2 weeks. He was raised Roman Catholic, and is very familiar with the religion. He chooses not to practice as a catholic, but rather as a nondenominational Christian.

His bride-to-be is an only child. Her mother is a devoted catholic woman with strong unwavering beliefs. The bride however is much like my brother. A Christian familiar with Catholicism, but chooses to practice as a non-denominational Christian. The bride’s father is not involved in her life. She has no close male family members or friends, but wants to keep catholic views and protocol in her wedding ceremony for the sake of tradition.

When the bride was 6 years old, her father left unexpectedly to peruse a PhD. After moving away for some time, the bride’s mother chose to pack my soon to be sister in-law up and move her across the country to be a family again. This attempt failed miserably. Soon she found out that her father had several other children scattered across the country and another wife in another state. Her mother did everything she could to keep her and her father’s relationship alive, but it failed time and time again. Her father made it nearly impossible her mother to keep up with his secret moves from state to state. She followed him restlessly for years. He refused to return phone calls for months at a time, has excuses to rationalize his absences nearly every time he has ever made plans to see her. He however sent the brides mother money every month to assist in supporting the bride as a child until she was 18. After age 18, he began sending the bride money for 6 months after she gave birth to their first child. A kind gesture, but she really wanted to see her father.
It just seems to me from the way she talks about him, that he was financially supportive but didn’t intend to see her again. She has said these words to me.
He said he would be at her first communion, high school graduation, the birth of both of her children and has made excuses to have missed them all. Since the bride was 6 years old, she has only seen her father approx 5 times and had a returned phone call approx the same number of times.

My brother and his bride had a rough start. They are high school sweethearts who started their family at the very young age of 18. They lived with my parents for quite some time. a year perhaps. My mom and dad love and adore his fiance. My dad has been a father figure for her since she was 16 years old. He is not her biological father, but he loves her as much as he loves my brother, any of my other siblings and me. He would do anything for any of us.
The bride told her father that she was getting married, gave him times, dates, and locations. He made no indication that he had any interest in attending.

The bride asked my dad if he would walk her down the aisle. I think he was shocked and completely flattered and giddy at the thought that she considered him. He was honored.

The bride’s mother has really been on the brides coat tails about this idea. She in convinced that this is a sin and the bride is breaking one of the commandments: to honor and obey mother and father. She has been obsessive and relentless about the bride asking a non-family member to walk her down the aisle because her biological father is still alive, but not present. She insists that the bride walk by herself if not with her biological father. She has even made it seem that she does not want to attend the wedding because she considers this disobeying and dishonoring her, her mother. She tells the bride she misinterprets what the bride has read, which refers to the bride walking with her father in the wedding processional as an exchange of property as a tradition. The idea is not that MY father is giving her away to MY brother, but rather to include my father in the wedding and walk with an older, male role model who she loves and respects. Her intention was not to dishonor or be disrespectful to her absent biological father.

So… that’s the back story. The basic question is: Through the eyes of a Roman Catholic, is it a sin or breaking a commandment to have the grooms father walk the bride down the aisle?

I realize this is not traditional, but is it WRONG in the eyes of roman catholic church?

Please help us find an answer… I have never even heard of anything like this at all. I can’t find anything about her mothers concerns. I just want to make sure the bride’s mother finds comfort. In the case that she is correct, the bride and groom would consider changes to her walk down the aisle. The bride truly wants her mother to find peace in her choice, but also wants to have her wedding staged as the weddings she experienced as a child.
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Not at all!!! If you want to be really picky about it the order of procession suggested in the rite itself is that the bride and groom process in together after the priest. 🤷 However, many people have the groom come in from the side and the Bride process up with her father because of the culture that they are from.

I am actually in a similar situation, my father cheated and was out of the picture completely for most of my life. He just simply hasn’t been the father figure in my life, so I would feel like I was being dishonest if I asked him to walk up with me. So far I am planning on either walking up on my own, with my brother, or with my husband to be, but I know that I will not walk up with my father, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 👍

EDIT:
Here’s a link to the the official text. Note what it has to say about the procession.

catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/order-wedding-with-mass.htm ]
 
At my cousin’s Catholic wedding last month, her mother and father both walked her down the aisle. Her parents divorced when she was three and her mother was the primary caregiver.

The hurt on your future SIL’s mother’s part may be because she is seeing it as a slap on her that she asked someone who played no part in raising her to walk her down the aisle.
 
concerned87 said:
All right… here we go. The facts?

My brother is getting married in 2 weeks. He was raised Roman Catholic, and is very familiar with the religion. He chooses not to practice as a catholic, but rather as a nondenominational Christian.

His bride-to-be is an only child. Her mother is a devoted catholic woman with strong unwavering beliefs. The bride however is much like my brother. A Christian familiar with Catholicism, but chooses to practice as a non-denominational Christian. The bride’s father is not involved in her life. She has no close male family members or friends, but wants to keep catholic views and protocol in her wedding ceremony for the sake of tradition.

When the bride was 6 years old, her father left unexpectedly to peruse a PhD. After moving away for some time, the bride’s mother chose to pack my soon to be sister in-law up and move her across the country to be a family again. This attempt failed miserably. Soon she found out that her father had several other children scattered across the country and another wife in another state. Her mother did everything she could to keep her and her father’s relationship alive, but it failed time and time again. Her father made it nearly impossible her mother to keep up with his secret moves from state to state. She followed him restlessly for years. He refused to return phone calls for months at a time, has excuses to rationalize his absences nearly every time he has ever made plans to see her. He however sent the brides mother money every month to assist in supporting the bride as a child until she was 18. After age 18, he began sending the bride money for 6 months after she gave birth to their first child. A kind gesture, but she really wanted to see her father.
It just seems to me from the way she talks about him, that he was financially supportive but didn’t intend to see her again. She has said these words to me.
He said he would be at her first communion, high school graduation, the birth of both of her children and has made excuses to have missed them all. Since the bride was 6 years old, she has only seen her father approx 5 times and had a returned phone call approx the same number of times.

My brother and his bride had a rough start. They are high school sweethearts who started their family at the very young age of 18. They lived with my parents for quite some time. a year perhaps. My mom and dad love and adore his fiance. My dad has been a father figure for her since she was 16 years old. He is not her biological father, but he loves her as much as he loves my brother, any of my other siblings and me. He would do anything for any of us.
The bride told her father that she was getting married, gave him times, dates, and locations. He made no indication that he had any interest in attending.

The bride asked my dad if he would walk her down the aisle. I think he was shocked and completely flattered and giddy at the thought that she considered him. He was honored.

The bride’s mother has really been on the brides coat tails about this idea. She in convinced that this is a sin and the bride is breaking one of the commandments: to honor and obey mother and father. She has been obsessive and relentless about the bride asking a non-family member to walk her down the aisle because her biological father is still alive, but not present. She insists that the bride walk by herself if not with her biological father. She has even made it seem that she does not want to attend the wedding because she considers this disobeying and dishonoring her, her mother. She tells the bride she misinterprets what the bride has read, which refers to the bride walking with her father in the wedding processional as an exchange of property as a tradition. The idea is not that MY father is giving her away to MY brother, but rather to include my father in the wedding and walk with an older, male role model who she loves and respects. Her intention was not to dishonor or be disrespectful to her absent biological father.

So… that’s the back story. The basic question is: Through the eyes of a Roman Catholic, is it a sin or breaking a commandment to have the grooms father walk the bride down the aisle?

I realize this is not traditional, but is it WRONG in the eyes of roman catholic church?

Please help us find an answer… I have never even heard of anything like this at all. I can’t find anything about her mothers concerns. I just want to make sure the bride’s mother finds comfort. In the case that she is correct, the bride and groom would consider changes to her walk down the aisle. The bride truly wants her mother to find peace in her choice, but also wants to have her wedding staged as the weddings she experienced as a child.
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I am not aware that it would be breaking any commandments to have the future FIL walk the bride down the aisle. It might not be proper wedding etiquette though.

Is this a Catholic wedding ceremony? If its not, shouldn’t that be more of the concern than whether its proper for the FIL to be escorting the bride down the aisle? If it is a Catholic wedding ceremony, wouldn’t it be best to ask the priest that is performing the ceremony? We had to have our priest’s approval for how our processional would take place and who escorted who, and when, etc, etc. The priest had final say on all issues, including this one.
 
hahaha oh my goodness… how funny… yes… title needs a lil tweaking…
 
The bride may have anyone she wishes walk her down the aisle. There is nothing that says it must be her father. Not sure why this is a big deal, it has nothing to do with the Church.

🤷

~Liza
 
TheRealJuliane said:
You can email one of the mods and ask to have it changed.

As it stands, I read it and was :eek: and then :confused::confused:
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Me too! I read the title and thought it was a troll or that the OP was from a country I’d never heard of. Even reading the question I was waiting for a big twist.

In response to the question no, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with it.
 
Wedding processions are cultural, not prescribed by the Church.

My bride and I walked down the aisle of the Church together. Both my parents and her parents were there but stayed in their pews.

(BTW - everyone who replies can simply change the subject line of the reply post to “… father” as I did)
 
BcuzISaidSo said:
:D. I hadn’t even noticed that! That would change the dynamic, a bit, don’t you think?
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I was reading it and waiting to get to the part about the, I’m not sure what kind of wedding that would be. I don’t think it would qualify as polyandry on the bride’ part, or polygamous on the groom’s (grooms’??) part? :confused:

With today’s idea of marriage, anything is possible, I supposed if you’re going for a pseudo-marriage.
 
Deo_Gratias42 said:
I was reading it and waiting to get to the part about the, I’m not sure what kind of wedding that would be. I don’t think it would qualify as polyandry on the bride’ part, or polygamous on the groom’s (grooms’??) part? :confused:

With today’s idea of marriage, anything is possible, I supposed if you’re going for a pseudo-marriage.
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I think “polyamorous” is the hip word now.
 
The Catholic wedding rubrics don’t even call for anyone to “give away” the bride, because she has to give herself. A bride can choose anyone to escort her that she likes, provided that her church allows her to have an escort (and I don’t know of any that don’t).

As for her mother, she sounds as if she is being baldly manipulative, and that is a sin even when your mother does it. Let us hope, however, that she is merely mistaken.

That isn’t a violation of any commandment, and if the bride needs to confirm this with the priest who is to marry her, let her at least grant him whatever facial expression seizes him when he gets this one! 😃
 
A difficult story to read, and my prayers for their happiness. To the question:
concerned87 said:
The basic question is: Through the eyes of a Roman Catholic, is it a sin or breaking a commandment to have the grooms father walk the bride down the aisle?
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No, and for several reasons:
  1. Honoring your parents isn’t a one-way obligation. We have it from Scripture that her father has deeply sinned against her and her mother and ought to make recompense before expecting to be accorded such respect:
[BIBLEDRB]1 Tim 5:8[/BIBLEDRB]

If we looked only at the Mosaic Law (to which the letter and spirit of the Commandments applied), your sister-in-law would be in violation, but it would be irrelevant because her father would have been ostracized for leaving the community and abandoning his wife and children. Under the New Covenant, the spirit remains but each iteration of it is a two-obligation. Observe:

[BIBLEDRB]Eph 6:2-4[/BIBLEDRB]

[BIBLEDRB]Col 3:20-21[/BIBLEDRB]
  1. You sister-in-law is honoring her father-in-law, who is likely more of a father to her than her biological father ever was. She’s also honoring her children’s grandfatherThere is no sin here, in fact it is a great honor and pleasing to the Lord for her to do so.
  2. Having the father give the daughter away is only a tradition - an important one, certainly - but not of exchanging property. Rather, it is symbolic of passing the God-given authority for protecting and providing for the bride to her husband, that she is leaving her father’s house and taking up in her husband’s house. This is mostly symbolic for couples where the bride doesn’t live in her father’s house, but it’s still something nice to do. I’ve likewise seen where Catholic couples walk down the aisle together because they are the co-ministers of the ceremony to one another and of grace in each other’s lives.
  3. Your sister-in-law is dishonoring her mother by not complying with her request, but I wonder if the Commandment applies here. The bride has her reasons and they’re very good ones. The mother has her reasons as well. To avoid sin, they ought to at least explain their thoughts to one another - preferably with the aide of the priest officiating or with the wedding planner. It would not be good, even if theologically correct, for the bride to offend the mother even over a rather unreasonable request, and the mother to not attend. That would be a hard wedding day for a girl who has already known abandonment for much of her life.
Why is her mother insisting that she not have your father walk her down the aisle?
  1. She still misses and hopes to reconcile with her estranged husband. This latest action is entirely consistent with her previous behavior of chasing this guy around. She still holds him in high esteem and doesn’t understand why her daughter doesn’t.
  2. Directly, she wants him to show up. She’s afraid of losing a chance to have him there. If your sister-in-law’s father showed up and held her mother’s hand for even a minute, her mother would be elated beyond description.
  3. Your sister-in-law’s mother may be also be unhappy with her daughter’s rejection of traditional Catholicism. It is true that a literal approach of Catholic teaching would have the mother try everything to get her husband to come back at first, but honestly after that many rejections and abandonments, she’s not under any obligation to do so. You have to try, but you’re never expected to become a door mat. Her mother has followed the spirit of the teaching almost to the point of error and is dismayed that her daughter is unwilling to do so. That’s an unfair burden to place upon her daughter - again, assurance from the priest that the daughter is not in sin would help greatly.
I hope you enjoy the wedding day and that it is a very happy occasion.
 
The bride doesn’t have to be escorted by anyone. This tradition isn’t an essential part of the wedding Mass and according to priest that married us is a non-Catholic tradition in the first place. He discouraged us from doing this and encouraged us to walk down as a couple, followed by our parents. We went ahead and had my stepfather walk me halfway down and my dad walk me down the rest of the way and “give me away”. The priest flat out told us from the very begining that he would not be doing the “Who gives this woman?” spiel and we were just fine with that. So, in short, your brother’s bride can be escorted by whomever she wishes, according to the rules.
 
She IS honoring her “father” – a man who has acted more as a father to her than her biological father did. There’s nothing wrong with it, and someone (preferably the bride) needs to tell Mom to back off.

Having said that – I thought this was going to be an ENTIRELY different story, from the title!
:eek:
 
I think it is quite an honor for the groom’s father and why should there be a problem?

If the Pastor thought it was a problem, he would have spoken to her.

May God Bless her wedding day with joy and happiness.
 
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