Bringing Children Into an Unhappy Marriage

[dianaballein]

I have friend who is very unhappily married. They have one child now who is still an infant. What is the opinion of bringing more children into such an unhealthy environment? Do you feel it is selfish on the part of the parents, just because they may want more children? Do you think it’s fair to the kids, who have to grow up witnessing the disfunction? I am grateful for all opinions. As a friend, I am fearful for the child/children.

 

[Newbie2]

I have friend who is very unhappily married. They have one child now who is still an infant. What is the opinion of bringing more children into such an unhealthy environment? Do you feel it is selfish on the part of the parents, just because they may want more children? Do you think it’s fair to the kids, who have to grow up witnessing the disfunction? I am grateful for all opinions. As a friend, I am fearful for the child/children.

Children are to be born out of Love…and an “unhappy” marriage doesn’t sounds like a bad recipe to be adding another child to the mix.

I’d question why such a couple would want more children. As you wrote, perhaps for selfish reasons, perhaps to use as pawns against each other, perhaps they think more kids will solve their own problems in their relationship.

Counseling seems to be in order, but a very difficult situation to suggest it and have your advice taken.

 

[Calliso]

Definately selfish they need to fix their marriage problems before they have more kids.

 

[dianaballein]

Very difficult indeed.

The only reason they are not divorced is because the Church does not condone divorce. They have been through counseling, inside and outside of the Church, and they thought the last child would make things better. However, as loved as the child is, it has actually caused an even bigger strain between them.

I might also add that one of them suffers from depression and takes meds, and is prone to bipolar outbursts. Not sure if this is a factor in everyone’s opinion, but its more information to go on.

 

[RobHom]

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Does the bi-polar one take their meds as prescribed? If not, there is part of the problem.

 

[dianaballein]

I’m not sure if she takes them as she should since giving birth to their child. They had the child hoping that it would bring them back to a better place but since giving birth, they are even further apart. Having a baby never makes a troubled marriage a better one…not that I have ever been witness to…and I am just very fearful for all of them if they continue down the “planned child” pathway, adding to an already sad and stressful environment.