R
rafarose
Guest
Hello everyone,
I apologize in advance for the long post.
I am writing here to ask for advice regarding a very difficult decision I had to make last week. I met a charming, handsome and respectful man–and we quickly connected. It was my first experience dating, and he impressed me in so many ways. We connected so quickly that we even began talking about a future together. Unfortunately, he is a lapsed Catholic and I found that his views on marriage were quite different than mine. For example, he had a past relationship where he had been physically intimate. I told him my views on marriage and why chastity is key to marriage. I emphasized that these are my values, therefore I couldn’t compromise. He told me he believed that physical intimacy in a relationship (before marriage) was important; however, he was very respectful about my views and told me he would wait for me until marriage. And so, I decided to put his past behind, respected his views, and gave him a chance.
But later on, the topic of birth control came up and again, emphasized that these are my values. I explained to him the church’s teachings and he didn’t agree. He thought my views were extreme and did not see the sin in birth control. When we decided to take a break to clear our thoughts about this potential relationship, he told me that his heart wanted to be with me and was willing to “explore” these views together (I think deep down he was hoping that I would change my mind). This slightly confused me, because I clearly told him that I was not willing to compromise my values. Anyhow, I prayed and I prayed, and asked mother Mary to guide my decision. On the day that we met again, when I agreed to trying in the relationship, my heart filled with fear. It was a very odd feeling–my heart started to beat faster and I experienced a surge of anxiety. I suffer from anxiety at times especially when being close to boys (this was my first time ever holding a man’s hand:blush
. Reflecting on this incident, this could have been God’s sign, but I don’t know, really.
Fast forward several hours into our date, while we were casually walking in the city, he confided something very personal–he told me that he was desensitized to pornography and did not see an issue with watching it
Being the naive person I was, I didn’t really fathom the prevailing issue of pornography in our culture–last thing I would have ever thought was my potential boyfriend looking at it regularly. As a result, I became upset–in fact, very quickly. I judged his actions, told him how disgusting I thought pornography was and made the impulsive decision an hour later to break off the relationship. He hugged me one last time and we parted our ways…
I am writing to you right now with so much regret at the way I reacted to his use of pornography. I would never have done something like that to a friend, and yet I did this to someone I really really cared about. I miss him so much and I just want to talk to him and properly articulate what I meant to say. I understand that this will make everything so much more complicated so, I have decided to not do this right now. My spiritual director strongly recommended that I break off this relationship. My Catholic friend is supporting me in my decision to leave him. But I am just sitting here and missing him. We had different values but he respected mine and was somewhat open. Did I give up on someone without even trying?
I would appreciate any advice and/or prayers.
Thank you so much.
You are in my prayers,
rafarose
I apologize in advance for the long post.
I am writing here to ask for advice regarding a very difficult decision I had to make last week. I met a charming, handsome and respectful man–and we quickly connected. It was my first experience dating, and he impressed me in so many ways. We connected so quickly that we even began talking about a future together. Unfortunately, he is a lapsed Catholic and I found that his views on marriage were quite different than mine. For example, he had a past relationship where he had been physically intimate. I told him my views on marriage and why chastity is key to marriage. I emphasized that these are my values, therefore I couldn’t compromise. He told me he believed that physical intimacy in a relationship (before marriage) was important; however, he was very respectful about my views and told me he would wait for me until marriage. And so, I decided to put his past behind, respected his views, and gave him a chance.
But later on, the topic of birth control came up and again, emphasized that these are my values. I explained to him the church’s teachings and he didn’t agree. He thought my views were extreme and did not see the sin in birth control. When we decided to take a break to clear our thoughts about this potential relationship, he told me that his heart wanted to be with me and was willing to “explore” these views together (I think deep down he was hoping that I would change my mind). This slightly confused me, because I clearly told him that I was not willing to compromise my values. Anyhow, I prayed and I prayed, and asked mother Mary to guide my decision. On the day that we met again, when I agreed to trying in the relationship, my heart filled with fear. It was a very odd feeling–my heart started to beat faster and I experienced a surge of anxiety. I suffer from anxiety at times especially when being close to boys (this was my first time ever holding a man’s hand:blush
. Reflecting on this incident, this could have been God’s sign, but I don’t know, really.Fast forward several hours into our date, while we were casually walking in the city, he confided something very personal–he told me that he was desensitized to pornography and did not see an issue with watching it
Being the naive person I was, I didn’t really fathom the prevailing issue of pornography in our culture–last thing I would have ever thought was my potential boyfriend looking at it regularly. As a result, I became upset–in fact, very quickly. I judged his actions, told him how disgusting I thought pornography was and made the impulsive decision an hour later to break off the relationship. He hugged me one last time and we parted our ways…I am writing to you right now with so much regret at the way I reacted to his use of pornography. I would never have done something like that to a friend, and yet I did this to someone I really really cared about. I miss him so much and I just want to talk to him and properly articulate what I meant to say. I understand that this will make everything so much more complicated so, I have decided to not do this right now. My spiritual director strongly recommended that I break off this relationship. My Catholic friend is supporting me in my decision to leave him. But I am just sitting here and missing him. We had different values but he respected mine and was somewhat open. Did I give up on someone without even trying?
I would appreciate any advice and/or prayers.
Thank you so much.
You are in my prayers,
rafarose
I would assume you have a well formed conscience and should follow it.