Broke off a Relationship with a non-practising Catholic--need advice

[white_sheep]

This boy offered up the information unsolicited that he was so familiar with porn that he was desensitised to it and that he didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Women who stand their ground on such issues and don’t cave because ‘everybody is doing it’ are the only hope for the next generation of women.

From her description he has very poor sexual ethics. He has a long way to go before he could be a reasonable candidate for marriage. I think she made a good call.

At the same time, she needs to realize that if she is in the 25 or so age group every boy she will meet has seen porn, probably many more times than once. She can get over it, be single, or join a convent. Trying to find a husband who is the exception to that rule and a good match for her is unlikely. It is something you just have to deal with, like so many other things.

 

[crownvic]

I think you made the right call. Someone above made the comment about not missing him but missing someone in your life. That is an important distinction.

Good luck and I know you will find someone.

 

[rafarose]

From her description he has very poor sexual ethics. He has a long way to go before he could be a reasonable candidate for marriage. I think she made a good call.

At the same time, she needs to realize that if she is in the 25 or so age group every boy she will meet has seen porn, probably many more times than once. She can get over it, be single, or join a convent. Trying to find a husband who is the exception to that rule and a good match for her is unlikely. It is something you just have to deal with, like so many other things.

You make a valid point, white sheep. This was definitely a learning experience for me. My infatuation with him, naivety in dating and lack of male perspective were probably the reasons as to why the porn issue had shocked me. However, like you implied, the core of the problem was that he found no problem with porn. If he had used porn in the past or was using porn and said that he found an issue with it, my decision might have been different. When he told me he had been physically intimate with someone, I put his past behind and I think i would have done the same for the porn issue if he saw a problem with it. Again, our perspectives and values on marriage and sexuality were so different and I was uncomfortable with that. But he was very respectful about everything, especially about my decision to end our “relationship”. Yes, he was upset about it ending, and noted that he felt like he was being judged. That was partially the reason why I wanted to write him a letter. I wanted to explain to him what I didn’t say that day and also that I am praying for him. However, I realize now that this isn’t the ideal thing to do.

Overall, I’ve learned that while physical attraction and etc. matter, what I am ultimately hoping for is a Christ-centered relationship

 

[underacloud]

I will not write a letter but if i ever see him again ill briefly explain that i was shocked.

I wouldn’t. I really wouldn’t.

Holding a post-mortem on a breakup with the other person can be disastrous in two possible and quite likely ways:

a) going over the hurt again opens old wounds and reinforces negative feelings.

b) alternatively, it can open the discussion again and he may try to convince you to give him another go. Your initial reaction of disgust was entirely appropriate. A softer reaction, or an admission that you went too far, might give him entirely the wrong idea.

I’ve been praying for him and I know that God is going to take good care of him.

That’s the best thing you can do for him now. Leave the rest of it in the past.

 

[rafarose]

I wouldn’t. I really wouldn’t.

Holding a post-mortem on a breakup with the other person can be disastrous in two possible and quite likely ways:

a) going over the hurt again opens old wounds and reinforces negative feelings.

b) alternatively, it can open the discussion again and he may try to convince you to give him another go. Your initial reaction of disgust was entirely appropriate. A softer reaction, or an admission that you went too far, might give him entirely the wrong idea.

That’s the best thing you can do for him now. Leave the rest of it in the past.

Thank you underacloud. I thought I overreacted when I showed my disgust towards pornography. Thankfully, I am not the only one who sees it this way despite its prevalence and how ‘normal’ our culture suggests it to be. Hopefully, someday, he comes to see an issue with it and stops looking at it.