Broke up with my gf

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Hello everyone,

I broke up with my gf last week now that I’m taking my vocations seriously, again. She is an Ex-Catholic so don’t see religion as important in her life. When we were still dating, I talked with her about returning to the faith and she happily agreed…

She’s very hurt and angry right now. She thinks there is something wrong with her because of it. I fear she will come to hate the church because of me.

Has this happened to you? How did you cope? Can you become friends again? I don’t want to hurt her in anyway but it is either her or God and I currently choose God. Had it been her decision to choose me or God, I would be glad if she chose God as well.

In Christ,
JL
 
Jimmy,
Ave Maria.

I think you are already on the right track. Your ex is naturally hurt (as most would be), and if she is truly cares for you then she will come to understand your decision to put God first in your life.

I assume you have already patiently explained everything to her, and there was an open and gentle communication about your feelings and discernment. If so, then I would advise you to begin to focus on your vocation now. A break-up requires space to allow the wounds to heal anyway.

Blessings.
 
If you have not done so already, my advice would be to really hammer home the fact that it wouldn’t be fair to her if you chose to continue the relationship with the thoughts of a religious vocation swarming around in your mind and soul. There is a great deal of truth to the saying that you can’t really develop a relationship with someone if you don’t know and aren’t really sure about yourself. As you discern more closely to what God calls you to do in life, you will come to know more clearly yourself…

And yes, definitely allow for some breathing room, too…
 
Jimmy I know it hurts very much and the heartache comes in waves. I ask God to comfort you , and the Holy Spirit to powerfully advise you.

Bless you, Trishie
 
Hi Everyone,

Thank you very much for your replies and prayers. Here is a little bit of my history so you know what’s going on and why I made the decision to break up with my gf.

Roughly 5 years ago, I had a very strong call to religious life. Unfortunately, being the eldest in my family, I had to take care of my parents. Prior to this call, I had bought them a house and was slowly paying it off for them. When the call came, I was in a bind… my parents do not make enough to pay for the mortgage and as they both are over 60, I don’t want them to spend the rest of their life working to pay it off. I decide to delay my vocation for a few years until I am able to pay it off or reduce it to an amount that they can afford to live in it.

As each year passes, I felt the call slowly slipping away. Part of it is due to me visiting some orders and see how heretodox they are. Being somewhat orthodox, I don’t feel comfortable during my visits. Come last year, I met a wonderful girl. She has a heart of gold. We connect almost immediately. We dated for several months and it was beginning to get very serious. We were talking about marriage and children. For her, I was going to give up my vocation. When I was with her, I never thought about my vocation, the call is simply gone.

A strange thing happened to me a few weeks ago… I began to recall my past efforts in discerning my vocation, especially the three vows that I would take. I felt as if the call has not gone away but resurfaced. I had to make a decision, either now or never. I don’t want to continue dating since if it gets more serious, my gf will be badly hurt.

I let her know my decision to continue the discernment and to break up the relationship; I just want to be friends again. She was hurt and I was depressed for days because I didn’t want to be the cause of her pain, but in a way, I am the cause. She hasn’t talked to me since and I doubt she will in the future. It breaks my heart to know how much I have hurt her. She willl be in my prayers for the rest of my life.

There is one path for me to take now. I was at the crossroad, but it seems like the Lord has made the choice of which road I will be traveling.

Please pray for my friend and also for me.

In Christ,
JL
 
Hi Jimmy,

I agree with everything said so far on the forum. I recently broke up with my gf, partly due to a calling. There were other reasons as well. She is a non-Catholic Christian and did not understand it. She was very reactive and emotional about it, thinking it was not something of God, taking a lot of it personally. It’s for the best now that things have died down. I did stress that it would not be fair to her if I stayed with her. She would not be okay with me leaving our relationship later down the line to join religious life.

Still, I am open to dating. Gone on a couple dates as in order to discern properly I want to keep my options open. God speaks through our everyday experiences and I should not put my life on hold. I do go to Mass daily and have been enhancing my prayer life as well as seeing a spiritual director.

As for you, I think you need to accept that things are over with her if she fails to understand. Following God’s will is not always easy or understood. I can tell you that throughout my discernment process I am hearing so many fruitful messages about following God’s will despite what others, even your family says. Keep her in your prayers as I do my ex-girlfriend.

Andy
 
jimmy2010 said:
Hello everyone,

I broke up with my gf last week now that I’m taking my vocations seriously, again. She is an Ex-Catholic so don’t see religion as important in her life. When we were still dating, I talked with her about returning to the faith and she happily agreed…

She’s very hurt and angry right now. She thinks there is something wrong with her because of it. I fear she will come to hate the church because of me.

Has this happened to you? How did you cope? Can you become friends again? I don’t want to hurt her in anyway but it is either her or God and I currently choose God. Had it been her decision to choose me or God, I would be glad if she chose God as well.

In Christ,
JL
Click to expand...
Yes. It happened to me. She was still angry at me years after the fact. Haven’t seen her in many many years. But now I’m married…31 years later. 3 kids 3 cats a dog, 4 squirels and a racoon. Okay the last 2 are wild living in my attic. But the reast is real. My wife is a convert as of 2007. When I met her while I was in the military I felt God call me to marry her. I had no idea why at the time because she was anti-Catholic… 17 years later Idiscovered why God called me to marry her. Although, I really regret not having followed through with my vocation. Now I’m considering the diaconate with her support this time.
 
jimmy2010 said:
Hi Everyone,

Thank you very much for your replies and prayers. Here is a little bit of my history so you know what’s going on and why I made the decision to break up with my gf.

Roughly 5 years ago, I had a very strong call to religious life. Unfortunately, being the eldest in my family, I had to take care of my parents. Prior to this call, I had bought them a house and was slowly paying it off for them. When the call came, I was in a bind… my parents do not make enough to pay for the mortgage and as they both are over 60, I don’t want them to spend the rest of their life working to pay it off. I decide to delay my vocation for a few years until I am able to pay it off or reduce it to an amount that they can afford to live in it.

As each year passes, I felt the call slowly slipping away. Part of it is due to me visiting some orders and see how heretodox they are. Being somewhat orthodox, I don’t feel comfortable during my visits. Come last year, I met a wonderful girl. She has a heart of gold. We connect almost immediately. We dated for several months and it was beginning to get very serious. We were talking about marriage and children. For her, I was going to give up my vocation. When I was with her, I never thought about my vocation, the call is simply gone.

A strange thing happened to me a few weeks ago… I began to recall my past efforts in discerning my vocation, especially the three vows that I would take. I felt as if the call has not gone away but resurfaced. I had to make a decision, either now or never. I don’t want to continue dating since if it gets more serious, my gf will be badly hurt.

I let her know my decision to continue the discernment and to break up the relationship; I just want to be friends again. She was hurt and I was depressed for days because I didn’t want to be the cause of her pain, but in a way, I am the cause. She hasn’t talked to me since and I doubt she will in the future. It breaks my heart to know how much I have hurt her. She willl be in my prayers for the rest of my life.

There is one path for me to take now. I was at the crossroad, but it seems like the Lord has made the choice of which road I will be traveling.

Please pray for my friend and also for me.

In Christ,
JL
Click to expand...
Jimmy,
Can not your younger siblings help take care of your parents, while you, the first born, consecrate your life to God?
 
By reading this, I feel I was very lucky.

I broke up with my girlfriend after one year because of a possible calling, as I wans’t paying enough attention to her, and it was becoming really impossible to be on two mental places at the same time.

She, as a practicing Catholic, was, of course, sad, but recognized that there was no other option for me. She accepted it very well, although she expects that I’ll end up married.

Nowadays we are great friends, and we get along very well.
 
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