Broken Engagement

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Sonas

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My ex fiancé called off our wedding a few weeks ago. I know it was the right decision and that we would not have worked out together but I’m just finding it so difficult at the moment. At the beginning I made sure I was busy all the time but now I don’t even have the energy to do that. I just go to work and come home and veg on the couch. I can’t seem to even pray. I just feel so alone and so empty. Can anyone give me any advice as to how to get past this? Or any suggestions of books to read etc? I would really appreciate it.
 
Sonas said:
My ex fiancé called off our wedding a few weeks ago. I know it was the right decision and that we would not have worked out together but I’m just finding it so difficult at the moment. At the beginning I made sure I was busy all the time but now I don’t even have the energy to do that. I just go to work and come home and veg on the couch. I can’t seem to even pray. I just feel so alone and so empty. Can anyone give me any advice as to how to get past this? Or any suggestions of books to read etc? I would really appreciate it.
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I’m sorry about your engagement.

What are your usual tastes, and people may be able to recommend something to distract you.

Also, ask your in-real-life friends to keep you busy.

Best wishes!
 
Sometimes when you don’t feel like praying, it can be helpful to just go sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament. You don’t need to say anything, not in the beginning. Just sit there and be in God’s presence and welcome whatever graces God wishes to send you.

If you feel compelled, you can ask him for peace or tell him you’re hurting or whatever is on your heart. I sometimes find it’s easier to do this when you’re right in front of him instead of in your room or near your computer or something.
 
I’m very sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. I don’t feel qualified to give too much advice, only encouragement to not give up.

Do something that makes you smile. If it’s watching a funny TV show, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Peace
 
Sonas, you are grieving–for your lost relationship. It’s like any other loss–you go through stages. Feeling empty is one of those stages. You can’t make it go away by trying to fill up the emptiness with activities. That only pushes facing it to another time. Rather, embrace your emptiness as the suffering it is and give it to God in union with those of Christ’s who suffered the loss of all his friends when he was betrayed. Even though your split was amicable, there was still someone else in your life you don’t have now and plans you’d made that won’t happen. Let yourself feel that loss, but in Christ. In time you’ll feel better. In the meantime, give yourself time to rest from you heartache but don’t let it take over. We all need to “wallow”, if I many use the word for lack of a better one, in our sorrows, but at some point you’ll want to get up and do things again. When that time comes you’ll know. As someone else suggested, be easy on yourself. Pray to God as to a friend who understands–simply telling him how you feel. I will remember you in my Evening Prayer and ask Our Lady to wrap you in her mantle of love, peace, and protection.
 
Yeah, definitely make an effort to go to adoration and just really spend your time with our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.
 
This happened to me, many years ago now. It sucks.

As others have said, keep busy and especially with your friends. I had a good friend drag me along to lost of different activities and I am certain it made a world of difference.

As for prayer, God knows you won’t have much to say right now. Just be mindful of Him and say little prayers over and over such as “God help me”. Over time you will find you have more to say and it will help you clear your mind.

Now you say you know it wouldn’t have worked out. Good. Keep reminding yourself of this. To avoid a bad marriage is to dodge a bullet. It still hurts, but you know it was the best thing for you in the long run.

As for me, I’m very happily married, with four great kids. My failed engagement is but a faded memory now and of no importance. One day, you will feel that way too.
 
Thanks for all your responses. Today has been a better day. I managed to pray the rosary last night before bed and it really helped me. I had the best sleep I’ve had in a long while afterwards. Please keep me in your prayers.
 
In my prayers!!!

Going to adoration is a wonderful idea. Its quiet and you can speak to God intimately, even if you do not have a formal prayer to say.

I recommend staying close with friends, but also doing a disconnect from all the noise of social media during this time when you are still healing. Lent is a wonderful time to disconnect, anyways, and focus on faith and being open for God’s plan for you.

Take your time to go through all the stages of grieving, and allow yourself to grieve. It will take time and patience but remember, “time heals all wounds”.

Last, this is something that has worked for me and my sister: journal! My journal is not personal, but I collect quotes from saints or writers. When I’m upset or sad, I read through them. It helps me express things without the pressure of putting it all into words and reliving it.

Stay strong! Here are some quotes I’ve loved:

**
“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them**.”
― Leo Tolstoy
*
“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”* ― Dostoevsky
*
“When you have nothing left but God,you have more than enough to start over again.”*
― Mother Teresa
 
Hi: First of all, if you really believe it was for the best, pray for that. - Thank God. That having been said you are experiencing tremendous loss/ grief. Why would you think you would feel better than you do? You have lost someone you ‘loved’; a life you believed you would be sharing; the possibility of a family with this man; and, you are single again. That’s a big fall. While the Stages of Grief are debated all the time, just looking at what they are might give you insight as to where you are in the cycle:
Shock? Is this happening?
Denial/ Isolation? No this is not happening.
Anger. How could this happen to me?
Bargaining. "Please God if you will …
Finally,
Acceptance.

It is not linear; it is messy. But, see if you are experiencing what is totally normal.

Now, I’d like to say something as a professional. As you go through the stages, there is other emotional work to be done: how did you end up engaged to a man who was wrong for you? It always goes back to family of origin and what we have learned to be comfortable with.

Sorry if I got to deep. Mean nothing by it.

Best.

Grandma LaLa
 
Aw, I am so sorry, Sonas.

When my husband left, facing single-Mom life and feeling a lot of rejection and turned backs, (not just my ex), of all things (besides Daily Mass when I could, and little visits to Jesus in the Tabernacle) I actually found the *most comfort came from praying the Litany of Humility (I aimed to pray it daily, and did most days). I recommend this! You are asking for the grace to not only accept but actually embrace the very things that are plaguing you! You can surely understand that much supernatural grace is needed for that! It cannot be done on your own. And that supernatural grace is just what this prayer asks for. And when you get it (you will!), you will be stronger. This is the grace you most need *right now. Believe it or not! (I prayed it because I felt led to at the time. I did not realize it would lead to the healing for rejection and loneliness - that was an unexpected blessing! And I knew it came from this prayer.)

Here is a copy. Scroll down: catholictradition.org/Litanies/litany55.htm
 
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