Broken heart worthy of more than a shrug?

[Calliope]

Hello,

I am a former Catholic, who has been lurking a couple of months. What brought me here was coming across several other former Catholics in the past year who has experiences similar to my own.

I have read numerous threads on these forums on the subject of Marian devotion, and have become more broken hearted when I read how Catholics feel about people who have issues with that subject.

I have had some very painful, untrue and slanderous things said about people in my situation, and perhaps the most hurtful being shrugged off, as if my concerns and experiences are all delusional, or stem from me wanting to sin wantonly, and somehow using Mary as a scapegoat.

I read that Mary only, ever points people toward Christ, and that a devotion to her always leads one closer to her Son, and that it is always good.

But growing up a Marian devotion did not lead me closer to Christ. And the several people I’ve met had similar experiences, rather, they were led into an (name removed by moderator)propriate devotion to the Blessed Virgin herself, often with nuns or priests at the helm, and involving groups of people in the parish.

Looking back, I cannot understand why Mary herself did not protect us.Why, when we began in honest devotion and honor of her blessed heart, did she not steer us closer to her Son, but allow us to fall into such corrupt practice? The more I read here about what a devotion to Mary does in a life, the more hurt, cheated and angry I feel that in my experience, and others, we felt encouraged and led into something so wrong.

The anger and bitterness do not come from a desire to sin without recourse, but come from a sense of being betrayed, not only by the church we trusted as the true church, but by the Mother of God herself, who rather than protect us, allowed us to fall into worship of her.

I am hoping this will help some people understand the depth of betrayal and pain, and perhaps open some discussion on this issue that does more than shrug over the loss of people who once were devoted with the fullness of their heart, and were terribly hurt.

Calliope

 

[ThereseMarie]

Hello,

I am a former Catholic, who has been lurking a couple of months. What brought me here was coming across several other former Catholics in the past year who has experiences similar to my own.

I have read numerous threads on these forums on the subject of Marian devotion, and have become more broken hearted when I read how Catholics feel about people who have issues with that subject.

I have had some very painful, untrue and slanderous things said about people in my situation, and perhaps the most hurtful being shrugged off, as if my concerns and experiences are all delusional, or stem from me wanting to sin wantonly, and somehow using Mary as a scapegoat.

I read that Mary only, ever points people toward Christ, and that a devotion to her always leads one closer to her Son, and that it is always good.

But growing up a Marian devotion did not lead me closer to Christ. And the several people I’ve met had similar experiences, rather, they were led into an (name removed by moderator)propriate devotion to the Blessed Virgin herself, often with nuns or priests at the helm, and involving groups of people in the parish.

Looking back, I cannot understand why Mary herself did not protect us.Why, when we began in honest devotion and honor of her blessed heart, did she not steer us closer to her Son, but allow us to fall into such corrupt practice? The more I read here about what a devotion to Mary does in a life, the more hurt, cheated and angry I feel that in my experience, and others, we felt encouraged and led into something so wrong.

The anger and bitterness do not come from a desire to sin without recourse, but come from a sense of being betrayed, not only by the church we trusted as the true church, but by the Mother of God herself, who rather than protect us, allowed us to fall into worship of her.

I am hoping this will help some people understand the depth of betrayal and pain, and perhaps open some discussion on this issue that does more than shrug over the loss of people who once were devoted with the fullness of their heart, and were terribly hurt.

Calliope

Growing up in a family that has been Catholic for hundreds of years, I can honestly say that I never felt led to worship Mary, nor do I know anyone who worships her or asks anyone else to do this. But then, that has been my experience with some seriously devout Catholics. I understand that your experience and others’ experiences are different.

After I left my 99.99% Catholic community, and began to have non-Catholic friends, I came to understand how many have trouble with Mary, and the saints too for that matter. I have met a few bitter ex-Catholics that I think are angry for similar reasons that you are sad.

I am sorry for the hurtful things said to you about your feelings. I am sorry for your broken heart. I am sorry that you feel betrayed by the Blessed Mother and the Church. Words such as those convey a lot of pain. I think that the best thing for you to do is to pray for healing of the hurt you have, and to make sure you have forgiven people you believe led you astray.

If you really want clarity, though, you must get beyond the pain and look into the teachings of the Church. She is Holy. She has faulty members, but the teachings do not err. Satisfy yourself that the Church has never called anyone to worship any other than God. Then forgive. I think you will feel better.

Just my thoughts. I have read some posts here where people pour out their hearts, and feel ignored. So when I read this, I wanted to respond, so that you wouldn’t feel “shrugged off.”

Peace to you,

 

[andzy]

Calliope,
Sorry to hear about you hurtful experiences. There are always people on all sides who will have little charity towards those on the opposite side - either because of trying to hurt the other, or because of being overly (i.e., in an incorrect way) zealous. This is more saddening, when we encounter Catholics and other Christians acting this way (and the CAF forums site often is not an exception, either).
As a former Protestant, I can sympathize with your issues regarding Mary. I agree that sometimes it can be a slipper slope. Unfortunately, there can be many such situations, even regarding devotion towards Christ. Jack Chick with his tracks is a good example: I assume he has a devotion to Christ (I just don’t know the man), yet this devotion has certainly taken a wrong turn. Oh well, we are all sinful people, but luckily, God has come to save the sinners.
Wishing you all the best on your search for Truth and more closeness with Christ.
P.S. And don’t look just on the bad fruits within the Catholic Church, there are plenty of the great ones, too

 

[ralphinal]

I am sorry for your heartache. I am even more sorry that others have mistreated you or others who do not agree with them. As Christians, we are not called to judge but to love. We must be examples of the Light of Christ, not the judges of others. I pray that all will treat others with respect.

I have little desire to defend rude behavior, but please consider that many Catholics think that they are being attacked for their views whenever someone states that a practice of the faithful is sinful, heretical, or worse. It strikes to their heart. Some of these people lash out in a poor maner. AS much as we should be considerate of those who have left the Church, they should be considerate of us as well.

Hopefully, everyone will treat you as a beloved child of God.

 

[Calliope]

Thank you for the kind resonses. Unfortunately I read a different thread on “mariolotry” first, and got a crawful of more of the real reason why people left the Catholic church, and more of how it was my fault for not finding out what the true teachings were and trusting the Pastor, nuns, etc, and how no one knows any Catholics that ever worshipped Mary, it’s just an excuse we use so we can enjoy sexual sin.

sigh.

I understand that even though I believed I was worshipping Mary, and it felt like it, it was just hyperdulia, because apparently it is impossible for any catholic to worship Mary.

I’m not sure if I feel better or worse.

but thank you for your kind words. I wish I could delete this thread, because it is a waste of everyone’s time.

And for the record, I forgive the Church, I forgive all the people who unknowingly led me into improper devotion to the Blessed Virgin, I forgive the Blessed Virgin for not protecting me through her graces, I acknowledge that Catholics are terribly misunderstood and persecuted in today’s world that it is only to be expected that they would treat anyone with an issue that might be construed as anti-Catholic in a less than charitable way, and I acknowledge all the good that is done by the Church and her faithful. I accept full responsibility for my actions, and for not learning what the church truly taught rather than to put my trust in fallible people.

Thank you for not shrugging me off.

 

[pedja]

Calliope,

when I`m down and feel people around me are letting me down, I talk to my best friend Jesus. He is always there and He listens. And not only is He my best friend but also my Saviour. That is simply awesome

 

[ThereseMarie]

Thank you for the kind resonses. Unfortunately I read a different thread on “mariolotry” first, and got a crawful of more of the real reason why people left the Catholic church, and more of how it was my fault for not finding out what the true teachings were and trusting the Pastor, nuns, etc, and how no one knows any Catholics that ever worshipped Mary, it’s just an excuse we use so we can enjoy sexual sin.

sigh.

I understand that even though I believed I was worshipping Mary, and it felt like it, it was just hyperdulia, because apparently it is impossible for any catholic to worship Mary.

I’m not sure if I feel better or worse.

but thank you for your kind words. I wish I could delete this thread, because it is a waste of everyone’s time.

And for the record, I forgive the Church, I forgive all the people who unknowingly led me into improper devotion to the Blessed Virgin, I forgive the Blessed Virgin for not protecting me through her graces, I acknowledge that Catholics are terribly misunderstood and persecuted in today’s world that it is only to be expected that they would treat anyone with an issue that might be construed as anti-Catholic in a less than charitable way, and I acknowledge all the good that is done by the Church and her faithful. I accept full responsibility for my actions, and for not learning what the church truly taught rather than to put my trust in fallible people.

Thank you for not shrugging me off.

I am getting a feeling that my post missed its mark… but it is so hard to convey one’s true sentiment over the www. I hope you are not feeling chastised for “not learning what the Church truly taught,” as it is also the responsibility of Catholics everywhere to help others find the Truth. (What did St Francis of Assisi say? “Preach the Gospel at all times; if necessary use words.”) For me, that Catholic was my husband, and for my husband, it was me. Imagine, two fallen away Cafeteria Catholics leading each other home… (guess neither of us was really doing the leading )

I think those people in your life did let you down in a big way, especially if you had to leave the Church over it all. I still sense (don’t ask me how) a feeling of sadness in your post and so I am sending a cyber-hug. Anyway, I haven’t read the Mariology thread because I get really hurt when I read what non-Catholics believe about Catholics (same as you in reverse). It’s probably not so wise to take it personally, but I do.

It’s upsetting that some of the posts at the CAF seem to confirm what you and others have been thinking about the Church. Sometimes we Catholics just do a poor job of “preaching the Gospel at all times.” Don’t let that deter you. You are here for a reason. I have read lots of books that helped me in my journey - they would blow you away!!!

I wish I could help more, and there is more I could say about my own journey, but probably it is best reserved for a PM.

Blessings,

 

[Calliope]

Calliope,

when I`m down and feel people around me are letting me down, I talk to my best friend Jesus. He is always there and He listens. And not only is He my best friend but also my Saviour. That is simply awesome

Thanks, that is a great idea. Sometimes I get the idea that I’ll feel better if I talk about this with real people, but I never do.

I think I’ll do as you say and take it up with Christ

 

[Calliope]

I am getting a feeling that my post missed its mark… but it is so hard to convey one’s true sentiment over the www. I hope you are not feeling chastised for “not learning what the Church truly taught,” …
Blessings,

I found your post nothing but charitable.

And I do feel chastised, but I’m not sure by you, or just in general.

The party line seems to be that it is ALWAYS the fault of the person who left the Church, no matter what that person was taught, told, led to, etc. And perhaps that is indeed the truth. I am willing to accept that.

Catholics are very quick to defend the Church. I know that, I was one. And perhaps that is why when the Church I so fully and willingly followed and defended is the cause of faulty teaching (I’m sorry, but for a young person, priests, nuns, parents, church group leaders ARE the Church) the level of hurt and betrayal is very deep indeed.

People tell me to get over it. I don’t know if I can.

There is much that happened that was very personal that I cannot share in a public forum.

I just do wish that Catholics could understand that sometimes the teachings of the Church have been used like a weapon on people, and that some people leave not because they are horrible and wish to live a life of debauchery, but because they have been hurt to their very souls, and fear for their salvation.

 

[ThereseMarie]

I found your post nothing but charitable.

I am glad.

And I do feel chastised, but I’m not sure by you, or just in general.

Definitely NOT my intention. Who am I to chastise? I was the WORST of the WORST for over 15 years!!! Believe me, I would never judge you or blame you like that.

The party line seems to be that it is ALWAYS the fault of the person who left the Church, no matter what that person was taught, told, led to, etc. And perhaps that is indeed the truth. I am willing to accept that.

Catholics are very quick to defend the Church. I know that, I was one. And perhaps that is why when the Church I so fully and willingly followed and defended is the cause of faulty teaching (I’m sorry, but for a young person, priests, nuns, parents, church group leaders ARE the Church) the level of hurt and betrayal is very deep indeed…

I hear you. I totally understand.

People tell me to get over it. I don’t know if I can.

You must pray for healing. I always get blown away when I read how much healing Jesus did. He is the Greatest Healer the world has ever known.

There is much that happened that was very personal that I cannot share in a public forum.

I just do wish that Catholics could understand that sometimes the teachings of the Church have been used like a weapon on people, and that some people leave not because they are horrible and wish to live a life of debauchery, but because they have been hurt to their very souls, and fear for their salvation.

I understand this perfectly. I was a victim myself of an overzealous Catholic who tried to bring me back to the Church. I think that this person’s tactics only appealed to my stubborness, and ended up keeping me away much, much longer. Oh, the stories I could tell…

 

[gardenswithkids]

…The party line seems to be that it is ALWAYS the fault of the person who left the Church, no matter what that person was taught, told, led to, etc. And perhaps that is indeed the truth. I am willing to accept that.

Catholics are very quick to defend the Church. I know that, I was one. …some people leave not because they are horrible and wish to live a life of debauchery, but because they have been hurt to their very souls, and fear for their salvation.

Calliope, there are lots of Catholics on this forum, like me, who fell away from the Church for a while and understand what you are saying.

Yes, I had personal responsibility for leaving, but there were other people and factors that contributed to my leaving too. We live in strange times. Some authorities within the Catholic Church teach heresies that contradict with actual Church teachings; I recognize that now but I didn’t when I was younger. While away from the Catholic Church, I grew in my faith while attending a Protestant denomination. Evenutually I came back to the Catholic Church, but I still have a great deal of respect for sincere Protestants, including those who are former Catholics.

As you acknowledge that you were once a Catholic who was very quick to defend the Church, hopefully you might understand that all of us are on spiritual journeys–even those who might quickly judge others for leaving the Church.

As far as Mary protecting you and leading her to her Son–if you are now growing closer to Christ and if you broke away of what was truly an improper worship of her (rather than hyperdula), how can you be so sure she didn’t guide you to her Son and protect you through a more unusual route, working with both your free-will and the free-will of others around you? Some prayers take longer to answer, and your journey isn’t over yet. As they say, God writes straight with crooked lines.

God bless you on your journey.