Broken-hearted, despairing and exhausted

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Cat said:
You stated that you have placed your daughter into an expensive rehab program.

What does this program say to you, the parents? Do they have classes or counseling for you as well as your daughter? Is there a doctor or counselor that specifically works with the family and advises them of the best approach to take with their addicted loved one?

Frankly, I think that if the program doesn’t include the family along with the addict, the program isn’t worth the money, and you would be better off to find a program that includes the entire family in the rehab.

You and your husband need the help and counselling and reassurances and relief and support from other families of other addicts as much as your daughter needs the help. There are certain skills that families of addicts need to know, and the rehab program should either teach you these skills or refer you to the proper people who will teach you these skills.

It is an intensive program, not necessarily expensive in the grand scheme of things. It does include family.🙂

Godspeed to you. You have a hard trail to trudge down. I would cry if I were you, and your tears would alert those people around you who are gifted in loving and caring that you need some of their love and care! Anyone who judges you or makes fun of you is not anyone worth your worrying about.
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Southern said:
I 100% agree but this is still her daughter. No one deserves to be treated bad but We are all called to forgiveness as Our Father Forgives us. I believe God instills in each one of us some type of defence mechanisim to help us avoid from getting hurt. Example: We know or have a feeling when someone is out to hurt us, our family or friends. We do not hate them but try to avoid them. Support comes from Love not money. There is a difference. 🙂
God Bless!
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Forgive yes–but even though you forgive, one still has to face the consequences of their actions.
 
marimagi said:
For the past year, my husband and I have been almost fully supporting my grown daughter financially and emotionally. She has worked part time, but cannot pay her full rent without help. We have provided health insurance, the use of a car, car insurance, maintainance, etc. Whenever my daughter has needed emotional support, I’ve been there.

She has a 5 year old daughter for whom I have happily supplied all childcare, and have fulfilled other needs such as clothes, dance lessons, school pick-up, homework help, etc.
I have not minded doing any of this, as my daughter has been separated from her husband. I believed that she was truly doing the best she could.

Last week, I learned that my daughter has not been doing her best, has been living a double life, and basically playing my husband and I for fools. Worst of all, she has been exposing my granddaughter to dangerous and unsuitable situations.

Part of her problem is drugs, (again) so now we are paying for an intensive treatment program. My daughter expects me to be happy and as supportive as I’ve been in the past year, because she “now knows what her problem is.” She hasn’t even begun to come clean and be honest, and I’m feeling hurt and exhausted.

My entire focus is on keeping my granddaughter safe and well cared for. I can’t cry, because I don’t have the time or space to do so privately. I guess I need prayers…but also some feedback. I’m feeling alone and overwhelmed (my husband has 2 jobs and works about 18 hours a day)
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I’m very sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, I can’t give you much advice because my children are still young, so I haven’t had to go through these things yet. I can say that my wife’s parents are going through this right now with my wife’s brother (though he doesn’t have any kids).

I just said a prayer for you and your family and will pray for your intentions at Mass.
 
It has been a while and things are not going well. The lawyer we consulted told us to try to get the parents to voluntarily give us guardianship. The parents have been presented with this option twice, and have declined.

The second option was to get the State involved. We did that 2 weeks ago, assigning us as guardians by the State depends upon the results of a hair follicle test of our granddaughter, that we were only authorized to get yesterday. We are told that the results will take about a week.

In the meantime, my daughter can take my granddaughter whenever she insists. At present, my married daughter is planning to move in with her unstable boyfriend; yes, boyfriend. Her husband is too unmotivated by his own marijuana use to file for divorce.

I feel like a wreck. My prayer life has gone to heck. My mind feels like sludge. All I want, is to know that I can keep my granddaughter safe until one or both of her parents come to their senses.

If the State can’t remove on objective proof, we will have to petition the court for a trial.

I guess what I’m saying is please, pray for me. Actually, pray for my granddaughter, Phoenix.
 
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