Broken Hearted...Help : (

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Sarah_Marker

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Hey Everyone,

I’m new to the forums and I was hoping that some of you could pray for me. I never thought I’d post on a site like this, but I honestly don’t know what else to do and I’d really appreciate some advice. I am 19 years old and I have known a boy for over 7 years now. We’ve been great friends and we even “dated/courted” for a while. Anyway, my parents, siblings, extended family, and I have noticed some traits in this guy that sometimes worry us and I’m afraid to say that I’m not sure he can change them (even though I know he wants to). He’s very hardworking, honorable, completely loyal etc…but he can also be very controlling at times (for example, if we don’t answer the phone, he keeps calling back until we finally answer)…things like that and I think he’s only getting worse. Although we haven’t been “dating” for about a year now, we’ve been keeping up contact through occasional walks, emails etc. With my parent’s help though, I’ve recently come to see that doing things together is only prolonging our pain. Neither of us is able to move on with our lives and I know we both want more than a friendship. I guess I just kept hoping that God would guide the relationship and that we’d finally be able to sort any problems out. At this point, I haven’t talked to the boy for about a month (my dad asked us to spend some time apart so that I could think things through and decide how to handle things). Although the guy listened and didn’t try to contact me for a month, he did email my brother a few times (about the relationship) and it’s obvious (as much as I absolutely hate to admit it), that he’s still trying to control and manipulate things. We were all praying that God would open our eyes during the month and make things clear and, after what’s happened, it seems clear that it isn’t meant to be (my dad is planning on calling this boy tonight and telling him that it’s truly over).

My question is…how do you get over a broken heart? I don’t mean to be overly-dramatic, but this guy has meant everything to me for years! I can’t imagine my life without him and I’ve never been anywhere near this depressed (I honestly didn’t know that anything could hurt this much). I’ve been asked out by other Christian guys and I’ve tried getting to know some new people these last couple months, but it only seems to make things worse. I’ve had trouble sleeping, eating…I guess all those things I’d heard about but never completely understood. I know it my head that our relationship probably isn’t meant to be, but my feelings are the complete opposite. I don’t usually cry and I can almost always stay positive, but I haven’t been able to stop crying for days now :(. I absolutely hate the thought of not being able to talk to this guy again. He’s been my closest friend for years and everything reminds me of him (songs, sitting out by the campfire, walks, etc.). The last month apart has been terrible and knowing that it’s probably going to be permanent is killing me. I know time heals things, but this guy is the only guy I’ve ever truly cared for (neither of us has ever dated anyone else) and any time we’ve spent apart only seems to make me miss him more. I know it sounds silly, but I think it’d be easier if he had ended it with me. Knowing that I could easily go back to the relationship is probably the hardest part. I want to soooooooo bad, but I also want to trust my family and, if I’m really honest with myself, I don’t think it’d be right. I’m just finding it so hard to trust in God right now. I know He wants the best for us, but sometimes it’s hard to understand why things happen the way they do. I’m trying to accept the “answer”…it just doesn’t seem to be working. I sure wish He could take my feelings away! I’d love for things to eventually work out, but I know I need to let things go now. Do any of you have any advice? Where do I go from here? I know that this is going to be a difficult time for the guy too and I truly do want the best for him (I just wish it was with me). Could you pray for both of us? I really don’t want to be miserable for years to come :(. Sorry for this incredibly long post (I’m sure most of you are seriously bored by now) and thanks is advance!

God Bless,

Sarah
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
I know it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it sounds like you are going through the normal phase of adjustment to these types of things. As one who has gone through similar things, I can tell you (at 38) that you WILL look back on this and see that God was guiding you away from a bad situation.

For now, just pray and lean on God. Trust that he will let you know why this has happened, even if he waits to tell you about it later on in life. Sometimes, we get caught up in the moment. I’ve found that I see things much more clearly when I’ve had many years to look back on them.

You will, too.

Be at peace, sister. And don’t rush into another relationship. I’ve done that, too.
 
Our father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
On Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us,
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
 
I am sorry for what you are going thru. I will be praying with you for this intention. God bless you. :gopray2::signofcross:
 
*I know for me that the more I focused on what I was missing, the more dysfunctional I became. I know personally that things that seem benign or not so out of line, like calling until you get an answer, can escalate into full scale abuse really quickly. Someone who really loves you will not try to control you.

The thing I did that helped me the most was to volunteer to help the less fortunate. I still remember the good times with my ex, but I do not feel sad about what I am “missing.” The most important thing for me was God’s direction, through what others pointed out to me, through prayer and through actually writing down the pros and cons of the relationship. You have invested so much time that you probably have shut out most of the rest of the world. I did that. I thought we would be together forever. I am 63 and do not expect to have those good feelings again, but have joy in the Lord. You are young. Throw yourself into something you really enjoy, like reading, painting, reading to kids, your job, your church. You can change your attitude and move on with God’s help.*
 
Praying for you!

"My soul is deprived of peace, I have forgotten what happiness is;
I tell myself my future is lost, all that I hoped for from the Lord.

But I will call this to mind, as my reason to have hope:
The favors of the Lord are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent;
They are renewed each morning, so great is his faithfulness.
My portion is the Lord, says my soul; therefore I will hope in him."
Lamentations 3:17-18, 21-24
 
Oh my dear, if he is controlling and manipulative, it is good you are getting away now. I spent 15 years in a relationship like that and it only gets much worse.

Lord Jesus, please ease Sarah’s pain, heal her broken heart, and give her peace. Please fill her with your love and grace so that she knows she will never have to walk alone. Amen.
 
Sarah, that was me when I was your age, except it was a girl who broke my heart.
I was 21 at the time.

You may not wish to hear this but it took me a long time to get over it at the time (25 years ago).
To try to cope with the situation when we split, I threw myself in to work and I took on a whole load of extra curricular stuff so that I would minimise the amount of time I had to think about her.
I even moved out from my parents home and took a job in another part of the country as part of my trying to cope.

But I eventually did reach a point where I could move on. And I did move on.
I eventually met a woman who I fell in love with and married.

However I have seen the girl who broke my heart (her family live close to my parents) in passing from time to time (mainly by accident in the local shopping mall) and even now there is still a part of me that sometimes thinks “what if ?”

A broken heart is a terrible thing and you have my full sympathy and understanding.

Time will ultimately heal you though.
Until it does so, take refuge in your family.
Take refuge in your extended family.
Take refuge in your friends.
Take refuge in your school/college/work colleagues.
Take refuge in prayer too.

I hope that this helps.
 
Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragment. It’s really comforting to know that there are people praying for me.
Windmill said:
I know it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it sounds like you are going through the normal phase of adjustment to these types of things. As one who has gone through similar things, I can tell you (at 38) that you WILL look back on this and see that God was guiding you away from a bad situation.

For now, just pray and lean on God. Trust that he will let you know why this has happened, even if he waits to tell you about it later on in life. Sometimes, we get caught up in the moment. I’ve found that I see things much more clearly when I’ve had many years to look back on them.

You will, too.

Be at peace, sister. And don’t rush into another relationship. I’ve done that, too.
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Thanks for your advice. I will try to be patient! Yeah, I tried going on a couple “dates” a month or two ago and I realized that I am in no way ready to go out with other people right now :(. It sounds terrible, but I almost just ended up resenting the other guys. I was glad I figured that out before I actually started a relationship with either of them. It’s just hard…I’m starting to wonder how I’ll ever be ready to think about a future with someone else. It is really nice to know that other people have been in the same position and have been able to look back and see God’s hand in everything though. Thanks again.
 
jennina67 said:
*I know for me that the more I focused on what I was missing, the more dysfunctional I became. I know personally that things that seem benign or not so out of line, like calling until you get an answer, can escalate into full scale abuse really quickly. Someone who really loves you will not try to control you.

The thing I did that helped me the most was to volunteer to help the less fortunate. I still remember the good times with my ex, but I do not feel sad about what I am “missing.” The most important thing for me was God’s direction, through what others pointed out to me, through prayer and through actually writing down the pros and cons of the relationship. You have invested so much time that you probably have shut out most of the rest of the world. I did that. I thought we would be together forever. I am 63 and do not expect to have those good feelings again, but have joy in the Lord. You are young. Throw yourself into something you really enjoy, like reading, painting, reading to kids, your job, your church. You can change your attitude and move on with God’s help.*
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I’m trying to remind myself that if this relationship was meant to be, that God would make it a little clearer. It’s just so difficult! I truly think this guy wants to change (so does my family) and I just wish it was okay to wait it out and hope for the best. I know that’s not fair to either of us though (in the meantime, he’s refusing to go out with other girls etc.)…I just keep wishing it could be different (too bad wishing doesn’t help anything) :(. I didn’t think I’d shut out the rest of the world too much, but I have realized that I’ve found it incredibly difficult to do things with my family this last month. I guess I’ve just been so depressed and somewhat frustrated with my parents for pointing things out that I’d rather be alone (I’m normally the complete opposite). All my friends have known this guy since we were little kids too, so I’ve always felt wrong about talking to them about this sort of thing. Besides this guy, my closest friend is his sister and I know it wouldn’t be right to talk to her either. Thankfully, we decided a long time ago to keep our friendship and my relationship with this guy/her brother seperate (he doesn’t even live with her anymore), so that’s a relief. I sure wish I could talk to someone though! Thanks everyone for listening to my venting haha…it actually makes me feel a little better. I will try getting more involved with helping others. That’s a wonderful idea and I’ll make sure to start looking into things today :).
 
Praying for your intention. I always resist being around controlling people. Your parents have your best interest at heart and I’d recomend listening to their advice.

When I was your age, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. I was devastated for awhile but moved on and met the woman who was to become my wife. We’ve been married for 52 years and have had a great life together.

Looking back at the ex-girlfriend, it was best we broke up, we were totally incompatible and due to my youth I couldn’t see it at the time.

Good luck to you.
 
WaitingForJesus said:
Oh my dear, if he is controlling and manipulative, it is good you are getting away now. I spent 15 years in a relationship like that and it only gets much worse.

Lord Jesus, please ease Sarah’s pain, heal her broken heart, and give her peace. Please fill her with your love and grace so that she knows she will never have to walk alone. Amen.
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Yay, I just figured out how to add more than one quote to a message Thanks for your prayers. I know…I just see so many good qualities in this guy too and it’s sooooo hard. I keep thinking of things I could’ve done differently. I never really showed him how much manupulative comments affected me etc. (since we’ve only been “friends,” I’ve just joked back and acted like I didn’t have feelings for him) and now I wish I had been more open. If he had shown my dad a little more respect this past month, my parents were even planning on sitting down with both of us and helping us through this. Seeing how little respect he has though has just worried my parents (and me) and helped confirm what we were afraid of. I just wish he could’ve listened! I think the worst part is knowing that the last time I saw him (a few weeks ago), I wasn’t even able to talk to him (I must’ve seemed really rude) and I’m sure he thinks that I could care less about him now. To think that after seven years and a close friendship, my dad is ending things and I might not be able to talk to him again seems like everything was a complete waste. I just feel like there’s so much misunderstanding and, unless I was going to secretly contact this guy, there’s nothing I can do about it :(.

Would it be wrong of me to really start praying for this guy? I know praying for someone isn’t a bad thing, but is it only going to make this harder for me? Like I said, I know he wants to change, he just hasn’t been able to much yet. I’d do anything to help him…fast, pray novenas etc. I guess I just want to be careful and not get even more emotionally attached. Part of me is still really hoping that things can work out someday, but even if they don’t I truly want this guy to be happy. Do any of you have advice when it comes to this?
Limerickman said:
Sarah, that was me when I was your age, except it was a girl who broke my heart.
I was 21 at the time.

You may not wish to hear this but it took me a long time to get over it at the time (25 years ago).
To try to cope with the situation when we split, I threw myself in to work and I took on a whole load of extra curricular stuff so that I would minimise the amount of time I had to think about her.
I even moved out from my parents home and took a job in another part of the country as part of my trying to cope.

But I eventually did reach a point where I could move on. And I did move on.
I eventually met a woman who I fell in love with and married.

However I have seen the girl who broke my heart (her family live close to my parents) in passing from time to time (mainly by accident in the local shopping mall) and even now there is still a part of me that sometimes thinks “what if ?”

A broken heart is a terrible thing and you have my full sympathy and understanding.

Time will ultimately heal you though.
Until it does so, take refuge in your family.
Take refuge in your extended family.
Take refuge in your friends.
Take refuge in your school/college/work colleagues.
Take refuge in prayer too.

I hope that this helps.
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Oh’ I’m sorry and I’m really glad that you were able to move on. Knowing that I could go back and have a relationship with him is what’s so hard. He’s told me before that he would be completely heartbroken and never marry anyone else if I stopped talking to him and it just seems like we’re both suffering for nothing. I know that’s not true…it just feels that way sometimes. I’ve been doing a ton of college work the past month to distract myself and it seems to help a little. My family’s really worried that it’s not helping anything though and that I’m just becoming more withdrawn. I guess I should probably find a balance. I’ve also considered moving for the summer. Again, I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but it might help me to get away for a while and distract myself with a job etc. Plus, it seems like there are way too many memories around here! I just want to be careful that I don’t try to “run-away.” I know that’s not going to solve any problems :(. Thank you all again for your encouragment, prayers, and advice. It really means a lot to me and it’s so nice to be able to at least write these things out since I sometimes feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it.

God Bless,

Sarah
 
244Rocket said:
Praying for your intention. I always resist being around controlling people. Your parents have your best interest at heart and I’d recomend listening to their advice.

When I was your age, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. I was devastated for awhile but moved on and met the woman who was to become my wife. We’ve been married for 52 years and have had a great life together.

Looking back at the ex-girlfriend, it was best we broke up, we were totally incompatible and due to my youth I couldn’t see it at the time.

Good luck to you.
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Thanks. That’s really nice to know and definitely helps a little. I’ll keep trying to trust.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Sarah_Marker said:
Thanks for your advice. I will try to be patient! Yeah, I tried going on a couple “dates” a month or two ago and I realized that I am in no way ready to go out with other people right now :(. It sounds terrible, but I almost just ended up resenting the other guys. I was glad I figured that out before I actually started a relationship with either of them. It’s just hard…I’m starting to wonder how I’ll ever be ready to think about a future with someone else. It is really nice to know that other people have been in the same position and have been able to look back and see God’s hand in everything though. Thanks again.
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I know what you mean. You give a part of yourself to someone in a relationship, and when it is ended, you almost feel like part of you has died.

My advice for your uncertainty about being able to have a future with someone else is not to dwell on the emptiness right now. That can lead to despair, self-pity, or restlessness. None of those will help heal things. Again, I know from experience. The only thing that helped me was to seek God with all my heart and not be anxious about what will happen tomorrow or the next day. Looking back, I can see the times I tried to fill that emptiness with something or someone other than Him resulted in delayed healing. The times that I prayed more and tried to find joy in non-romantic things - I found a great peace.

When I ultimately found my wife-to-be, my heart was ready to receive her. We have been through many trials with children’s illnesses, finances, and such, but because I knew God was my first love, I knew I could trust the woman he’d sent me to be with my whole life.

Don’t be anxious about the future. Take it a day at a time.
 
Sarah, it is good you are listening to your parents. They love you and know what is best for you. I feel confident you are making the right decision…it will take a mirace to heal him. People with these kinds of personalities tend to have very deep wounds and aren’t always even aware of them. It can take years and the Lord will have to get involved.

You asked earlier if you should pray for him. Yes I think that will give you some peace to know that even though you had to back away from him you are doing all you can to help him. Please don’t go overboard with the prayers, however, and be sure to ask the Lord to heal your heart as well. To give an example…I pray for my daughter’s Dad every day and we have been apart for almost 3 years now. I pray for many people when I am doing the Divine Mercy Chaplet…he is one I always cover…just a few beads. I suggest you keep it short and simple like that. And then go on with your life. God bless you!

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Blessed art thou among women.
And blessed is he fruit of they womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God.
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
PATER NOSTER,
qui es in caelis,
sanctificetur nomen tuum.
Adveniat regnum tuum.
Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra.
Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,
et dimitte nobis debita nostra
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
Et ne nos inducas in tentationem,
sed libera nos a malo. Amen.
 
Windmill said:
I know what you mean. You give a part of yourself to someone in a relationship, and when it is ended, you almost feel like part of you has died.

My advice for your uncertainty about being able to have a future with someone else is not to dwell on the emptiness right now. That can lead to despair, self-pity, or restlessness. None of those will help heal things. Again, I know from experience. The only thing that helped me was to seek God with all my heart and not be anxious about what will happen tomorrow or the next day. Looking back, I can see the times I tried to fill that emptiness with something or someone other than Him resulted in delayed healing. The times that I prayed more and tried to find joy in non-romantic things - I found a great peace.

When I ultimately found my wife-to-be, my heart was ready to receive her. We have been through many trials with children’s illnesses, finances, and such, but because I knew God was my first love, I knew I could trust the woman he’d sent me to be with my whole life.

Don’t be anxious about the future. Take it a day at a time.
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Thanks for reminding me to focus on one day at a time. I know that I need to rely on God now more than ever and I truly do want to make God my first love. I guess I’ve just been trying so hard to distract myself from my problems the last few days that I haven’t even set aside much time to ask God for help. Everyone’s prayers must be helping though :). I’ve been doing a little better (at the very least, I haven’t cried in front of anyone for a couple days) and I’ve been able to distract myself somewhat with school. I don’t do great if I start thinking about things, but for now I’m just going to try and stay incredibly busy. I hate trying to fall asleep and doing some of the activities I used to love (like going for walks etc.), but I hope that will get better with time. Thank you again for your prayers and advice…
 
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