Broken Marriage and Lost Faith

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Anne G:
I am separated from my husband and have 3 children. My teenage children are devastated that we separated and forgive my ex-husband for being now with someone else. Their forgiveness doesn’t take away that they were and still are devastated that we no longer live together. Our 3 year old doesn’t know any different but now has to grow up in a single parent family without daily contact with her Father and a third person (his girlfriend) on the scene. Not a very good upbringing in my opinion. I fully support God’s and the Church’s teachings on marriage, divorce, etc. and hate what religious and moral standards my ex-husband is teaching my children by being with someone else. He is living with her but not married.
Perhaps you can use your child as a means to get through to your ex-wife as per above. Get her to think about your child and his/her needs ahead of her own needs.
I wouldn’t stand back and let it happen. God would expect you to fight for him. Even if she marries this other man, she still may realise she should be with you and leave this other man in the future to be where she is meant to be. Get her family on board putting pressure on her too.
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Ok first off its real good that everyone is now against this woman whom was thrown to the side for another woman, now the OP has decided that he messed up and he is treated here like a saint.

OP was given advice by above poster to even use the child as a Pawn to help him gain his EX wife back… Children are innocent bystanders in a situation like this and should never ever be used to gain an advantage for anything, lets face it he is not of the concern because this other man is a non believer he is concerned out of Jealousy,he wants this woman for himself.
Forgiveness is an awesome thing no doubt, and we as people should never judge,but I have seen this other man called a louse,
we have no proof that he is an atheist for one thing so name calling should never come into play,we are seeing one side of this mess, I even seen one post tell the OP to spend as much on a mass as he did an engagement ring. sorry you cannot buy favors from God.

EVERYONE fails to relize something on posts such as this.

if you were married to someone and they pulled a gun on you in an arguement and shot at you but missed, how would you feel?
lets say they didnt pull the trigger again would you be real eager to stay with that person? would you call the law?

its attempted murder!
well when one spouse strays that also should be considered attempted murder as well, this man could have easily brought home Aids to his wife, leaving a child eventually mother and fatherless. its not just a “roll in the hay” or sewing oats.
its playing with a loaded gun.

that being said Please do not use the child as a pawn it will serve no function other than to possibly ruin the relationship with your child and EX wife.Its hard enough on a child to see this going on.plau a relationship based on this child alone wont stand up.
If its in Gods plan for you two to be together it will happen if you put forth an HONEST effort and ask God for guidence and help.
if its not in his plan it wont happen.I would visit her more and often
this other man could become quite jealous and offer up an ultimatum that could have her see he is not for her,
but on another note this could all be a part of Gods great plan for this man to learn about God noone knows for sure.
As far as you believing your still married that is up to you and your wife, not the church, It can be veiwed that there is room for divorce in Gods eyes due to the fornication (adultery) as that is in most bibles as a means for divorce,even though the NAB usually changes the wording to “unless unlawful” So dont be to positive that in Gods eyes you are still married,but also dont be so positive you are not either.

I would consider a lot of the advice given including proposing to this woman. But keep the child an innocent bystander caught in the middle…

Best wishes and prayers
 
Ashain,
Don’t take this as I think she should marry the atheist, but -

Has your wife sought an annulment? If your, shall we say, “openness” to infidelity was present at the time of marriage, your marriage wasn’t valid. Sacramental marriage requires a commtment you may not have made.

I know you are now paying the price for the earlier mistake, and it clearly is a terrible burden … but your rising from it is a testament to God’s grace and your willingness to turn to Him; clearly you are now a much better man than you once were.

It would have been great if your wife were a saint and had stayed true to you. All I can suggest is to carry your cross, stay strong in the faith, and try to accept whatever God deals you next. You never know what the future holds.

I’m praying for you and your family.
 
I didn’t mean to use his child as a pawn but try to get his wife to take into account their child, and to place their child first. A child deserves to have a Mother and a Father living together in a happy home. If there is a chance to save this family it should be taken. Yes the OP made a grave mistake by his infidelities but he appears to be repentant and should be forgiven. I believe God would want the OP to fight to get his family back together. If his ex-wife remarries she is committing a sin against God.
I hope you keep fighting to keep your family together. The fact that the ex-wife’s boyfriend is assumed an athiest isn’t good, but just bringing in a third person into the child’s life is bad enough on it’s own.
 
Cricket331…don’t know if you are Catholic or not, but you need to get the Catholic interpretation of how to understand the Bible on divorce. It is not how you have stated it.

The Church will only dissolve a marriage if it finds that a *sacramental marriage * never occurred in the first place. If it is shown that a sacramental marriage DID, in fact, occur on the wedding day, then the couple is still seen as validly married in the eys of the Church. They can still seek a civil divorce, but in the eyes of the Church they are still husband and wife and any second marriage will be seen as committing adultery.

To understand the Bible in its context, it is helpful to understand the Greek word for adultery. The Greek word for adultery is moicheia and it is not used in Matt 19:9 and Matt 5:32. The word used instead is porneia, which is defined as “unlawful sexual intercourse.” So, in context, Jesus is contrasting a true marriage with a state of concubinage or some other illicit union. If there is not truly a marriage present, then a separation can take place, but it is not truly a divorce, because there was no marriage there to begin with.

So whether a couple is still seen as sacramentally married is VERY much up to the Church to decide and to say otherwise is not in line with Catholic teaching. Do not lead OP astray with your ignorance of Church teaching.
 
DVIN CKS, Thank you very much for your defense… in answer to Cricket, I never said I was a saint, we are all human and all fall to sin at some point in our lives. You had no right to say that I am acting out of jealousy instead of true concern over the soul of my wife, and best friend. If you had read some of the other posts I have even stated that I am willing to give up even trying to be with her and my happiness, just so that she may be happy. That is not jealousy, that is love. My main concern is that she has started turning from the Church. Our Marriage WAS taken very seriously and I was faithful for 8 years, I broke that faith ONE time and even since our Civil divorce I have not even thought of being with another woman. Please refrain from judging anyone, I haven’t even come to that as that is not a right of us as humans, that is to be left the God alone. Also, you say there is no proof that this other man is an Atheist, well, I ask how you would have that proven in this case… My wife (or if you would prefer, my ex-wife) has told me as much including how any time she mentions God he belittles his existance and makes fun of people that have faith in something that he says was just made up to keep people in line. I can do nothing else to prove this other than to ask that you not call me out as a liar and question my thoughts and intentions. You have gravely hurt me with your unkind words.

Everyone, I never said the man she is with is a bad or evil man, I am just concerned that he is leading her away from her faith, and I am also hurt by her love for him. That is NOT saying he is a horrible person… actually she says that he is a very kind, generous, wonderful man. She beleives that his only problem is with his lack of belief, and I am taken strongly to beleive her. I honestly even pray at night for his soul and that the Lord may enter his heart and he will learn the love God can offer.

I agree that children are not to be used as pawns, and I would never do such a thing to my daughter. I only want the best for her in life.

Anne G - I understood what you were saying and that you did not mean things the way they were taken by some. I too agree that the best interest for a child is to have both a mother and father living in the home. And I will never stop fighting to make that happen.

I do appreciate everyone’s advice and comments, but please, lets not turn this into a flame fest, as it appears to be becoming. I know I have made grave errors in my life and accept the responsibility for my own actions. I have sought forgiveness from the Lord, and I know forgiveness is granted to those who seek it. I do want to keep hearing from everyone on their thoughts on the situation, but please, do not lower yourself to assuming any one person (any posters, or person mentioned in any post) is a bad person, or anything else that hasnt been explicitly said. Let judgement of character rest in the Lord.
 
Oh, and Cricket… in answer to your senario with being shot at by a spouse in an argument, I would forgive her in a heartbeat, even if I was struck and would soon die. You do not know the full circumstances of what transpired, so do not assume that I just completely ignored the fact that I could have easily brought home a disease… I would have been very careful about that and made sure to protect againsta any disease…

And for all of you, so you may understand a little better. I say I was unfaithful, let me tell you a little more, I did NOT have sex with another woman, actually my exwife is the only woman I have EVER been with… even to this day. After we had our daughter, we were not having sex often and I had desire. I met a woman on the internet and had made an arrangement to be with her one day, I left my house and went to the hotel to wait. In the mean time, my wife checked my e-mail and saw some of the messages and immediately called me… before anything happened. I HAD planned on being with the other woman… but I never was after my wife called. But just my intentions are what made me unfaithful to her.
 
Whew-sounds like you guys are playing games and not realizing it. No one leaves email messages and truly thinks no one will find them. Maybe you are the one who was being cheated on. :mad: Maybe Jesus sees you are the one who in need and He is giving you the Graces to come to Him. My prayers are with you and your family. Keep praying and be open to Graces.
 
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ashain:
Oh, and Cricket… in answer to your senario with being shot at by a spouse in an argument, I would forgive her in a heartbeat, even if I was struck and would soon die. You do not know the full circumstances of what transpired, so do not assume that I just completely ignored the fact that I could have easily brought home a disease… I would have been very careful about that and made sure to protect againsta any disease…

And for all of you, so you may understand a little better. I say I was unfaithful, let me tell you a little more, I did NOT have sex with another woman, actually my exwife is the only woman I have EVER been with… even to this day. After we had our daughter, we were not having sex often and I had desire. I met a woman on the internet and had made an arrangement to be with her one day, I left my house and went to the hotel to wait. In the mean time, my wife checked my e-mail and saw some of the messages and immediately called me… before anything happened. I HAD planned on being with the other woman… but I never was after my wife called. But just my intentions are what made me unfaithful to her.
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well seems i owe you an appology, relize that I was not trying to be mean, but everyone here jumps on your side and assumes the worst about the other party that is not even here to defend herself.

I was the recipient of 2 VDs from a cheating husband, luckily not HIV, worst part was I was pregnant at the time. so i have a very biased attitude about “cheating”
And he gets all the same things i was seeing here people blame me for him cheating, think i am “anti religion etc”

so thats why i said what i said I didnt judge anyone was actually opening up that people need to see both sides before jumping to conclusions
 
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cricket331:
everyone here jumps on your side and assumes the worst about the other party that is not even here to defend herself.

… was actually opening up that people need to see both sides before jumping to conclusions
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This bothered me, too-- that this woman was betrayed, however remorseful he may be, and she appears to be the bad guy here?!
 
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