S
SamH
Guest
I wasn’t aware the Catholic faith required a husband to offer up his wife to be abused my other men. It’s not “revenge”, it is prevention.
Actually the way he went about will most certainly result in attorney’s fees.
- Status
E
EasterJoy
Guest
If he’s already groped her, it is not prevention, because the act is done. The OP’s husband is choosing to keep her away from a known danger in the first place, rather than letting the threat be around her with the plan of hitting him if he gets out of line. That is prevention.
What did Scriptures say? If possible, on your part, live at peace with all. So of course I was not implying that a Catholic may not defend anyone being victimized by someone else, whether his wife or some total stranger. I do not know where you got that.
The OP and her husband are not going to get sued by her husband’s family. On what possible grounds could they? If they are not being sued, why on earth would they need an attorney? It’s not as if they live so close to the guy that they need a restraining order.
If you beat someone up, their health insurance company may sue you for damages, and there is nothing the victim can do about it. If the police come and some guy has beaten up some other guy, they’re going to take the fellow who did the beating into custody, and not let him go because the beaten man “deserved it.” Where you got the idea that letting the family know via registered mail that you’re not going to take bad treatment any more is more legally dangerous than beating someone up *based on the exact same evidence *on which you made the charges in the letter–and when the audience is also the same!-- I have no idea.
A
anruari
Guest
OK. I can only speak as if the events described occurred in the UK and Ireland. as it’s those laws I know.
The O.P. describes a very long pattern of “Grooming” followed by clear instances of sexual assault. If there was anything more than “Your word against mine” that alone would be enough for a criminal conviction and Jail time.
In addition to that there is a long history, and multiple known victims. - that’s just within the family.
The behaviour described matches the behaviour of many high profile serial molesters, rapists and “child abusers” (inverted commas, due to many possible definitions of “abuse” and “child”)
An excellent example is the current UK case surrounding Jimmy Saville, who was a TV personality, who was enabled and supported by the TV companies he worked for while molesting and raping huge numbers of girls both above and below the age of consent in this country. (current documented complaints are in the several hundred region). The investigation into his behaviour has resulted in arrests of many other people he knew in the industry, for not reporting his actions, or committing similar crimes.
We are not talking here about some boorish man who has overstepped the boundaries of acceptable behaviour on a few occasions, we are talking about a man who clearly seeks out women and girls who he believes he can assault with impunity, and pushing his behaviour as far as he can get away with.
If he has not yet raped anyone it’s probably only a matter of time and opportunity. You should, along with the other people you know have been affected, make formal complaints against him to the authorities.
If you know you have seen him touching people who are “Under-Age” in a sexual way, or have any other reason to believe this has happened you may be breaking the law by not reporting him. Many states and countries are making it a criminal offence to not report sexual abuse of minors. I believe 16 is considered a minor in most of the USA.
While many people advocate that handling this quietly (as you have started to do) is the correct approach, I would tend to side with the people who have recommended taking legal action to the full extent of the law. especially Criminal law.
If you are not successful in getting several people to lodge complaints against him, another course of action is to set up a web-cam in the rooms where the next family gathering will be and get hard evidence of his sexual behaviour to you and other family members. Then there will be no possible way a prosecutor can say “it’s your word against his” - even if the video is not admissible in court.
You are morally duty bound to stop this guy before he assaults or rapes anyone else. - It’s not just about protecting yourself.
The O.P. describes a very long pattern of “Grooming” followed by clear instances of sexual assault. If there was anything more than “Your word against mine” that alone would be enough for a criminal conviction and Jail time.
In addition to that there is a long history, and multiple known victims. - that’s just within the family.
The behaviour described matches the behaviour of many high profile serial molesters, rapists and “child abusers” (inverted commas, due to many possible definitions of “abuse” and “child”)
An excellent example is the current UK case surrounding Jimmy Saville, who was a TV personality, who was enabled and supported by the TV companies he worked for while molesting and raping huge numbers of girls both above and below the age of consent in this country. (current documented complaints are in the several hundred region). The investigation into his behaviour has resulted in arrests of many other people he knew in the industry, for not reporting his actions, or committing similar crimes.
We are not talking here about some boorish man who has overstepped the boundaries of acceptable behaviour on a few occasions, we are talking about a man who clearly seeks out women and girls who he believes he can assault with impunity, and pushing his behaviour as far as he can get away with.
If he has not yet raped anyone it’s probably only a matter of time and opportunity. You should, along with the other people you know have been affected, make formal complaints against him to the authorities.
If you know you have seen him touching people who are “Under-Age” in a sexual way, or have any other reason to believe this has happened you may be breaking the law by not reporting him. Many states and countries are making it a criminal offence to not report sexual abuse of minors. I believe 16 is considered a minor in most of the USA.
While many people advocate that handling this quietly (as you have started to do) is the correct approach, I would tend to side with the people who have recommended taking legal action to the full extent of the law. especially Criminal law.
If you are not successful in getting several people to lodge complaints against him, another course of action is to set up a web-cam in the rooms where the next family gathering will be and get hard evidence of his sexual behaviour to you and other family members. Then there will be no possible way a prosecutor can say “it’s your word against his” - even if the video is not admissible in court.
You are morally duty bound to stop this guy before he assaults or rapes anyone else. - It’s not just about protecting yourself.
G
Guernica
Guest
Wait a minute now, hold the phone.
“Before he rapes anyone else”?! You’re a few felony convictions ahead of yourself there, friend.
First of all, sir, I AM a California certified paralegal. I am quite well familiar with taking persecution “to the fullest extent of the law,” thank you.
Short of calling the local police to my niece’s graduation party over Steve’s grope (which as you can imagine I was reluctant to do) I have done everything legally possible here. I have analyzed the legalities of bringing charges against him upthread.
What I have done is send certified mail letters describing Steve’s act of sexual harassment against me to every member of his immediate family, including his mother, and the parents of each niece. I do not call that “handling it quietly.” He has been called out for his actions.
In pressing charges, first and foremost, there is always the matter of jurisdiction. I live in California, Steve lives in another state 1000 miles away, and his incidence of sexual harassment happened in yet another state.
I agree entirely that Steve’s entire association with me has been one long instance of grooming me as a victim; he has attempted to devalue me and chip away at my self-worth, and accustom his family to seeing me as being of low worth. I recognize this and I am putting a stop to it. I have no intention of so much as occupying the same room as that man ever again, so I have removed myself from any further harm at his hands. (The emotional mark left by such an egregious act of disrespect and breach of trust on the part of a family member, however, is another matter.)
While the use of nannycams, security cameras, etc. have been invaluable in bringing criminals to justice in many instances, the use of such devices is ONLY legal on your own property. Even if it was physically feasible for me to do so from thousands of miles away, I cannot place a webcam in someone else’s private residence, even with the intent of catching a criminal, as that is an illegal act. Illegally obtained evidence is not admissible in criminal proceedings due to the fruit of the poisonous tree doctrine.
Fact is, I am not the girls’ mother – I am a semi-absentee aunt who their parents have never liked. The girls’ parents have received a letter from their sister-in-law, me, stating that Steve sexually harassed me in their home, at a party they threw for their daughter, and also unequivocally stating that I will no longer associate with Steve as a result. They signed for that letter, and presumably read it. The facts have been presented to them. Yet they have not contacted me or reacted in any way.
The dilemma facing me is how best to warn these two young ladies about their creepy uncle, from 3000 miles away, when their parents seem inclined to dismiss any allegations I have made as coming from That Darn Immoral City Dweller Just Stirrin’ Up Trouble.
My husband says he doesn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t contact the girls themselves. If their mother gets mad at me – well, she lives all the way across the country and has never kept in touch with me anyway, so what’s she gonna do?
“Before he rapes anyone else”?! You’re a few felony convictions ahead of yourself there, friend.
First of all, sir, I AM a California certified paralegal. I am quite well familiar with taking persecution “to the fullest extent of the law,” thank you.
Short of calling the local police to my niece’s graduation party over Steve’s grope (which as you can imagine I was reluctant to do) I have done everything legally possible here. I have analyzed the legalities of bringing charges against him upthread.
What I have done is send certified mail letters describing Steve’s act of sexual harassment against me to every member of his immediate family, including his mother, and the parents of each niece. I do not call that “handling it quietly.” He has been called out for his actions.
In pressing charges, first and foremost, there is always the matter of jurisdiction. I live in California, Steve lives in another state 1000 miles away, and his incidence of sexual harassment happened in yet another state.
I agree entirely that Steve’s entire association with me has been one long instance of grooming me as a victim; he has attempted to devalue me and chip away at my self-worth, and accustom his family to seeing me as being of low worth. I recognize this and I am putting a stop to it. I have no intention of so much as occupying the same room as that man ever again, so I have removed myself from any further harm at his hands. (The emotional mark left by such an egregious act of disrespect and breach of trust on the part of a family member, however, is another matter.)
While the use of nannycams, security cameras, etc. have been invaluable in bringing criminals to justice in many instances, the use of such devices is ONLY legal on your own property. Even if it was physically feasible for me to do so from thousands of miles away, I cannot place a webcam in someone else’s private residence, even with the intent of catching a criminal, as that is an illegal act. Illegally obtained evidence is not admissible in criminal proceedings due to the fruit of the poisonous tree doctrine.
Fact is, I am not the girls’ mother – I am a semi-absentee aunt who their parents have never liked. The girls’ parents have received a letter from their sister-in-law, me, stating that Steve sexually harassed me in their home, at a party they threw for their daughter, and also unequivocally stating that I will no longer associate with Steve as a result. They signed for that letter, and presumably read it. The facts have been presented to them. Yet they have not contacted me or reacted in any way.
The dilemma facing me is how best to warn these two young ladies about their creepy uncle, from 3000 miles away, when their parents seem inclined to dismiss any allegations I have made as coming from That Darn Immoral City Dweller Just Stirrin’ Up Trouble.
My husband says he doesn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t contact the girls themselves. If their mother gets mad at me – well, she lives all the way across the country and has never kept in touch with me anyway, so what’s she gonna do?
P
PrayRosary
Guest
Guernica,
I am confused as to why you even started this thread. I read your initial post (#1), and after telling us your story the only question you pose openly to the world is “what would you do?” Then, after people respond, you chastise them in post # 64 by sharing your resume. I do agree that some people overreacted in their responses, but this conversation was indeed initiated by you.
I am confused as to why you even started this thread. I read your initial post (#1), and after telling us your story the only question you pose openly to the world is “what would you do?” Then, after people respond, you chastise them in post # 64 by sharing your resume.
I do agree that some people overreacted in their responses, but this conversation was indeed initiated by you.
S
SamH
Guest
You beat him when he does it.If he’s already groped her, it is not prevention, because the act is done. The OP’s husband is choosing to keep her away from a known danger in the first place, rather than letting the threat be around her with the plan of hitting him if he gets out of line. That is prevention.
What did Scriptures say? If possible, on your part, live at peace with all. So of course I was not implying that a Catholic may not defend anyone being victimized by someone else, whether his wife or some total stranger. I do not know where you got that.
The OP and her husband are not going to get sued by her husband’s family. On what possible grounds could they? If they are not being sued, why on earth would they need an attorney? It’s not as if they live so close to the guy that they need a restraining order.
If you beat someone up, their health insurance company may sue you for damages, and there is nothing the victim can do about it. If the police come and some guy has beaten up some other guy, they’re going to take the fellow who did the beating into custody, and not let him go because the beaten man “deserved it.” Where you got the idea that letting the family know via registered mail that you’re not going to take bad treatment any more is more legally dangerous than beating someone up *based on the exact same evidence *on which you made the charges in the letter–and when the audience is also the same!-- I have no idea.
Knowingly allowing a sexual predator to associate with young girls is grounds to sue for lots of money.
M
milkbar
Guest
You are not a lawyer. You need to speak with a lawyer and the parents of the groped teenager(s) need to be on speakerphone. It is not too late; this is what statutes of limitations are for.
This is making me sick to my stomach because I have BEEN that teenage girl and relatives just wanted to keep it quiet and not rock the boat. I, and now my husband because of the psychological damage in several areas, will deal with this for the rest of my life.
The. Rest. Of. My. LIFE.
I have three little girls now and I trust exactly two people who have Y chromosomes to be around them without my husband or me present.
You have a heavy responsibility. You’re going to stand in front of Jesus Christ someday and say what? “I was a paralegal, an expert. I asked some people on a forum what to do. I know Steve sexually assaulted another twelve women and teenagers and eventually young little girls, scarring them for LIFE, before he died of old age, but I did the best I could. I leaned unto my own understanding and that was enough.” Right? Or do you want Jesus to say to YOU, “Well done, My good and faithful servant, for being My hands and mouth and caring for those who could not care for themselves.”
Talk to a lawyer. Criminals don’t get an out just because jurisdiction is complicated. I guarantee you that can and will be figured out, and has probably been figured out in the past in similar cases involving male relatives and multiple states. There is nothing new beneath the sun.
Or just pat yourself on the back that you did your part and now you also don’t have to see him the next time he lays hands on another female. Maybe it’ll be a 10-year-old girl next time. Just imagine the pain you’re sparing yourself! You might be scarred for life if you witnessed that again!
And you all reading this – ROCK THE DARNED BOAT. Speak out for victims. Our bodies are our own and God’s. Any unwanted touch is assault and every unpunished assault is an invitation for the perpetrator to do it again. And again. And again.
This is making me sick to my stomach because I have BEEN that teenage girl and relatives just wanted to keep it quiet and not rock the boat. I, and now my husband because of the psychological damage in several areas, will deal with this for the rest of my life.
The. Rest. Of. My. LIFE.
I have three little girls now and I trust exactly two people who have Y chromosomes to be around them without my husband or me present.
You have a heavy responsibility. You’re going to stand in front of Jesus Christ someday and say what? “I was a paralegal, an expert. I asked some people on a forum what to do. I know Steve sexually assaulted another twelve women and teenagers and eventually young little girls, scarring them for LIFE, before he died of old age, but I did the best I could. I leaned unto my own understanding and that was enough.” Right? Or do you want Jesus to say to YOU, “Well done, My good and faithful servant, for being My hands and mouth and caring for those who could not care for themselves.”
Talk to a lawyer. Criminals don’t get an out just because jurisdiction is complicated. I guarantee you that can and will be figured out, and has probably been figured out in the past in similar cases involving male relatives and multiple states. There is nothing new beneath the sun.
Or just pat yourself on the back that you did your part and now you also don’t have to see him the next time he lays hands on another female. Maybe it’ll be a 10-year-old girl next time. Just imagine the pain you’re sparing yourself! You might be scarred for life if you witnessed that again!
And you all reading this – ROCK THE DARNED BOAT. Speak out for victims. Our bodies are our own and God’s. Any unwanted touch is assault and every unpunished assault is an invitation for the perpetrator to do it again. And again. And again.
M
MtnDwellar
Guest
I am usually wrong but effective in this kind of situation. I suspect that Sam and I are on the same page.
Husband seems to be supportive in words, but not enough action. I have been in similar situations. Usually a warning is sufficient. It goes something like this, “Do that again and I will knock you out.” If it happens again - Goodnight Steve.
The sentence for 1st time battery is usually $100 fine and one year probation. Worth it.
E
EasterJoy
Guest
The great blessing in all of this is that your husband believes you and is not inclined to let blood be thicker than his sense of right and wrong, let alone his marriage vows.Wait a minute now, hold the phone.
“Before he rapes anyone else”?! You’re a few felony convictions ahead of yourself there, friend.
First of all, sir, I AM a California certified paralegal. I am quite well familiar with taking persecution “to the fullest extent of the law,” thank you.
Short of calling the local police to my niece’s graduation party over Steve’s grope (which as you can imagine I was reluctant to do) I have done everything legally possible here. I have analyzed the legalities of bringing charges against him upthread.
What I have done is send certified mail letters describing Steve’s act of sexual harassment against me to every member of his immediate family, including his mother, and the parents of each niece. I do not call that “handling it quietly.” He has been called out for his actions.
In pressing charges, first and foremost, there is always the matter of jurisdiction. I live in California, Steve lives in another state 1000 miles away, and his incidence of sexual harassment happened in yet another state.
I agree entirely that Steve’s entire association with me has been one long instance of grooming me as a victim; he has attempted to devalue me and chip away at my self-worth, and accustom his family to seeing me as being of low worth. I recognize this and I am putting a stop to it. I have no intention of so much as occupying the same room as that man ever again, so I have removed myself from any further harm at his hands. (The emotional mark left by such an egregious act of disrespect and breach of trust on the part of a family member, however, is another matter.)
While the use of nannycams, security cameras, etc. have been invaluable in bringing criminals to justice in many instances, the use of such devices is ONLY legal on your own property. Even if it was physically feasible for me to do so from thousands of miles away, I cannot place a webcam in someone else’s private residence, even with the intent of catching a criminal, as that is an illegal act. Illegally obtained evidence is not admissible in criminal proceedings due to the fruit of the poisonous tree doctrine.
Fact is, I am not the girls’ mother – I am a semi-absentee aunt who their parents have never liked. The girls’ parents have received a letter from their sister-in-law, me, stating that Steve sexually harassed me in their home, at a party they threw for their daughter, and also unequivocally stating that I will no longer associate with Steve as a result. They signed for that letter, and presumably read it. The facts have been presented to them. Yet they have not contacted me or reacted in any way.
The dilemma facing me is how best to warn these two young ladies about their creepy uncle, from 3000 miles away, when their parents seem inclined to dismiss any allegations I have made as coming from That Darn Immoral City Dweller Just Stirrin’ Up Trouble.
My husband says he doesn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t contact the girls themselves. If their mother gets mad at me – well, she lives all the way across the country and has never kept in touch with me anyway, so what’s she gonna do?
I think you and your husband have a far better grasp on how your various options could play out in both the legal and practical realm than anyone else here–knock the block off of the “Steve Ever-Held-Harmless Aggressor” in some families, and Mom will come at you with claws out and both barrels blazing. If this is not a group that would cut off their noses to spite their faces, I don’t know what. I also think you’ve chosen the morally preferable route. You are making the best of a bad situation. Hang in there, and hang on to your realistic view of your in-laws’ delusional universe. I feel very sure that you and your husband will figure out the best way to contact the girls.
I also feel sure that you will not be telling them anything they do not already sense all by themselves, but will be validating their natural inclination to stick up for themselves instead of giving in to the emotional chipping away that the rest of the family might try on them. Having been there yourself, you know very well how important that is!
E
EasterJoy
Guest
I agree with this, except for the “effective” part, and the part about the husband not knowing how to support his wife. IOW, I agree that you and SamH seem to think you know how to handle this.I am usually wrong but effective in this kind of situation. I suspect that Sam and I are on the same page.
Husband seems to be supportive in words, but not enough action. I have been in similar situations. Usually a warning is sufficient. It goes something like this, “Do that again and I will knock you out.” If it happens again - Goodnight Steve.
The sentence for 1st time battery is usually $100 fine and one year probation. Worth it.
I do not even want to know how you know what the fine is for battery, let alone what it is in Steve’s state. I do know you have neglected to factor in the cost of a defense attorney, time lost in detention, and other legal fees, not to mention the practical consequences in life that can follow from an arrest and assaulting your mama’s inexplicably favorite boy. Besides that, this morbidly obese perpetrator might not simply fold up at your choice to assault him, as you imagine, but might actually beat the snot out of his dear big brother, with the help of his mother and your sister-in-law (the mortified and therefore livid hostess) who are wielding Lord-knows-what as their weapons. If you have to commit felony battery in order to neutralize him, what then? You don’t think Mom will call the cops? Think again, Bro Man. After you punch your brother, have your mother call the police, and your not-very-bright brother YET AGAIN fails to learn anything he has not learned in the last 50 years…then what? Will you maybe just let your wife stay home from these delightful family parties then? Or do you *really believe *that all that is necessary to make this one big happy family is for one of the older brothers to deck their mother’s pet and show up to court to pay his $100?
I’d say your plan shows all the marks of something that will later be defended by “it seemed like a good idea at the time” or else is a lot of big talk that never comes to anything when the time comes. One can only hope it is the latter, because your plan is not very well thought-through.
G
Guernica
Guest
I didn’t ask people on the Internet what I should do. I took action by sending those certified mail letters and refusing to associate with the man ever again.
I described the incident on the Internet hoping that the good people of CAF would lend a little emotional support, dontchano.
I have mentioned two women (myself included) and one teenager who I know for a fact have been grabbed, and one woman, myself, who has been sexually harassed.
There are no “twelve women, teenagers, and little girls” involved here – you made that up. Let’s stick to the facts, please.
I have witnessed no overt acts of rape or molestation. I have witnessed unwelcome touching.
Like that other fellow with his “before he rapes someone else” comment, you are WAY ahead of yourself, here, ma’am. You’re extrapolating all manner of horrors out of the air right now. Please stop embroidering a whole lot of facts NOT in evidence.
I am NOT covering up for this man. How could you possibly think that I would do that? I’m the one who exposed his act of sexual harassment to his entire family – remember?
This entire thread is about how best to expose him, and protect myself and my other family members from him.
I described the incident on the Internet hoping that the good people of CAF would lend a little emotional support, dontchano.
What “twelve women and teenagers and young little girls” are you talking about?
I have mentioned two women (myself included) and one teenager who I know for a fact have been grabbed, and one woman, myself, who has been sexually harassed.
There are no “twelve women, teenagers, and little girls” involved here – you made that up. Let’s stick to the facts, please.
I have witnessed no overt acts of rape or molestation. I have witnessed unwelcome touching.
Like that other fellow with his “before he rapes someone else” comment, you are WAY ahead of yourself, here, ma’am. You’re extrapolating all manner of horrors out of the air right now. Please stop embroidering a whole lot of facts NOT in evidence.
I am NOT covering up for this man. How could you possibly think that I would do that? I’m the one who exposed his act of sexual harassment to his entire family – remember?
This entire thread is about how best to expose him, and protect myself and my other family members from him.
C
cheezey
Guest
I believe that was mentioned as a worst case scenario if this isn’t handled properly, and the poster was concerned with what could happen.…
M
MtnDwellar
Guest
You’re a girl… You just don’t understand.
G
Guernica
Guest
EasterJoy – THANK YOU. You’re being very reasonable, helpful, and understanding here.The great blessing in all of this is that your husband believes you and is not inclined to let blood be thicker than his sense of right and wrong, let alone his marriage vows.
I think you and your husband have a far better grasp on how your various options could play out in both the legal and practical realm than anyone else here–knock the block off of the “Steve Ever-Held-Harmless Aggressor” in some families, and Mom will come at you with claws out and both barrels blazing. If this is not a group that would cut off their noses to spite their faces, I don’t know what. I also think you’ve chosen the morally preferable route. You are making the best of a bad situation. Hang in there, and hang on to your realistic view of your in-laws’ delusional universe. I feel very sure that you and your husband will figure out the best way to contact the girls.
I also feel sure that you will not be telling them anything they do not already sense all by themselves, but will be validating their natural inclination to stick up for themselves instead of giving in to the emotional chipping away that the rest of the family might try on them. Having been there yourself, you know very well how important that is!
I’m sorry to disappoint those who want to see my husband knock Steve’s block off (keep in mind I wouldn’t have minded seeing that myself) but as I explained earlier, all he’d end up doing is
a) exposing himself to a felony assault charge, and
b) making poor widdle Steve look like a victim.
Mr. Guernica is NOT going to pick a fight with Steve, unless of course he personally witnesses him assaulting someone in the future. In the interest of real justice being served, cooler heads must prevail.
Needless to say FIGHTING IS WRONG, so please feel free to stop arguing over the whys and wherefores of a hypothetical fistfight that has not and should never take place.
Unless a person is acting in self-defense or defense of another, violence is not an option. I’m interested in crime prevention here. Over and out.
G
Guernica
Guest
Well well well – a sexist putdown in a thread about sexual harassment. How cute and how funny.You’re a girl… You just don’t understand.
I’d thank you not to patronize the lady, sir. EasterJoy’s commentary has been very intelligent and well-reasoned, and of great constructive use to me.
Meanwhile, the testosterone-fueled “You should just BEAT HIM UP!” posturing some posters have… contributed here has been less than helpful, and I’d actually thank you just to cut it out, if you please.
Violence is not the answer, and has never been considered as an option.
C
cheezey
Guest
As a female, I mentioned only how it’s an understandable temptation to deck the guy; not an actual option. Just to be clear. But yeah, that was sexist…
M
milkbar
Guest
The best way to expose him and protect yourself and your other family members and anyone else he might ever come into contact with is to get the law involved.
Please read my post again. Anything that happens after this that you might have prevented by just making a simple phone call to a lawyer – some culpability might be yours. As another poster understood, I am thinking worst-case scenario.
What in the world do you think molestation is if not unwanted touching? You need to talk to a lawyer. Period. Just talk. Sitting down at a desk in a lawyer’s office doesn’t have to mean you’re taking legal action, it means you’re exploring your options and being a responsible adult and a fellow child of God. No one else in your family has to know that you sat down with the lawyer. Select one very carefully. As you mentioned, you are dealing with multiple states. And with minors.
This man is not going to stop until someone makes him. Anyone who can stop it but chooses not to is nearly equally at fault. Silence is complicity. We have a legal system. Use it. All it takes is sixty seconds and he could scar someone else for life. Do you know what that means? Have you carried a burden like this? He gets a little fun for a minute and a little girl gets her life changed forever, her entire outlook on the world, her faith. Her very faith in God can be shaken. And others could have stopped it if they’d have seen it for what it was. The devil quibbles with semantics.
G
Guernica
Guest
That’s the thing. At this time, nothing has been done that is legally actionable.
I do not need to make any “simple phone calls” to a lawyer; I work for a law firm full of lawyers, my friend.
You need to realize that not all unwanted touching is actionable molestation.
I talk to “a lawyer” every week as part of my relationship with my boss, ma’am. Who do you think does most of the discovery and precedent research for practicing attorneys…?
As a paralegal, I can do everything a lawyer can do other than litigate. I have researched my options in this matter quite thoroughly, and have had to conclude that I do NOT have enough evidence to file a case at this time.
You mistake me. I would not be afraid to take legal action if there was anything actionable on the table here.
I wouldn’t care if they did know. What are they going to do to me about it?
Heck, if there was anything actionable going on, all I’d have to do is talk to any of the attorneys currently working for my firm.
Where on earth are you getting the idea that I am covering up for this man?
Read upthread – I wrote professionally drafted letters to EVERY MEMBER OF HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY describing the incident at the last family event where he sexually harassed me. I sent that same letter, certified mail, to my nieces’ parents. They have not responded.
I am not covering up for anyone. What I am afraid of, is that my in-laws will be so dead set upon covering up for “Steve,” that my word about his actions will not be enough.
I
Iheartcoffee
Guest
Just a few thoughts on physical violence:
- In 6th grade at my Catholic school the principal set all the girls down to tell us that if a boy touches us inappropriately then we are within our rights to slap him and we will not get in trouble for it.
- My aunt was in a bar one time when a drunk came up behind her and touched her inappropriately. She punched him and he called the police on her. The police officer shook her hand and hauled the drunk out of the bar.
- My mom had a very good friend and neighbor when she was growing up that watched his father abuse his mother for years. One day as a teenager he realized he was a teenager on the football team that had physically outgrown his father and he had enough of watching him hurt his mother. He beat his father up pretty severely when he saw him try to hurt his mother that day. My mom and her sisters had been friends with this neighbor since they were small children, and she always spoke of him as a very protective guy that watched out for women. Last I heard, that guy wound up with a very good job as a bodyguard. I have to wonder if the desire he had to protect his mother from harm inspired that career choice.
E
EasterJoy
Guest
:nope:…no, it is you guys who just don’t understand how important it is to avoid an arrest record and to stay out of court by mastering yourselves. A Christian man must be willing and tries to be as able as the Good Lord made him to be to defend those under his protection, but he uses violence only to the extent necessary and only when it is unavoidable. Men who lack the will and the common sense to exercise that self-mastery are why females–mothers, grandmothers, wives, and girlfriends–are the ones who post most of the bail in this country.You’re a girl… You just don’t understand.
Willingly bringing the cost of an avoidable assault charge upon your family is a self-indulgent failure to take care of them. It isn’t protection of your family, it is assertion of your false sense of pride at the expense of your family’s overall best interest. “You women couldn’t understand” is no defense…and how, in the light of that, men keep saying that they are the “rational” sex when they refuse to use even as much common sense as the Good Lord gave a box of cherries is beyond me.
- Status