Brother Jerome - Silence (and lack of it) and the False Self

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BarbaraTherese

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Brother Jerome is a Benedictine monk and his commentary on the Rule of St. Benedict lands in Inbox most daily through a Yahoo Group I belong to. I did email him and ask if there was a link to his reflections so I could quote him now and then, and he replied that it was planned but not in existence as yet and if I would like to quote his reflections - to quote away. Here is one that appealled to me:

REFLECTION
Ever wonder why speech is considered so dangerous? Because t can build up the false self, the very false self that we are trying to tear down with our other hand. I have, to my shame, reveled in a
flame war or two. Once I got JUST the right zinger and aimed it
mercilessly- in an apology yet!! One astute list member commented that I had shot the olive branch of peace with a crossbow! Ouch!
He was so right!

I don’t know about everyone, but I can be terribly pleased with
myself over such things, things of which I should in fact be ashamed.
Our arms can easily reach to the shoulders of that false self,
patting it on the back and congratulating it for hours afterwards.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The false self will grow and thrive badly enough on our own. Why on earth would we wish to offer it any mindless assistance?

Let me speak for myself, here. Probably 90% of what comes out of my mouth other than prayer is unnecessary. A further percentage I am afriad to even stab at is downright harmful to me. I don’t imagine I am terribly far from average in this respect. And talk about damage from second-hand speech. There are LOTS of things I wish I had never, ever heard. Wow, if only we would guard silence as zealously as smoke-free zones. Wouldn’t that be right in line with fearing that which can destroy the soul more than that which kills the body alone? I seem to recall some Guy having something to say along those lines.

We aren’t Trappists in the world. We cannot control our spaces as if they were monasteries, but we can and must control our own mouths.
Total silence would likely be read as uncaring rudeness, but what
about some alternative forms of silence? What if one resolved to
speak not at all, all day, except in words of kindness, mercy or
support, to never open one’s mouth except to affirm.

Now there’s a thought. Could I have a seat in the no-griping section, please? Pursue that line of thinking, be creative. Fast for a week from contention and see what happens. Try a day of not talking at all abou yourself. Try a whole day of asking others about themselves!
One way or another, increase the levels of good one can do with
speech and diminish those of harm.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21)"

Not just the tongue, folks, but the keyboard and any other writing
instrument, too! Serenity cannot coexist with meanness of thought, word or deed. Doesn’t happen. Serenity can be held only in a field of gentleness and deep, tender mercy!

Love and prayers,
Jerome, OSB

Petersham, MA
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Reading the above which I found helpful, it struck me that again that mysterious balance comes into play which only the Holy Spirit can in secret gift. As a secular person who regards hospitality high up on the list which does also cover any social occasions, one cannot be assiduously guarding one’s tongue at social occasions often…if one does, then conversation becomes stilted and false. Considering this balance gifted in secret, it underscores the importance of prayer during which The Holy Spirit does impart these secret gifts…secret because we are not aware of them.
I think if one does practise watching one’s tongue as well as the keyboard, then with practise when one is able to freely do this, it just may become habitual with Grace and one is also careful without strain or stress on social occasions of all kinds. That’s the theory anyway:D
 
Great reflection Barb. It reminded me of the part of the letter of St. James that dealt with the evil that the tongue is capable of.

I am currently trying to be in a mode of non-contention, at least as far as CAF goes. For a bit I felt called to discussion of some of the more contentious issues dividing Catholics unnecessarily, but at the present time that calling does not seem to be present, so perhaps I have been granted some time for prayer and refreshment.

For most of us, no matter how much we might like to be sweetness and light to all around us, that opportunity is not going to be fully available. We might be able to consciously make the effort to be kind to those we meet during the day, but most of us still have situations we cannot avoid where some level of correction is going to be necessary, whether it be work-related or possibly interacting with children or grandchildren.

That doesn’t mean though that we can’t be kind and to seek to build up rather than tear down. It is easy to get into the habit of being negative and critical, and does take a conscious effort to be positive even in those situations where correction may be necessary. There are those-many even here on this site–who apparently believe that “fraternal correction” can only be done with a sledgehammer. I’ve had it implied or stated outright on more occasions than I wish to remember, that I’m just being a wuss for not confronting people with the “hard facts” rather than leading by peaceful example.

I think Brother Jerome is quite right though that we would be much better served to keep our tongues and our keyboards bridled. Perhaps if we were to spend even a quarter of the time in prayer that we do in gossip or in passing on useless information we might find the world a much different place.
 
BarbaraTherese,

I know Brother Jerome, and have been to the Monastery in Petersham, many times. Its about 30 minutes from my house.

He use to be in charge of the retreat guest house.

He’s a character!

Thanks for sharing his reflection.

Jim
 
This is an exellent meditation, BarbaraTherese! Thank you very much for posting it. I have been thinking a lot lately about the mindless waste that comes out of my mouth sometimes and how to curb it. It is really a discipline to stay recollected in reference to God at all times. I’m afraid I’m not doing all that well, but baby steps are all I can take right now. No one can become a saint in a week!

God Bless
Joyful_1
 
I am currently trying to be in a mode of non-contention, at least as far as CAF goes. For a bit I felt called to discussion of some of the more contentious issues dividing Catholics unnecessarily, but at the present time that calling does not seem to be present, so perhaps I have been granted some time for prayer and refreshment.

For most of us, no matter how much we might like to be sweetness and light to all around us, that opportunity is not going to be fully available. We might be able to consciously make the effort to be kind to those we meet during the day, but most of us still have situations we cannot avoid where some level of correction is going to be necessary, whether it be work-related or possibly interacting with children or grandchildren.
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Hi again John…thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut. Actually last night in trying to clear my Inbox I read another reflection from Brother Jerome which covers this same subject of being “sweetness and light” always and he makes some insightful and rather funny comments about it. His theory is that we cannot be sweet light all the times, and also that probably it is not virtue to be so. I’ll try and chase up wherever I filed it and post it hopefully today.
That doesn’t mean though that we can’t be kind and to seek to build up rather than tear down. It is easy to get into the habit of being negative and critical, and does take a conscious effort to be positive even in those situations where correction may be necessary. There are those-many even here on this site–who apparently believe that “fraternal correction” can only be done with a sledgehammer. I’ve had it implied or stated outright on more occasions than I wish to remember, that I’m just being a wuss for not confronting people with the “hard facts” rather than leading by peaceful example.
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In the same other reflection I am hoping to post today he mentions that magic word “balance”…so you are on the same wavelength as not only me but Brother Jerome.
I think Brother Jerome is quite right though that we would be much better served to keep our tongues and our keyboards bridled. Perhaps if we were to spend even a quarter of the time in prayer that we do in gossip or in passing on useless information we might find the world a much different place.
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👍

Blessings John…and cacha on the rounds…Barb:)
 
Joyful_1 said:
This is an exellent meditation, BarbaraTherese! Thank you very much for posting it. I have been thinking a lot lately about the mindless waste that comes out of my mouth sometimes and how to curb it. It is really a discipline to stay recollected in reference to God at all times. I’m afraid I’m not doing all that well, but baby steps are all I can take right now. No one can become a saint in a week!

God Bless
Joyful_1
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Again, I read a quote last night in clearing my inbox, or trying to, about recollection in thought and I’ll try to post that too and probably into this thread along with the quotation I mentioned to John. I rather like that quote from somewhere or other that saints are sinners who don’t give up. Struggle on some level or other will be lifelong and of course The Lord looks upon our struggles though even just baby steps with great Love. There is another quotation on this point that I will hope to post into this thread.

Blessings - Barb:)
 
JimR-OCDS said:
BarbaraTherese,

I know Brother Jerome, and have been to the Monastery in Petersham, many times. Its about 30 minutes from my house.

He use to be in charge of the retreat guest house.

He’s a character!

Thanks for sharing his reflection.

Jim
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Hi there Jim…some of Brother Jerome’s reflections do indicate that probably he is quite a character, so it is no big surprise to read that indeed he is. Thank you for sharing.🙂

Blessings - Barb
 
Humility and obedience are so closely linked that it is virtually
impossible to speak of one without adding the other. I have never known a holy monk who was not
humble, in fact, it was usually their most outstanding trait.

A lot of this chapter will grate on modern ears. I will be the first
to admit that some people need assertiveness training. However, in my
experience, most of us do not. Most of us manage to be assertive on a
daily- even hourly- basis without much difficulty. Remember, too,
that modern psychology is a science which, like all science, is
limited to observable data.

Hence, it is not surprising that the generalities of psychology deal
with relations between people and things. The catch here is that the
humility St. Benedict speaks of is rooted in relationship of humans
to God, a sphere in which psychology often finds itself woefully out
of its element. It can see some things amiss, but not all. It lacks
the supernatural basis of faith, and this impedes it somewhat in this
area. Balance, always balance. Keep God in focus in these areas.
The model is His greatness, not our own.

A quickie on the Psalm quote today: “…neither have I walked in
great matters, nor in matters above me.” This was a favorite of
Brother Patrick Creamer, my mentor. He learned to do it quite
well and in just 46 years or so!! (He’d laugh, too!) People can,
alas, get sucked up by power, even in monasteries. There is very
little difference from the secular workplace in this regard, which
should point out to us that something is very wrong with the picture!

There is another group, in both monastery and world, that is almost
equally pathetic: the intriguers who think they are really involved
with moving and shaking the movers and shakers. Sigh. Both of these
groups are, let us face it, a sorry lot, surely to be pitied, but
never to be emulated.

Hey, what if they gave a power struggle and no one came? That’s the
idea folks! Pay no attention to such things at all, other than a bit of
heartbreak for the poor losers who have missed the Bridegroom and married
the Wedding March. No wonder they’re frustrated!

I speak as one who has been all too focused at many times on the
monastic soap opera and its hand-wringing tempests in teacups. About
many things, even most, we must learn simply not to get upset, not to
trouble ourselves with matters too great, even though we may have to
call them “great” with an inner, rueful chuckle.

That’s not apathy, simply a frank admission that, in many cases, others
have charge of areas so that the rest need NOT worry or concern themselves.
The purpose of the division of responsibility is to give the community the
chance to focus their energy on the one thing really needful. This is especially
true in monasteries, but the principle has applications in the workplace, too. In
the latter, there may be times when one is morally obliged to get involved, but the key
word is “morally”. About trivia or non-essentials in any milieu, shrug, say nothing
and keep your sanity.

You will never have peace until you learn to leave all that alone, to
distrust it for the empty and tragic charade that it truly is. And you will
never get anywhere if you don’t have peace. The road to that peace is
humility and love, both effective vaccinations against the fatal disease of
power.

Love and prayers,
Petersham, MA
 
**
****In order to shun temptations, renounce all vain thoughts and think of Jesus only, resolving to know and love Him. After you have accustomed yourself to think of Him alone, any thoughts not relating to Him will be unwelcome and painful to you. ****
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- Blessed Henry Suso (1295-1366)

There is another text somewhere I was unable to find and I think Brother Leo connected to being “sweetness and light” always and a criticism of this state. I’ll try and find it later today, time permitting.**
REFLECTION
Trust me, folks, I am not second-guessing St. Benedict on this one, I
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just think there is a chance that he is often misread and that
something not at all contrary to his precepts needs to be emphasized.

Few who share my cynical bent would fail to chafe at a reading of
this passage which implies that we must all be cheerful, Pollyanna
optimists, blithely smiling automatons. Yes, we are told not to
murmur, and to put the very best face on our obedience that we
possibly can. Often the real miracle of grace is that we can just
barely obey in silence, without any comment at all. No doubt that is
a tender mercy to those who live with us! We must not read St.
Benedict harshly, even less so God. We must keep the loving parent
image ever before our eyes in both instances.

I want to expand the image of the non-murmuring heart a bit. Some
days one’s heart cannot murmur, because it is numb and paralyzed,
unable to do much of anything more explicit than ache. After being racked
and tortured brutally in prison, St. Edmund Campion’s keeper asked him
how he felt. He replied: “Not ill, because not at all.”

Some days everything seems like another trip to the rack, some days
one’s heart is Ground Zero, and everything coming at it seems to be
just one more horrible plane. Never, never think that St. Benedict is
telling us to put a happy face on this. A brave face or even a blank
expressionless one may be all one can muster. We are asked to try, to
do our best, to be as brave as we can.

How very great is the love of God for us at such times. A favorite
image I have used before is very apt here: the heart of God is like a
Mother’s refrigerator door, plastered with children’s bad, even
ghastly art. (OK, I KNOW it may be age-appropriate art, but bear with
me on this one…) God is bursting and beaming with pride at our
struggling efforts. He cares not a wit that we are not beaming with
false cheer ourselves. With all that mud on our faces, who could see
the forced smile anyhow?

There will never be a time, in this world or in the next, when God
loves us more than He does when we are fallen, crawling toward Him on
all fours and still barely hanging on. The effort, always the effort
is what God sees.
 
BarbaraTherese said:
I did email him and ask if there was a link to his reflections so I could quote him now and then, and he replied that it was planned but not in existence as yet…
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Barbara Therese, I don’t want to discourage you from posting Br. Jerome’s reflections - they truly are a joy and a blessing to read. I am glad to learn of others here at CAF who know of him!

But I did want point out that there is a Yahoo group with public messages which carries his reflections. This means that you can link to them. IIt also means that people can go back and read the treasures he has posted in the past. 🙂

Here is the link to that Yahoo group:
groups.yahoo.com/group/holyrule/
 
Dale_M said:
Barbara Therese, I don’t want to discourage you from posting Br. Jerome’s reflections - they truly are a joy and a blessing to read. I am glad to learn of others here at CAF who know of him!

But I did want point out that there is a Yahoo group with public messages which carries his reflections. This means that you can link to them. IIt also means that people can go back and read the treasures he has posted in the past. 🙂

Here is the link to that Yahoo group:
groups.yahoo.com/group/holyrule/
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Thank you for this information, Dale. I know now that if I do want to quote a reflection that I can give a link to it…most all I know about computers I have learnt from others as I go along. For some reason I thought only members of the Yahoo Group could access posts. Live and learn and thank you again - I am a little more the wiser…Blessings - Barb:)
 
I think that I was led to this thread because I could use this discipline for Lent.:whistle:
 
There will never be a time, in this world or in the next, when God loves us more than He does when we are fallen, crawling toward Him on all fours and still barely hanging on. The effort, always the effort is what God sees.
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This reminded me of St. Catherine of Siena’s extreme temptations to impurity when her imagination was overrun with obscenities right out of the pit for several hours. When these abated, our saint asked Jesus where He was while she was in the midst of these horrible scenes that played in her mind, and He answered that He was in her heart … helping her to resist them!
 
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